evile: (dorothy)
So, every once in a while, I check out shrink4men.com. Something I see time and again is a guy chiming in on the ‘comments’ section, saying things like “My wife/girlfriend screams at me, spits at me, throws things at me, slaps me, breaks my stuff, (etc etc) should I get out?”…the answer, of course, being, “effing DUH, dude,” but then hindsight and memory kick in and I realize that it’s not always that simple; there are kids involved, there’s property, there’s pets, not to mention it was a long slippery slope from the first day they fell in love to the night she kept him up all night crying and screaming at him and finally to the day she started slapping him around and stomping on his iphone. And he still loves her. And he thinks if he just finds the perfect thing to do/say/be, she won't do it again and she will love him again the way she did during the great times when they first got together.

It seems so insane, but there’s such a gradual progression to that point of insanity, you literally do not notice, or you have somehow managed to hone your powers of denial to apply a thick coat of “it’s not so bad”…

Here’s where the light bulb went off for me. You know that old saying about how “if someone doesn’t treat the waiter nice, s/he’s not a nice person”? In my relationship with fungus_finger, I came to finally see that my ex was much nicer and more considerate to waitstaff than he was to me or my family.

And then there came a realization that if I was just meeting this man today, and this was our first date, there is NO WAY in HELL that I would tolerate being treated the way he had gradually come to treat me. I would have no place in my life, ATALL, PERIOD, for such a rude, slovenly stranger. So why the heck was I putting up with being treated that way by someone with whom I’d chosen to make a lifetime commitment and I thought had made a similar commitment to me??? Did I really want to spend the rest of my life being ignored, belittled, verbally assaulted, physically intimidated, picking up his messes, paying his bills, surrounded by his garbage, cooking and cleaning and functioning as not much more than a human Fleshlight? NO. And not just NO, but HELL FUCKING NO!

Sometimes all it takes is a fresh look at something to finally see it for what it is. Would you accept the way your partner treats you if they were a stranger on the street or a person on a first date? Would you feel comfortable if a dear friend was being treated the way your SO treats you? If the answer is no, it may be time to make a plan, get safe, and get that person GONE from your life.
evile: (Default)
A certain phrase has been catching my ear lately. I've tried to cut out 'should' and had pretty good results with that, I think...now I am going to work on 'don't have a right'...because I keep hearing it, I say it, and I've heard my freinds say it and write it here in LJ. "I don't have the right to say ---" "I don't have the right to do---"...and I am just telling you now that you are Free. Let's be realistic here, your rights end where mine begin, and vice versa. You have the right to ask me for what you want or need. I have the right to say Yes or No, and I have the right to change my mind. So do you.



My Assertive Rights.

I have the right to feel good about myself.

I have the right to stand up for myself.

I have the right to experience and express my feelings.

I have the right to ask for what I want.

I have the right to say "No" and not feel guilty.

I have the right to ask "dumb" questions.

I have the right to "read minds" poorly.

I have the right to take time to slow down and think.

I have the right to change my mind and make mistakes.

I have the right to disappoint people and do less than I am capable of doing.

I have the right to not have a "good reason" for what I feel and want


==========


"I am Alive, and I tell you that you are Free."
- The Goddess Eris, in Principia Discordia

evile: (Pippi Longstocking)
This is a GREAT discussion!

http://community.livejournal.com/polyamory/2188917.html

I especially like the list provided by one of the posters:

from http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/6278/25_ways_to_tell_if_your_relationship.html

25 Ways to Tell if Your Relationship is Toxic
1) Your partner puts you down verbally, in private or in front of others.
2) Your partner tells you he/she loves you but behavior shows otherwise.
3) Your partner doesn't want you to see or talk to friends or family.
4) Your partner is jealous of the time you spend with your kids. [pets, hobbies, etc.]
5) Your partner shows up often at your work unexpectedly or opens your mail.
6) Your partner calls you often to see what you are doing.
7) You cry often or feel depressed over your relationship.
8) Your partner says you would have the perfect relationship if only you would change.
9) Your partner wants you to be dependent on him/her.
10) Your partner does things for you and then uses them to make you feel obligated.
11) Your thoughts, opinions, accomplishments, or words are devalued.
12) You don't know who you are anymore without him/her, or how you would survive.
13) Your friends/family don't like your partner or don't think he/she is good for you.
14) You have changed things about yourself to suit your partner, even when it is not your taste.
15) You always go where your partner wants to, like movies, restaurants, etc.
16) Your partner has made you feel afraid or unsafe, and you have been afraid to speak the truth at times for fear of upsetting him/her (walking on eggshells).
17) You don't feel you have control of your life anymore.
18) Your self-esteem is lower since you've been with your partner.
19) You think it's up to you to make the relationship work.
20) You keep secrets about your relationship from others who love you because they wouldn't understand.
21) Your partner makes you feel unattractive or stupid.
22) Your partner accuses you of cheating and is overly jealous.
23) Your partner can be really sweet to you one minute, and really mean the next.
24) Your partner seems really sweet/loving to you when he/she thinks you are about to leave the relationship, or after he/she has been mean to you.
25) You can't remember the last time you felt happy for more than a few days straight. 

If you need help with your relationship, talk to a friend or family member, a clergyman, a counselor, or call your local mental health center. If you are in danger, help is available at The National Domestic Violence Hotline, (800) 799-SAFE, where someone can put you in touch with ... shelters and other resources. Remember, no one can take care of you as well as YOU can. Get the help you need. 
evile: (future)
I was browsing through friends' LJs and memories and such and I found this quote. It's brilliant and perfect for today:

from http://zoethe.livejournal.com/170683.html:
Read more... )
According to Webster's Dictionary, drama is "a state, situation or series of events involving intense conflict or force." Passion, on the other hand, is defined as "a devotion to some activity, object or concept." Read more... )
evile: (QThinking)
http://efap.torontopolice.on.ca/alcohol_test.html

Are You An Alcoholic?

Ask yourself the following 20 questions honestly then check your score at the end of this page. These test questions are used by Johns Hopkins University Hospital, Baltimore, Maryland, USA in deciding if a patient is an alcoholic or not.

Formated in black and white for easy printing.

Check off Yes or No after each question then add your score at the bottom. Yes No
1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
3. Do you ever drink because you are shy with other people?
4. Is drinking affecting your reputation?
5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
6. Have you ever gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?
8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?
9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
11. Do you want a drink the next morning?
12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
16. Do you drink alone?
17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
19. Do you drink to build up your self confidence?
20. Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?
TOTAL

Results

If you answered yes to ONE of the above questions you may be an alcoholic.

If you answered yes to TWO of the above questions, you are an alcoholic.

If you answered yes to THREE or more of the above questions, you definitly are an alcoholic.
evile: (Default)
My notes from a book I read a while back...

If Love is a Game, These are the Rules, by Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph.D. Read more... )
evile: (Default)
I have the right to act in ways that promote my self-respect and integrity.

I have the right to feel good about myself.

I have the right to stand up for myself.

I have the right to experience and express my feelings.

I have the right to ask for what I want.

I have the right to say "No" and not feel guilty.

I have the right to ask "dumb" questions.

I have the right to "read minds" poorly.

I have the right to take time to slow down and think.

I have the right to change my mind and make mistakes.

I have the right to disappoint people and do less than I am capable of doing.

I have the right to not have a "good reason" for what I feel and want

Profile

evile: (Default)
evile

August 2017

S M T W T F S
  1 2345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Oct. 20th, 2017 11:24 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios