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evilehere are the quotes from Beyond Monogamy that I'm liking. If I was at all interested in meaningless sex with strangers and not so fucking hung up on getting horrible, possibly fatal diseases and/or fear of being the ugly fat chick at the swinger party that nobody even wants to fuck, let alone talk to, I think I could really be OK with swinging.
From _Beyond Monogamy_
Swingers rules
some of the controls on jealousy are (1) that the marriage command paramount loyalty (2) that there be physical but not emotional interest in other partners (c) that single persons be avoided, and (d) that there be no concealment of sexual activities. The sharing couples reassure one another on this score by means of verbal statements and by actively demonstrating in large ways and small that the marriage still does command their paramount loyalty. Willingness to forego an attractive swinging opportunity because the spouse or lover is uninterested or opposed is one example of such a demonstration. Developing a set of rules to control potential jealousies demonstrates the swingers' commitment to marriage.
===
If there is no deprivation of a spouse--of promised love, honor, cherishing--has a promise been violated? If a husband's relations with another woman do deprive his wife so that she suffers a real loss--emotional, sexual, or financial--there can hardly be any question that he has violated a promise; he is unfaithful to her. He is, in the popular conception, "cheating on her." Even those who accept extramarital relationships would probably not condone such deprivation of a spouse. But suppose a husband still "cleaves to his wife," that is, continues to live with her, to support her, to assume all his responsibilities toward her, even to love her--perhaps more than ever--so that there is no deprivation, can he still be accused of infidelity?
===
The countless stresses, strains, and threats that life subjects us to find alleviation in the unfailing support which in a good marriage can be depended upon from the spouse, No matter how helpless we may feel, confronted by failure and disparagement in our nonmarital roles, we know that we can depend on our spouses to reassure us and build us up. He was writing in terms of threats from outside the relationship--loss of job or difficulties with the children--which required reassurance from the spouse. But infidelity is a threat within the relationship itself, threatening the spouses with loss or dimunution of the very support and reassurance marriage is supposed to supply.
====
Does anyone really have enough resources to supply the psychological dependency needs of several persons?
========================
And one quote from _The New Intimacy_, to finish things up:
We expect too much of ourselves, of each other, and of the fragile complexity of marital and family relationships. To be all things to each other at all times under all circumstances is to be defeated.
From _Beyond Monogamy_
Swingers rules
some of the controls on jealousy are (1) that the marriage command paramount loyalty (2) that there be physical but not emotional interest in other partners (c) that single persons be avoided, and (d) that there be no concealment of sexual activities. The sharing couples reassure one another on this score by means of verbal statements and by actively demonstrating in large ways and small that the marriage still does command their paramount loyalty. Willingness to forego an attractive swinging opportunity because the spouse or lover is uninterested or opposed is one example of such a demonstration. Developing a set of rules to control potential jealousies demonstrates the swingers' commitment to marriage.
===
If there is no deprivation of a spouse--of promised love, honor, cherishing--has a promise been violated? If a husband's relations with another woman do deprive his wife so that she suffers a real loss--emotional, sexual, or financial--there can hardly be any question that he has violated a promise; he is unfaithful to her. He is, in the popular conception, "cheating on her." Even those who accept extramarital relationships would probably not condone such deprivation of a spouse. But suppose a husband still "cleaves to his wife," that is, continues to live with her, to support her, to assume all his responsibilities toward her, even to love her--perhaps more than ever--so that there is no deprivation, can he still be accused of infidelity?
===
The countless stresses, strains, and threats that life subjects us to find alleviation in the unfailing support which in a good marriage can be depended upon from the spouse, No matter how helpless we may feel, confronted by failure and disparagement in our nonmarital roles, we know that we can depend on our spouses to reassure us and build us up. He was writing in terms of threats from outside the relationship--loss of job or difficulties with the children--which required reassurance from the spouse. But infidelity is a threat within the relationship itself, threatening the spouses with loss or dimunution of the very support and reassurance marriage is supposed to supply.
====
Does anyone really have enough resources to supply the psychological dependency needs of several persons?
========================
And one quote from _The New Intimacy_, to finish things up:
We expect too much of ourselves, of each other, and of the fragile complexity of marital and family relationships. To be all things to each other at all times under all circumstances is to be defeated.
