evile

Age: 53. will be 54 in May

Hair color: natural: dark brown going silver, dyed fading Dragon Fuschia. I tried growing it out to the natural mostly gray/silver but I got antsy and colored it again. I could probably deal with it fine *if* I didn't have to deal with the awkward in between color phase. bleh.Or maybe not. I'm being more vain and silly about getting older than I thought I'd be.

Home: 1725 square foot single family single story in the University Hills area of Austin, TX. Owned free and clear, but property taxes are a bitch. My brother A lives in the master bedroom that we converted to a semi private apartment (still has door inside but also has exterior door)

Married: yep. still married, 5 years in August. Thax is a patient and good man

Other relationships: not really...I'm becoming a hermit

Pets: 3 dogs. Boba - Black Basset-Lab mix, 60 lbs (8yrs or so) Sunny - white with cream spots rough terrier mix, 20 lbs (4) Pepita - brown and white short haired chihua/rat terrier mix 11 lbs (also about 4)

Health - good. I tripped and fell Xmas night and hurt my ankle, but it's getting better quickly. Which is good because I'm overly dramatic and freaked out by not being able to walk.

Weight - bleh. 250 ish lbs, size 20. Not pretty to look at but blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, etc. are all in the healthy range

Meds - still taking 1 mg oral estrogen / RX. GP/Primary Dr would like me to quit due to risk of breast cancer but hasn't offered any alternative for preventing night sweats. Endocrinologist who prescribed them hasn't raised any concerns. Various multivitamins and supplements erratically. Amla is the best anti inflammatory I've found.

Other body/health: I discovered red light therapy bed in 2023 and got a membership at tan etc to go on a regular basis but between this and that and the other I haven't gone as often as I'd like, however, red light is also a good thing. I'm walking the dogs twice a day morning and evening, I have an under desk elliptical machine that I use for a couple miles a day, and I have a foot and leg massage machine that gets a lot of use.

Finances - pretty good. I'm working full time from home making more than I made at the state. It's a staffing agency so no benefits but the pay is real nice. Health insurance through Thax' work will be kicking in Feb. No debts. End of year property tax payment was paid by me straight from my bank account, 'cash' but it's left me feeling a little skint' I'll be alright, it's just a little painful to part with that much cash all at once. I'm able to buy groceries, pay vet bills, have a somewhat alarming Amazon.com habit, pay house and car insurance, pay for mine and Thax's cell phones, all in cash, no debt. So that's nice.

daily life - up at 730, wash up, walk dogs, get breakfast and coffee, work in my work/computer room, finish up, walk dogs, make supper at home (Monday - Friday, weekends we do take out or leftovers) , TV/computer/read, bed

reading: currently re reading John Varley's Titan/Wizard/Demon trilogy. It's cheezy and wierd but for some reason I always enjoy immersing myself in that world for a bit. I used to love re-reading the Pern books but the sexist, classist, homophobic undertones eventually just ruined the stories for me. And then it turns out that Anne McCaffrey is problematic. And of course I can't re-read Marion Zimmer Bradley anymore after the revelations about her child abuse, even though Mists of Avalon was such an important part of my childhood/young adulthood. I'm still not sure exactly where I stand or sit on the 'artist vs art' debate and whether a thing can be enjoyed on its own merits or if we have to hate it because the person who created it is garbage. I dunno. I can't listen to Michael Jackson anymore either. There are some old sexist writers and books that I can still take for products of their time and enjoy anyway (Heinlein, Ellison, Updike) . Oh, and i can't read Handmaids Tale anymore, though it used to be a favorite re-read. Too prescient. Apparently. Anyhoo....blather blather bla bla, onward.

I've noticed, reading back over my old journals and such, that what I'm obsessing over in the minute is not what I am interested in reading about years later. Like, what was my daily life, what did I eat and drink, who did I hang out with, what did I do for fun...so I'm trying to give a snapshot that might be more interesting to future-me.

Annnnyhoo, I went thru Google Photos and made a 'year in review' animation. 2023 was a hell of a year.

January we went to the Glass Coffin for an event & saw Paranormal Cirque with Sue, AKA "Calamity Jane" from Unobtanium. She's awesome. Scare for a Cure volunteer for many years, Daschund rescue activist, costumer, just awesome.

February we had an ice storm and we took in a stray dog for a few hours until we could find and return her to her owner. My brother A really wanted to keep her. She was a beautiful dog, very calm for a husky.

March was Bluebonnet pictures --it was a great year for bluebonnets. I always forget how they smell until I'm in a field of them again.

April we went to Galveston and took an 80's cruise with my cousin Weez and her husband and our friend Tink. I had hoped to entice more friends to come, the theme was perfect, but the timing was off and/or I am not the Queen of the Geek Cruise group so no one wanted to 'follow' me and be disloyal to the main cruise planner person and her favored cruise line, Carnival. Princess cruise line so far has the best bedding, and it's really nice to wake up to sunrise outside your balcony, and not actually get up out of bed or do anything, just enjoy the light and the comfortable pillows

May was my birthday and a rather cool, green and pleasant month for TX. Though we had months of miserable 100+ degrees and no rain, it seems the spring stayed cooler for longer so that was nice.

In June our neighbor Michael died unexpectedly. Sadly, this was his husband Charlie's second loss of a spouse. I didn't pry but I gathered that his first husband died during the AIDS crisis. So sad. Charlie's mom also died a few weeks before Michael did. Charlie wasn't close to his mom but it's a lot to deal with. He's still struggling. We try to be helpful and reach out but of the two he was always the workaholic curmudgeon while Michael was out watering his plants and spreading the neighborhood gossip.

We briefly fostered an 8 month old hound (beagle?) puppy we called 'Sploooty' but the people who adopted her named her "Charlie" to go along with their 8 month old pup "Frito". She was sweet and snuggly and full of energy, she even wore Sunny out with all the nonstop playing. Getting up every 2-3 hours for potty training was not my thing, and though I loved her dearly I'm glad we found her a better home.

In July we visited family in Oklahoma and Indiana while Thax was between jobs. We saw Eureka Springs and Hot Springs, both beautiful places. My cousin Weez and her husband joined us for the couple of days we spent in Eureka Springs. So fun. Had a good visit with the Indiana family, including my stepdad G who intended to retire end of August. I am so glad and grateful we spent some time with him.

When we came back, we ended up with another dog. Someone threw her out of a vehicle near our house and the person walking by who saw it ran to our house for help. So now we have Pepita. She's a lot of personality in a little package, but she is mostly a love.

August 1, we celebrated 5 years married. End of August, I got a call from my sister H that stepdad G was having some medical issues. Beginning of September, I flew up and held down the fort at Mom and G's house while we did what we could for G & Mom. Thanks to telework, I was able to keep my contractor job which gave me something to do in between the sad stuff. We managed to do some fun stuff too, including a little renfaire out in the middle of nowhere, Indiana. Super cute and fun. Greg declined very quickly and his son Sineater came up to be with him, too. Sineater and I had not been on speaking terms for quite some time, so it was a bittersweet reunion. I am grateful for the time we got. G. passed Sept 27. October, Thax made a new scarecrow prop for Halloween and we passed out candy to Trick-or-Treaters. My brother A treated us to the House of Torment, where we enjoyed strange drinks in the secret drink room of one of the haunted houses. There was a dog halloween party at the dog park in our neighborhood but due to weather it was just us and Flavio's "other couple" friends & their dog Aubrey. We still had fun.

November was a quiet Thanksgiving at Aunt L & Uncle B's . Pepita had dental surgery and lost 9 teeth, 8 of them right up front. Went back to Greencastle for G's memorial 'celebration of life' at his workplace. it was good, sad. His brother B came up, and my stepbro sineater, and my friend J-Law and her husband, and many of my sister H's friends, who remembered our house as a place that was accepting and safe and good and fun for them growing up (small town, religious, homophobic, many of H's friends are gay) I'm so glad that Mom and G were there for H and her friends. Then there was a get together at Moore's bar after the work event where i got to sit and visit with J-Law for a while and then I walked them back to their b&b and went home for yet another get together at Mom and G's house where we [much smaller group of mostly H and her friends, me and my brother A and Sineater] played cards and laughed and shared more memories. One of the people who came to everything was a radio/tv engineer that G had met when he was in high school and mentored over the years. He fit right in with all of G's other 'adopted kids' and we had a great time playing games and giving each other a hard time, just like regular siblings. At one point he accidentally spilled his glass of wine into my lap and it was hilarious. It was so good to fill the house with laughter (and spilled wine) and fun one last time. That's how I want to remember that house and our family.

And in December, we saw the 37th St lights with a couple of friends [they had the street closed off and some fire performers took the opportunity to do a fire show in the middle of the street each night! Awesome!] & did a quick trip over the long Christmas weekend to Port A for dolphins and ocean and sand. New Years Eve, Thax went to a party for a couple hours while I stayed home with the dogs. Boba got some CBD and blessedly slept through most of the fireworks and other pop-pops outside. And here we are, it's a New year.

Happy 2024. Don't forget to vote!

I dreamed that I was in a new body. It was young, thin, female/androgynous, had a 6 pack but also these weird sort of marks up and down the torso where it possibly had been attached to a machine. I looked very closely at the face in the mirror...it was sort of me-ish, but ....not. Like kind of an anime chibi wierd washed out one dimensional version of my face. No scars or freckles or wrinkles or marks of any kind....just.....plain. But me in some way.

Then I was at a football game (Oklahoma vs tx? oklahoma, definitely. The fans were supposed to make the OK sign with their hands and I didn't want to because it's a white supremacist hand sign) with my family (including my stepdad G, who was maybe doing audio/video tech for the people covering the game for the news) J-Law and we were stalking this actor couple that was a RL couple that had played a fictional mom and dad in some 80s sitcom. The man of the couple got mad at us and I was saying something about how we thought we knew them because we'd grown up watching them on TV and they didn't know us so that's why the stalking felt weird to them but not to us. Which is so, so great of an excuse for stalking people, amirite? Jeesuz, dream-brain, could you be any creepier??

I wish I was better with 2nd chances, both giving and receiving of them... but I usually just put up with whatever unpleasantness until it finally scrapes my last nerve raw, then *kaboom*, everything is all over with, forever. I don't necessarily like that about myself.

A lot of times it seems people are genuinely surprised and shocked when I finally lose my shit. It's like they've been standing on my toes for 10 years and I finally yell "HEY GET OFF MY TOES!"...so, really, my fault for not recognizing that I'm being violated as soon as it happens the first time and enforcing the boundary politely and calmly the very first time it's violated.

Instead, I let things slide too far and by the time I finally do say something, I'm too angry and in pain to create a situation where we can talk things thru and come to an understanding. it's like...10 years of stomping on me is enough, fuck off. And they may not have realized that they were stomping, they may not have realized I was not OK with stomping, hell, they might have even thought I liked the stomping. So it's not entirely other peoples' fault when this kind of thing eventually goes down.

in more specific examples,

J Law and I had a disagreement in college over something dumb that I don't even remember. We didn't speak until, like, a year later, we both signed up for the same fitness class, and since we were pretty much the only women in the class, and at a similar fitness level, we got partnered up, and eventually started talking again and have maintained our friendship ever since.

there's X. She and I had a falling-out when we were teenagers that we eventually got over (after awhile of not speaking)...but then when we were 34, there was a huge falling out, which left me emotionally devastated and still riddled with bugaboos. So maybe we should have just left it at the verbal/physical slap match at age 17 and not gotten back together after that.

There's my ex. I let things slide with him for a long time, but eventually when he was rude to my stepdad, that was enough, and there were no more second/third/300th chances. OTOH, he did not ever care when I told him what was wrong, what I needed, what I wanted him to do, why I was upset with him, etc. so there was never a situation with him where I said "you did this and it offended me" and he said "Oh, I was not intending to offend you," and we tried again...It was just like I got tired of speaking to a brick wall. All the 2nd chances were internal and he didn't give a shit.

There's my stepbrother, sineater, who takes offense to something I say or do, lets me have it and then gives me the silent treatment until something happens to put us in the same place at the same time. We can manage politeness but I don't think there will ever be more to it than that. He doesn't want to listen to me and apparently I don't want to listen to him, either (mostly because I don't really care to hear what an awful person I am and how everything is all my fault)...so that'll never get fixed. But I'd still be willing to try, if he ever was.

There's my brother A, who at The Rubber Pig's urging/brainwashing, disowned the entire family. Kicked me out of his life with a nasty phone answering machine message that said a bunch of ugly things and bla bla. I doubt we'd have reconciled if he'd stayed with her; but him being locked away from her, and me only able to write to him at first...I was able to write everything out, and he was able to write back and now we are pretty solid.

For me, I guess family gets infinite chances, and they can beat me up as much as they want and I'll come crawling back for more abuse as soon as they indicate that they're willing to speak to me again, and I'm not allowed to have preferences or opinions that are different than theirs, because if I do, then I'm a bad person, and I get beat up and excluded again.

Friends I can be more discriminating, and in general, once I kick a friend to the curb, or a friend kicks me to the curb, that's pretty much it, with the exception of J-Law.

I guess the important thing with J Law is that we actually TALKED, and demonstrated to each other that we were willing to try harder and do better and grow the hell up. So if that could happen with me and anyone, it could probably end up as a 2nd chance. But if all someone wants is the gravy train, a punching bag, a wallet, or an emotional dump heap, I can only deal with that for so long, and then I don't allow it anymore.

Current Mood: blah
Current Location: home

from

rkentspeth &

oracle_tx

1. If you woke up naked next to the last person you texted what would your reaction be? ( Read more... )

Current Mood: calm
Current Location: work

Well, my friend J-Law helped me figure out the latest madness. He pulled me close only to push me away again, reject me, denounce me in public, and thus prove loyalty to someone else.

So...basically, someone manufactured a no-win situation with me in order to buy a few more days(? weeks? months? years?) of peace at home. Hope it was worth the cost. I won't be playing this game with him again, now that I understand the rules.

from: http://www.authorsden.com/SampleWorksPDF/7246.doc

"We have a saying around my house which is that a narcissist will put you through a series of increasingly difficult (and more ludicrous) tests in order to get you to prove loyalty to them. If you manage to pass all of these ridiculous tests, you are rewarded for your considerable effort with the right to worship the narcissist. I don't know about anyone else, but I've got other plans."

Ohyeah? and about this?

"I have never publicly attacked her, lied about her, used her as a bad example, slagged her, put her down, talked about her behind her back, attempted to ruin her reputation, however you wish to describe it, or encouraged other people to do so..."

?

Well, looks to me like you just did, Ace. (and I really don't believe this is the first time, either.) Good luck feeding the narcissistic supply in the future.

http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/

http://www.narcissism.operationdoubles.com/perplexingbehaviornarcissism.htm

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Enigma Of The Absolute, Dead Can Dance

8 Nov. 6:24 am

Hey, babe! How's your Tuesday going?

[G/ dad] called sineater, he feels reassured about the procedure. Apparently
UB told me it was more serious than it actually was. That, or sineater
downplayed it so as not to worry his dad. Either way I end up looking
like a hysterical troublemaker. UB wins again. I hate being
manipulated by her...hate it. On the plus side, sineater called to tell
me he was going to be fine and he loved me and wasn't 'really' mad at
me just a little annoyed, but didn't want to talk about it in
specifics because he didn't have time and didn't want to upset me
because I make things bigger than they have to be or get upset more
than I should about things, or some crap like that. It was wierd. But
I'm glad he called me. And it was good to hear him say he loves me.

Oh well. Krav Maga was good, but too easy. There were only 3 of us,
and one guy was fairly new, so I guess we were going at his speed. I
felt pretty good about practicing basics. I think [Cousin B] was frustrated
at not getting to knock the snot out of something. We had a good
class and good talk before and after. I told him I love him and I
care about him, and I'm sorry if that makes me come across as a bitch
sometimes, and that I didn't mean to hurt his feelings, and he said
it was no problem (not the most satisfying answer, to be sure,
but ...) and we agreed that as long as we keep talking and listening
to each other, everything will work out.

So I'm starting Tuesday feeling pretty good. At peace with my loved
ones. That feels good.

7 Nov. 10:34 am

E wrote:

> How was your weekend?
>
> I had a dream/nightmare about getting married Friday
> night. I even had a date--June 16. I was talking
> with
> Tina about putting these little horrible
> plastic-glittery-gauzey red and blue rosette things
> in
> my hair. Horrible.
>
> I recolored my hair Friday evening, so maybe that
> triggered it.
>
> Saturday [Cousin B] and I had a tiff. I shared my concerns
> that I didn't think he was learning anything by
> being
> suspended 1.5 days, getting presents and concert
> tickets, being allowed to go out with friends the
> same
> weekend of the occurrence, and to top it off, his
> classmates treated him like a returning hero (his
> words) when he came back from his suspension. I told
> him I didn't want him to become a worthless brat
> like
> others in our family I could name. He told me I was
> being condescending, and I was NEVER to use the
> words
> "hope you learned your lesson" and that whether or
> not
> he became a brat was his business and his problem.
> His tone of voice and choice of words were so [brother A]
> it
> was chilling and heartbreaking. And then he turned
> me
> down flat for a concert that evening, the celtic
> festival that afternoon, and even brunch/lunch after
> class--and he's ALWAYS hungry after class.
>
> Krav class sucked, too. I was too weak and clumsy to
> keep up with the class so the instructor kept coming
> over and showing me different ways to do stuff. It
> was
> humiliating.
>
> BUT, I went to the celtic festival and saw my
> friends
> who had booths there, heard some great music, had a
> Harp, wandered around and people-watched, so the
> weekend wasn't a complete loss.
>
> *sigh* Just mostly.
>
> ANYWAY, I hope you had a nice, calm, relaxing
> sweetie-weekend.
>
> Love ya, babe.
>
>

===============

--- J-Law wrote:

*hugs*

I am sorry about your weekend; I am glad you rescued
it a bit, though. The Celtic fair sounds fun.

I think [Cousin B] will come around. You two are very
close, and it seems like he does trust and admire
you. This might just be a little rebellion thing he
had to get out of his system, and things will go
back to normal in a few days. Maybe let things
cool off this week, and touch base casually on
Friday or over the weekend?

Weird dream! I can't believe you are having wedding
nightmares, too!!!!!!!!

