evile | Entries tagged with quora

Is it true that narcissistic abuse can make the abused look like the narcissist?

The goal is for you to react and look like the crazy, unstable, abusive freak they claim you are.

The denial, gaslighting, and emotional abuse are all CRAZY-MAKING.

REACTIVE ABUSE (self defense ) is a normal response to being abused.

The “narcissist” loves for you to react and will be able to recall the exact date and time that one time you reacted and hit him back in 2012.

They will play the blame game or lie, deny and gaslight you. They stay calm to provoke you into defending yourself and then call you “crazy” for being upset. Now they're the victim.

Holding in all the abuse that wasn’t acknowledged and confronting the “narcissist” about it is a huge mistake that you will learn to regret. Don’t bother, they will fukk you up. You shouldn't have to.

I know most people can’t understand this because they have healthy boundaries and they would have been long gone by now but you’re still begging your abuser to be nice to you and treat you like you are a human being.

Maybe you don’t know what’s going on yet or don’t know what abuse is.
It is not normal for abuse to not be acknowledged. You shouldn’t have to explain. An abuser doesn’t get to tell you how to feel or what’s abusive or not.

Where are your boundaries? You should not have to ask someone who hurts you to apologize or accept responsibility. You shouldn’t have to let it all go to keep the peace.

Where’s the empathy? You are being invalidated, and this is more abuse.

So when you react and get shut down, and the abuse is minimized and denied again with no accountability, you get trapped into arguing about what is normal. This is crazy-making and emotional abuse, and no person should accept this,endure this, or be expected to calmly get over it.

So yes, you may look crazy and/or abusive in these situations and many others with a disordered person wreaking havoc on your life.

How can you even keep it all straight when emotional abuse is every day and you forget what you’re fighting for?

If you were the abusive “narcissist” then wouldn’t the real narcissist/ “so-called victim” be trying to help you?

Is the “narcissist” scared of you and walking on eggshells? Are they reading on Quora about “narcissists” and running to therapists trying to understand and get help to prove they’re not a “narcissist” or crazy?

The abused person doesn’t look like they are in control at all; they look like a friggin hot mess, talking too much and trying to explain it all, self-isolating, and avoiding everyone while trying to understand how to survive this.

What do you think of GOP Congressman Rick Allen, saying he wants to cut Social Security by raising the retirement age because people "want to work more"?

I think anyone who wants to raise the retirement age is stupid, crazy, evil, greedy and …lying if they say people “want to work more”

The GOP doesn’t want to work. Every last one of those hypocritical poopnoggins runs on a campaign of “Government doesn’t work, elect me and I’ll make sure it doesn’t!”…. Now, seriously, when is the last time YOU applied for a job and said “I don’t believe in the mission of this place I’m applying to work, and I will NOT do my job!” And if you DID say that, do you think you would be hired to work there? What kind of IDIOT hires someone who promises NOT to do their damn job? Well, apparently, Republican voters are those kind of idiots, because they keep voting for people who say “Yes, I’ll take taxpayer money, yes I’ll enjoy taxpayer funded healthcare and taxpayer funded retirement benefits, but I’m not going to do a damn thing for the taxpayers!”…

Seriously, stop electing these greedy useless crap heads.

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Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.

They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here.

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

Is it wrong to send a sarcastic Mother's Day card (seen in the Narcissism Recess space) to my narcissistic mother, who constantly scrutinizes my thoughtful, expensive gifts, dismisses them, and asks me to return them as they don't meet her standards?

Wrong for whom, or what reason? I mean, there’s no law saying that you have to observe Mothers' Day in any way whatsoever.

If you are still chasing approval or affection from the defective creature who birthed you, you more than likely know on some level that’s not going to happen, and this has created a bitter need to hurt the person who hurts you by dismissing and rejecting your attempts to please them.

If you want a reaction or a conflict in lieu of any softer form of acknowledgement, yes, you will likely get a rise by sending a rude card. But, stop and ask yourself what you hope to accomplish in the long run with this gesture.

