evile

had a bunch of strange ones.  First about 'tink' the woman I was ...involved(?) with at the beginning of 2020 before the pandemic. All of her wierd messianic/empire building/mental breakdown stuff.  So in my dream she was asking if we could be close again and I managed to make a very good boundary statement that offered no shame, blame, accusations, rehashing of past, but was just a very clean and clear message that I was not in a position to be able to offer her any sort of closeness or relationship or romance of any kind...but it was not mean or ugly or  anything, it wasn't a 'door slam,'  it was just this really lovely, simple thing. I wish I could remember exactly how I'd worded it. 

And then either later in the dream or a new dream, i was on my tablet looking at my SIL skye_ds' business page online, and somehow I accidentally clicked the thing to call the business and it started ringing. I was mashing the power button, trying to turn off the tablet before the phone connected, and then I heard her ask "oh, is that E----?" and sonar0m saying 'Yes, I think so," and she said "don't answer it, then," and then there was just kind of a quiet engine noise/road noise for a while (as I'm still there, trying to turn off my damned tablet) and then they were chitchatting about some job they'd just done and sonar0m said he'd gotten a $5 tip, and skye_ds said she'd gotten a tip also, and they were going to use their tip money to go get Dairy Queen and they seemed very happy about having this tiny little extra dab of money.  Then my tablet started playing music and they started talking about hearing the music, too "where's that coming from?" "is it the radio?" "turn off the radio," etc. 
Then I was at an indoor pool/park thing and there were tons of dogs running around all barking and making a lot of racket. I think I was still trying to turn off my tablet, and they could hear the dogs barking and I was trying to explain that I had not meant to call them and was not trying to eavesdrop, but I could not turn off my machine or disconnect the call. So that was frustrating. 

Anyway....bunch of weird stuff in my  head. I think basically trying to process relationships that are over  that may have been crazy/harmful but still had things of value and beauty about them that I miss even though I know they weren't safe or sane.  I can't work up much in the way of anger or affection or much of anything towards these people anymore. I guess my heart is finally at peace with how things are.  at least for now. So that's nice. Thanks brain o' mine

A somewhat famous author and somewhat well known figure among certain subcultures, hobby, and interest groups has stated that one of my social groups contains and harbors a rapist. This person has gone so far as to create a tag in her blog titled "[thisgroup] rapist"( Read more... )


All of that has caused me to clarify my thoughts and feelings re what is "safe".( Read more... )

"The Conversation We All Need To Have" also caused me to apply reason to my fears; I don't feel 'safe' when so-and-so is around.( Read more... )

So...'safe' is an illusion, or its a reality we create. It's really how you feel more than a concrete, provable fact of existence. Bad things are going to happen. Bad people are out there. We are all going to be hurt and bleed at some point in life. We are all going to die. Fear and worry aren't going to keep those things from happening to us, but they may keep us from enjoying the many beautiful and wonderful things that happen in between times of fear and pain and death. I think I'm going to choose Happy. And I'm going to choose Safe, too.

**I realize I am speaking from a place of privilege. I live in a country and come from a socioeconomic and geographic area where "safe" is pretty much our normal way of life. But there are plenty of people, even relatives, who believe that where I have chosen to live is somehow 'gang land' or 'the ghetto' ... that's their belief system and I do not choose to let their fear keep me from enjoying my home and walking my dog and greeting my neighbors, and so far my belief that "I am safe" has prevailed. How 'bout that?

from http://www.wheresthemoon.com/

DAILY FIX weekend

Healing a wound? Who isn't? The Sun risesnow above Chiron in Pisces, and that configuration is all about
healing a wound. Usually it's something so deep you don't even want to talk about it,
but the more conscious you are, the less likely you are to act out. There's been a cut,
a break, and pieces have to be put back together again

==============

Very timely. I was just reading my LJ from about this time last year. What a crunchy chocolate-coated mess I was....ffs. Glad I have any friends left after all that. Glad I still have a relationship with Thax. He is a patient man who loves me very much.

I blew up, I freaked out, I got mad, I'm the bad guy. It's all on me. Aren't I the unreasonable bitch? Aren't they just the innocent wounded parties having to deal with the sicko crazy woman. Poor poor little victims. Soooo mistweated and misunderstood. So sad.

What I find most interesting about interacting with emotional manipulators is how they can push past your bounaries til you blow up, then step back and play the oh so reasonable and noble hurt party. This is a game I do not play well. Especially not when I'm recovering from fricken emergency eye surgery.

Features of Troll Attacks

It’s unlikely that any particular troll attack will exhibit all of these features. But the presence of any should provoke caution; and a pattern of these behaviors is a sure sign. It is vital to recognize a troll attack for what it is, and to refuse to allow it to gain control over you. It is equally vital to educate the people in your Coven on the nature of troll attacks, so they won’t be taken in. And in the Pagan community as a whole, the more people who understand these issues, the less trouble trolls can cause.

( Read more... )

So I recently quit a 'relationship recovery' class, because I had a difference of opinion with a classmate (I felt like he was being rude to my classmates, and so when it came time for me to give out my contact info to the group, I told him directly "You may not call me. You have pissed me off tonight.") The group leader called me later and told me that my outburst was rude and inappropriate, and that SHE did not think the classmate had been disrespectful. I questioned her, and it turns out that group members will NOT be allowed to state directly to one another if they feel that someone is being rude or inappropriate, AND that the group member may not approach the group leader to voice concerns, that it is up to the group leader's sole judgement to intervene and judge who is and is not behaving appropriately. I withdrew from the class because I did not feel comfortable or safe with such a power structure in place. I told the MAIN group leader that it felt very 'cult like' to me. That was *probably* an overstatement, but I wonder.

It seems that a lot of people just coming out of relationships, or people just looking for new lovers, may be especially vulnerable to predatory groups and leaders.

A friend of mine pointed me to this website:

http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html


Potentially unsafe groups or leaders "come off very nice at first, they go for vulnerable people who are looking for answers, lonely, what you'd call 'normal people.' They're very good at what they do and can get people to believe anything. You might think you'd never get taken in, but don't bet on it. "

-- Margaret Singer, Ph.D.
( Read more... )

also check this one out:

http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=7&Itemid=5 ( Read more... )

It's very interesting, because in addition to the red flags that came up about the class, upon reflection, I can also think of at least one poly relationship structure I've seen that seems to be organized very much like a cult. Food for thought...

 

sarah9380 (sarah9380) wrote in polyamory,
@ 2005-11-03 21:42:00





Request for resources and advice
I've tried searching this journal and such, but didn't find anything.
Does anyone have any good links to websites or previous posts (or
just newly typed up advice) for someone in the following situation...

What to do when your significant other is dating someone else who
seems abusive and drama-ridden...You obviously suffer from the
infusion of drama into your life, but you also suffer concern for
your partner when she is very upset from interactions with the other
person. The situation I'm talking about involves people who are not
living together and nothing overtly physically violent (no immediate
fear of life-threatening abuse or anything like that).

But when trying to show concern, the partner gets all defensive and
starts making accusations of jealousy. The same happens if any
attempt is made to insulate your life from the drama that is spilling
over. Oh, and the partner keeps insisting that all three parties
should get together to hang out.

I think the partner may just be reacting irrationally in general due
to the effects the drama-ridden relationship has had on her.
Apparently they also have a long history of on-again/off-again drama-
ridden craziness.

Thank you in advance.


----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------

(Post a new comment)


bellabrigida
2005-11-04 03:01 am UTC (link)
I wouldn't know what to tell you. I've had problems with a similar
situation, however the partner had been sexually abusive with the
other in the past. It's drama that I don't need and I've been working
to have it addressed. It is difficult to do when the people involved
all care about one another, though, because such things are prone to
denial.

Everyone wants it to be cushy and it's easy to be defensive.

So far, all I've learned is to buffer oneself, try to not let it get
to you and then wait for the inevitable fallout.
(Reply to this)


curtisfreak007
2005-11-04 04:49 am UTC (link)
Well, obviously (in my eyes) she needs to get out of that
relationship.

Second of all, it's really uncool to pull the jealousy card when
someone shows concern. Which says to me that she needs to chill out
and remember that she's in a polyamorous relationship. And maybe
rethink her definition of poly and make sure it's a healthy one.

I've been in situations where I've thought my primary partner (for
lack of a better term) was not in a good relationship. What I did was
the standard, "Look, I think we should talk...I'd appreciate it if
you could hear me through before you say anything..." and then
explained to her the perfectly logical reasons why I didn't think she
should be in the relationship. Be prepared to support your reasons
with examples and whatnot. You've probably tried that, but just
thought I'd throw it out there.

Also, like bellabrigida said, you can try not to let it get to you
and wait fr the fallout. That worked for me when I started my first
poly relationship (eek...the jealousy issues I had) and wasn't quite
as open about things as I am now. After a little while, my partner
realized that she wasn't in a very good relationship (because the guy
would guilt trip her every time he hung out with her because she
didn't spend very much time with him, which is a form of mental abuse
in itself) and it just fell apart.

Sorry if I came off kind of pretentious or anything, it wasn't my
intention. I was just trying to respond to the information I had.

Good luck with this, I really hope it works out for you.
(Reply to this)


reluctantvixen
2005-11-04 04:51 am UTC (link)
When they don't want to see the abuse in the relationship, they
won't. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with my husband
for years, but I refused to believe he was hurting me so much
mentally until it became so bad in the end that he left. It was only
then that my eyes opened and I saw what he'd been doing to me for
years, and that my wife had been trying to tell me all along.

Keep supporting the abused partner as much as you can, while
buffering yourself from the other's drama. :( Good luck.
(Reply to this)


persipone
2005-11-04 05:10 am UTC (link)
You know, I'll toss in a dissenting voice here. In my observation and
experience, every dysfunctional relationship has at least two
dysfunctional people in it- but it only takes one person to mess up a
relationship. Get it? So if your SO is in an abusive relationship,
then they has problems in their own life, by definition. And if
you're involved with the SO, you also have problems, by definition.
So you need to be thinking about keeping yourself intact and healthy.

I think you should be fairly firm in speaking to your SO about this.
And I think that, if the abuse and drama are serious enough, you need
to be willing to distance yourself from your SO if they won't work on
or end their other relationship. Let the SO know that they can always
call you if they need an out, but that you can't be dragged into this
drama anymore.

You can't fix your SO and you can't save them. What you can do is
take care of yourself, and you have to be willing to do that before
you can take care of anyone else.
(Reply to this)(Thread)


trixtah
2005-11-04 09:59 am UTC (link)
Yeah, exactly, it's "put your foot down" time. And if your SO won't
listen, let them have their drama-filled life with their charming OSO.

At least insist that while your SO might continue to associate with
this person, you don't want to hear anything about them and their
angst. Needless to say, you won't spend anytime with the OSO. And say
that if anything, behaviour or emotion-wise, starts to spill out into
YOUR relationship, you'll have to consider further steps to protect
yourself from the impact that it might have on YOUR emotional
wellbeing.
(Reply to this)(Parent)


jb_27
2005-11-04 05:30 am UTC (link)
Here is a thought. It might apply to you. It might not.

Sometimes, your partner goes bat-shit fucking crazy. This is more
likely to happen when they are limerant with a new lover, but it can
happen at any time. At times like these, it becomes necessary to take
space and protect yourself. Stay connected. Stay loving. Stay the
fuck away from them until they come back to reality.

Hard? Yes. Better than getting sucked into their drama? Absolutely.

Your mileage may vary.
(Reply to this)


mathilde
2005-11-04 01:39 pm UTC (link)
Ultimately, if someone's not ready to listen there's nothing you can
do. You can't force someone to see what you see. All you can do is
make clear your own boundaries. (I'm using "you" in the general sense
here, not in the specific.) You can decide you're not going to hang
out with the drama llama, and enforce that decision. You can decide
how much other people's drama affects your life. And ultimately, you
decide what is and is not worth your time. How long you're willing to
deal with it is up to you.

 

evile [12:02]: hey :)
SkyeDS [12:03]: hola chica :)
evile [12:03]: how's your day going?
SkyeDS [12:03]: it goes, how's yours?
evile [12:03]: Not bad. Tired & cranky, but OK
evile [12:05]: One of my friends says his ICQ doesn' t show me
online, so I dicked around with it and set it to 'privacy' and now I
can't make it go back to 'available'. FEH!
SkyeDS [12:06]: sonar0m mentioned seeing you last night and what his
parents had to say afterwards. I told him well you should have told
them I am one of her least favorite people and then maybe they would
have decided that the enemy of their enemy is their friend ROFL.
evile [12:07]: They seemed friendly enough...and I didn't give them
anything to deride--I was there with my girlfrends, we were all
decently clad and having normal conversation in normal tones.
SkyeDS [12:07]: you are the sister in law of the devil incarnate.
guilt by association :P
SkyeDS [12:07]: I thought it was funny
SkyeDS [12:07]: especially coming from the King and Queen of
Negativity.
evile [12:08]: *shrug* I have plenty of things about me that are hate-
able, so I'd prefer it if people would actually pick a tangible
quality rather than making up shit to bitch about. whatever.
SkyeDS [12:08]: that was my whole point. All they know about you is
that you are my sister in law, and that's enough to damn you. Which
is why I observed that if they knew you better...etc.
SkyeDS [12:09]: anyway, damnation coming from them is high praise to
the rest of us noncertifiable types :P
SkyeDS [12:09]: they've never learned the one finger pointing at
someone else leaves four fingers pointing back in their own
direction, etc.
evile [12:10]: whatever. Like I said, they seemed like normal people.
SkyeDS [12:11]: their public facades are impeccable, to be sure.
Anyway, sounds like ya'll had a good crowd and a good time last
night. Mangia's and ice cream, what's not to like.
evile [12:11]: yup
SkyeDS [12:11]: I hope they don't change it.
evile [12:11]: that sucks.
SkyeDS [12:12]: I'm kind of attached to Amy's just the way it is.
evile [12:12]: Me too.
evile [12:13]: nikiyoy likes coldstone creamery....I am not very
impressed thus far.
evile [12:16]: I did get Sweetie some wasabi ice cream there, which was
amusing, at least.
SkyeDS [12:18]: some years ago, kaleon took one of his friends to a
Japanese steakhouse and let him think that the wasabi was green tea
ice cream. Everyone was amused except for his friend of course.
evile [12:18]: aww. that's mean.
SkyeDS [12:19]: speaking of which, I took that lightsaber test a good
while back. I got purple too.
SkyeDS [12:19]: I read kaleon's little dissertation about the dark
side, and that was good for a smile - didn't merit a laugh.
evile [12:21]: whatever.
evile [12:22]: I came as close as I dared to saying "look, being a
whiney ass bitch isn't the same thing as being DARK"
SkyeDS [12:22]: I saw.
SkyeDS [12:22]: you were so tactful he won't ever get the point.
evile [12:22]: flew about a mile over his head I think
SkyeDS [12:22]: nodnodnods
SkyeDS [12:23]: Alabastard said the same thing you said, in many more
words and a lot more pointedly about the same thing not too long ago.
evile [12:23]: Oh well, amused me for a second anyway
SkyeDS [12:24]: I didn't think better before I posted to Chaos
yesterday and of course got exactly what I expected, oh well.
evile [12:24]: haven't read hfsinchaos in forever.
SkyeDS [12:25]: I don't get around to email lately until the end of
the day, so reading newsgroups, LJ and other boards sometimes only
gets done once a week now.
evile [12:26]: where in chaos is this going on?
SkyeDS [12:27]: terwin posted in discussions a joke about light v
heavy
SkyeDS [12:27]: and the reason I opened my big fat yap is because
Ceceil was bragging about head shots
evile [12:27]: illegal, yes?
SkyeDS [12:27]: I don't like Ceceil. And he aims those head shots at
Sharjinka
SkyeDS [12:27]: damn straight.
SkyeDS [12:28]: He's nearly as bad as sonar0m, and sonar0m is severely
dyslexic. And sonar0m is struggling to finish community college, he
isn't bragging about his professional life and pursuing a PhD.
evile [12:29]: d'oh
SkyeDS [12:29]: PtA responded that it was a joke. That's fine. And
it wasn't a joke, because every time I see him fight I see him aim
for the head, repeatedly, on purpose.
SkyeDS [12:29]: GtWhatever came back with a comment about my
accidental shot on Jose
evile [12:29]: so I hear
SkyeDS [12:29]: which I should have expected.
SkyeDS [12:30]: anyway, I knew I shouldn't have posted and posted
anyway, because I don't like Ceceil, my friends don't like Ceceil, a
nd I know Ceceil hits people in the head on purpose, particularly
Sharjinka.
SkyeDS [12:30]: and he's part of PtA and GtFuck's grand plan to unify
the HFS so they can be dictatorial tyrants.
SkyeDS [12:31]: and in general he thinks he's all that, a bag of
doritos and some ho hos. And he ain't.
evile [12:31]: When there is absolutely no real-life attractiveness,
accomplishment, or talent to back it up, especially.
SkyeDS [12:32]: I knew better and did it anyway and got what I
expected to get, so there tis.
evile [12:32]: *nod* No more fuel for that fire from you, I'm sure.
Silly people.
SkyeDS [12:33]: sometimes I have better control over what goes into
my mouth than what comes out.
SkyeDS [12:33]: but most of the time I restrain myself pretty heavily
with that group.
evile [12:34]: *nod*
evile [12:35]: battles of wits, unarmed opponents, bla bla.
evile [12:45]: well the good/bad news is that I may not have missed
my cousin John's visit after all...he got into some financial
troubles and may not be driving to TX after all.
SkyeDS [12:48]: :|
evile [13:15]: My cousin Weez sent me his #, I'll call him tonight
and see what's up.
SkyeDS [13:16]: nods
evile [13:17]: it'd be funny to introduce him to [cousin B], I think "first
paternal older than me cousin, meet first maternal younger than me
cousin" :P
evile [13:17]: And, yes, all the horrible nasty bully things John did
to me when I was little, I did to [cousin B]. Ain't it grand :P
SkyeDS [13:18]: all that usually confuses me. All of my cousins are
through my grandparents because both of my parents are only children.
evile [13:19]: John is my father's sister's boy. [cousin B] is my mother's
brother's boy.
evile [13:20]: I usually don't start confusing people until I throw
in the halfs, ex, steps, and various combinations thereof.
SkyeDS [13:40]: they're starting a faire in the Valley
SkyeDS [13:40]: I may go one weekend since my trip to the Valley to
see Cali in January fell through due to the torque converter going
hasta la bye bye again
evile [13:41]: that sounds like fun.
SkyeDS [13:57]: maybe. if they'll accept a contract for just one
weekend.
SkyeDS [13:57]: some faires seem to be more reasonable about that
than others. It doesn't bother Dustin that we can't do his whole 7
week run.
evile [13:57]: *nod*
SkyeDS [13:58]: Excal is going to set their new date for Feb.
evile [13:58]: that should be interesting
SkyeDS [13:58]: Ravensloft is looking at Feb/March.
SkyeDS [13:58]: I really don't understand the attitude of Excal's
jousting company
SkyeDS [13:58]: all of the other jousting companies like having us
around
evile [13:58]: heck, I didn't even know they had one.
evile [13:59]: small man's syndrome, more than likely :P
SkyeDS [13:59]: they do, and they have said they'd pull out if there
was another horse act OR a rides vendor.
evile [14:00]: wierd.
evile [14:05]: well, as long as it profits faire management to have
them there, as the only horse act, that's the way it'll be, I guess.
SkyeDS [14:20]: just got my first evacuee call from Galveston
evile [14:20]: oh, my
evile [14:21]: what is it?
SkyeDS [14:36]: 9 yo mare
SkyeDS [14:36]: her people are going to College Station
SkyeDS [14:36]: I may be going to Galveston to haul a nd I may not
evile [14:37]: *nod* sounds like fun (not!)
SkyeDS [14:40]: thing is, we'll be likely having tornadoes if a Cat 3
hits the TX coast.
SkyeDS [14:40]: and I can't get any horses out but my own if we do
because my trailer only holds two.