Our weekend was pretty good. Very quiet and low
key. It was nice doing nothing for a change. :)
Unfortunately, I slept badly last night and today is
shaping up to be crazy. On top of the work stuff, I
have to go in for an eye exam today. My last pair
of contacts ripped on Friday and I need new ones in
time for our Napa trip next Saturday. The last
thing I need right now is a big expense, but it has
to be done.... and I can't go to Napa in dorky
glasses. I look like a total spack right now. :)

We watched a buncha movies - if you haven't seen it
already, get Ghost World (2001) with Scarlett
Johansson and Thora Birch. Not a happy movie, but
it has some absolutely hilarious moments, and
excellent acting from everyone.

Oh, I got the recipe thing in the mail - thank
you!!! I am going to try to come up with one for
Thanksgiving. I will let you know how it goes.

LOVE YOU!!!

J-Law

==============

I was just really...stunned...by how much [Cousin B] hurt my feelings, and
that 'channeling [brother A]' thing just...whoa.

Unfo, we have Krav Maga classes scheduled all week, so we have to
spend time whether we're mad at each other or not...really, I am not
mad, just hurt and worried. And I'm sure, intellectually, that he
struck out at me so hard because I really hurt him, too. *sigh*

Please shoot me if I ever decide to put red and blue plastic rosettes
in my hair for a wedding. SO TACKY. I am still shuddering from that
dream.

I'm glad you had a good weeknd, sounds like you needed it.

At least being crazy busy at work will help the time pass. :)

Love ya!

Oct. 28, 2005

Date: Fri, 28 Oct 2005 10:27:12 -0700 (PDT)

To: "J-Law”

People ar fuckin' with me today.

sineater is apparently mad at me for something UB's ex
posted in LJ (CRAZY!!!!!!)

Mom emailed me and talked about what [the rubber pig]'s youngest
baby looks like, just like [brother A], bla bla, and I once
again had to put my foot down and tell her that I am
sorry, but I just don't want to hear anything about
[brother A] and [the rubber pig] & the kids. All I do is say and think
negative things, and all that does is hurt her
feelings, so can we please just not fuckin' talk about
it anymore???

UGH.

She also sent me part of a play she's writing and
wants me to spice it up with 'gothic romance' type
wording...I dont' read those, I have no clue.

Also she's still pestering about French cusses.

*sigh*

And I am having phone duty from HELL. Thank goddess
I'm leaving at 2 today, I can't take this crap.

Oct. 27, 2005

J-Law wrote:

> Well. The week is almost over. Yay. It's been a
> busy one over here. I am looking forward to the
> weekend. I've got this bay cruise thing with my mom
> on Saturday; Shane's going to hang out at my place
> with Pepper, and Sunday we will probably stick close
> to home.
>
> My day started off pretty good - Noah's had my
> favorite bagel (cranberyy orange), and when I got to
> the office, there was a little ceramic jar on my
> desk filled with halloween goodies. :)
>
> *sigh* I've got a meeting at 9, then a conference
> call and hopefully, after that, things will be
> smooth sailing.
>
> Hope your day goes well!!!!
>
> HUGS,
>
> J-Law
>
>
>
> ______________________________
>
> J-Law and Shane have a blog! Check out:
> http://sjwa.blogspot.com

Bay Cruise, eh? Tell me how that is.

Norwegian cruise lines does a quickie (3 days, I think) from SF to
Vancouver, maybe we could do that for your bachelorette party. I'm
still cool with Vegas over Mem. day weekend, too. Whatever! :) I
found some funny party stuff at the Party Pig for bachelorette
parties..but I'm not telling you anything else about it!

Ugh, I'm SO ready for the weekend. Tonight is fajita night with [aunt L],
Sweetie, [Cousin B] and [aunt L]'s brother in law, [uncle B]'s brother Jim, who is a
priest. Jim has really gross table manners and almost never talks. I
really hope I don't get stuck sharing fajitas for 2 with him...I
couldn't take touching tortillas or other food after he'd put his
hands on it.

Tomorrow is an evening w/Elena. We're doing early voting (No on Prop
2 - the anti gay marriage amendment!) and then going to a play based
on the life of Elizabeth Bathory, and then to some Halloween party
she was telling me about. I already have a man, so I shouldn't care
about playing the role of fat girlfriend/cockblocker for little
skinny pretty corseted Elena, but I'm already feeling depressed &
sorry for myself about it. Stupid. I know.

Last night was Krav Maga, I am bruised and sore. We didn't warm up,
stretch or cool down. My entire right leg is in pain--calf and
hamstring especially. Owie.

Oh well...I have to have the mindset that if I'm ever attacked in RL,
my attacker won't care that I'm not warmed up, I've got a sore leg or
that (s)he's bruising me...so I need to just suck it up and work thru
the pain. And, it's good for me, right?

Oct. 18, 2005

Work is about the same, but I've been emailing and livejournaling about
future plans in October with friends: bellydance & fire show with
dinner buffet on Thursday, maybe a vampire play Friday w/[Cousin B], lunch
saturday afternoon with Stephanie who's in town Friday for a dr. appt &
going back home Sat. afternoon/evening, Extravagasm Saturday nite, spa
day with Elena Sunday, new-age psychic dipshit class with Elena next
Tues, halloween party with Elena next Friday, campout at Knighthorse &
Kulilinei's the 29-30th, and of course, Halloween [ideally: dinner at
Drakul, then the play at Vortex with a buncha folks, then 6th St. w/Sweetie
and Peglegasus)

*whew* It makes me happy to have so many plans, but also a little dizzy
and scattered thinking about all of it!

Today can't go by quick enough. After Krav Maga class this evening, I'm
going to crash & burn

Oct. 17, 2005

Friday night, I caught the first half of a bellydance show in South
Austin. It was good, but I was tired, so I went home at intermission.

Saturday, [Cousin B] and I went to Krav Maga conditioning class at noon. It
was level 1 and it kicked both our butts. [Cousin B] worked much harder than
I did, but STILL.

Then Sweetie and I went couch shopping. No luck. Around 5:30 he noticed
the car was making a noise and needed to be fixed (it has been making
this noise for MONTHS and he's noticed it before.) So we went home
and he worked on cars.

I went to see our friend Jaime playing music at a bar in Hutto, TX.
Small town,lots of rednecks, no smoking ban. I stayed thru his set
and most of the next one, and called it a night.

We shopped for couches again Sunday. Finally found something we liked
and was in our price range at Foley's on Sunday (it was actually a
SET--couch, loveseat, chair, and ottoman) and then Sweetie got all "oh,
what if the cats scratch it? Let's not buy it!" ugh. I just wanted to
throw a fit! But I didn't.
The plan now is to find something cheap and hopefully not quite as
crappy as the one we just tossed, and do cat-proofing on it to see if
it works. If so, we'll move on to a nicer couch at some point in the
future. *sigh*

I've had a productive morning, getting work done at work, called and
reserved some beer-tasting spots for me, Sweetie, and Peglegasus at faire when
we go in November, and getting weekend plans with Elena hammered out.

Oct. 14, 2005

I'm so glad it's the weekend. Tonight is Eshta bellydance troupe at
the Green Muse cafe. And Sweetie wants to shop for a couch tomorrow after
I get home from Krav Maga. That will be fun.

Jaime is playing at some dive in Hutto Saturday night.

And then I have no plans Sunday. Maybe yoga w/onyxlynxx from 9-10:30, but
maybe not. I have no idea what her problem is lately.

I am going to have to read up on what's going on in today's
astrology...yesterday and last night my friend onyxlynxx was very short
with me for no reason I can think of...and UB is telling me that sineater
is mad at me, and venting to her about it, which is upsetting her. I
told her that she should tell sineater firmly yet kindly that he needs to
talk directly to whoever is offending him, and that she doesn't want
to be in the middle of it. She won't, because she likes being at the
center of drama. Of course, this could all be her making crap up,
too. Whatever. I'm not going to go borrowing trouble by calling sineater
to let him hand me my ass for something I didn't even do...I haven't
seen or talked to him since Table Rock faire, so what could I have
done to piss him off? What.ever. I have many better things to do than
bother with those 2.

Oct. 7, 2005

I opened my package--HILARIOUS! I can't wait to do our pumpkin!!!
Thank you! :) That's so cute! [she sent me a mr potato head pumpkin
decorating kit!]

I'm working through lunchtime and leaving early today. I have a ton
of stuff to do before leaving for faire tomorrow morning. I admit,
camping in the Vanagon has spoiled me a bit. I'm all like "crap, I
have to dig up the tent, the stove, flashlight, sleeping bags, bla
bla" and all we have to do for the vanagon is load in groceries and
pillows and go. Oh well. It's gonna be fun.

I don't hurt as much today as I did yesterday. That's a good sign,
too, I think. I could use a soak in a hot tub, though. Hopefully I'll
find/make time for that today, too.

Krav Maga last night was pretty cool. Not quite as intense as the
intro class I took at the studio in far south Austin last summer, but
still good. [Cousin B] hits HARD! He started out being partnered with me and
another girl, but the instructor moved him to sparring with the guys
pretty quickly.

He started class stoned but sobered up by the end. I told him how
really boring and stupid I found stoners to be. Whats sad/scary is, I
like him drunk and I like him on extasy but...I have to probably be
unilateral in saying "drugs and alcohol aren't for everyday, and
nothing is legal to you right now, so can you quit with the
substances?" *sigh* I plan on being sober at faire tomorrow,
hopefully that will show him that people can have fun without being
fucked up. It's so wierd, because one of the things he told me about
a month ago (before making friends at school) was that all his old
friends in Boerne were substance abusers and he liked being with me
and Sweetie and our friends because we are fun and have a great time
without substances...ahh, the joys of peer pressure.

Tonight is a bellydance show at Casa de Luz, which should be fun. One
of my favorite dancers, Leila, is going to be there, and Elena is
meeting me and [Cousin B] there, so it ought to be a fun evening. And then
he's spending the night and we'll get up bright and early tomorrow &
go to faire!

Oct. 6, 2005

We are SO caught up at work right now. I'm seeing someone in HR today
at 2 to talk about transferring within the agency to something same
or similar as far as position/pay/title. Lateral and then up, sounds
like a good plan. And if not, at least I get to talk to someone and
feel like I have options again.

I'm taking half of tomorrow off. [Cousin B] is off school, too. We're going
to shop and prepare for [Cousin B]'s first trip to TRF on Saturday :) AND I
am in desperate need of a repair haircut--Tina just completely fucked
up last time. Not just not doing what I asked, but the sides are
TOTALLY Uneven with one another. I can see it when I look at my face
straight on, I wonder why she didn't!! It's almost worth hurting
[aunt L]'s feelings at this point, to just say "I'm not going to Tina
anymore, OK?" I can resign myself to getting a 'mini [aunt L]' haircut
every time, no matter what I ask for. It's a good look, even if it's
a bit 'old' for me. But I can't abide by lazy, sloppy work,
especially when it makes me look BAD.

I got your package yesterday. You said it was for Halloween? Can I
open it now, or should I wait? I wanted to ask first...

Rollins was AWESOME last night. Oh my god, he is the most sexiest 44
year old man I've ever seen in my life. I thought I'd be fascinated
with the biceps, but his ass and thighs were also quite compelling.
He is so fantastically intelligent, articulate, angry, and just
damned sexy. me want.

He did talk politics some, but not in a really tedious way. I didn't
realize he'd gone on several USO tours and visited wounded soldiers
in the hospital. Man, that was heartbreaking to hear about. So many
people, both pro- and anti- war/Bush, don't have the guts to look in
the face of what this war is truly costing this country. Money, shit,
who cares, but these broken bodies of people, as Rollins put it "half
my age"...it was very intense to hear about. I'm in awe of how
amazing Rollins is. *sigh*

He talked about Katrina, and how cool Texans are for being so
amazingly generous, and how cool Americans are for basically
saying "allright, you politicians go play your blame game, step aside
and let us save lives here."...I didn't see it that way, but damn,
he's right. And I'm so proud and grateful for that.

He also said "love makes the world go round, but hate gives it that
little extra PUSH", in regard for taking your anger and pointing it
at the right people, causes, and making America as great as it could
be. (the "P funk Ramones block party" I think he said)

I am tired and in a good amount of pain, but still going to Krav
Maga, assuming [Cousin B] is up for it. I m ight check the yoga yoga website
to see if there's a restorative yoga class tonight, as an
alternative. That or hottubbing either at 24 hour or elsehwere...

Oct. 5, 2005

--- J-Law wrote:

Hey - how was Krav Maga with [Cousin B]?

My evening was ok. Stressy, for a bit, with getting
groceries (store is run by savants, for savants; I
was the only swiftly moving, fully functional person
in the place), doing chores, etc.

But, once I sacked out with dinner and a movie,
things were okay.

Today is sucking, unfo. One of my bosses added
three new securities filings to my already massive
list, and gave me a ridiculously tight deadline.
This is on top of some other major projects that we
do every quarter. *sigh* Anyway. It is date
night; we have a 1994 Chateauneuf du Pape waiting
for us, and it will be good sweetie-time.
===========

E wrote:

mmm! good wine & sweetie time :) What a great evening!

Tonight I'm seeing ROLLINS at la Zona Rosa! It should
be great. This is my first trip downtown since the
smoking ban, so that'll be interesting.

Krav Maga was fun. It whoooped my ass and [Cousin B] just
barely got sweaty, but it was still cool. [aunt L] has us
paid through March, if we go 2-3 times a week, I will
be in FANTASTIC shape :)

[Cousin B] was a bit distracted before and after class; he
was making plans with a friend from school to get
together and smoke up. I am less than pleased about
that. I think rather than frame it in some kind of
moral disapproval, I'll just let him know that drugs,
like TV, are for people with no real life and just as
it's dull to hear someone rehash last evening's
"America Idol" if you don't watch the show and aren't
interested, it's also pretty boring to hang with
stoners. Of course, now that he has friends his own
age, the possibility of being seen as boring by me may
not hold any weight, but we'll see.

We are going to faire this weekend, that's a long
drive and I'm sure we'll be able to talk. I'm glad he
has friends and a social life, but not too thrilled
that they're all little potheads.

OH! We finally got rid of our ratty couch and Sweetie sent
me a picture from overstock.com of what he'd like to
replace it with. Yay! furniture shopping!

Today can't pass quickly enough.

I have HR researching a lateral transfer for me to
another department. I hope that works out. Even if it
doesn't, I'm going to make some time very soon to
upload my state app to the TWC website, do my UT app,
and see if there are any job search sites like hotjobs
or monster.com that *won't* send me multilevel
marketing spam!

Hope is a good thing :)

=====================

Date: Wed, 5 Oct 2005 10:10:19 -0700 (PDT)
From: "J-Law"
Subject: Re: Humptastic.

Yeah, today can't pass quickly enough.

I can't believe you are seeing Rollins! That is tooooooooooo
cool!!!!!!!! The smoking thing is funny - I am so used to no smoking
in bars, clubs, restaurants, that it completely blows me away when I
go to a place where it's allowed. Suddenly, it seems like *everyone*
is chain smoking cigars or something. :)

I completely agree with you about the pot thing.

Congratulations on the couch - I *love* new furniture. :)

I need to get into a workout routine - I am feeling very stressed all
the time, and I need an outlet for it. Right now, my outlet is junk
food, and that is bad.

Best of luck on your job search. Hope is a good thing, and I am sure
that the right thing will come along.
======================
Me to J-Law:

Yeah, I'm really psyched! My friend LadyDreamtime is driving, so I don't even
have to stress about parking downtown. Life is good :) She's seen him
before,and talked to him after the show and stuff, so that's cool.

This WEEK can't go by quickly enough. I am ready for the weekend!

Sep. 2, 2005

E wrote:
*fingers crossed* Hope your dress arrives soon! :)

I am sO glad it's Friday, and we have a 3 day weekend.
Tonight is a bellydance show, maybe a party for one of
Peglegasus & Sweetie's friends at Peglegasus's house, then tomorrow is a
bead show, a crafts & music faire downtown called
"batfest"--fundraiser for bat conservation
international, then going to San Antonio to see D and
Rio, and that evening going to a rennie gathering
which will be a fundraiser/raffle for Katrina victims
(I am going to dig thru my crafts stuff to see if
there's anything I can raffle, and also maybe hit
Fiesta for CDM Beignet mix & coffee, package it up
with some mardi gras beads in a nifty basket)

Sunday is Toobin', and maybe hitting 80's night at one
of the clubs downtown, and then Monday is 'free day of
yoga', plus maybe Hippie Hollow.

Wow, I'm exhausted just thinking about it all. I went
to bed super early last night, though, so I'm prepared
for the trials ahead :)
==============

Date: Fri, 2 Sep 2005 08:51:08 -0700 (PDT)
From: "J-Law
Subject: Re: Friday at last.
To: "Erika H" <eekatfreaksdotnet@yahoo.com>

I brought my only padded satin hanger so I can pop it right in the
dress bag to take home, AND, I brought a camera - I bet one of the
girls will take pix of me in the dress! I cannot wait until it gets
here.

Sounds like you have a big big weekend!!! I am sure you will have a
fantastic time. The batfest sounds so coooooooool!!!!!!!