I suspect this impulse is coming from your wounded inner child and I suspect that grown-up you knows such an impulse is foolish and destructive, even if it gives you some temporary satisfaction to ‘put her in her place’ or 'get her goat'.

If someone has dismissed and rejected your attempts at kindness and generosity, you are not obligated to gift them or acknowledge them in any way any more. You can still send a card or give that person a call to say hello, but it is best for your own healing and for your sweet, hurt inner child, to keep contact with that person as brief and impersonal as possible, given what you now know about your mother. You don't have to let other people's ill treatment of you make you into a person who is mean and deliberately cruel. If you become a monster too, then the monster wins.

On this Mother’s Day, nurture and love your inner child with something special for yourself, be it brunch with friends, time with a child, animal, garden, or some other young life you can give ‘mothering’ energy to, time with a person who gives you nurturing and ‘mothering’ energy, a quiet walk in nature, a day with a good book and delicious warm tea, or some other healing, healthy activity for yourself. Just for you. Give yourself the mothering you wish you had gotten, and the gratitude and kindness you wish you had received.

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How does the scapegoat stop being jealous of the golden child, because the golden child gets everything the scapegoat wanted, but he can't get it because of emotional neglect?

Accept it. This is easier said than done, I know, and I’m so sorry.

When you come from a toxic family where one kid is perfect and the other kid can’t do anything right, when you come from a family where you are bullied and if you fight back you are the one ‘starting fights’ or ‘causing trouble’ or ‘embarrassing the family’…. all you can do is withdraw from that situation and choose low or no contact once you are an adult, and accept what happened.

It’s not a reflection of you, your value as a person, your worth, your accomplishments, or anything to do with you. It is a dysfunctional, sick and possibly evil person trying to use their children as sick little sock puppets in their weird internal psychodrama.

It is not easy. You will break your own heart a million times trying to get the love and acceptance you wanted and needed--and deserved! as a child from people who are absolutely incapable of giving it.

Accept it. The narcissist (abuser) is not going to change or apologize. The golden child has their own issues that they may never be aware of or heal from. You were a child when this happened, and you had no control over it. The Golden Child was a child when this happened, too, and they did not control the situation either. They did not pick their role even if it seemed they were benefiting from it. As adults, they may continue to play that role in order to get things from the narcissist parent. I hope you will eventually see that for the unhealthy relationship it is.

You can’t go back in time and change the situation you suffered growing up. Accept that the person who can change and heal is YOU. The lost and lonely child, that ‘fuck up’ that ‘useless’ that ‘clumsy’ that… fill in the blank, whatever awful thing your family of origin said about you….is not the person that you ARE or WERE.

Comfort that inner child by reassuring him or her that you are safe now, you are able to choose healthy people to be in your life--you are loved, you are loveable, you are good, you are safe. As an adult, you are able to give everything to yourself that you needed, deserved and did not receive when you were small.

Once you are in a more healed place, you may be able to have a new relationship with the Golden Child, where you are both adults and not competing for the toxic attention of a sick parent who did not really love either of you. I hope that can happen.

Acceptance is the first step. I’m sorry this happened to you. Be well. <3

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Well, I've been writing on Quora for a couple of years now and it's been kinda fun playing "Dear Abby" for targets of narcissistic abusers, but between one thing and another, I may be abandoning that platform. They monetized back in 2021 and I jumped on that, thinking it would be cool to get paid to write. But then they never paid me, and turns out I had to give my personal information to a third party banking app which felt very unsafe and so the whole $19 and change I earned in a year of writing content isn't going to find its way to my pocket. Plus having to freeze my bank account because I really, really didn't trust their app and only made that decision after stupidly giving the app my personal information....that's on me. I have not been enjoying 2023 as of yet for unrelated stupid bad shit that has been happening to me almost daily that actually *wasn't* my fault but this one is entirely on me. stupid stupid.

Annnnnyhooooo, I"m going to be cutting and pasting my Quora content from there to here as I have free time to do so. I will try and remember to backdate and tag appropriately as i go. The tag will be 'Quora' if any of my answers to people's questions seem interesting to you, check it out.

If you feel inclined to support my wriiting, here's my paypal

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

“You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

im·peach

/imˈpēCH/

how to pronounce impeach

Jan 14, 2021 � Listen how to say this word/name correctly with Julien (English vocabulary videos), "how do you ... Duration: 0:50 Posted: Jan 14, 2021

https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&rlz=1C1PRFC_enUS787US787&sxsrf=ALiCzsZILty_Qhcgd6Be9hG8UXok96qfDg:1672764475622&q=how+to+pronounce+impeach&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAOMIfcRoyS3w8sc9YSmDSWtOXmPU4uINKMrPK81LzkwsyczPExLmYglJLcoV4pbi5GLPzC1ITUzOsGJRYkrN41nEKpGRX65Qkq9QANSSD9STqgBVAQDx5KNsWQAAAA&pron_lang=en&pron_country=us&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjvxPKi7av8AhWdl2oFHQjDCg0Q3eEDegQIERAK

verb

1.(especially in the US) charge (the holder of a public office) with misconduct.
2.call into question the integrity or validity of (a practice)."there is no basis to Searle's motion to impeach the verdict"

from Google:

What does impeachment mean in simple terms?

If a federal official commits a crime or otherwise acts improperly, the House of Representatives may impeach—formally charge—that official. If the official subsequently is convicted in a Senate impeachment trial, he is removed from office.

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Robert Hunter Biden is *not* an elected official of any sort. Therefore, he cannot be ‘impeached’

If he has committed a crime, he should be arrested and charged and given due process of law, as any US Citizen is entitled to.

Educate yourself. This is embarrassing.

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There are a lot of sad things about being in a relationship with a narcissist.

The person you thought you loved is nothing but a figment of your imagination and there is nothing you can do or say to fix the relationship, fix the person, or help them to become the person you thought you saw when you first looked at them.

You will break your heart again and again with all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘coulda beens,’ wondering if you were the bad one, wondering if there’s something wrong with you that made you choose them, etc. That state of doubt and confusion will last long after the relationship is over.

The person you were when you first got involved with the narcissist is also dead and gone by the time you get to the discard. You are no longer the confident, strong, skilled and talented person you were. You minimized yourself to try and keep them from raging, pouting, or being jealous. You discarded friends and family after the narc’s many ‘them or me’ ultimatums. You may have let career opportunities or educational offers pass by because the narc either caused you to doubt your ability to achieve, or their conflict-prone and needy nature would not have given you the time and space you needed to succeed.

You are not the perfect person on a pedestal that the narc said you were at the beginning. That dazzling vision of yourself has become tarnished and destroyed by weeks, months, or years of belittling and nitpicking. You went from being their perfect person to an incompetent dolt who can’t even pick out the right cereal at the grocery store.

Friends and family who did not know or understand the way a narcissist works will more than likely blame you for everything. The narc abused you behind closed doors, but goaded you until you ‘acted out’ in public. You may have tried to tell someone what was happening, but the narc got there first so all of your outcries ended up playing into the narc’s story of how you are ‘jealous’ and ‘crazy’. If the narc is also a family member, or an in-law, the situation ends up looking like you are the one who started the conflict, and you are the one stirring trouble and gossiping. Between the narc smear campaign and all of the loyalty tests/shit tests the narc puts you through, ties with friends and family are strained or broken completely. It’s hard to rebuild relationships after the narc is done and you are left so damaged and lacking in self esteem that you question whether it’s even worth trying or why anyone would bother to try and like or trust you again after all of that.

You have doubts and denial, fears and neuroses. You second guess yourself, you can’t make decisions, you break down for no reason, you find yourself mentally rigid, emotionally brittle, and unable to connect authentically with anyone because you no longer trust yourself and you no longer trust others to be who they appear to be. Anyone who seems kind, beautiful, comfortable to be with, easy to talk to….immediately sets off your alarms and you get away from them as fast as you can. You may have a heightened “BS” detector that keeps you from being swindled again, but you also have so many walls and fences around your heart that you can’t get close to anyone at all, even people who are kind and good. You don’t trust others, but mostly you don’t trust yourself anymore.

The loss of someone who was never the person they appeared to be is certainly sad, but the fundamental loss of self respect and confidence in your own competence and sound judgement is the worst. The profound feelings of shame and self-loathing that are left when the Narc is finally out of your life is unbearable. As I once said to an ex: “Eff you for treating me that way, but more than that, EFF ME for LETTING you.,”

Forgiving yourself and learning to like and trust yourself again is the last and hardest wound to heal after a narc has destroyed you from top to bottom, and from the inside out.

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What does it mean if someone writes a long paragraph about themselves on their profile? Does this mean they are narcissistic or just confident?

Some people are just long-winded, or are trying very hard to be absolutely clear about something. One thing I’ve noticed about narcissistic folks is that they speak in absolutes and in generalities. They are the ‘best’ at this or that, they are ‘expert’ but then they don’t give any details about why they think they are the best, or how they earned their expertise. Or they may offer a correlation as a causation, saying something about having Y number of reviews on a certain site (that allows deletions of bad reviews) as ‘proof’ of their competence. I also tend to view people who repeat how ‘honest’ or ‘trustworthy’ or ‘loyal’ they are as probably having issues in those areas. People who are truly honest and trustworthy show it with behavior, they don’t need to repeat it so loudly and often.

And, you are right, one of the tools in the Narcissist playbook is a thing called “word salad” where they just spin out a lot of emotionally-charged buzzwords that are designed to confuse the reader/listener and provoke a response that is not logical or well thought-out. So it’s good to be cautious whenever you encounter a ‘wall o text’ in someone’s profile or social media presence.

Another thing they like to do is plagiarize quotes, paragraphs, or entire passages and pages from other authors—again, in a way that is designed to craft an image and promote a knee jerk emotional response from the reader/listener. This, too, can feel like ‘word salad’ because the narc is unable to distill the paragraphs and pages of ideas into his or her own words,. They just know that ‘this well respected author said some things that other people respond positively to, therefore I want to steal that positive response,” and since they are brain damaged, mentally ill people, they aren’t able to correctly identify or understand the original author’s ideas or identify the meaningful passages, so they just regurgitate them in big chunks for other people to respond to and hopefully assume the narc wrote it, or is quoting it due to some deep esoteric understanding between the original author and the oh-so ‘enlightened’ narc. Again, beware the ‘wall o text’! Especially if the person cannot condense or explain further the idea or philosophy once you start questioning them about it.

In general, be cautious whenever you go online and read people’s declarations about themselves; you have only their word about whatever their level of expertise or qualifications are. If your instincts tell you that the person is not being truthful, trust your gut. Don’t give anyone you don’t know access to your time and energy, or your finances. Watch and wait before you commit to anything with a person you’ve only met online. Read their posts, watch how they interact online with other people, watch how they deal with criticism and disagreements, watch how they respond to the word ‘no’.

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Why do we seem to forgive movie stars their transgressions more easily than people in other professions?

Movie stars are, by profession, ‘not real people’. Every time you see Johnny Depp or Angelina Jolie (or whoever) in a film, they are literally a different person. They are in locations someone else put them in, wearing clothes, make-up, hairstyles (wigs) that someone else put on them, doing and saying things that other people told them to do and say. They are like living dolls, enacting other people’s fantasies that we are allowed to watch.

We, as consumers of entertainment, have no idea who the real human being is behind the many roles they’ve played. In some movies, the actor is a victim, in other movies, they are a hero. In some movies, they are a villain. And then the movie ends, credits roll, and we walk out into the sunlight. The feelings we had while watching are quickly shed and we go on about our everyday real lives.

So, when we hear or read that such a person has behaved in a toxic way, I think those impressions travel along the same well-worn neural pathways in our brains that we use to watch them perform on screen. We hear or read the terrible news, we feel the feelings, and then they fade away with the next ‘act’ or the next story about some other celebrity. After all, we don't know them. Nothing they do has any impact on our everyday real life.