evile [14:40]: probably...
SkyeDS [14:40]: so if she wants her horses moved in case of tornado
she'll have to do it herself.
evile [14:40]: well...ya pays yer money, ya takes yer chances...
SkyeDS [14:40]: but even if she doesn't move the mare, horses stand a
better chance against a tornado than a hurricane.
evile [14:41]: yup
evile [14:54]: I can see TX open-hearted attitude towards Katrina
evacuees changing radically once we have 'our own' to take care of.
SkyeDS [14:55]: I'm giving in my own way. Anyone who doesn't like it
can just go their own way, I don't really care to hear it.
evile [14:55]: yup.
evile [15:10]: reading more posts about the bash....I really wish I'd
mustered up enough energy to get to the party Saturday night, at
least. *pout*
SkyeDS [15:10]: :(
evile [15:11]: Oh well. next play party, I'm goin to be there!!!!
oh...wait, no I'm not. the next one is a Voyagers party and it's the
same night as another party we're invited to. damn.
SkyeDS [15:12]: you need a timeturner
evile [15:12]: people need to not do everything at the same time!!
SkyeDS [15:13]: All of Texas is going to have bad weather if Rita
comes this way this weekend.
SkyeDS [15:13]: wonder what that's going to do to the Faire.
SkyeDS [15:13]: not to mention, NOLA can't handle more than 6" of
water at one time or the levees will break, again
evile [15:14]: it would be nice if it could just cool things off a
bit, but that's probably too much to hope for.
SkyeDS [15:14]: the winds alone will reach to OK or past. but it
will probably rain that far inland too.
evile [15:14]: *nod*
evile [15:24]: I'm so sleepy. But I have to go home & make food to
bring to work tomorrow, and then we're going to dinner & then I'm
going to skate night. Crash isn't going to be at dinner, he's going
to see Journey. What a freak. :P
SkyeDS [15:25]: we didn't do any rehearsing last night because I
didn't get home until just before midnight.
evile [15:25]: He and Kathleen went to their divorce mediation
yesterday and Kathleen decided she didn't want a divorce after all.
Go fig
SkyeDS [15:25]: we only have three days to rehearse before we leave
Friday, assuming Rita doesn't wash out the Faire.
evile [15:25]: *nod*
SkyeDS [15:25]: how does Crash feel about all this?
SkyeDS [15:26]: I mean that's got to be hard on him.
evile [15:26]: Well, she is the one who delivered the ultimatum, and
he didn't want to comply, so figured that was that. Now she's
backpedaling and making needless suffering for all.
SkyeDS [15:26]: sighs
evile [15:26]: And, of course, creating lots of situations where she
looks like the blameless martyr victim and he looks like the asshole.
evile [15:27]: I'm sorry, but delivering ultimatums is not the act of
a loving caring spouse
evile [15:27]: So...as far as Crash & his allies are concerned the
chance for reconciliation or saving the marriage passed the second
she said "do it my way OR ELSE" ya know?
SkyeDS [15:28]: there's got to be a way to discuss dealbreakers
without handing down ultimatums
SkyeDS [15:28]: out of curiosity, what was supposed to be "her way or
else"?
evile [15:28]: The only possible situation I can see an ultimatum as
being a loving gesture is if Crash was engaging in behavior which was
endandering himself and/or others (drug use, cheating, like that)
SkyeDS [15:28]: drug use and cheating are the kind of deal breakers
that get discussed before you get married
evile [15:29]: yup.
SkyeDS [15:29]: the three A's = abuse, adultery, addiction.
evile [15:29]: At any rate, it wasn't anything that needed that kind
of extreme response, and Crash was pretty much taken aback and
decided not to mess with her crazy, controlling Scorpio ass any more.
SkyeDS [15:30]: what was it?
SkyeDS [15:30]: and what is Crash signwise?
evile [15:30]: Not really at liberty to discuss. Crash is a Gemini.
As you well know, it's a dangerous combination that doesn't work
unless both partners give and do a LOT to make it work.
SkyeDS [15:31]: that's very true.
SkyeDS [15:31]: thing being that Gemini is mutable Air, and Scorpio
is fixed water.
SkyeDS [15:31]: that means that by nature Gemini is going to give
more and Scorpio will take more.
SkyeDS [15:32]: he must have been pushed pretty damn far before he
said that's enough
SkyeDS [15:32]: farther than some other people would have allowed
themselves to be pushed
evile [15:32]: yup
SkyeDS [15:33]: I didn't know that they were Gem/Scorp too. Isn't
that interesting.
evile [15:33]: yup.
evile [15:35]: Honestly, I think our faire friend Chris called it,
way back when, he said "She's gonna get one of us," (referring to the
single guys in our group of faire folks)....I don't really know if it
mattered to her which one she caught, she wanted 'in' that badly.
SkyeDS [15:36]: I d on't understand that mode of thinking because I'm
not made that way <shrug>
evile [15:36]: And very interesting that she was one of the ones most
threatened and offended when I'd show up by myself to something
because Sweetie had made other plans.
SkyeDS [15:37]: well, that's not quite so silly as being threatened
by me.
SkyeDS [15:37]: not if you were to stand us side by side naked.
evile [15:37]: but you're poly and I'm not.
SkyeDS [15:37]: so?
SkyeDS [15:38]: it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a
needle, and for a rich man to get into heaven, than to become a new
partner in my life.
evile [15:38]: I'm not available to anybody but Sweetie. you're
theoretically available to whoever piques your interest. I'd see you
as a larger threat simply because your'e sexually available,
regardless of our respective appearances.
SkyeDS [15:39]: lol, people think I'm more available than I am.
SkyeDS [15:39]: besides I've done the three thing, and I'm just not
woman enough for more than two at once.
evile [15:39]: well, sure. *shrug*
evile [15:40]: I guess some people just don't understand that someone
could or would make a committment and stick to it...when I say I'm
hetero mono for as long as Sweetie and I are together, that's exactly
what I mean.
evile [15:41]: I'm not after anyone, I'm not available to
anyone....certainly not Crash or any of our other faire guys. They're
all sweet & fun to hang out with, but...no.
SkyeDS [15:42]: I w onder if it's the same people who don't
understand that me and mine don't cheat because we are painfully open
and honest with each other
SkyeDS [15:42]: that don't understand that you mean what you say
SkyeDS [15:42]: because these people DO cheat (where you don't) and
they DO lie (where I don't)
evile [15:43]: I suppose. It's just irritating. No, honey, really...I
don't want your bologne sandwich. I have prime rib at home. Really,
seriously. Have it all. Go for it.
SkyeDS [15:43]: nods. rolls eyes.
SkyeDS [15:44]: if you think that something like me can take what
you've got, maybe you ought to work on yourself and you wouldn't feel
that way.
evile [15:45]: well, yeah, jealousy is all about insecurity...it's
not about other people at all, it's about not feeling worthy to have
what you have. But, sadly, if you act like that, it messes up the
trust in the relationship and creates a self-fulfilling prophecy in a
lot of cases.
evile [15:46]: If Sweetie ever acted like a jealous jerk, didn't trust
me, I'd cheat in a heartbeat. But because he trusts me 100%, I'm 100%
trustworthy.
evile [15:47]: These days, he's saying that if I'm safe and take
pictures I can do whatever I want...I haven't found anyone yet to
test that theory with :P
evile [15:52]: Like I'd have time for a new relationship right now,
anyway. I've got my girlfriends, my groups, Sweetie, and that's pretty
much all my free time right there. I still need to make time for
house, garden, and crafts....all of which I'd rather do than make
sweaty photographs :P
evile [15:53]: I still want to do photos with April sometime, though.
evile [15:56]: Not really the same kind of pictures...though I
suppose they could be :P
SkyeDS [15:56, Auto Response ]: I am currently away from the computer.
evile [15:56]: well, I"m going to make the rounds *hugs* for when you
get back. Have a safe drive home!