*hugs*

-Jen

Jun. 28, 2005

evile: so what's the scoop on Sketch?
Hoovooloo: What do you mean?
evile: Oh, I just heard that 'everyone' was feeling sorry for him,
and I was wondering if there was a reason for that, or just in
general :P
Hoovooloo: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-
/B0009NN6EA/qid=1119978556/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-9340225-2386331?
v=glance&s=dvd&n=507846
Hoovooloo: I haven't talked to him in a week or so. Last time we
spoke was after he missed my graduation party. He'd been at a
convention selling copies of his documentary.
Hoovooloo: Coal came. She appeared to be in good spirits.
evile: that's good :)
Hoovooloo: http://notes.nicoleandjason.com/archives/000084.html#more
Hoovooloo: Aha. Nicole's livejournal has something about Jason's
grandmother in a coma.
evile: dang.
Hoovooloo: That's my best guess.
evile: well, that's sad :(
Hoovooloo: That's also news from mid-May.
Hoovooloo: Who all was the bearer of woe tidings?
evile: Nobody specific, Rhino said he went to a gathering and
everyone was talking about 'poor sketch' and he didn't want to hear
it...so I figured he was not the one to ask why sketch was 'poor'
Hoovooloo: Huh.
Hoovooloo: Well, I haven't talked to anyone on TIM for ages (I
actually logged in last week, but everyone there was idle.)
evile: I logged in a while back, but it was very quiet.
Hoovooloo: It took Dory's Mom to point out that my graduation BBQ was
in fact on Lag Day.
evile: I was flying thru MSP on Lag Day.
Hoovooloo: MSP?
evile: Minneapolis st paul
Hoovooloo: Oh hey, I finally saw the TinyTIM livejournal group a
couple of weeks ago, how was Rhiannon*'s wedding? [*J-Law]
evile: she's engaged. the wedding hasn't happened yet.
Hoovooloo: Is she a lawyer now?
evile: 9/9/06
evile: she passed the CA bar, but she's working as a paralegal.
Hoovooloo: Sounds like a big wedding, with that much lead time.
evile: Nah, they are just wanting to pay as they go & not do a big
debt thing.
Hoovooloo: Emminently reasonable.
Hoovooloo: Do you approve of the future Mr. Rhiannon?
evile: oh, yeah. He's a doll :)
evile: He is cute, sweet, smart, he treats Rhi very well, and I even
like his family :P
Hoovooloo: Good!
evile: I think so. She asked me to be the MOH, but I'm not sure how
much I will actually be involved with anything since they're in CA
and I'm in TX
Hoovooloo: Jess got to fill in for an absent MOH three weeks ago.
evile: oy. I bet that was fun.
Hoovooloo: I even got roped into being a groomsman
evile: easier for guys--you just wear a suit.
Hoovooloo: Eight hours+ of 100 degree heat without AC. It was a real
joy.
evile: oh. ew!
Hoovooloo: I was eyeing the bare-shoulder/armless dresses on the
bridesmaids with considerable envy.
Hoovooloo: And of course the tuxedo I own was entirely the wrong
style, had to rent another one.
evile: *grinz*
Hoovooloo: In hindsight, I'm glad I didn't abuse my own tux with that
day.
Hoovooloo: And the rental came with lifts! I got to be 6'6" for a day.
evile: *laff!* That is _exactly_ what you needed.
Hoovooloo: I had a small victory this weekend, I recharged the AC on
my car, marking my second attempt at auto AC service, and the first
success.
evile: I didn't know you could do that yourself, I thought you needed
a freon license or something.
Hoovooloo: Well, the unsuccessful (and much more involved) attempt
was to convert a broke R12 system to the legal-for-DIY R134a.
Hoovooloo: This time I had one antique can of R12 that bigheart
bought circa 1990.
evile: *nod*
Hoovooloo: The tricky bit was finding the correct hose and tap to add
it to the system.
Hoovooloo: Between this and the fiddling I did with my father-in-law
and his brake lines, I'm feeling a lot more comfortable with high-
pressure systems.
Hoovooloo: And, as you can probably tell, I'd rather be home playing
with my car today.
evile: heh. Yeah. I can always think of stuff I'd rather be doing,
while I'm at work. Then I get home and hte Couch of Doom beckons...
Hoovooloo: Last night was lawn mowing
evile: ack. don't remind me. *adds another task to the list*
Hoovooloo: Followed by couch-potatoing and watching the DVDs of
Firefly.
evile: heh. yeah
evile: bunches of people are getting into firefly now.
Hoovooloo: We watched them when they were on (TiVo is good for
catching shows in bad timeslots). The DVDs arrived as a graduation
gift.
evile: oh, sweet :)
Hoovooloo: I was surprised by the graduation gifts. Really
surprised. :-)
evile: But it is an accomplishment, so it's good for people to
recognize that.
Hoovooloo: I see it a transition point, between people not believing
that I don't have degree, to not believing I have a degree from a
good school.
evile: *nod*
Hoovooloo: I get to look forward to exactly what I said to Woody on
seeing his degree, "You went to Harvard?!?"
evile: *LAUGH!*
Hoovooloo: Funnily enough, I saw tk's name in one of my classes.
Hoovooloo: One of the CS professors needed a body of information to
manipulate in demonstration, and he was using on-campus student
names, dorm rooms and phone numbers from the early 90's.
Hoovooloo: Sure enough, there was Tom Kim.
evile: OMG, too funny.
evile: small world!
evile: cute LJ comment. That would be awesome :)
Hoovooloo: Yeah, I'm still bummed the cruise isn't leaving from there
this year.
Hoovooloo: It's Tampa this year. Joy. Tampa.
evile: the last (only) time I cruised, wandering around NO and
wandering around Cozumel were the good parts. The boat itself...I
could pretty much do without.
Hoovooloo: Sounds like we took the same boat!
Hoovooloo: I wouldn't want to cruise without an event on the boat.
evile: *nod* yeah, or a bunch of friends onboard to go and be silly
with.
evile: boot the teenagers out of the elevator and play grownup
7 "minutes in heaven" :P
Hoovooloo: http://www.fanclubcruises.com/efo_pictures.htm
evile: OMG, that was totally the boat we were on. Carnival's
Holiday :P
Hoovooloo: There were about 120 or so of the Ed-Heads on board. We
got the 'Doc Holidays' bar all to ourselves.
Hoovooloo: And each night we'd move from there to the Casablanca-
themed piano bar and take it over.
evile: that sounds like fun :)
Hoovooloo: This year it's on a bigger boat :
http://www.fanclubcruises.com/efo.htm
Hoovooloo: I think there's a size limit to the boats that can get up
the river to NOLA.,
evile: probably.
Hoovooloo: This one is 120 feet longer.
Hoovooloo: I'm internally debating whether it's worth going to Tampa
for this one. It doesn't seem worth it to spend that long on a plane
to get to a 4 night cruise.
evile: yeah...plus: FLORIDA.
Hoovooloo: Isn't that a minus?
Hoovooloo: Last time we spent a week in New Orleans before the
cruise. Spending time in Tampa sounds a bit dull.
evile: Oh, I meant, one more chalk mark on the 'not worth it' side.
Hoovooloo: On the plus side, Kerry & Jill/Tigerlily are going, and
they're fun to vacation with.
evile: yeah.
Hoovooloo: Huh, I wonder if I could find a beach house within an hour
or so of Tampa.
evile: probably.
Hoovooloo: Ooh, there's a tampa.craigslist.
evile: I've got friends who are craigslist junkies :)
Hoovooloo: I bought a rowing machine from the local craigslist.
evile: how do you like it?
evile: it's a great workout, but it hurts, and I'm a wuss.
evile: (when I belonged to a gym, they had one)
Hoovooloo: It's the same brand and model I was trained on when I
rowed crew for a year at GMU.
Hoovooloo: A Concept D Erg.
evile: oh, so you're used to the pain. :P
Hoovooloo: Rowing is nice and low-impact. I tend to wheeze out rather
than injure myself with it.
evile: heh. 'wheeze out'
Hoovooloo: Wheeze and callous.
evile: I never actually hurt while using it, but the muscle pain the
next day or so was always really bad!