I think, in a very real way, we are not equipped to deal in any other way with entertainers and entertainment; we don’t have the emotional means to conceptualize or recognize the difference between Johnny or Angelina’s Real Life toxic behavior, which effects us NOT AT ALL, and a film role in which a role Angelina or Johnny is playing behaves in a toxic manner, which we may be emotionally invested in for the duration of the film, but also effects us NOT AT ALL once the movie is done.

Human beings are technologically quite advanced, but emotionally, physically, and spiritually….we are little more than apes. I’m not saying that to be mean, I’m saying it because it’s true. With few individual exceptions (Pema Chodron, the Dalai Lama, Don Miguel Ruiz, some enlightened monks, nuns, priests, philosophers, physicists, etc. ) humanity’s spiritual and emotional development has not been as fast and as deep as the advances in our technology.

Eventually I hope we catch up. But for now, we just don’t have the capacity to see famous people as anything other than abstractions. Celebrity gossip is tantalizing and titillating, in much the same way as folklore and mythology of past civilizations would cluck and gossip about Zeus and his proclivities with mortal maidens or the depravity of King David. It was entertainment, it was perhaps a moral lesson in how not to behave, or perhaps an aspirational model for how one would be allowed to behave if one was a God or a King or a great warrior.

It just has nothing to do with us, anyone we know personally, or our daily lives and so it does not effect us in such a deep way that we have difficulty forgiving, or forgetting, the toxic behavior.

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Why are liberals so distraught about Elon Musk's takeover of Twitter? Don't they realize that all of those who have ever condoned or practiced censorship have NEVER been on the right side of history, and that they are now members of that same club?

There is a huge difference between the government practicing censorship and private organizations having 'terms of service.' Do you understand that at all? For example, the government may not have any law against you talking shit about your workplace, but please do bring up all your complaints about your boss and coworkers at top volume in the halls of work, all day every day, and see what happens to you.

For now, Twitter, Facebook, Google, MeWe, etc. are privately owned companies where the company can allow or forbid any form of expression they like.

Personally, I never used Twitter and I could care less. However, some politicians and news people use Twitter quite a bit and what some people ‘tweet’ ends up being the bulk of a news story that is rebroadcast on CNN, MSNBC, FOX, etc.

Therefore, it is in my interest as an informed citizen to know that the original ‘tweeter’ is who they say they are, and the information they are providing is factual and truthful. That would be my only concern about Musk letting the broken toys out to play and reducing staffing and oversight so that anyone can claim to be anyone on Twitter and put out any misinformation they like.

For example: a major pharmaceutical company lost market value when someone posted using an account with the pharma’s name. That loss of stock value impacted everyone who is invested in that company, including people with retirement or pension funds that were invested with th at pharma co.

It is dangerous and stupid to give Elon Musk that kind of power by abdicating our responsibility as thinking, educated, discerning citizens. It is difficult to use a platform where no ones identity can be verified and all the users think ‘free speech’ means they get to yell ‘nigger’ all they want. It’s ugly and stupid and worthless. No longer useful as a source of information.

Please educate yourself regarding the difference between ‘government censorship’ and market forces. Silly.

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How can you reach someone stuck in covert narcissism disguised as altruism trying to be the hero to their child that has a cancer diagnosis?

Sorry, you can’t ‘reach’ a narcissist. Not ever, under any circumstances. Narcs aren’t ‘reach-able’ Narcs gonna narc.

In this situation, it seems they are getting attention, AKA “supply” by playing the hero to a dying child.

Is this harming the child in some way? Is this getting in the way of the child’s medical care? Is this preventing other family members or concerned friends from spending time with the child? Honestly, ‘playing the hero’ is one of the least toxic things a narcissist could do in this situation, as long as the child is getting appropriate medical care and time with other loved ones.

Also, just a side question, but who are you in this situation? Why is this your business? What is it that you think the narc *should* be doing in this situation? Why are you trying to control the narc, or the child, or the situation? I suggest that you take a step back and seek some counseling so that you can figure out your part in this situation and take care of your own mental health.

