Trollspotting: Chapter 5

[evile]

Part II - Identifying Trolls: A Field Guide





CHAPTER 5



TROLLISH ATTRIBUTES: A CHECKLIST Seeing what's there

Here are some common characteristics of trolls. Use this list as a guide and as warning signs. But be a little bit cautious. Even healthy people will display some of these traits some of the time. If someone displays a couple of these traits every now and then, it could just be a fairly reasonable person on a bad hair day. Use some common sense.

Conversely, there are very few trolls who will display all of these traits, or even a majority of them. What you’re looking for is a pattern. If there seems to be a consistent set of repeated or common attributes from this list, troll-warning bells should be going off all over the village.

One or two bad days, every now and then, does not a troll make. Nor does the absence of several troll-traits necessarily mean the person is really just a hamster (or even a wise and productive Covener!) What you’re looking for in a person is a pattern. If someone reveals several of these traits, and shows them consistently – or if the person shows only three or four, but shows them to excess – then you’re dealing with a troll.

• Echoes and Re-runs. Has this person frequently been involved in arguments and destructive conflicts? Are problems frequent, and always someone else’s fault?
  
  
• Blindness. Does the person seem to have an inability or unwillingness to consider other viewpoints? Does he or she have to win every argument?
  
  
• Elder Hater. If the person has been in a previous Coven or other group, does he or she have nothing but negative things to say about the leader(s) of that group? Does the person exhibit a dislike of Pagan Leaders in general?
  
  
• Coven Hopper. Does this person have a history of moving from Coven to Coven, usually (or always) leaving on bad terms?
  
  
• Living One’s Religion. Does this person exhibit unethical or dishonest and destructive behavior in other areas of his or her life? A destructive person won’t stop being destructive in Circle. (And trolls object to having you look at other areas of their lives.)
  
  
• Unnamed “Others”. Are “others” always to blame for this person’s problems? Do “others” always agree with this person’s concern? Does the person carry tales told to him or her by “others”? Is this person always vague about just exactly who these “others” are?
  
  
• Instant Soulmates. Does this person seem to take an instant liking to you, and say things like, “I knew I was meant to be here from the first moment we met,” or “I feel as if we’re the closest possible friends, even though we’ve known each other only a few days (or hours)”? Instant, karmic connections can happen (and, in Paganism often do); but coupled with other warning signs, this could indicate an attempt at manipulation.
  
  
• Amazingly Likable. Trolls often have the ability to be liked almost immediately. They can be very ingratiating, and seem incredibly open and friendly. It isn’t necessary to be suspicious of someone who gives a very positive first impression. Some wonderful people also have a great deal of personal charisma. But if this trait is present with several other troll-warnings, it can be a dangerous combination.
  
  
• Gushing Praise. Does the person seem to be trying to butter you up, to identify your insecurities (everybody has some) and to play on them to give you strokes and lull you into acceptance?
  
  
• Inappropriate Gifts. Does the person seem to want to bribe affection out of you? Small and thoughtful tokens of appreciation and acknowledgement are certainly welcome and appropriate and reasonable. But does the person give gifts out of proportion to your level of intimacy and acquaintance?
  
  
• Gotcha. Does the person seem to find joy in pointing out other people’s errors or slips, mistakes and goofs, faults and bad habits? Does the person seem to imply these mean he or she is smarter or better suited to be a leader than is the one who goofed? Does the person sometimes ask questions he or she already knows the answers to, just to see if you know?
  
  
• Liar. Is the person often caught in outright lies? Are there excuses and slick explanations always at the ready? Excuses can get pretty imaginative. One notorious liar repeatedly claimed to have misunderstood the conversations in question, and invented the condition of “aural dyslexia” to “explain” those very frequent false statements.
  
  
• Aggression. Does the person use various forms of intimidation, or passive-aggressive techniques, to get what he or she wants?
  
  
• Note-takers and Journal Keepers. This is a rough one, because Pagans often keep magical workbooks and notebooks. But does the person sometimes use highly subjective personal accounts to back up a claim? Are these accounts filled with extreme adjectives and intimations of others’ imagined states of mind? Does the person seem unable to realize that their journal is subjective testimony, and not an objective and accurate, proven account?
  