Jun. 23, 2005

Tuesday was Solstice picnic, and I had a good turnout & a good mix of
people. We cooked out and swam in Bull Creek & had a really nice
time. The moon looked like a giant peach; it was huge and orange :)
That was cool.

I had a great day yesterday. I took the day off from work & went to
San Antonio and had tea with Dee, Rio, the kids, and Rio & D's friend
Rhonnie, who is a nice Mormon gal. We had a really excellent lunch.
Scones, strawberry preserves & cream for dessert. OMG...too yummy!
Then we wandered and shopped a bit,and then Rhonnie went off to run
errands and such, so the rest of us went back to D's mom's house and
hung out in D's old room & talked about life, the universe, and
everything. D was wearing a really great T shirt, it had what looked
like an iron-on picture of a celtic dragon, but the iron on actually
velcroed off to let her nurse the baby discreetly as we chatted. He's
a lovely baby; very smiley and sweet tempered, not noisy at all. A
little drooley, but then again that's just what babies do. It was
great to see her so happy and see what a great big sis Josephine is.
She's 12 now!! She showed me her drawings, she really likes
doing 'anime' type styles. And she's good at it. She and Jaden played
DDR and had a good time; it's so great to see how they can be apart
for months and then get back together and just pick up their kid-
friendship. I loved it.

Today at work is just draggin'. We are very caught up on work, so
we're trying hard to look busy. *sigh*

Oh well. I'm happy, looking forward to poly dinner tonight and
looking forward to the weekend. e. cancelled on me for Yoga on
Saturday, so I can sleep late if I want. And then Sunday we're
tooobin! That seems to have become a tradition for us... A lady on
the bus started prosetylizing me this a.m. and I thought of telling
her "I belong to the First Church of the Toob" :)

May 23, 2005

--- J-Law wrote:
I am swamped! We had a good weekend, and I am
already for the next one (three days - yay!)

I hope you had a FANTASTIC birthday and weekend!

Love,

J-Law
===============

Date: Mon, 23 May 2005 11:51:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: "evilE H"
Subject: Re: aaaaaaaaaaaah!
To: "J-Law”

Yup, I had a great time!

Friday we had dinner with a bunch of people at
Mongolian BBQ. I went to bed early (yoga the next a.m.
) and Sweetie went out drinking beer and such with folks.
They ended up at the Yellow Rose & Max got him a lap
dance. Too funny!

Saturday I went to Yoga with e and then we drove
up to the Crossings for our spa day. Next time you're
here, we're definitely doing a day pass at The
Crossings--it's so nice up there. We booked too many
treatments for the amount of time we had; had to rush
through lunch and didn't get enough time sitting
around the hottub, swimming in the pool, etc. But
we'll know for next time.

I got a salt scrub and a stone massage--the massage
was *wonderful*! The warm stones really helped the
muscles relax very deeply. The scrub was nice, but
nothing I couldn't have done myself for cheaper.

Then Sunday I mowed, weedwhacked, cleaned house, did
laundry, and went grocery shopping. Whee!

Tonight we're having people over for full moon and
fire in the backyard, and I'm afraid I over-extended
myself, got too ambitious on the menu etc, and now
it's stressy instead of laid back. But I know that the
difference is only in my perception. If I can just
settle down and breathe a while it'll be FINE and
everyone will have a nice time.

Happy Monday! I'm so glad this is a short week;
everything about work annoys me today.

Apr. 22, 2005

Had a long phone conversation w/J-Law last night. It was great! She
told me all about the previous weekend:

J-Law and [J-Law's beau] had planned a wine tasting trip to Napa
this past weekend, were staying at a B&B, etc. Their
first stop was the Nickel & Nickel (their favorite
winery) tasting room, which was remarkably empty. [he'd reserved the
place for them in advance!]

The lady who runs the place poured them each a glass of
Dolce, they visited a bit, and then she went off. So,
there's J-Law and [J-Law's beau], all alone in this big beautiful
winery, and [J-Law's beau] tells her how lucky he feels to have
met her, how beautiful she is, how much he loves her,
and that in addition to all of that, she's his best
friend, too. And then he pulled out the ring and
popped The Question.

J-Law had expected that she'd just jump up and shout
"YES!" when it actually happened, but in reality she
just kind of squeaked out a little "yes"

They spent the day tasting at various wineries, and
then they went back to the B&B, which sounded
lovely--big jacuzzi tub, fireplace, the works. Each
room in the B&B has a guest book, and she read that a
previous guest had gotten engaged in that room. so
sweet!!!

So there's no official date yet, they're talking late
summer/early fall 2006, and I'm the Maid of Honor!

whee!

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evile

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Entries tagged with j-law

2023 recap/2024 situation

last nights dreams

Writer's Block: Take a (second) chance on me

101 qs

Abuse and the Narcissist

3754A better Tuesday-- me to J-Law

3745Re: the end of me and [Cousin B] being close/me & J-Law

3716email to J-Law

3707email w/J-Law

3661Busy Life (me to J-Law)

3658My weekend (to J-Law)

3652TGIF (sent to J-Law)

3628me to J-Law: the weekend, etc. (some additions not in email)

3623email to J-Law, with some extra thoughts

3621me & J-Law

3487me & J-Law

3328icq w/Hoo

3313me to J-Law

3233me & J-Law

3145 J-Law's Engaged!