evile: (dorothy)
So, every once in a while, I check out shrink4men.com. Something I see time and again is a guy chiming in on the ‘comments’ section, saying things like “My wife/girlfriend screams at me, spits at me, throws things at me, slaps me, breaks my stuff, (etc etc) should I get out?”…the answer, of course, being, “effing DUH, dude,” but then hindsight and memory kick in and I realize that it’s not always that simple; there are kids involved, there’s property, there’s pets, not to mention it was a long slippery slope from the first day they fell in love to the night she kept him up all night crying and screaming at him and finally to the day she started slapping him around and stomping on his iphone. And he still loves her. And he thinks if he just finds the perfect thing to do/say/be, she won't do it again and she will love him again the way she did during the great times when they first got together.

It seems so insane, but there’s such a gradual progression to that point of insanity, you literally do not notice, or you have somehow managed to hone your powers of denial to apply a thick coat of “it’s not so bad”…

Here’s where the light bulb went off for me. You know that old saying about how “if someone doesn’t treat the waiter nice, s/he’s not a nice person”? In my relationship with fungus_finger, I came to finally see that my ex was much nicer and more considerate to waitstaff than he was to me or my family.

And then there came a realization that if I was just meeting this man today, and this was our first date, there is NO WAY in HELL that I would tolerate being treated the way he had gradually come to treat me. I would have no place in my life, ATALL, PERIOD, for such a rude, slovenly stranger. So why the heck was I putting up with being treated that way by someone with whom I’d chosen to make a lifetime commitment and I thought had made a similar commitment to me??? Did I really want to spend the rest of my life being ignored, belittled, verbally assaulted, physically intimidated, picking up his messes, paying his bills, surrounded by his garbage, cooking and cleaning and functioning as not much more than a human Fleshlight? NO. And not just NO, but HELL FUCKING NO!

Sometimes all it takes is a fresh look at something to finally see it for what it is. Would you accept the way your partner treats you if they were a stranger on the street or a person on a first date? Would you feel comfortable if a dear friend was being treated the way your SO treats you? If the answer is no, it may be time to make a plan, get safe, and get that person GONE from your life.
evile: (Liberty)
As far as TX politics goes, we're a blue island in an ocean of angry, ignorant red. And there's nothing I personally can do to keep the electoral vote of this state from going to Mittens the Mormon Cowboy and Ryan the Rape apologist in the presidential election. But, I donated to Christie Vilsack, the woman running against Ryan and while I'm at it, Claire McCaskill, the one running against Todd Akin, too.

Go get 'em, LADIES!
evile: (TX)
http://captainawkward.com/2012/08/07/322-323-my-friend-group-has-a-case-of-the-creepy-dude-how-do-we-clear-that-up/

This blog entry has a LOT of good points. a LOT.

I am not trying to dismiss those points by trying to create a distinction between "how we deal with predators as a formal entity with elected leadership and bylaws" and "how we deal with predators when they are friends of friends in informal group settings,"

So let me try again to compare these apples and oranges:

1) You’re at a convention. You’re at work. You’re at an SCA or Amtgard or Civil War Re-Enactors' event. You’re camping at the renaissance festival. You’re attending a church ‘shut in’. You’re at the comic book store. Someone harasses you. Someone touches you without your permission. Someone says vulgar or threatening things to or about you. Someone assaults you. There are people who are there to help. There is a boss, a store owner board of directors, chairperson, ‘autocrat’, king/queen, event security. There are policies and procedures for everyone involved to follow and utilize to address the incident.

2) You have a group of friends. A friend of a friend harasses you. A friend of a friend touches you without your permission. A friend of a friend makes verbal threats against your person, life, or livelihood. A friend of a friend assaults you. At that point, you have police and you have your word against theirs, and you have a choice about how far you want or need to go in order to make yourself feel safe.

As a friend of many strange and diverse people, I am NEVER going to take the word of another person about who I should or should not be friends with. I am NEVER going to listen to one stranger tell me another stranger is toxic and evil and follow that person's directive to "WARN ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT ______!!!" Because, seriously, I don't want to live in a world where one person can say "Bramblekite is toxic and evil, avoid her," and have everyone that they say that to BELIEVE them and ACT on it without thinking or questioning or finding out for themselves. And I am NEVER going to entrust my health, well being, or safety to anyone but ME, either. I'm glad of laws and law enforcement. I'm glad for formal groups with formal leadership. But the buck stops right here, with me. And I'm glad of it.