  
• Name Droppers / Initiation Collectors. Does the person expect you to be impressed by the people he or she has met, or the number of groups or Traditions he or she has worked with? Are there frequent references to his or her marvelous and unmatchable experiences, skills, and knowledge? (Real sages can let their light shine without constant boasting.)
  
  
• Excessive Sarcasm. A ready wit is a good thing. A consistently sarcastic and caustic wit, which constantly belittles others, is not. Does the person seem unable to comprehend the painful and destructive effects of his or her own statements?
  
  
• Excessive Rulehating. Many Pagans are very independent people. However, if someone is going to work within an established group, they need to be willing to follow whatever guidelines that group has, however loose or restrictive those guidelines might be. Trolls hate such restrictions. Healthy people who dislike a given group’s rules are willing to admit that this group may not be right for them, and to look elsewhere without animosity. Trolls will be angry at you for running a group which does not suit them.
  
  
• Pests. Is the person constantly calling with questions, suggestions, personal problems? Does he or she expect you to be willing to drop everything to deal with any and all concerns? Is he or she offended and angry if you can’t?
  
  
• Great Causes. A social conscience is a Good Thing. And many Pagans are very active politically. But great social causes can also be a mask for selfish demands, or a desire for personal power. Does the person heap scorn on those who don’t have an equal zeal for the same causes? Does the person use these causes as excuses to start fights – even when it’s time to settle down to other work?
  
  
• Sore Losers / Bad Winners. In arguments or disagreements – or in games and leisure activities – does the person react well to resolutions? What kind of impression does the person give about past conflicts? Is there excessive gloating when the person wins, or harping and whining he or she loses? Are personal disagreements often depicted in terms of winning and losing, rather than as attempts to resolve differences? Does a loss provoke retaliation?
  
  
• Excessive Privacy or Secrecy. Information management is one of the most powerful tools of a troll. Be wary of anyone who tells you too many things “in confidence,” or who warns you away from talking to people he or she knew formerly, or people involved in his or her tales. Note that this does not apply to legitimate Oaths taken in a religious context. Many paths require Oaths of secrecy, and respect for the privacy of others. However:
  
  
• Oathbreakers / Braggarts. Is the person only too happy to tell you all the secrets of some other group or tradition? He or she will treat your privacy with just as much contempt. Is the person inordinately proud of knowing Secrets which other people are not privy to?
  
  
• Inconsistency. “When you complain about something, it’s malicious gossip; when I do, it’s just sharing feelings, or warning someone about something.” “When I call you nasty names, it’s just an accurate description; when you talk about me behind my back, it’s slander.” Trolls are unable or unwilling to apply the same standards to themselves as they do to other people. They will violently criticize others for actions they engage in themselves.
  
  
• Change Your Focus. If a new person joins your group, does he or she insist on having a better way to do things? Does the person always want to bend the rules of your group, or do away with them? Remember: Paganism is big, and you have no responsibility to provide for the needs of everyone who comes to you. If your group isn’t to the liking of a potential or new member, there’s nothing in the least wrong with insisting that person seek fulfillment elsewhere.
  
  
• Sexual misconduct. This is also a touchy issue, for the sexual ethics of Pagans are different from those of Western society as a whole. Again, individual Pagans are encouraged to create their own sense of ethics, so criticizing someone else’s sexual conduct may be considered politically incorrect. Nevertheless, some sexual conduct is a legitimate cause for concern, and can indicate a self-centeredness crossing the line into ill health – for instance, if it seems excessive, or it belittles others, or displays a lack of concern for the personhood of others; or sexual conduct with minors, or forcing one’s sexual attentions on others, or an unconcern with issues of disease, pregnancy, or others’ needs or reactions.
  
  
• Inappropriate application of Pagan principles, such as Perfect Love and Perfect Trust, or the Rede, subjective realities and creating your own realities, “going with my feelings,” following one’s own sense of ethics, 12-step “recovery,” and so on. More will be said about this later; but does the person use Pagan ideals as excuses and covers for unethical behavior?
  