In this situation, the well-being of the child should be the main concern, not how *you* think people should be behaving.

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How old is the child? Children in the pre teen and teenage years can really be a struggle as the hormonal and physical changes of puberty can really do a number on their cognitive functions and make them behave emotionally like toddlers while having the intellect and mouth of an almost-adult. It’s a really hard time in their development and it can really strain the bonds of family affection. If the child is a teen or pre teen you may wish to have them (and you!) in therapy to help the family through some of that acting out and risk taking behavior.

If your daughter is an adult, as sad as it may be, you may need to go ahead and distance yourself. Grey rock or No Contact altogether. Just because someone is family does not mean that they are entitled to abuse you, nor does it obligate you to allow her in your home or in your life if she is toxic and unpleasant to be around. Identify the problem behavior, state your boundary, and then enforce it. “If you scream at me, I will leave,” “if you behave violently to me, I will call the police and press assault charges,” etc. State the boundary and then allow the person to receive consequences if the boundary is violated. Don’t deliver ultimatums and then neglect to follow up. Say what you mean, be very clear about what behavior is expected and what will not be tolerated and then walk your talk.

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Why do we need to 'accept' fat people instead of telling them they should stop eating junk food and go to the gym? Isn't that in their best interest?

What does another person’s body or health have to do with you? At all? Do you go up to brown people and tell them to ‘just be white’ and no one will bother them? Do you go up to young women and tell them to just grow a penis so that they won’t be raped and sexually harassed? Do you approach old people hobbling along with a cane and tell them to quit being old so they can stop being so decrepit? Do you approach blondes and tell them to dye their hair brown? Do you walk up to short people and exhort them to become tall? Do you walk up to people attending a church you do not attend and scream at them that they are going to suffer eternally for their wrong beliefs? Do you stand outside voting locations and yell at everyone that they should vote the same way you did? NO? Then mind your own business when you see fat people. They aren’t harming you. Leave them alone.

Obesity is widespread and epidemic in our country. There are many theories as to the reason for that, ranging from industrial agricultural practices to fast food to poverty to the addition of preservatives and high fructose corn syrup to almost every prepackaged item you can buy. It is a problem. And I guarantee you that every single fat person you meet knows they are fat and knows that others see them as having a problem. If they can’t hate themselves into thin-ness, if the dozens of friends, family members, coworkers,and bosses who commented on their weight didn’t change their habits, why on EARTH do you think that your piling your own hate on top of that is going to finally be the magic word they need to hear to finally do the right thing? You don’t know every fat person’s story. You don’t know what they eat or don’t eat. You don’t know their fitness habits! And you can’t tell by looking at a person what their blood pressure, blood sugar, and cholesterol levels may be. There are more than likely fat people walking around who have better health markers than you do.

Finally, when you see a fat person out in the world, you don’t know whether their weight is on the way up or on the way down. Would you really want to break someone’s heart by saying “you’re fat, go to the gym and stop eating junk food” when it turns out that person used to weigh much more than they do currently and have been working very hard and were proud of themselves & having a nice day before you opened your mean ugly mouth?

Mind your own business. Go to the gym your own self. Eat whatever you think is healthy for you and stop being crappy to other people. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to love someone, or tell them they’re attractive and gorgeous, or sleep with them. It just means you leave them alone and let them live their life without being hateful and ugly to them. If you can accept old people, ugly people, stupid people, and people who don’t share your religious or political beliefs, then you can accept fat people. Stop making assumptions about people’s health by looking at them.

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Trump said there would be big problems like never before if he were indicted, that (his) people would not sit still. Curious what trump supporters think he is suggesting by such a statement. What would his people do exactly?

Trump is practicing what is called “Stochastic Terrorism"—a rhetorical device whereby he is inciting his followers to commit unspecified atrocities on his behalf. He gets out of being held accountable because he has an ‘out’ —he just said ‘bad things’ would happen, he didn’t tell them exactly what to do.