Personal aside, tangent. Read more... )

Oh, FFS

Apr. 6th, 2012 11:16 am
evile: (dorothy)
Got an email yesterday from Parents Magazine thanking me for my recent 2 year subscription.

Really, Crazy Bitch? After all this time, still takin' these mean spirited, fuckin stupid potshots at a woman you've NEVER MET IN PERSON EVER? Goddamn.

I remain eternally grateful to my lovely sister in law Skye_ds for befriending her and giving her more information about me than is generally available in LJ, so that Crazy Bitch could send magazines to my house, send me email at an email address not attached to my LJ, make threats to my life, and try to get me fired from my job.

But "Skye" magnanimously let me know a couple months ago that she has "forgiven" me my "trespasses" so I guess I just need to shut up and let bygones be bygones, right? Right. I'm sure we all have our little moments where we get a teensy bit upset at someone and talk about killing them horribly and make false reports to their employer so as to deprive them of livelihood. It's a perfectly human failing that we all succumb to from time to time. Completely understandable, reasonable,and sane. Of course. yes.

grr.

.
evile: (Liberty)
From Tom DeLay asking homeless Katrina Victims "Is this kind of fun?" to Shrub's "I know it's hard to put food on your family" (how would he know? He was born wealthy, he's never been hungry a day in his life, never had to choose between buying groceries and putting gas in his car or paying bus fare so he could get to work) Mit Romney's recent "Corporations are people" statement...how many more offensive, clueless, completely lacking-in-humanity-or-empathy statements are we going to take from these clueless rich white men before it finally dawns on us that THEY ARE NOT LIKE US. Our reptilian political overlords must be deposed.
evile: (Bitchplz)
I blew up, I freaked out, I got mad, I'm the bad guy. It's all on me. Aren't I the unreasonable bitch? Aren't they just the innocent wounded parties having to deal with the sicko crazy woman. Poor poor little victims. Soooo mistweated and misunderstood. So sad.

What I find most interesting about interacting with emotional manipulators is how they can push past your bounaries til you blow up, then step back and play the oh so reasonable and noble hurt party. This is a game I do not play well. Especially not when I'm recovering from fricken emergency eye surgery.
evile: (monkey)
This is the time of year that we usually start ordering our gifts and shipping them out to friends and loved ones across the world. And, of course, the scumbags of this earth have to have their fun, too.

I've gotten this email twice in the last week, so I figure I'll pass along this info.

The email shows as being from support@ups.com. The message says :

Sorry, we were not able to deliver postal package you sent on November the 1st in time
because the recipient’s address is not correct.

Please print out the invoice copy attached and collect the package at our office.
If you do not receive package in ten days you will have to pay 36$ per day.

Your UPS


Here is what the UPS website has to say about that:




Fraud and Virus Warning


Service Update


(Updated November 13, 2008)

We have become aware of a fraudulent e-mail being sent that says it is coming from UPS and leads the reader to believe that a UPS shipment could not be delivered. The reader is advised to open an attachment reportedly containing a waybill for the shipment to be picked up.

This email attachment contains a virus. We recommend that you do not open the attachment, but delete the email immediately. UPS may send official notification messages on occasion, but they rarely include attachments.

What to Do if You Receive a Suspicious E-mail

If you receive a fraudulent or suspicious e-mail that claims to be from UPS, do not respond or select any links associated with the e-mail. Please report the activity by forwarding the e-mail to fraud@ups.com and delete the original.

Note: When forwarding the suspicious e-mail, do not modify the original subject line or contents enclosed and do not include any personal or confidential information.
evile: (Bitchplz)
700 billion? Try 3.5 TRILLION.

Surely I can't be the only person thinking of this ren & stimpy cartoon.

Big Fat Corporate Trash to Struggling Home Town America:


"Save my Walrus!"
evile: (money)
Seven hundred billion dollars =

$22889.55 for every man woman and child living in America today. (I don't know about you, but almost 23 thousand dollars would do a lot towards easing my financial burdens...)

23 MILLION years of my annual salary. (I did this calculation twice. I still can't believe it. Musta misplaced a decimal point there, somewhere. Or did I? jeezus tapdancing christ)

Almost 40 MILLION Turbo Diesel Volkswagen Beetles

175 BILLION gallons of Diesel fuel, at $4 a gallon

4 MILLION houses just like mine, plus some money to do improvements

7 MILLION full-ride college educations at a private university

A year of health insurance coverage for 92,105,263 people

Give me the money, I can spend it better.

so...

Sep. 12th, 2008 12:06 pm
evile: (TX)
As I was walking toward the bus stop yesterday afternoon, I realized that there's a very real chance that Palin will be the first female president in United States history. She doesn't have the experience to do a good job by herself, and her much-touted 'maverick' tendencies indicate she won't evne take the advice of seasoned White House personnel like Shrubby did. So we're kinda fucked if that happens.

And whose fault is it going to be? The Women. Us uppity bitches who nagged and bitched and whined and moaned and picketed and protested and suffered until we got the vote.

Watch it happen.

Only a politician/fratboy/abusive asshole (of which our leadership is all of the above) could give us what we said we wanted and manage to turn it around so that it hurts us badly*.

I know this trick. I know this game. I was in such a relationship in my personal life. Everything I asked for got turned around and used to punish me. I know this trick. It works.

Watch it happen.


---
* just one example, from personal experience:

"You ASKED me to come with you to this thing with you, and here I am at this thing with you, [half an hour late, after kicking furniture and yelling at the dog and breaking things because you couldn't find your shoes/wallet/keys, then getting in the car and driving like a maniac and screaming loudly--right in my ear--at the other drivers for being in your way, then proceeding to make me pay your admission because you 'forgot' to have cash, be ugly to the employees at the venue, and bitch about our seats the entire time so that there was no way in hell I'd enjoy the thing I asked you to attend with me.] NOW what the fuck are you complaining about!? It's just a no-win situation with you all the time, isn't it?"
evile: (TX)
[livejournal.com profile] longshot14 posted some links that he finds interesting and useful. I checked this one out, since clutter is a constant foe at my house. The top article pushed my buttons like ... a crazy amount. Wow, I can't believe it still pisses me off so much!

I hate to be one of those people who starts a sentence with "My therapist said"...but I gotta take exception to the last part of #3: "Discuss the real problem. If you’re upset that your wife repeatedly leaves her dirty dishes strewn about the living room your frustration has very little to do with dirty dishes. You’re upset because you believe she doesn’t care about the cleanliness level in the living space. So, talk about the real problem and use the dirty dishes as an example of how that lack of caring is expressed."

See, to *me* dirty socks on the coffee table meant "I don't care about this house and I don't care about you. I have no respect for the home we bought together or the household we've made together."

(which, as it turns out, was true. But his slobbyness was not relevant to that fact.)

HOWEVER, according to my REBT therapist, his messyness didn't MEAN anything to my partner, one way or the other. There was no 'underlying issue' in his mind. The coffee table was just a handy place to stash socks when he came home from work. The problem was not his action or his behavior, it was my assumptions and my emotional response to his actions/behavior.

So, step one is not to get to the underlying issue. It's to own your feelings about the behavior, not blame him for the feelings. THEN address the behavior, not your emotional response to the behavior.

And never EVER EVER EVER EVER assume that you know what someone is thinking or feeling because of how they're behaving. You may be right, you may be wrong.

The point is not to assume, but to ASK.

(I still don't have ANY clue how to live happily with someone if your ideas of cleanliness are completely different. My solution was to keep the house and dump the mess-maker. And now that it's MY house, I'm afraid I've become somewhat autocratic in how I keep it. My house, my rules, you don't like it, bye-bye.

Possibly not the best solution, but one I am currently pretty happy with.)
evile: (TX)
Well, yesterday my SIL went completely batshit bugfuck.Read more... )

H., I think, said it best when she said that watching them in action makes her very grateful for the people she has in her life; not just her BF J. (I guess they didn't break up after all?) but all the normal, caring relationships she has.

I guess, in order to make whatever peace I can with this, I will have to take the H. point of view & be grateful for my loved ones and all the sane, healthy relationships I have. Grateful that I grew up knowing I was worth something and that nobody has the right to scream at me or hit me or make me feel like shit about myself.

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