  

This last point is a particularly important one. Trolls love to use vital Pagan principles inappropriately to cover their own destructive actions. This technique is often quite effective, because it can make their actions sound reasonable, even to their victims. This makes it harder to justify ejecting a troll from your group, even when the troll is blatantly tearing everything apart. These problems are particularly troublesome in larger umbrella organizations, where you have to use formal procedures to kick out a troll. A troll can manipulate Pagan principles to get a few people actually defending the troll’s actions, and to cause dissention and outright warfare within the group of people trying to figure out what to do.

As mentioned before, nearly everyone will exhibit some of these characteristics – particularly in very mild forms – from time to time. But destructive people exhibit unmistakable patterns, and often will have several of these attributes to obvious extremes.

Use some common sense in applying this checklist, because no one’s perfect, and everyone has bad days. But don’t make excuses either. If someone shows several of these features, and shows them consistently, you have a troll on your hands.

=======

When reading this, I couldn't help but be struck by the similarity of the writer's "Trolls" and the descriptions I've seen of Sociopaths, Abusers, Online Predators, Narcissists, and people with Borderline Personality Disorder.


I am moved to sympathy for people who are troubled with mental illness. Their own pain keeps them from being able to see how much pain they cause others.

I know from reading and from experience that most abusers are abusive because they are unhappy, that everything they lash out and do to their victims is something they are doing to themselves internally. I have heard and read that most abusers feel worse and worse about themselves the more they hurt the people that they love, and who love them. Which, horribly, causes them to lash out more and more against their loved ones. It is a terrible trap for both abuser and abused.

The behavior is detestable but their pain is genuine. All I can do is feel sympathetic horror at what they are going thru and what they are putting their loved ones through. It has taken me years of tears, prayers, anger, reading, and thought to arrive in this place of relative calm. And, as we've seen, my peace and understanding is fragile, at best.

For all of these unhappy people, I truly hope for their best welfare, that they find and get the help they need. For those who are true sociopaths...well, all I can think is of a rabid dog that just needs to be put down...not just for the hurt it can do to others, but for the agony it is feeling.

Just because I understand a predator does not mean I want to spend time with a predator. Just because I have sympathy and understand an abuser's motives, does not mean I accept abuse or approve of abuse. There is nothing wrong in my desire to avoid sick people and keep sick peple away from people I care about. At the same time, I cannot choose who my friends choose to associate with. I can only choose my own path, and if that means I have to walk away from people I don't think are good for me, while also leaving behind people I care about...that's what has to happen. Everyone has to make their own choices in life, and accept the consequences of those choices.


And, sure enough, I read on and find that my thoughts re: Trolls & mental illness are pretty much spot-on:

CHAPTER 6:



GREATER AND LESSER TROLLS

Comments

[ex-prunesnp.livejournal.com]

I think your color tags are somehow not closed--maybe the close is after the cut? It's coloring my friends page blue.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

sorry. I can't figure out how I've effed it up. I'm gonna make the entry private until I can learn some damn HTML

[in-quinecorners.livejournal.com]

It's really not your fault. Livejournal should be set up so that your bad HTML doesn't mess up people's friends pages.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

does it appear to be more-or-less 'fixed' now?

[fractallia.livejournal.com]

it's fixed now, for me at least.

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

Ah, that explains why I couldn't see it after I'd been notified of its existence, and can see it now.

(I've got it set up for e-mail notification if you post something with an abuse_help tag, because those tend to have useful information and I really don't want to miss them.)

Thank you for all the posts you have made with that tag!

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

did that work?

[thax.livejournal.com]

no problem on my browser...

<3

[ex-prunesnp.livejournal.com]

I think it must've.

[blissfish.livejournal.com]

I was thinking personality disorders when I read that, too. I do battle with mental illness in depression and PTSD, and I have been around people with borderline personality disorder, narcissistic p.d., and histrionic p.d. I can cope with a lot of mental illness in people close to me or in my circle of friends, but those three make me step back and consider everything very carefully. Less narcissism, but it seems the easiest to resist being pulled into.

Being around a borderline or histrionic is just flat exhausting. There is no way to keep the ground firm beneath my feet, or to have reality stay calm for a few minutes. It wears me out, and it wears me down. And it is like being around a troll.

[joeylemur.livejournal.com]

Hrm. I can identify with a few things on that list. 'Inappropriate Gifts', certainly... although I think I do that just out of a deep seated desire to give people a reason to appreciate me.