 

 

evile: hi :)
SkyeDS: hola, on phone, slow
evile: ok
SkyeDS: bk, still kinda slow
SkyeDS: how goes?
evile: Ok :) I'm tired. Stayed up a bit too late last night.
SkyeDS: ditto
evile: You had a lot longer drive home after polydinner, so I feel
bad complaining too much :P
evile: the company was worth it.
SkyeDS: was nice to see Mouser again, and to meet Robin. Am sorry
that Mouser is not with Apple anymore. I'm sure that sucks on top of
being jobless again.
evile: *nod*
evile: I have no idea who Robin is, btw.
SkyeDS: he was sitting at the end next to me, short hair, mustache,
beard, sandy colored, soft spoken, very knowledgeable and does great
Carlin.
evile: blue shirt?
SkyeDS: ya
evile: Ok, yeah, I saw y'all talking, but I dont' think I've ever met
or spoken to him.
evile: I felt bad that we ended up sitting so far from you, and then
I look down the table and see you surrounded by about 5 cute guys,
and didn't feel so guilty....
SkyeDS: and a very angry Kilsharion
evile: what was she angry about?
SkyeDS: politics
evile: Oh well. Who isn't?
SkyeDS: I don't attack people personally over it
SkyeDS: sineater has never had to physically pull me off someone for it
evile: who was she attacking personally?
SkyeDS: me.
evile: wierd. I guess I totally missed that. What did she say? What
did you say?
SkyeDS: we didn't choose the same sides
SkyeDS: so then she decides to launch an attack on my education and
my profession
SkyeDS: before finding out what they are
evile: wtf.
SkyeDS: last night in many ways was very high school
SkyeDS: I wasn't even defending Bush
evile: she probably just needed someone to be mad at and picked you.
Lucky gal.
SkyeDS: I simply stated my pov, which is the election was between
Dumb and Dumberer, and I wasn't going to make a false choice between
the rattlesnake and the cottonmouth.
evile: Probably did not help that more people were paying attention
to you than to her.
SkyeDS: they were?
SkyeDS: since when?
evile: *nod* at least from looking at body language & where people
were sitting/standing down that end.
SkyeDS: if she perceives that, then perhaps she shouldn't be so
vitriolic
SkyeDS: you know I don't usually talk about auras and vibes and all
that
SkyeDS: but she was radiating last night from the get go
SkyeDS: I know that when I radiate, people don't want to be around me
(and I understand that, which is why I hole up when I'm radiating)
evile: I was trying very hard not to get drawn into cattiness, but
onyxlynxx and Nikiyoy and I do tend to kind of snark...that was noticed &
remarked upon.
SkyeDS: yeah well, I'm sure people know that about ya'll by now, a nd
they can choose to subject themselves to it or not
SkyeDS: I got blindsided
SkyeDS: I'm beginning to think I want to spend the holidays by myself
SkyeDS: like, completely. no men, just me.
evile: which holidays would those be?
SkyeDS: all of them.
evile: So...because 1 person at polydinner was nasty to you you are
going to boycott your family & friends? Ok...
SkyeDS: it's not quite that simple.
SkyeDS: that whole end of the table except for the gentleman in red
whose name Id ont' believe I ever heard, and Robin, jumped my case
because I don't hero worship Kerry
SkyeDS: and it isn't like I hero worship Bush either
evile: I don't really care for Kili, she is an attention whore &
tells long boring self aggrandizing stories...so I just avoid her.
evile: People at my end kept trying to talk politics, too, and I kept
guiding the conversation away from that.
SkyeDS: it was too reminiscent of having multiple "peers" jump on me
in high school, and having the teacher do squat about it
SkyeDS: except worse, because these people are supposedly (like
pagans) "enlightened" adult beings
SkyeDS: and there was no one to stop them
evile: this is the real world, baby, you're a grownup and you gotta
be the 'teacher' now and stand up for yourself. Which, since you
stayed and managed to be pleasant to people, it appears you did.
SkyeDS: lol not really
evile: Kili is one of my 'favorite' people in this world: bored,
affluent white/european descent who co-opt Naitive American
practices, traditions.
SkyeDS: I pulled out as best I could, directed my attention to Robin,
actually learned things I didn't know
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and when you quit responding, eventually people do stop
SkyeDS: although, as I pointed out many times to my mother, that
didn't work in school
evile: 'winning' need not be getting everyone to agree to your POV,
winning may be a matter of making a more comfortable social situation
out of a less-comfortable one.
SkyeDS: yeah, well, I'm going to have to do some serious inventory
before I subject myself to that again
evile: The important things here: you didn't sink to her level, and
you didn't get so upset that you had to leave
SkyeDS: I don't know, maybe I felt a little better after ESA, false
security.
SkyeDS: and I truly should have known better than to get into a
political discussion, so truly, shame on me.
evile: The world is a big place, full of people who may or may not
agree with you. That's why in the south it's considered vulgar to
talk about sex, politics, and religion in mixed company
SkyeDS: and I shouldn't have stayed by myself, I should have just
followed sineater around. <gags>
evile: I'm trying to get better about it.
SkyeDS: I have no problem with sex politics and religion.
SkyeDS: I don't understand personal attacks on people over them
evile: What you should NOT do is second guess yourself. You did the
best you could in a bad situation where the other person was
misbehaving egregiously.
SkyeDS: but the next time someone almost comes across the table at me
physically
SkyeDS: I will defend myself and they will rue it.
evile: 2 wrongs dont' make a right honey. Taking a moral high road
may seem emtpy and pointless, but at the end of the day you have to
be a person you can respect
evile: And would you really respect yourself for beating up some
skinny salad eatin' bitch?
SkyeDS: she lays a hand on me and I will teach her not to even think
about it ever again.
SkyeDS: and have no qualms about it whatsoever
SkyeDS: I don't ever hit first but I"ll be damned if I don't hit last
when someone's stupid enough to hit me.
evile: Well, I'm sorry that happened. She is not one of my favorite
people.
evile: I'm surprised to find myself not 100% in love with every
single person in the austin poly group like I was when I first
joined. But, yes, there are some boors, some obnoxious jerks, some
drama-queens & attention whores....and even with that, the percentage
of people I like & enjoy is higher in poly austin than in any other
group I've ever been in.
SkyeDS: well you see, I knew that.
evile: *hugs*
SkyeDS: I knew what i was getting into, and it was my idea to go
anyway.
SkyeDS: and on top of that, I knew their political leanings.
SkyeDS: I should have known to keep my mouth shut.
evile: You did good. You really did. I thought you were gracious &
entertaining & charming, what I saw and heard of you last night.
So...dont' let one bad apple ruin the pie, ya know?
SkyeDS: I could have done better, by shutting up in the first place.
evile: It's important to learn from the past, but dont live there,
OK? Next time you'll change the subject sooner, or start a
conversation with someone who isn't being a jerk, and it will be
better.
SkyeDS: well yeah, I learned from it.
evile: *nod* that's the important part.
evile: I didn't learn in as bad a way, but Kili and I already
went 'round a while back via email. Hell, I don't even remember what
it was about anymore.
SkyeDS: well, now I know.
SkyeDS: and I won't get blindsided again.
evile: *nod*
evile: Ok, one more meow about Kili, then I'll shut up. She calls
herself childfree, but she has a bio son that is being raised by her
mother and she is in contact with him as his mother (unlike Dani &
her birthmother status)
SkyeDS: well, she's very unhappy. for whatever reasons and I would
guess there are probably many. I will just have to shield myself
from her unhappiness, now that I know.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I am confrontational
SkyeDS: in the genuine sense of the word
SkyeDS: if I have a problem I will come to you
SkyeDS: you won't hear about it from Sharjinka
SkyeDS: or Lisalotte
SkyeDS: you'll hear about it from me
SkyeDS: and if you don't, then it's not important enough for me to
talk about it
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: that's confrontational. To your face.
SkyeDS: reasonably, maturely, in an attempt to be adult.
SkyeDS: combative is in your face, fighting, not debate, and I can't
stand it
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: I harbor no ill will whatsoever for those who don't think
like I do, I can happily debate and break bread and befriend people
all day long
SkyeDS: I don't understand the tendency of some people, and I won't
label them because that would be inflammatory, and I don't want to be
evile: *nod* I am always really surprised when people get hurt
feelings when I was just having an intellectual exercise. But it
happens.
evile: Less so these days, as I try to curb that tendency with people
I don't know well enough to know they can take it.
SkyeDS: but their hearts bleed, they're always talking about "for the
children" (or for whatever, but it isn't enlightened self interest),
they're emotional, and they like to attack
SkyeDS: they like to play the child card, the race card, the gender
card, and the class card
SkyeDS: they're shrill, they're always upset, their voices are
usually raised.
SkyeDS: and if you disagree with them they attack you personally.
SkyeDS: and I don't understand that. and I hate getting blindsighted
by it.
evile: that's the part I never get, either.
evile: Oh, here I go again with the snarky cattyness: Knighthorse is one of
several among the poly group whom I think "Gosh, if I was poly, I'd
totally love to get with him..." but never would, because of their
choice in other SOs.
SkyeDS: Mouser is free :)
SkyeDS: I get intellectual crushes on people I find fascinating, and
I'm afraid they get misconstrued as a desire to add someone to my
harem.
evile: Mouser is giving off some mega negative vibes these days. I
don't think I would care to follow him down the drain. But he's still
cute :)
SkyeDS: he did seem to radiate "down" last night
evile: I can't say I blame him for feeling bad. BUT I also don't see
him making much of an effort to get out of the hole, ya know?
SkyeDS: I don't know him well enough.
SkyeDS: and no point in making any attempt to spend more time with
him, because he doesn't like horses or birds, and I would be hard
pressed to find time outside of family right now
SkyeDS: not that he'd even want me to anyway
evile: He is too caught up in his own troubles to think about anybody
else, you included. that's not a reflection on you, thats' just how
it is right now.
evile: That's one of the 4 Agreements I've found most useful: Don't
Take Things Personally
SkyeDS: oh I don't take it personally
SkyeDS: just sayin, normally I would take some interest in cheering
him up
SkyeDS: but I'm not the person to do that right now
SkyeDS: I am not quite as bad about being miss fixit as I'm reputed
to be
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: not that I don't deserve some of that reputation, because I
do like to fix things
SkyeDS: I'm masculine in that way.
SkyeDS: what are the other three agmts btw? and where are they found?
evile: It's a book by Don Miguel Ruiz, "The Four Agreements"
evile: trying to find a short form online...hang on...
SkyeDS: I already lookin :)
SkyeDS: http://www.miguelruiz.com/agreements.html
evile: something like 1) be true to your word 2) do your best 3)
don't take things personally. and ....?
evile: Oh, there you go.
SkyeDS: those are very much in line with my covenants and tenets
SkyeDS: and the buddhist 8 (I think buddhist)?
evile: *nod* I think they're pretty universal.
SkyeDS: right speech
evile: yup
SkyeDS: thank you for what you said earlier. that means a lot.
evile: I'm glad. :)
SkyeDS: :D
evile: I know I tend to be perfectionistic and super-critical, but
that is like the wrongest way possible to deal with people, ya know?
evile: It's much more productive to see someone making an effort and
praise that, than to criticize mistakes.
SkyeDS: well I'm not an expert on the right way to deal with people,
so I don't know what I know, I know more what I don't know
evile: Nobody is perfect. I see you trying. I see you succeeding more
than you give yourself credit for.
SkyeDS: well I had a pretty good idea last night that the stove would
be hot and I should keep my fingers away, and I didn't, so I got
burned, and I will learn from it (or get burned yet again).
evile: *nod* but hopefully keep trying, yes?
SkyeDS: if you aren't going to try you might as well die.
evile: yup.
evile: And really, truly, there are a bunch of cool people out there
that would be good to get to know. Jerks, too...but *pfft* who cares
about them.
SkyeDS: the tall gentleman with short dark hair, glasses, and in
gray, was quite funny
SkyeDS: and is always nice to see onyxlynxx
evile: does funny accents & voices? That's oracle_tx.
SkyeDS: I truly value people who make me laugh
evile: He's a sweetie. A little backwards & socially retarded, but a
good-hearted person.
evile: Nice backrubs, too.
SkyeDS: backrubs are always a good thing
evile: sheenaqotj invited everyone she knows or thinks she knows to a
party next Fri. I saw oracle_tx was going, and I'd pretty much go just for
him if I didn't already have plans :)
SkyeDS: yep, interesting peeps
evile: she has lost a LOT of weight since I saw her at DAve & Lyn's
blue moon party
evile: (Dave is my 'secret crush' BTW)
SkyeDS: which one is he
evile: I was talking to him near the railing, towards the end of hte
evening. He looks a lot like David Bowie. Skates, writes, plays music
goes to hippie hollow, has a gorgeous wife & a great house & a
piano :)
evile: He had been gaming with the No Kidding folks.
SkyeDS: sounds good to me (but I'm biased ;)
evile: He is incredibly brilliant. And looks good nekkid, too. what
else could you possibly want in a guy :P
SkyeDS: I can't think of a thing
evile: I went through a short crush phase with him where all I could
do was stand there and grin at him like the village idiot.
evile: Thankfully I got over that.
evile: he has an LJ but hasnt updated
http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=chikuru
SkyeDS: I have a tendency to just watch people. Apparently so
intently that it makes them uncomfortable and give them the wrong
idea.
evile: hehe.
evile: Tomorrow is bellydancing at Casa de Luz.
evile: and the 1 year anniversary of my Essure. ;)
SkyeDS: I'm going to go home after work to pack for the weekend. I
don't know what he will do, I've told him he should do what he wants.
evile: *nod* reminds me, I should go get cash at the CU before it
closes at 2.
SkyeDS: you've only got an hour
evile: yup. BRB.
evile: back.
SkyeDS: you made it to the cu and back?
evile: yeah, it's on the 3rd floor.
SkyeDS: handy
evile: yup! except their hours are kinda sucky
evile: Oh, interesting, Tandeer got collared.
SkyeDS: pretty Tandeer of Tandeer and Joe?
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: wow, by whom?
SkyeDS: and is that going to interfere with her free exercise of
polyamory?
evile: She didn't say. Apparently we haven't met him yet.
evile: Doesn't look like it's gonna cramp her style any :)
SkyeDS: I'm sure she has it worked out to her satisfaction
evile: heh. yeah, that's Tandeer.
SkyeDS: being collared doesn't imply 24/7 TPE
evile: *nod* she says she's looking for a subbie of her own. :P
SkyeDS: I call myself a switch, and that's true from some
perspectives and not from others
SkyeDS: depends on whether you're talking strictly about sex or not
evile: *nod*
evile: Her post in the voyagers yahoo group sounded very happy. I'm
glad for her.
SkyeDS: :D
SkyeDS: I so enjoyed spending time with her when we were in Killeen
evile: She is a really neat person. Her husband is adorable & her son
is a fantastic writer & actor. She is another person I see as a role
model.
SkyeDS: good one
evile: I think so.
evile: She is very much her own person, does what she likes, says
what she thinks, but manages to also get along with people and be
well liked.
SkyeDS: very fine balance that
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: Ass-croft is talking about leaving
SkyeDS: I SO hope
evile: yay!
SkyeDS: I can tolerate Bush but Asscroft and Blofeld have to go.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: I did so good at not snarking in this one instance
SkyeDS: I was accused of using kaleon
evile: :) yay!
evile: when/where was this?
SkyeDS: and I did NOT respond, using you for what?
SkyeDS: you aren't good for anything and you have nothing that I want
evile: bi.zarre.
SkyeDS: see, I thought it, but I didn't put it into print :P
evile: good for you.
SkyeDS: I think maybe part of why I don't snark "out loud" is because
I don't really care for the repercussions
evile: yeah, that whole 'pick your battles' thing.
SkyeDS: you know Mark, from Drandmir right?
SkyeDS: I don't engage in banter with him because he makes me feel
virginal and embarasses the living shit out of me, in five minutes or
less
SkyeDS: not easy to do.
SkyeDS: but that's the reason I don't banter with him, and don't
snark out loud in general, because I don't like being in over my head
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: I know when I'm a minnow, and this minnow knows to stay out
of the shark/barracuda pond.
evile: *nod*
evile: Kili's not very predictable. When she's in the right mood, she
can be charming and lovely. But you never know what she's going to be
like from one encounter to the next.
SkyeDS: if I snark, that's inviting someone to snark back.
SkyeDS: which leaves me vulnerable to people who snark far better
than me.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: I can't stand the heat in that kitchen so I stays out
evile: makes sense.
evile: aha. I love journaling. Just dug up my first encounter with
Kili. I shoulda stuck with my first impression :P
SkyeDS: just added Bill Hicks :)
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: I don't think he was available in January
evile: "I am not sure why this person rubs me so wrong. It's not like
I don't
know all sorts of raving egomaniacs. And I am usually very
entertained by their antics."
evile: it's a free-form box, you can put whatever you want in
the 'interests' list.
evile: if you see something that isn't underlined in someone's
interest list, that means they're the only person on LJ who lists
that as an interest.
SkyeDS: I do a search and then look in the discography for what it
says yahoo's got
SkyeDS: added Hicks in launchcast
evile: Oh, added in Launchcast. I was thinking LJ. sorry!
SkyeDS: hehe
evile: I deleted 'anybody but bush again' and added 'bill hicks' in
my LJ interests list today, which is why my brain went there, I think.
SkyeDS: just want to crawl into the tub with dinner and take a nap
evile: *nod* sounds like a good evening :)
evile: found a picture of therealgalen. Not a good picture, but a
picture.
http://profiles.yahoo.com/therealgalen
SkyeDS: doc editing, slow
evile: *nod*
evile: Celtic festival is this weekend :) I hope I can get Sweetie away
from the Ghia for a while & go do that.
SkyeDS: I wanted to respond to lamb SO Bad
SkyeDS: but I'm not friended so I'll post it in mine
evile: I finally did. Ugh. My bad.
SkyeDS: maybe email her if I can find her email
evile: *sigh* it's not like Kerry was going to go sticking
coathangers up every pregnant woman in Amerikkka as sson as he got
sworn in or anything.
evile: I believe the quote ws something like "It's against my
personal and religious beliefs, but I will uphold hte law of the land
if elected"
SkyeDS: but she's justified in not wanting to be called names like
stupid and moron
evile: Shrub sure does have people snowed with his pious words.
Actions apparently count for nothing.
SkyeDS: I don't notice her calling Kerry supporters names
evile: Well, absolutely.
evile: I didn't notice anyone calling her personally names, either,
so whatever.
SkyeDS: no. but a great number of people have been calling bush
supporters in general moron, stupid, damn dumb, etc
SkyeDS: so I can understand her trepidation in posting what she did
evile: *nod* I posted a joke to Erinlefey's LJ to that effect.
SkyeDS: doubt she'll ever see what I said, oh well.
evile: It's just...appalling to see free women whose ancestresses
fought, suffered, were imprisoned, died for our freedoms...just
throwing them away.
SkyeDS: well, I do get tired of pro choice being equated with pro
abortion
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: just because I choose not to have one unless it's medically
necessary (as in my case it was)
SkyeDS: doesn't mean I'm going to force that on someone else
evile: exactly.
SkyeDS: but I do still think partial birth abortion is murder
evile: I think capital punishment is murder. I think war is murder.
But...sometimes you have to do these things for the greater good.
SkyeDS: I also think we shouldn't have pre emptively hit Iraq
evile: yup
SkyeDS: I think we should have hit Iraq AND 9 OTHER COUNTRIES on 9/12
SkyeDS: that would not have been pre emptive
SkyeDS: and the world could have fucked itself if it didn't like it,
but I doubt anyone would have said squat then
SkyeDS: err 8 other countries, 9 total
evile: Bush could have done so much with the world's goodwill after
9/11 but he pissed it away,s lapped all our well-wishers and
sympathizers in the face, and then shat on them.
SkyeDS: and there is no reason to personally attack me, call me
stupid or moron, because I'm a hawk
SkyeDS: or her because she's pro Bush
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and Chris Loy was absolutely disingenuous last night or she
genuinely is stupid
evile: I have no idea what incident you may be referring to?
SkyeDS: "no such thing as surgical tactical nukes"
SkyeDS: the hell there aren't.
evile: missed it.
SkyeDS: and besides that's nitpicking
SkyeDS: the larger point I was trying to make is, we should have
taken on 9 countries, not just iraq and afghanistan
SkyeDS: and we should have done it the day after
SkyeDS: it doesn't really matter to me whether we use nukes or not
evile: I wasn't within earshot, I don't have an opinion on her words.
SkyeDS: I think if anywhere is appropriate for small scale nukes, the
ME is it.
SkyeDS: I know there are those who thinks nukes are never appropriate
ever again, of any size
SkyeDS: fine, but don't fucking attack me
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: you see, in jumping on the first few words of what I
said..."I think we should have surgically, tactically nuked 9 ME
capitals--"
SkyeDS: they didn't hear the IMPORTANT part, which was, "on 9/12,
when t he world would have been on our side (or could have been
legitimately told to go fuck itself)
evile: Not really a good topic for dinner conversation with
starngers, anyway.
SkyeDS: they were already heatedly discussing iraq and I should have
stayed out
SkyeDS: I was trying to express that I agree, the war on iraq was the
wrong thing at the wrong time
SkyeDS: but having the opinion that there would have been a right
time and a right way to go after iraq among others
SkyeDS: was enough to merit an attack
evile: Oh well. If people are going to start topics like that in
mixed company, they should expect some debate.
SkyeDS: I'm sorry, but I do believe we needed to strike back after
9/11
SkyeDS: and I think a war on terror is as stupid as a war on drugs or
poverty
SkyeDS: and that's why Bush did that
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: so it would be neverending
SkyeDS: as opposed to a war on a list
evile: yup
SkyeDS: a list can be amended
SkyeDS: Al Quaeda, the Taliban, ANYONE who helps them
SkyeDS: specific.
SkyeDS: not an ism
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: I expressed that last night, or tried to
SkyeDS: and didn't get very far, because everyone was so incensed
that I believe in war at all for any reason
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: yes, I believe we should hit back when we've been hit in the
first place, and I'm not going to apologize for that belief. And I'm
not going to call names or ridicule or attack someone who thinks
otherwise and I'd preciate it if they extended me the same courtesy,
mkay? thanks please drive thru
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: but Bush, imho, did this to himself
SkyeDS: he had the capital to pursue what he wanted and he fucked up
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: so now he leaves himself open to difficult to answer
criticism from hard left doves.
evile: It's like me with being critical and negative--that is not
goign to change people's behavior or opinions favorably. Neither is
being hateful and calling names.
SkyeDS: had he used his capital say a week after 9/11, it would have
been political suicide for doves to criticize
SkyeDS: but it's like, the rules when I was growing up about hitting
back
evile: If you can educate me, provide facts I'd not known,
respectfully show me the other side of the debate, maybe I will
change my mind. But you're not changing anything by getting in my
face adn being nasty.
SkyeDS: I wasn't allowed to wait all day to hit him back if he hit me
first
SkyeDS: which he knew, and would hit me and then lock himself in his
room all day, keeping me from retaliating
SkyeDS: (once Stuart got physically bigger than me, which didn't take
long)
evile: Bush blew it big time. I'm disappointed he got another 4 years
to screw up some more. OTOH, he now has to clean up his own mess,
which is rather poetic justice.
SkyeDS: well, everyone is saying the Dem party is dead.
SkyeDS: I'm thinking it isn't.
SkyeDS: he's got four years with complete control of the Congress and
the SC
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: he better make good, or the Dems will take over all of it in
08
SkyeDS: behind Hildebeast.
SkyeDS: you KNOW she was the happiest person in the country yesterday.
SkyeDS: she even said publicly that Kerry should give up and told
Edwards to quit posturing
SkyeDS: she wants a clear shot in 08, and an incumbent Kerry ain't it.
evile: heh. Well, crap it's after 4! I gotta get a move on.
SkyeDS: wind to your wings :)
evile: *hugs* take care :)

 

 

Expand Messages

•  

 

evile: DOL is going to be in the office tomorrow & Friday...so I
won't be online much needless to say :P
SkyeDS: otay
evile: I might be tempted to say "Welcome to our Potempkin Village"
but I probably won't.
SkyeDS: lol
SkyeDS: news here isn't so hot at the moment either
evile: Bummer.
SkyeDS: the bank has lost every credit card transaction since midMarch
evile: Oh, that's ridiculous!!
SkyeDS: and Customer No Service told me that we were set up on the
wrong number with the wrong instructions
SkyeDS: to begin with
SkyeDS: I think Hugh is angry enough to have a heart attack or stroke.
evile: That is such BS!!
SkyeDS: I've got to figure out how to retrace whether or not we had
credit card transactions run in April.
SkyeDS: with it done over the phone, I have no paper trail.
evile: that sucks!!
SkyeDS: I hope I can keep his anger directed at them for this, and
not have it land on me when it occurs to him that I should be able to
just pull up and rerun old transactions (when I have no paper trail) -
ie blame me for not having a papertrail.
evile: *fingers crossed*
SkyeDS: I *think* there are only two clients that pay us with credit
card
SkyeDS: so it will just be a matter of looking back at their bills
alone
evile: That's not so bad, then...
SkyeDS: calling them, asking them to check to see if their accounts
show the transactions
SkyeDS: and saying, I'm sorry, I'll have to run them again
SkyeDS: I don't mind taking egg on my face for that, if it comes down
to it
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: but I can't be positive that those are the only two clients
that have paid by CC since midmarch.
evile: ack. What a mess.
SkyeDS: what this brings into sharp relief is that we do need a
papertrail system for keeping up with credit card payments
SkyeDS: rather than relying on the bank's phone system.
evile: *nods*
SkyeDS: and he isn't going to be happy when I point this out.
evile: nope...
SkyeDS: and it could be argued that I should have created such a
system without being told.
SkyeDS: rather than just accepting everything the bank gave us and
relying on their representations.
evile: true...but how were you supposed to know the bank was doing
crazy stuff?
SkyeDS: yes
SkyeDS: but it could still be argued that the remedy to their mistake
would be simple from our end
SkyeDS: if my recordkeeping, which I'm paid to do, had been better.
evile: I am just boggled that with all the records banks keep, your
transactions aren't SOMEWHERE. Online, or something, at least.
SkyeDS: the number and instructions they gave us are apparently for
approvals only but don't actually put the transactions through
evile: Old statements. Somewhere. They are supposed to be so
scrupulous about keeping their records straight. FDIC rules & that.
SkyeDS: but since I did put them in the system there should be a
record of them somewhere
SkyeDS: and the last two weren't recorded as even having gone through
the current phone line
SkyeDS: even though one of them I made with the assistance of an
operator.
evile: bizarre.
SkyeDS: in my own half ass defense I will say this.
SkyeDS: I have accepted the systems that have been in place here as I
found them
SkyeDS: and I probably in retrospect shouldn't have.
evile: *nods*
SkyeDS: the invoice system is such that, when an invoice is paid,
stamped paid, and moved from open to closed -
SkyeDS: half the time my predecessors seem to have written the date,
check number, etc, and half the time they didn't.
evile: Your boss doesn't seem to be very comfortable with changes,
though...so he might not have enjoyed you changing his system around.
SkyeDS: and there is no record of when they have been paid by CC.
SkyeDS: and so I have not religiously done this either.
SkyeDS: even though in the back of my head has been that I probably
should.
evile: *nods*
SkyeDS: and needless to say I will from now on, particularly with
CCs. With checks it's a nonissue because we file copies of the
checks in the client file before they go in the bank.
evile: right.
SkyeDS: I sent him off to lunch to decompress. I foresee a shouting
match with the bank when he gets back. Hopefully it won't direct at
me right afterward.
SkyeDS: <cringes>.
evile: yucko..
SkyeDS: the other point I might have to make, and it's lame too, is
this.
SkyeDS: half of these payments, he hands me a pink phone msg slip
with all the pertinent info scribbled on it.
evile: yup...
SkyeDS: and no, I don't keep those, after the damn system says, the
payment is good.
SkyeDS: maybe I should have
SkyeDS: but to me it is arguable that I should have known that.
evile: too late to start second guessing yourself now...just take
what you know and go forward...
SkyeDS: yep
SkyeDS: but there still remains the possibility of a beating over
past mistakes.
SkyeDS: oh well.
SkyeDS: yes, I saw a flawed system, and yes, I should have not just
accepted it, and corrected it myself without the need to be told. So
I will accept the buck for that one. And hope it doesn't cost me my
head.
evile: Maybe time to start putting together ideas for a new tracking
system now...to have a little armor just in case boss man starts
yelling.
SkyeDS: oh yeah. new tracking system already in place as far as I'm
concerned. Double edged.
evile: "Okay, the old system failed, here is a list of ideas for
procedures we can implement to keep this from happening again."
SkyeDS: I'm going to save every piece of pink msg paper he scribbles
on, and put them in the client files, as well as hand copying the
info to the invoices when I close them.
SkyeDS: nods, and hope he doesn't think too closely on me being to
blame for there not already being a new system.
evile: *shrug* as far as anybody knew there wasn't anything wrong
with the old one...
evile: If you are driving a car that is running perfectly fine and
the transmission then blows up..should you have bought a new car a
week ago?
SkyeDS: is not quite the same but point taken.
evile: Nevermind that you're stranded 50) miles between El Paso and
Hell, there's still no way you could have known it was going to
happen..
SkyeDS: it's just that every time I open the closed invoices to put
another one in there, I think, you know, every one of them should
have written the check numbers or credit card information on there.
SkyeDS: and I didn't do it, because it hadn't been consistently done
before, even though I thought to myself, well, it should have been.
evile: I am sure you had other things Hugh had indicated as
priorities...
evile: Current crises always take precedence over cleaning up old
stuff...at least in my humble office & clerical experiences.
SkyeDS: nods
evile: Hopefully it will be obvious that berating you isn't going to
fix anything, you can say "mistakes were made and now let's fix them"
and move on..
SkyeDS: I went in there to find him already in process of making me a
credit card payment log copied from the mail log
SkyeDS: and told him, oh, ok, I was going to do that, but thank you :)
evile: good.
SkyeDS: I guess a different perspective is, well, yes, it should
have, would have, could have occurred to me, but then, it also
shoulda coulda woulda occurred to him too.
evile: yup. And he's not a fan of change, so unless he'd bitched
about it, I wouldn't have just arbitrarily started changing things.
SkyeDS: he wouldn't have noticed if I'd started keeping additional
logs or writing info on closed invoices though.
evile: right.
SkyeDS: it's something I could do without asking him to do anything
additional.
SkyeDS: could have already done, rather.
evile: yup. oh well. from this day on, you'll know better than to
trust the banks records & keep your own.
SkyeDS: I hope the bank steps up to bat like right after the noon hour
evile: that would be good
SkyeDS: "Hugh is going to shoot you in the face with a bazooka. And
I'm not going to stop him this time.".
SkyeDS: filked from "sineater is going to...."...which is filked from
Cosby's Himself ~ "Your father is going to..."
SkyeDS: I'm an unabashed thief.
evile: hehe
SkyeDS: I have decided to spend my birthday by myself
SkyeDS: if I don't invite people and they don't show I will be less
let down than if I issue a general invite and end up by myself anyway
evile: Oh. Okay then.
SkyeDS: although, since Randy now has a new trailer, I will tell him
I'm goin and ask them if they want to go
SkyeDS: you of course are always welcome but you don't need
an "invite".
SkyeDS: I am still pondering whether I want to spend one night or two.
evile: it's a bit of a drive for just one night, looks like.
SkyeDS: ok, now I think my foot is in it. when I said, I'm not
issuing invites -- I meant to the groups I belong to, HFS, SCA, etc
evile: aha.
SkyeDS: I didn't mean I was disinviting you
evile: You could still evite or email individuals.
SkyeDS: I think I'm going to shut up now <sigh>
SkyeDS: anywho, if you like, I could pick you and your stuff up on
Friday on my way home from work, whether I end up spending one night
or two.
evile: Ther'es a Voyagers party the 5th, too....and AKon. So...lots
of stuff. (and not very much $.) Hopefully I'll get something sussed
out soon.
SkyeDS: nods
SkyeDS: I think I'm having a palomino day.
SkyeDS: palomino days are akin to blonde moments
evile: aha. I figured.
SkyeDS: blonde all over, all day long, as opposed to blonde for a
moment
evile: It happens. I spent half the morning thinking it was Thursday
& dreading DOL, then realized that's not till tomorrow!
SkyeDS: I coined it for Mirage...I thought it was funny.
SkyeDS: I've had a problem keeping my days straight this week too.
evile: heh. It is :)
SkyeDS: I had a hard time remembering whether yesterday was Tuesday
or Wednesday, and then today too.
evile: Just not so much when it's happenig to you :P
SkyeDS: I also forgot when I was doing my makeup time yesterday that
I only had two hours to make up and not four, like usual
SkyeDS: so I stayed an hour where I had originally thought to stay
half
evile: Maybe there's something in the air or the stars or something
today. :P
SkyeDS: but what I'm going to do is stay another hour today, and not
have makeup time left on Thu or Fri
SkyeDS: and that works too
SkyeDS: it does sound contagious doesn't it.
evile: Nice to have 'short' days on thursday & Friday
SkyeDS: I can't remember the last time I worked a full eight hours on
Monday
SkyeDS: certainly not in the last past month
SkyeDS: so I'm always having to make up monday hours the rest of the
week
evile: Nice that your boss lets you do that, though...
SkyeDS: yep. it was his preference that I be an independent
contractor, so that he doesn't have payroll taxes on me.
SkyeDS: and then that creates all sorts of freedoms on my side, so
that I truly am an IC according to the IRS>
evile: that seems like a real win-win.
SkyeDS: there are 20 different tests, I researched all of them and
put in language for every single last one in my IC Agmt.
evile: wow.
SkyeDS: yours truly is nothing if not thorough when it comes to my
research and my writing.
evile: yup!
SkyeDS: would be a nice job
SkyeDS: just doing research for authors
SkyeDS: and grad students, or whatever
evile: Yeah. That's J-Law's favorite part of her job,too.
evile: I'm too easily distracted to be a good researcher
SkyeDS: really? you don't strike me as being nearly as easily
distracted as I am, in general
SkyeDS: although it isn't easy to distract me when I'm on a
particular mission
SkyeDS: just when I'm not.
evile: heh. I am good at faking like I'm studious & such
SkyeDS: I'm not as airheaded as people think given my astrology
evile: astrology sin't everything..
SkyeDS: but I notice the older I get, t he more airheaded I get
evile: yeah...
evile: I was a lot more Taurean as a child, becoming more of the
typical Gemini flake as I get older.
SkyeDS: it may be that all my earth signs keep me from being as much
of a flake as the typical gem sun & moon would be
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: because I have rising, merc, saturn in taurus
SkyeDS: merc & saturn both in taurus conjunct are good so it is said
for research
evile: astrology, like palms, is just 'tendancies'...which are
tempered by environment & people around you.
SkyeDS: makes one stubborn in a bloodhound sort of way (bloodhound =
atty term)
evile: heh
SkyeDS: I am not a balanced person astrologically at all. Four in
air, four in earth, three in water, and no fire.
evile: I don't think I am either. Been a while since I looked.
SkyeDS: I had a rather interesting research experiment type situation
happen to me when I was werkin fer Miz Cleo
SkyeDS: I was on the phone for two straight hours with this woman
SkyeDS: trying to figure out how she had gotten to such a miserable
place in life, and how to get her back to a happy place
evile: ugh
SkyeDS: and astrology was very useful in that instance, because the
problem was, she had completely lost who she was
SkyeDS: in making herself who someone else wanted her to be
evile: pisces?
SkyeDS: and could not answer the questions, "who are you, what would
make you happy" at *all*
SkyeDS: yes.
SkyeDS: remade by an Aries. for 20 years.
evile: ick.
SkyeDS: it was like....reconstructive surgery on the soul.
evile: wow...
SkyeDS: one of the few times, I logged off after only two hours
(spent with just one person) and had to take a bath and have a glass
of wine to settle my stomach
evile: that's tough.
SkyeDS: usually tough stuff involved kidnapped kids, had that happen
a few times
evile: I could not deal with that....
SkyeDS: most of it is love & money. When do I get laid, when do I
get paid. To paint with perhaps an overly broad and general
brushstroke.
evile: heh.
evile: Met a 24/7 dpe Domme & sub last night at dinner. That
was...interesting.
evile: oops Tpe
SkyeDS: I bet
evile: bizarre. apparently they have a macaw too. WTf. :P
SkyeDS: really? what kind?
evile: dunno. her profile just says 'macaw'
evile: not sure how TPE and poly would really go together...but OK...
SkyeDS: it's common
SkyeDS: the master is poly
SkyeDS: the slave is not
evile: hm.
SkyeDS: and the slave sleeps with whomever else the master gives to
evile: I was just thinking in terms of time constraints. ..
SkyeDS: I wouldn't know about that aspect, never been there done that
and don't want to
evile: well, apparently these two do OK, they seemed happy & such.
very self-contained, though. In a group, it was still very obvious
that they were together/bound in some way. Went rooting around LJ
today & figured out who they were....
SkyeDS: tpe is special. not for everybody. not for most.
evile: so I gather.
evile: BRB, I need to check L&B's po box. No worries if you need to
get gone between now/then to work on stuff w/bank/CC/boss. :)
SkyeDS: tay
evile: I'm back. it's HOT out there. ick!
SkyeDS: yesterday looked like our ac at work was having a hard time
keeping up
evile: ooh, not good.
SkyeDS: better today so far
evile: I don't think it's as humid today.
evile: I still need to get Aunt L her lottery ticket, but I didn't have
a long enough break time to do both PO box and lottery ticket. I can
get lotto stuff anywhere, after work I guess.
SkyeDS: nods
evile: I wonder if I will have my tent back by the 4th if I loan it
to Galenn & household for this weekend....maybe I should not have
offered...
SkyeDS: I have a tent
SkyeDS: the old one
evile: ahem.
SkyeDS: my thought was you could loan my old tent
SkyeDS: instead of yours
SkyeDS: it isn't going to rain this weekend
evile: I never trust the weather.
evile: Tavalon is very organized & compulsive about things, so
hopefully that means if I loan them something it will come back
quickly
SkyeDS: nods
SkyeDS: Daddy said the old tent might not be in bad shape, as hard as
it was raining most tents would have leaked
SkyeDS: I don't know
evile: Me either. The tent that we ruined at e. rock wasn't that old.
evile: It ended up being a good excuse to upgrade from a '4 man'
to '6 man' tent.
SkyeDS: I saw an interesting critter when I went to buy our 12 x 16
SkyeDS: it was three dome tents that set up separately and then
connect with a habitrail
evile: that's cool.
SkyeDS: it was 20 more
SkyeDS: I thought about it, and then thought, if I give the boys
three tents to set up instead of one, that will not be popular
evile: heh
SkyeDS: but it looked neat
SkyeDS: 88 bucks for what constitutes 3 cabin tent that could be 3
separate tents if needed
evile: could definitely come in handy...
evile: When we camped with folks at TRF, some of them had a tent
specifically just for garb & dressing. Guys & gals took turns using
it.
SkyeDS: nods
SkyeDS: was thinkin with that 3 tent set up arthur could have his own
space
SkyeDS: but he wouldn't like that
evile: Might be OK if he coudl still hear you. otherwise, beware the
screech-fest...
SkyeDS: it is interesting to look at. a 3 earth pimple habitrail :)
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: also looked into truck tents but they were costly and I don't
want to unhitch trailer
evile: yeah. more trouble than it's worth
evile: The DOL lady is going to get an eyeful, even if we look busy
tomorrow & Friday--Tomorrow's a big fatass luncheon for my unit's May
Bdays, Friday's a big fatass pizza lunch for the Dept.
SkyeDS: lol
evile: *sigh* Oh well.
SkyeDS: yawn
evile: me too, man. I've been ready for my nap allll day!
SkyeDS: bank just now called back
SkyeDS: has no clue what's going on
SkyeDS: has to look into it.
evile: ARGH!
evile: I guess you'll have to work your way up the bank foodchain,
chewing asses every step of the way. How hassley.
SkyeDS: not a tasty prospect
evile: no indeed.
evile: Well, time for me to put paper here & there...& get Aunt L's
lotto #'s
SkyeDS: wind to your wings
evile: *hugs* Good luck with the bank!
SkyeDS: hugs