On January 6, He said “Mike Pence disappointed us, Mike Pence betrayed all true Americans,” and his followers interpreted that as “hang Mike Pence”….and since he didn’t specifically tell them to kill Mike Pence he can shrug and say he was just expressing his feelings, not telling anyone to do anything bad to good old Mikey.

For whatever reason, there is no law enforcement agency in this nation or in the world (NATO, the Hague) that is willing to call it what it is and take action.

I wonder if there were sane and decent people in Mussolini’s Italy, Hitler’s Germany, or present day Kim’s Korea, Putin’s Russia, or Xi’s China who, like me, saw what was happening in their nation and felt powerless to stop the rising tide of bloody authoritarianism.

There are some low level foot soldiers of the Jan 6 coup attempt who have seen consequences, but no one who was organizing, funding, or promulgating the insurrection has been touched by law enforcement. All they learned from that attempt was how to do it better next time.

The best hope we have is that people who followed and believed in Trump either died of Covid or are finally maybe seeing that there is no sane and decent future under the leadership of such a petty, stupid, morally and financially bankrupt person. Or perhaps the folks who got put in jail for Jan 6 and have received no help or pardon from Trump will decide to sit the next one out.

On the other hand, there are likely more fascists in law enforcement and the military than we care to recognize or admit. If Trump calls for violence again upon his arrest, if those people stay loyal we may be in for a second civil war. If people smarter than Trump manage to take the reins of the monstrous hateful beast Trump has created with the MAGAts and Q-nuts, we may be in for a bad time. The best most of us sane and decent folk can hope for is that they turn on each other and ruin the movement from within before they get their shit together enough to create a theocratic authoritarian regime on the ruins of what used to be the USA.

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What do you think of Mark Meadows telling Fox & Friends that Donald Trump is "the only president who actually went after a terrorist and took him out"?

Just more evidence that the GOP and their media mouthpiece is nothing but lies and propaganda.

Obama took out Bin Laden. But for whatever reason no republican seems to remember that.

Donald Trump by himself is not dangerous—he is a fat, weak, sick old man who has to use two hands to hold a water bottle and can’t get up and down the stairs without a great deal of difficulty. He can barely string two sentences together without getting sweaty and out of breath.

The fact that there are evil scummy people like Mark Meadows, GOP senators and congresspeople, and the entire staff of Fox News and countless throngs of foul and filthy white trash militias & MAGAts who echo and support Trump’s hateful madness is what makes Trump dangerous.

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What do fellow scapegoats do with “family” photos of their elderly narcissistic mother and siblings? It’s “family” history but they’re uncomfortable to possess. I hesitate to give them to my daughter who my mother has also scapegoated.

Are there other family members who might want the photos? See if you can give them away to another family member if you don't want to keep them.

If you have an account with ancestry.com or some other genealogy site, maybe upload the photos and relevant dates and information there for future researchers and then trash the originals.

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Why does a narcissist mother, allow herself to obey her narcissist son, to abuse her scapegoat daughter, while claiming to love her? She has become a puppet to him.

That’s a lot to unpack. Who are you in this situation?

I have spent years and years trying to figure out why the narcissist does this or that, trying to understand what is wrong with them in hopes that somehow understanding would lead to

a) control of the relationship dynamic

b) a way to win against the narc

c) a way to fix the situation

d) a way to fix the person

e) a way to fix the relationship (turn it into a mutually kind, loving, and beneficial situation)

And, in fact, all of my reading and research did NONE of those things for me.

What it did do, finally, is set me free from wanting those things or expecting those things to happen.

The most important question it finally led to was this:

Why did I allow myself to remain in a relationship that harmed me?

It absolutely does not matter why a toxic, abusive, terrible person does the toxic, abusive, terrible things they do. It absolutely does not matter why two toxic, abusive, terrible people become enmeshed in a sick codependent relationship that can only hold together for as long as the two of them are united in torturing, punishing, stalking, and harassing a mutual ‘enemy’ (you, the scapegoat, or whoever they pick next after ruining you)

Understanding the ‘why’ of it will not fix them and it will not fix the situation, it will not stop them from torturing and harrassing people while claiming that their abuse comes from a place of 'family,' ‘love’ or ‘concern’….sticking around to observe and analyze just keeps you stuck in a sick situation.

If you are the scapegoat in a toxic family, it is time to value yourself enough to set hard boundaries with your family of origin and limit or cease contact with them. It is time to heal yourself and find healthier relationships.

If you are observing this situation as a friend or family member of the scapegoat or the narcissists, I advise you to find something better to do with your time and energy, unless you are a paid professional who has been hired to somehow try and help these people. If you are then you should be conferring with other professional colleagues rather than looking to Quora for answers.

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How do I tell my daughter that her family is not welcome at our Christmas dinner this year since they aren't voting Republican?

You just say it as you’ve said it here. “You are not welcome for Christmas because you are not voting Republican”

Then you should probably pray about it some and read your bible to see what Jesus said about love and forgiveness and kindness to all people. If Jesus could forgive sinners, heal lepers, and minister to prostitutes and beggars, perhaps you can find something in his example to soften your heart towards your family.

Politicians come and go. Family is forever. Politicians will not come to your house for holidays. Politicians will not give you grandchildren (unless it’s Herschel Walker, I guess). Politicians will not comfort you in your old age or provide for your comfort. (In fact, Republicans are trying very hard to remove federal old age benefits and federal health coverage for retired people…why are you voting for them, again?)

Your grudge against your own flesh and blood seems petty, mean spirited, un-christian, and short-sighted. I urge you to reconsider. The holidays are a time for family and love, sharing your blessings with people you care about. Perhaps you can ask that the family not discuss politics at your gathering, and that might be a good compromise.

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Can people who claim expertise on NPD while spreading erroneous information show evidence of their expertise, or are they too cowardly?

It is frustrating to try and find good information sometimes, so I do understand your question.

However, Quora is a forum where anyone can create an account and put forth whatever content they wish—good, bad, factual, or complete fiction. I've even seen people monetizing content that they flat-out plagiarized from other writers!

Therefore, it is on the reader to research more fully and decide which writings to give credence.

Free advice is always worth exactly what you paid for it—nothin’!

I do not believe it is a good use of your time to call people you don’t know on the internet names such as ‘coward’ or get too heated up or resentful if the information received from a random stranger proves to be unreliable. Lots of people have lots of opinions, it’s up to the reader to apply critical thinking, logic, and their own body of knowledge in order to identify what may be true and what may be false.

Just as an example, Quora seems to be full of people who apparently believe that NPD is caused by supernatural forces, demonic possession, shadow entities, aliens or other fanciful nonsense. I tend to just ignore people who are asking a question which leads with such a premise—my point of view is behavioral, psychological and physiological, I believe that NPD comes from childhood abuse or trauma, brain injury, or brain deformity , or some combination of those factors, NOT god or satan. So my thoughts and answers to a person who believes NPD is a demonic force is not likely to be satisfactory to that person. They may think I am providing “erroneous information” or being “cowardly,” whereas I think such beliefs are silly and unscientific. There’s no point in engaging with people I know aren’t going to find my replies welcome or useful.

Your local library is probably a good source of published information by experts on NPD, BPD, and other psychological disorders. There are also links to be found on the internet to the actual DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) used by psychologists and therapists in order to identify and diagnose various mental illnesses and disorders.

If you see a post on Quora where someone is spreading obviously false, defamatory, or otherwise damaging information, you may wish to comment directly on that person’s post, or take any of the other options Quora offers in order to downvote, block, or report that person.

Good luck in your quest for truth!

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Personally, I do not believe in satan, demons, or god.

Narcissism is a mental health issue; it is caused by childhood trauma or organic defects in the brain itself.

However, if you are a believer, the best thing for you to do is to disengage from the narcissist, get yourself safe, and then pray for them.

Seek counseling from a therapist or clergy person that you trust and work on your own health and well-being.

Do not give the narcissist money, time, attention, or energy, as that will ‘feed’ their disorder (their ‘demon’ or ‘devil’ if you prefer to see it that way).

Get away, stay away, and pray.

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