evile: (Default)
A somewhat famous author and somewhat well known figure among certain subcultures, hobby, and interest groups has stated that one of my social groups contains and harbors a rapist. This person has gone so far as to create a tag in her blog titled "[thisgroup] rapist"Read more... )

All of that has caused me to clarify my thoughts and feelings re what is "safe".Read more... )

"The Conversation We All Need To Have" also caused me to apply reason to my fears; I don't feel 'safe' when so-and-so is around.Read more... )

So...'safe' is an illusion, or its a reality we create. It's really how you feel more than a concrete, provable fact of existence. Bad things are going to happen. Bad people are out there. We are all going to be hurt and bleed at some point in life. We are all going to die. Fear and worry aren't going to keep those things from happening to us, but they may keep us from enjoying the many beautiful and wonderful things that happen in between times of fear and pain and death. I think I'm going to choose Happy. And I'm going to choose Safe, too.

**I realize I am speaking from a place of privilege. I live in a country and come from a socioeconomic and geographic area where "safe" is pretty much our normal way of life. But there are plenty of people, even relatives, who believe that where I have chosen to live is somehow 'gang land' or 'the ghetto' ... that's their belief system and I do not choose to let their fear keep me from enjoying my home and walking my dog and greeting my neighbors, and so far my belief that "I am safe" has prevailed. How 'bout that?
evile: (TX)

This blog entry has a LOT of good points. a LOT.

I am not trying to dismiss those points by trying to create a distinction between "how we deal with predators as a formal entity with elected leadership and bylaws" and "how we deal with predators when they are friends of friends in informal group settings,"

So let me try again to compare these apples and oranges:

1) You’re at a convention. You’re at work. You’re at an SCA or Amtgard or Civil War Re-Enactors' event. You’re camping at the renaissance festival. You’re attending a church ‘shut in’. You’re at the comic book store. Someone harasses you. Someone touches you without your permission. Someone says vulgar or threatening things to or about you. Someone assaults you. There are people who are there to help. There is a boss, a store owner board of directors, chairperson, ‘autocrat’, king/queen, event security. There are policies and procedures for everyone involved to follow and utilize to address the incident.

2) You have a group of friends. A friend of a friend harasses you. A friend of a friend touches you without your permission. A friend of a friend makes verbal threats against your person, life, or livelihood. A friend of a friend assaults you. At that point, you have police and you have your word against theirs, and you have a choice about how far you want or need to go in order to make yourself feel safe.

As a friend of many strange and diverse people, I am NEVER going to take the word of another person about who I should or should not be friends with. I am NEVER going to listen to one stranger tell me another stranger is toxic and evil and follow that person's directive to "WARN ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT ______!!!" Because, seriously, I don't want to live in a world where one person can say "Bramblekite is toxic and evil, avoid her," and have everyone that they say that to BELIEVE them and ACT on it without thinking or questioning or finding out for themselves. And I am NEVER going to entrust my health, well being, or safety to anyone but ME, either. I'm glad of laws and law enforcement. I'm glad for formal groups with formal leadership. But the buck stops right here, with me. And I'm glad of it.

Personal aside, tangent. Read more... )
evile: (dragon)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The Fox without a Tail

One day a fox became caught in a trp. In his struggle to free himself, he left his tail behind. On his way home, he devised a way to head off being made the butt of jokes. He trotted back into the forest and called together all the foxes.

"Foxes are much more attractive when they do not have a tail," he said as he wiggled his stump. "Observe how sleek my appearance is. No longer will I have to pull burrs out of my tail. I am free – and you can all be free, too! It is time for all foxes to cut off their tails."

"Nonsense!" an elder fox yelled out. "If you had not lost your own tail, my friend, you would not be urging us to lose ours as well. You must deal with your loss on your own."

The Moral of the story: Do not trust all of the advice given by others.

Many in the program offer helpful support based on their experience. There are also those who give advice. Sometimes this advice is well-meaning and useful; other times it may seem suspect. Listen to the support, guidance, and advice you are given. But never let such information have a negative impact on your recovery.

I will listen to the advice I am given, but will make decisions that are right for me.

You are reading from the book:

Morning Light by Amy E. Dean

Morning Light © 2011 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

evile: (Default)
Part II - Identifying Trolls: A Field Guide


Seeing what's there

Here are some common characteristics of trolls. Use this list as a guide and as warning signs.Read more... )


When reading this, I couldn't help but be struck by the similarity of the writer's "Trolls" and the descriptions I've seen of Sociopaths, Abusers, Online Predators, Narcissists, and people with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Read more... )

And, sure enough, I read on and find that my thoughts re: Trolls & mental illness are pretty much spot-on:



evile: (Default)

Now, some of the descriptions above may be a bit unnerving. We all have some tendencies in these directions. Especially as Pagans and as members of an admittedly dysfunctional modern Western society, we all have echoes of all these traits. Have we not all had moments of insecurity, of competitiveness, of rigidity or paranoia? Are there not things which make us fearful, or angry? Of course there are. Does this mean we are all trolls? No. There are very real differences between these everyday reactions and the excessiveness of trolls. The main keys to recognizing trolls are: 1) the inappropriateness of their actions and reactions, and 2) their inability to concern themselves with the rights or needs of others.

All of the features and traits of trolls also exist in healthy people. But there are differences. Observe some of them:Read more... )


evile: (Default)

August 2017

  1 2345


RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Oct. 20th, 2017 11:25 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios