https://open.substack.com/pub/decodingfoxnews/p/project-2025-the-advisory-board-list?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email

Project 2025 - The Advisory Board List

Full list with hyperlinks and additional information on each organization.

JUL 08, 2024

∙ PAID

This list is a direct copy and paste from the Advisory Board section from “Mandate for Leadership The Conservative Promise Project 2025.”. On the document the organizations in the advisory board are listed by alphabetical order with no additional information.

I’ve added hyperlinks to each organization’s website as well as some background information including any notable board members, founding members or staff - especially anyone who worked in the Trump administration.

I’ve also grouped the organizations by type.

Although this entire document is only available for paid subscribers I removed the paywall for the first section. I want as many people as possible to know about the most extremist groups aligned with Project 2025.

Thank you for your support.

The Project 2025 Advisory Board

The Heritage Foundation
- The Heritage Foundation’s mission is to formulate and promote public policies based on the principles of free enterprise, limited government, individual freedom, traditional American values, and a strong national defense. (from website)
- The organization is considered one of the most influential conservative think tanks in the world.
- Founded in 1973 originally to promote a pro-business agenda.
- Originally created as a conservative response to the Brookings Institution.
- “Mandate for Leadership” - Reagan Administration
  - Much like Project 2025 “Mandate for Leadership,” was meant as a blueprint for the newly elected Reagan Administration to help guide them on policy issues.
  - About 60% of the recommendations suggested in “Mandate for Leadership” were adopted by the Reagan Administration in its first year. Reagan loved it so much he had copies printed for all of his cabinet members.
  - The Heritage Foundation also had tremendous influence over helping the Reagan administration fill positions in his new administration. This is another similarity with “Project 2025” as one of its goals is to fill government positions with prescreened ideologically radical conservatives.
- “Index of Leading Cultural Indicators” written by William Bennett in 1994
  - This publication was the Heritage Foundation’s first major entry into the culture wars.
  - The Index tackled subjects such as crime, divorce, children born out of marriage, teenage suicides, and drug use along with other social indicators.
- “Index of Economic Freedom” - published in 1995
  - Wall Street Journal began partnership with Heritage as co-manager and co-editor of Index of Economic Freedom as an annual publication in 1997.
- Scandal in 2013 - Jackson Richwine - co-author of Heritage Foundation report on the costs of amnesty for migrants
  - Richwine was scrutinized for his Harvard University PhD thesis, authored four years prior, where he argued that Latino and Black people had lower I.Q.’s and were intellectually inferior to white people.
  - He’d also made comments at the American Enterprise Institute in 2008 that were similar to the conclusions he’d made in his doctoral thesis.
  - Richwine resigned due to the controversy.
- Trump’s candidacy - 2015
  - Originally the Heritage Foundation did not support Trump for president.
  - The organization only supported Trump after he won the nomination.
- Trump’s presidency - 2017
  - Just like as they had with Reagan and other Republican presidents the Heritage Foundation had great influence over helping the Trump administration fill various positions in his administration.
  - Some of the several hundred people who received jobs in the Trump administration who were included in a database the Heritage Foundation cultivated were:
    - Betsy DeVos, Mick Mulvaney, Rick Perry, Scott Pruitt, Jeff Sessions
- Post - Trump presidency
  - Several Trump Administration officials and staff member take positions at the Heritage Foundation.
    - Ken Cuccinelli, Mark Morgan, Chad Wolf (Cuccinelli and Wolf left in 2021)
    - Mike Pence also went to work for Heritage
  - Ukraine War
    - May 2022 the organization reversed its support for Ukraine
    - March 2023 - Heritage established a cooperative relationship with Danube Institute in Hungary.
- The Big Lie
  - The president of the Heritage Foundation has publicly said he doesn’t think Biden won the 2020 election.
  - The organization has promoted false claims of widespread voter fraud.
- Project 2025
  - A collection of proposals to radically change the executive branch of the U.S. government.
  - The organization is recruiting thousands of staffers for every branch of government.
  - Some of the policy proposals in Project 2025 include the following:
    - Boosting fossil fuels while slashing environmental regulations
    - Dismantling the Inflation Reduction Act
    - Shutting down the Department of Energy loan programs office
    - Taking partisan control of the DOJ, FBI and Dept. of Commerce, the FCC, and the FTC.
    - Dismantling the Dept. of Homeland Security and the Department of Education
    - The National Institute of Health (NIH) would be shaped by conservative principles.
    - Cut Medicaid and Medicare
    - Outlaw abortion
    - Eliminate coverage of emergency contraception under the ACA
    - Enforce the Comstock Act - this would criminalize the sending or receiving of abortion medication through the U.S. Mail.
    - Outlaw pornography
    - Infuse Christianity into the U.S. government
    - Remove legal protections against discrimination claims based on sexual orientation and gender identity.
    - Terminate DEI (diversity, equity and inclusion) programs as well as affirmative action.
    - Prosecute “anti-white” racism.
    - Enact draconian anti-immigration laws including mass deportations and detentions of undocumented immigrants.
    - Engage the Insurrection Act of 1807 which would allow the military to participate in domestic policing and assist in the capture of undocumented immigrants.
    - Increase the use of capital punishment
    - (This is just a partial list)

Organization led by former Trump Admin. officials who promote Christian Nationalism

Center for Renewing America
- Our mission is to renew a consensus of America as a nation under God with unique interests worthy of defending that flow from its people, institutions, and history, where individuals’ enjoyment of freedom is predicated on just laws and healthy communities. (from website)
- I honestly couldn’t tell what this organization did except hire former Trump staffers and cabinet members. It was formed in 2021.
- Founded by Russ Vought former Trump Admin. Director of the Office of Management and Budget
  - Staff members former Trump Admin. - Ken Cuccinelli, Adam Candeub, Rachel Cauley, Jeff Clark, Ashlea Frazier, Paige Hauser, Dan Kowalski, Micah Meadowcroft, Mark Paoletta, Kingsley Wilson
  - Steve Friend, staff member, FBI Whistleblower who claimed FBI manipulated evidence from Jan. 6th investigation.

So, Esquire published this article recently. It interested me because one of my college mentors used to write for Esquire so I read it from time to time, and because I really have let my reading habits lapse during this pandemic and stress and I need to find some new things to read and get back into the habit of reading rather than spacing out in front of a screen. Vary the dissociation methods up a bit, use parts of my brain I'm not using at the moment, etc.

Lots of comments about the 'woke mob' and why isn't Tolkein, Heinlen, Asimov, [fill in the blank hundred year old author] on here....

And then FB experts and their followers using the list to launch political rants against the rabid left, feminists, and people of color. The usual bullshit commentary from the usual neckbeard trolls.
ugh. People like this are why I've generally avoided fandom, conventions, cosplay, etc. There's just so much ugly gatekeeping and it's so fucking tiresome and unpleasant.

So, were to I engage in conversation with said cat-piss men/ neckbeard trolls, on the off chance that they'd be able to listen and comprehend (I know they don't and won't, so that's why I'm writing here, just to get it off my chest and out of my head) here are the points I'd try to make:

listicles like this can't include every single favorite author ever in the history of ever, the writer was probably trying for more contemporary works rather than the 'classics' known by all fans, and the 'of all time' is hyperbolic clic-bait. Congrats, if you commented with 'whatabout' or got your underthings in a bunch over it, you fell for it. Esquire got eyes on the page, which is all they wanted, anyway

'best' is subjective. Your favorites aren't my favorites and that's OK. We will have writers & books we agree on and writers & books we don't.

Authors like JK Rowling and MZ Bradley and David Eddings and Orson Scott Card and Piers Anthony are problematic, messy, terrible human beings. Even my beloved Harlan Ellison was a giant creep--stories of him being sexist and gross at cons abound, as much as it pains me to say. Authors who are alive or were alive during the readers' lifetimes have this sort of thing come to light and then we have to go through the minefield of trying to figure out how to (whether to) enjoy their art for its own sake, or if we need to shun both the art and the artist. For myself, in the case of knowing that MZB was abusive and either allowed, encouraged, or aided her partner in acts of child abuse and pedophilia make it very very difficult to re-read any of her stuff, let alone enjoy it. I, personally, just can't separate the art and the artist in that case. (Harlan Ellison hitting on women at cons and being sexist, for whatever reason, I find forgive-able. 'a product of his time' Maybe that makes me a bad person too, I dunno.)

OTOH, why not JUST LET PEOPLE ENJOY THINGS.? The world is a dumpster fire, we are all suffering and lonely and anxious and sad, so if there's a book or a writer that takes us away from the shit for a harmless mental trip to lands of swords and sorcery and dragons and magic, just please let people enjoy that. FFS.

tl:dr this sums things up better than I can.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201703/daughters-unloving-mothers-mourning-the-mom-you-deserved

This is such a complicated thing....my mom didn't have the mom she deserved. Her mom probably didn't have the mom she deserved, either. My father for damn sure didn't have the mom he deserved. How far back do we need to go before we can stop blaming? Before it becomes absurd?

Going from personal to universal, looking out at society, you have all of these impossible demands & expectations of motherhood. Moms are supposed to be such perfect saints. Always patient, always loving, always kind, always THERE. You breastfeed you baby for too long or not long enough-you're a terrible mother. You bottle feed = your'e a terrible mother. You let your kids eat dirt and play outside=you're a terrible mother. You don't let your kids play outside=you're a terrible mother. Your kids cry in public=you're a terrible mother. Your kids are tidy, polite, and quiet =you must be abusing them in private to make them act so cowed, you're a terrible mother. Your kids are too loud, too smart, too quiet, too emotional, too outspoken, too tall, too short, too fat, too thin = you're a terrible mother. Hug them too much, you're hovering and spoiling them, turning them into mama's boys/girls, you're a terrible mother. Ignore them when they fuss, you're a terrible mother. Send them to public schoo, you're a terrible mother. Send them to private school, you're a terrible mother. Send them to daycare while you work, you're a terrible mother. Stay at home to raise them, you're just a lazy whore who wants to sit on the couch and watch TV on your husband's dime & post on social media about how hard it is being a mom= also a terrible mother. And, you would think this shit comes from men against women but no, it is women saying this shit about other women. Mommy blogs are full of vicious, venomous bile against other moms who aren't doing it 'right'. It seems like moms have no way to ever, ever, EVER be 'good'....(one of the thousands of reasons I never had kids)

Honestly, I think what people need is a female God, not some impossibly perfect mother who is never, ever going to be able to live up to the arbitrary & contrary demands of society. And, maybe, on some level, the reason humanity turned to a male god is because of that original infant-wound, that fist time we woke up hungry, dirty, wet, and there wasn't an umbilical cord from Mother, bringing us everything we needed and taking away all our filth. Mommy is bad, she doesn't love us, maybe Daddy will. If we are good enough.

It's exhausting and frustrating. I really would like to think (hope) that as soon as we're old enough to realize our parents fucked us up (even if they were doing their best), we are old enough to get to healing and forgiving and growing the fuck up.

I was being nosy and happened to see an exchange on sonar0m' facebook
page where skye_ds went to his page and told him "I'm not going to
tolerate your lying, cheating, and abuse anymore. Get out, we're
through."

Oh, but wait, being the merciful thing she is: "I may let you keep
your job, room, and board in my home if you sign this Slave Contract,"
All of her friends piled on with "Oh, poor Skye, we love you, we
thought sonar0m was the good one and sineater was the bad one!"

And then she was telling him to kill himself.

The Slave Contract is a thing skye pulled on sineater. 10 or more years
ago (when I was still with sweetie!) and of course the suicide thing was a
bad flashback to the BrotherA/Rubber Pig saga...so I freaked out. :(

I emailed sonar0m and said he should get out of that situation
immediately. And then his facebook got deleted. So I asked a few
mutual friends to see if they could get ahold of him and make sure he
was not harming himself.

....and after all that, I had kind of a 'what the hell am I
doing???!?" moment and decided to quit being nosy and quit talking to
people about that crazy sick household, quit listening to friends who
want to ask me about the situation, just quit all of that crap. It
takes away from my happiness and she always spins it that she's the
victim.

The story she has spun out of that is that "sonar0m had his facebook
privacy settings altered without his knowledge, so my post was not
meant to be seen by anyone," and "sonar0m brought this all on himself
by airing our family business" and sonar0m has deleted his facebook
because of mean old evilE and of course SHE is the victim here, who
(according to her) apparently mustered the troops and asked everyone
to call, text, & email her, sineater, and sonar0m, and
someone apparently also called the cops.

Anyway, other than emailing sonar0m and asking 3 mutual friends, I
didn't do any of that. Apparently sonar0m has other concerned friends
who did the rest of that, but it's still all my fault. Of course. And
my interference gives her an excuse to abuse sineater and sonar0m, force
sonar0m to delete his Facebook and cut of contact with friends & family
on Facebook, AND blame it all on me. So....I did not help that
situation AT ALL.

Anyway....I am going to try and be done with that mess for good.
Believe it or not, I'm better than I used to be.

Long past time for this...

I am re committing to No Contact.

Through my own efforts, and listening to/encouraging discussion of the topic with family and friends, I have been aware of some stuff going down in my stepbrother's family situation that was not my business and nothing I could help, save, or influence positively by becoming involved.

It was stupid and it was a huge mistake. Worse, it gave an abuser an excuse to abuse (not that the abuser needs one, but by placing blame on me and responsibility on the victim, it allowed the abuser to continue to justify vile, outlandish behavior. Behavior that is entirely the choice of the abuser, and no fault or responsibility of the victim or myself)

I am ashamed, embarrassed, and disgusted with myself.

I have removed my direct access and I am recommitting to no contact. I am not going to avoid public places, but I will not approach them or speak to them if I find myself in the same place, or at the same event. If I am approached, I will walk away. I must not contact these people by email, phone, or text, or view social media, both business and personal. No contact MUST include not discussing these people with family or mutual friends.

I have been better about this in the past, and I can be better about it in the future. This is me committing to focusing on my own life & happiness. My brother remains in an unhealthy situation, for whatever reasons. That's not my problem or my responsibility. I can't do anything about it. Knowing details is distressing and pathological for me. No contact is for my health and well being.

Threats against my home, life, and livelihood have been made and dealt with successfully in the past. I do not feel that the person(s) in that household or any of their friends & associates are a viable threat to me. I am committing to remaining non-reactive should family or mutual friends mention that another threat has been made.

If any of you are friends or friendly acquaintances with my brother and his household, I applaud you and encourage you to continue to be so. I would love to see my brother free of that situation. For that to happen, he will need a supportive community of people. Through my own outspoken, opinionated, and codependent controlling behavior, I cannot be that for him. I need to accept that and move on with my own happy life.

Thank you for reading and understanding. Thank you for your patience with my latest slip. I am deeply ashamed. My friends are awesome people. You don't deserve to be mistreated or recruited as negative advocates. I am very sorry. Please hold me accountable if I slip up. I may not like it, but I need it. Thank you.

Current Mood: embarrassed

So, every once in a while, I check out shrink4men.com. Something I see time and again is a guy chiming in on the ‘comments’ section, saying things like “My wife/girlfriend screams at me, spits at me, throws things at me, slaps me, breaks my stuff, (etc etc) should I get out?”…the answer, of course, being, “effing DUH, dude,” but then hindsight and memory kick in and I realize that it’s not always that simple; there are kids involved, there’s property, there’s pets, not to mention it was a long slippery slope from the first day they fell in love to the night she kept him up all night crying and screaming at him and finally to the day she started slapping him around and stomping on his iphone. And he still loves her. And he thinks if he just finds the perfect thing to do/say/be, she won't do it again and she will love him again the way she did during the great times when they first got together.

It seems so insane, but there’s such a gradual progression to that point of insanity, you literally do not notice, or you have somehow managed to hone your powers of denial to apply a thick coat of “it’s not so bad”…

Here’s where the light bulb went off for me. You know that old saying about how “if someone doesn’t treat the waiter nice, s/he’s not a nice person”? In my relationship with fungus_finger, I came to finally see that my ex was much nicer and more considerate to waitstaff than he was to me or my family.

And then there came a realization that if I was just meeting this man today, and this was our first date, there is NO WAY in HELL that I would tolerate being treated the way he had gradually come to treat me. I would have no place in my life, ATALL, PERIOD, for such a rude, slovenly stranger. So why the heck was I putting up with being treated that way by someone with whom I’d chosen to make a lifetime commitment and I thought had made a similar commitment to me??? Did I really want to spend the rest of my life being ignored, belittled, verbally assaulted, physically intimidated, picking up his messes, paying his bills, surrounded by his garbage, cooking and cleaning and functioning as not much more than a human Fleshlight? NO. And not just NO, but HELL FUCKING NO!

Sometimes all it takes is a fresh look at something to finally see it for what it is. Would you accept the way your partner treats you if they were a stranger on the street or a person on a first date? Would you feel comfortable if a dear friend was being treated the way your SO treats you? If the answer is no, it may be time to make a plan, get safe, and get that person GONE from your life.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Location: home sweet home
Current Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PVPLz6zKMc

As far as TX politics goes, we're a blue island in an ocean of angry, ignorant red. And there's nothing I personally can do to keep the electoral vote of this state from going to Mittens the Mormon Cowboy and Ryan the Rape apologist in the presidential election. But, I donated to Christie Vilsack, the woman running against Ryan and while I'm at it, Claire McCaskill, the one running against Todd Akin, too.

Go get 'em, LADIES!

Current Mood: angry
Current Location: home.

http://captainawkward.com/2012/08/07/322-323-my-friend-group-has-a-case-of-the-creepy-dude-how-do-we-clear-that-up/

This blog entry has a LOT of good points. a LOT.

I am not trying to dismiss those points by trying to create a distinction between "how we deal with predators as a formal entity with elected leadership and bylaws" and "how we deal with predators when they are friends of friends in informal group settings,"

So let me try again to compare these apples and oranges:

1) You’re at a convention. You’re at work. You’re at an SCA or Amtgard or Civil War Re-Enactors' event. You’re camping at the renaissance festival. You’re attending a church ‘shut in’. You’re at the comic book store. Someone harasses you. Someone touches you without your permission. Someone says vulgar or threatening things to or about you. Someone assaults you. There are people who are there to help. There is a boss, a store owner board of directors, chairperson, ‘autocrat’, king/queen, event security. There are policies and procedures for everyone involved to follow and utilize to address the incident.

2) You have a group of friends. A friend of a friend harasses you. A friend of a friend touches you without your permission. A friend of a friend makes verbal threats against your person, life, or livelihood. A friend of a friend assaults you. At that point, you have police and you have your word against theirs, and you have a choice about how far you want or need to go in order to make yourself feel safe.

As a friend of many strange and diverse people, I am NEVER going to take the word of another person about who I should or should not be friends with. I am NEVER going to listen to one stranger tell me another stranger is toxic and evil and follow that person's directive to "WARN ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT ______!!!" Because, seriously, I don't want to live in a world where one person can say "Bramblekite is toxic and evil, avoid her," and have everyone that they say that to BELIEVE them and ACT on it without thinking or questioning or finding out for themselves. And I am NEVER going to entrust my health, well being, or safety to anyone but ME, either. I'm glad of laws and law enforcement. I'm glad for formal groups with formal leadership. But the buck stops right here, with me. And I'm glad of it.

Personal aside, tangent. ( Read more... )

Current Mood: bitchy
Current Location: home.

Got an email yesterday from Parents Magazine thanking me for my recent 2 year subscription.

Really, Crazy Bitch? After all this time, still takin' these mean spirited, fuckin stupid potshots at a woman you've NEVER MET IN PERSON EVER? Goddamn.

I remain eternally grateful to my lovely sister in law Skye_ds for befriending her and giving her more information about me than is generally available in LJ, so that Crazy Bitch could send magazines to my house, send me email at an email address not attached to my LJ, make threats to my life, and try to get me fired from my job.

But "Skye" magnanimously let me know a couple months ago that she has "forgiven" me my "trespasses" so I guess I just need to shut up and let bygones be bygones, right? Right. I'm sure we all have our little moments where we get a teensy bit upset at someone and talk about killing them horribly and make false reports to their employer so as to deprive them of livelihood. It's a perfectly human failing that we all succumb to from time to time. Completely understandable, reasonable,and sane. Of course. yes.

grr.

.

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Location: home.

From Tom DeLay asking homeless Katrina Victims "Is this kind of fun?" to Shrub's "I know it's hard to put food on your family" (how would he know? He was born wealthy, he's never been hungry a day in his life, never had to choose between buying groceries and putting gas in his car or paying bus fare so he could get to work) Mit Romney's recent "Corporations are people" statement...how many more offensive, clueless, completely lacking-in-humanity-or-empathy statements are we going to take from these clueless rich white men before it finally dawns on us that THEY ARE NOT LIKE US. Our ~~reptilian~~ political overlords must be deposed.

Current Mood: angry
Current Location: home.

I blew up, I freaked out, I got mad, I'm the bad guy. It's all on me. Aren't I the unreasonable bitch? Aren't they just the innocent wounded parties having to deal with the sicko crazy woman. Poor poor little victims. Soooo mistweated and misunderstood. So sad.

What I find most interesting about interacting with emotional manipulators is how they can push past your bounaries til you blow up, then step back and play the oh so reasonable and noble hurt party. This is a game I do not play well. Especially not when I'm recovering from fricken emergency eye surgery.

Current Mood: sad
Current Location: home.

Credit:
http://fuckyeahalbuquerque.tumblr.com/post/1229128082 via http://huzzahactuallygoodporn.tumblr.com/

[NSFW]

Current Mood: infuriated
Current Location: home from work.

This is the time of year that we usually start ordering our gifts and shipping them out to friends and loved ones across the world. And, of course, the scumbags of this earth have to have their fun, too.

I've gotten this email twice in the last week, so I figure I'll pass along this info.

The email shows as being from support@ups.com. The message says :

Sorry, we were not able to deliver postal package you sent on November the 1st in time
because the recipient’s address is not correct.

Please print out the invoice copy attached and collect the package at our office.
If you do not receive package in ten days you will have to pay 36$ per day.

Your UPS

Here is what the UPS website has to say about that:

Fraud and Virus Warning

Service Update

(Updated November 13, 2008)

We have become aware of a fraudulent e-mail being sent that says it is coming from UPS and leads the reader to believe that a UPS shipment could not be delivered. The reader is advised to open an attachment reportedly containing a waybill for the shipment to be picked up.

This email attachment contains a virus. We recommend that you do not open the attachment, but delete the email immediately. UPS may send official notification messages on occasion, but they rarely include attachments.

What to Do if You Receive a Suspicious E-mail

If you receive a fraudulent or suspicious e-mail that claims to be from UPS, do not respond or select any links associated with the e-mail. Please report the activity by forwarding the e-mail to fraud@ups.com and delete the original.

Note: When forwarding the suspicious e-mail, do not modify the original subject line or contents enclosed and do not include any personal or confidential information.

Current Mood: annoyed

700 billion? Try 3.5 TRILLION.

Surely I can't be the only person thinking of this ren & stimpy cartoon.

Big Fat Corporate Trash to Struggling Home Town America:

"Save my Walrus!"

Current Mood: nauseated

Seven hundred billion dollars =

$22889.55 for every man woman and child living in America today. (I don't know about you, but almost 23 thousand dollars would do a lot towards easing my financial burdens...)

23 MILLION years of my annual salary. (I did this calculation twice. I still can't believe it. Musta misplaced a decimal point there, somewhere. Or did I? jeezus tapdancing christ)

Almost 40 MILLION Turbo Diesel Volkswagen Beetles

175 BILLION gallons of Diesel fuel, at $4 a gallon

4 MILLION houses just like mine, plus some money to do improvements

7 MILLION full-ride college educations at a private university

A year of health insurance coverage for 92,105,263 people

Give me the money, I can spend it better.

Current Mood: grumpy
Current Location: Work, for the next 23 Million years, apparently.
Current Music: Big Deal,The Dead Milkmen

As I was walking toward the bus stop yesterday afternoon, I realized that there's a very real chance that Palin will be the first female president in United States history. She doesn't have the experience to do a good job by herself, and her much-touted 'maverick' tendencies indicate she won't evne take the advice of seasoned White House personnel like Shrubby did. So we're kinda fucked if that happens.

And whose fault is it going to be? The Women. Us uppity bitches who nagged and bitched and whined and moaned and picketed and protested and suffered until we got the vote.

Watch it happen.

Only a politician/fratboy/abusive asshole (of which our leadership is all of the above) could give us what we said we wanted and manage to turn it around so that it hurts us badly*.

I know this trick. I know this game. I was in such a relationship in my personal life. Everything I asked for got turned around and used to punish me. I know this trick. It works.

Watch it happen.

---
* just one example, from personal experience:

"You ASKED me to come with you to this thing with you, and here I am at this thing with you, [half an hour late, after kicking furniture and yelling at the dog and breaking things because you couldn't find your shoes/wallet/keys, then getting in the car and driving like a maniac and screaming loudly--right in my ear--at the other drivers for being in your way, then proceeding to make me pay your admission because you 'forgot' to have cash, be ugly to the employees at the venue, and bitch about our seats the entire time so that there was no way in hell I'd enjoy the thing I asked you to attend with me.] NOW what the fuck are you complaining about!? It's just a no-win situation with you all the time, isn't it?"

Current Mood: blank

longshot14 posted some links that he finds interesting and useful. I checked this one out, since clutter is a constant foe at my house. The top article pushed my buttons like ... a crazy amount. Wow, I can't believe it still pisses me off so much!

I hate to be one of those people who starts a sentence with "My therapist said"...but I gotta take exception to the last part of #3: "Discuss the real problem. If you’re upset that your wife repeatedly leaves her dirty dishes strewn about the living room your frustration has very little to do with dirty dishes. You’re upset because you believe she doesn’t care about the cleanliness level in the living space. So, talk about the real problem and use the dirty dishes as an example of how that lack of caring is expressed."

See, to *me* dirty socks on the coffee table meant "I don't care about this house and I don't care about you. I have no respect for the home we bought together or the household we've made together."

(which, as it turns out, was true. But his slobbyness was not relevant to that fact.)

HOWEVER, according to my REBT therapist, his messyness didn't MEAN anything to my partner, one way or the other. There was no 'underlying issue' in his mind. The coffee table was just a handy place to stash socks when he came home from work. The problem was not his action or his behavior, it was my assumptions and my emotional response to his actions/behavior.

So, step one is not to get to the underlying issue. It's to own your feelings about the behavior, not blame him for the feelings. THEN address the behavior, not your emotional response to the behavior.

And never EVER EVER EVER EVER assume that you know what someone is thinking or feeling because of how they're behaving. You may be right, you may be wrong.

The point is not to assume, but to ASK.

(I still don't have ANY clue how to live happily with someone if your ideas of cleanliness are completely different. My solution was to keep the house and dump the mess-maker. And now that it's MY house, I'm afraid I've become somewhat autocratic in how I keep it. My house, my rules, you don't like it, bye-bye.

Possibly not the best solution, but one I am currently pretty happy with.)

Current Mood: anxious
Current Location: work

May 15, 2005

Well, I had an OK Saturday (more on that later, maybe), but today
pretty much sucked. I got up around noon, got dressed, Nikiyoy called an
said she was just now waking up, and would call me back once she was
up and fed. I laid around on the couch, she called again sometime
between 2 and 3, maybe(?) and wanted to go bowling. Ick. I said no,
and she didn't suggest anything else, said she'd see me Monday, then.
I was more up for someting swimming and hiking type thing. Oh well.
So I slept some more. I'm a lazy pig, what can I say?

Around..6? dunno, Sweetie and Peglegasus came back to the house after mowing
ours and Max's front yard with Pegs new mower (why only the front?
Only god knows....or perhaps we are all just lazy pigs)

And then we went to Mongolian BBQ where I ate far more food than I
was actually hungry for, then Sweetie & I went to the grocery store, then
to Peg's where we watched all the Sunday animation that Peg had
recorded with his cable thingy. I gave Abby [Peg's dog] 1 cookie from a vanilla
oreo sandwich cookie, and Abby went all crazy and tried to eat
cookies out of the bag and got introuble with Peg...she's not
supposed to have people food. I felt bad. It was my fault.

On the way home, Sweetie and I got into a discussion as a result, and I
said I can't help it, I'm a spoiler, I'm not a disciplinarian, and he
said something like "no, you're a regular planarian" and then I said
something about how when it's our own puppy in question, that'll be
the only fun I get out of it, because the rest of it will be me
scooping shit and taking it to the vet and walking it, and he
said "So you think you'll do all the work, eh?" and I said that's the
way it was with Nickie, so historically, yeah. He then said "You're
right, we should't get a puppy" and when I said something in reply,
repeated that, and added "let us never speak of it again" and then I
said OK. He didn't say another word to me until I volunteered to
throw his clothes in the dryer for him, and then he said "don't
trouble yourself" and went off to drink beer w/Peg.

I sense the end is nigh with this relationship...I don't have
anywhere to go with someone who ends disagreements with "never speak
of this again"...I mean, what the fuck am I supposed to say or do
when there's not any more communication?

And, really, NO, I don't want a fuckin puppy, because Sweetie's shit is
all over the goddamned house as it is,and with a puppy added to the
mix, it will be puppy getting into all the stuff that isn't put away,
and shitting on it, and pissing on it, and chewing it up, and Sweetie
yelling at the dog for getting into stuff...well, goddamn, if you are
going to leave everything you own out in the middle of the goddamn
floor, what the hell are the animals supposed to do? I know that
eventually they can be trained to chew on toys and not clothing,
shoes, or furniture, but it seems easier to me to simply remove
temptation to be bad by NOT leaving things out that you don't want
the animals to get into.

And I know I am not great with taking care of the cats' litter. But I
do keep them fed...and 90% of the time I'm the one who deals with out
of litterbox cat potty problems. I would really prefer it, once these
cats are gone, not to have any more animals. I really am NOT a fan of
piss, shit, and puke, and one of the main reasons I never wanted a
human infant is because I would prefer NOT to deal with them at all.

Done venting. I am sure Sweetie and I will get through this...probably
by never speaking of it again. Yay for passive agressive bullshit.

Jan. 25, 2005

I ignored many signs that I should just stay home--bad dreams,
pinching my fingers as I was getting off the bus, elevator at work
not working so I had to walk up the stairs carrying my bookbag &
stuff for a care package for Josephine & D's new baby, in a building
which was heated up to about 100. And since my hands were already
full it was a hassle to take off my sweater and jacket...yay.

Then I went on my lunch break to mail the stuff, and was chastised as
I picked up a flat rate box to put it in by the bossy, loud,
obnoxious know-it-all postal clerk bitch (yes, I read the sign, I
know it's $7.70, STFU and let me mail my shit!) and then after our
transaction was completed, she blathered at me for 10 minutes about
her birthday skydive. Ugh. It's at times like that, I wish I had 15
inches of limp cock to slap people with...

Jan. 10, 2005

--- In ErikaJournal, "evilE" <> wrote:

>
> To: poly-austin
> From: "Sineater
> Date: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 12:28:25 -0600
> Subject: Re: [poly-austin] Digest Number 795

> Forced her to get an abortion,

==========
from the mouth of the 'forced abortion' 'victim':

======================
skye_ds
2004-09-03 09:28 (link) Select
Oh my f*cking god.

1. I was pregnant once, I nearly miscarried violently 8 times in 8
weeks, and so I decided to terminate quickly and cleanly before I
terminated, well, not quickly and not cleanly. There is no way in
h*ll I'd allow myself to go through that again, much less 14 times.

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