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evileSo I recently quit a 'relationship recovery' class, because I had a difference of opinion with a classmate (I felt like he was being rude to my classmates, and so when it came time for me to give out my contact info to the group, I told him directly "You may not call me. You have pissed me off tonight.") The group leader called me later and told me that my outburst was rude and inappropriate, and that SHE did not think the classmate had been disrespectful. I questioned her, and it turns out that group members will NOT be allowed to state directly to one another if they feel that someone is being rude or inappropriate, AND that the group member may not approach the group leader to voice concerns, that it is up to the group leader's sole judgement to intervene and judge who is and is not behaving appropriately. I withdrew from the class because I did not feel comfortable or safe with such a power structure in place. I told the MAIN group leader that it felt very 'cult like' to me. That was *probably* an overstatement, but I wonder.
It seems that a lot of people just coming out of relationships, or people just looking for new lovers, may be especially vulnerable to predatory groups and leaders.
A friend of mine pointed me to this website:
http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html
Potentially unsafe groups or leaders "come off very nice at first, they go for vulnerable people who are looking for answers, lonely, what you'd call 'normal people.' They're very good at what they do and can get people to believe anything. You might think you'd never get taken in, but don't bet on it. "
-- Margaret Singer, Ph.D.
By Rick Ross, Expert Consultant and Intervention Specialist
Ten warning signs of a potentially unsafe group/leader.
Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability.
No tolerance for questions or critical inquiry.
No meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget, expenses such as an independently audited financial statement.
Unreasonable fear about the outside world, such as impending catastrophe, evil conspiracies and persecutions.
There is no legitimate reason to leave, former followers are always wrong in leaving, negative or even evil.
Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances.
There are records, books, news articles, or television programs that document the abuses of the group/leader.
Followers feel they can never be "good enough".
The group/leader is always right.
The group/leader is the exclusive means of knowing "truth" or receiving validation, no other process of discovery is really acceptable or credible.
Ten warning signs regarding people involved in/with a potentially unsafe group/leader.
Extreme obsessiveness regarding the group/leader resulting in the exclusion of almost every practical consideration.
Individual identity, the group, the leader and/or God as distinct and separate categories of existence become increasingly blurred. Instead, in the follower's mind these identities become substantially and increasingly fused--as that person's involvement with the group/leader continues and deepens.
Whenever the group/leader is criticized or questioned it is characterized as "persecution".
Uncharacteristically stilted and seemingly programmed conversation and mannerisms, cloning of the group/leader in personal behavior.
Dependency upon the group/leader for problem solving, solutions, and definitions without meaningful reflective thought. A seeming inability to think independently or analyze situations without group/leader involvement.
Hyperactivity centered on the group/leader agenda, which seems to supercede any personal goals or individual interests.
A dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor.
Increasing isolation from family and old friends unless they demonstrate an interest in the group/leader.
Anything the group/leader does can be justified no matter how harsh or harmful.
Former followers are at best-considered negative or worse evil and under bad influences. They can not be trusted and personal contact is avoided.
Ten signs of a safe group/leader.
A safe group/leader will answer your questions without becoming judgmental and punitive.
A safe group/leader will disclose information such as finances and often offer an independently audited financial statement regarding budget and expenses. Safe groups and leaders will tell you more than you want to know.
A safe group/leader is often democratic, sharing decision making and encouraging accountability and oversight.
A safe group/leader may have disgruntled former followers, but will not vilify, excommunicate and forbid others from associating with them.
A safe group/leader will not have a paper trail of overwhelmingly negative records, books, articles and statements about them.
A safe group/leader will encourage family communication, community interaction and existing friendships and not feel threatened.
A safe group/leader will recognize reasonable boundaries and limitations when dealing with others.
A safe group/leader will encourage critical thinking, individual autonomy and feelings of self-esteem.
A safe group/leader will admit failings and mistakes and accept constructive criticism and advice.
A safe group/leader will not be the only source of knowledge and learning excluding everyone else, but value dialogue and the free exchange of ideas.
=========
Don't be naïve, develop a good BS Detector.
You can protect yourself from unsafe groups and leaders by developing a good BS detector. Check things out, know the facts and examine the evidence. A safe group will be patient with your decision making process. If a group or leader grows angry and anxious just because you want to make an informed and careful decision before joining; beware.
The Ross Institute
email: info@rickross.com URL: http://www.rickross.com
also check this one out:
http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=7&Itemid=5
Danger Signs in Cults
Daniel Goleman, a psychologist with considerable expertise in spiritual development work, has summarised some very practical indicators of problems in spiritual work. This is an adapted extract from his article 'Early warning signs for the detection of spiritual blight', in the Association for Transpersonal Psychology (Summer '85) quoted in Charles Tart's book 'Waking up' (Element Books 1988) which was monitored for the Institute by Roger Knights.
Spiritual groups - like families, corporations, therapy groups, and marriages - are susceptible to the full range of human foibles. Vanity, power-seeking, and looking out for number one are as likely to show up in a spiritual organisation as any other.
The very nature of such groups often makes it difficult to notice or acknowledge that something is awry. Group collusions such as 'It's all part of the teaching' are invoked as alibis for meanness of spirit and pettiness. Wandering the spiritual path by no means protects us from the normal dose of folly that accompanies any other human endeavour.
Spiritual work is perhaps all the more ripe for foibles because of the excellent cover-up self-deception lends for the use of the spirit in the service of the ego, libido and pocket book. As a spiritual freelancer for many years who has been at the centre or periphery of a variety of such groups, I've had ample opportunity to note or fall prey to some of the typical pitfalls listed below.
Of course, in one or another context each of these signals may be a false negative - a benign symptom with no underlying pathology. But more often than not, they mean that an open-minded, skeptical enquiry is called for. Be wary when you notice the first signs of:
Taboo topics: questions that can't be asked, doubts that can't be shared, misgivings that can't be voiced. For example, 'Where does all the money go?' or 'Does Yogi sleep with his secretary?'
Secrets: the suppression of information, usually tightly guarded by an inner circle. For example, the answers, 'Swiss bank accounts,' or 'Yes, he does - and that's why she had an abortion. '
Spiritual clones: in its minor form, stereotypic behaviour, such as people who walk, talk, smoke, eat and dress just like their leader; in its much more sinister form, psychological stereotyping, such as an entire group of people who manifest only a narrow range of feeling in any and all situations: always happy, or pious, or reducing everything to a single explanation, or sardonic, etc.
Group think: party line that overrides how people actually feel. Typically the cognitive glue that binds the group. Eg 'you're fallen, and Christ is the answer', or 'you're lost in Samsara, and Buddha is the answer', or 'you're impure, and Shiva is the answer'.
The elect: shared delusion of grandeur that there is no way but this one. The corollary: you're lost if you leave the group.
No graduates: members are never weaned from the group. Often accompanies the corollary above.
Assembly lines: everyone is treated identically, no matter what their differences; eg mantras are assigned by dictates of a demographical checklist.
Loyalty tests: members are asked to prove loyalty to the group by doing something that violates their personal ethics; for example, set up an organisation that has a hidden agenda of recruiting others into the group, but publicly represents itself as a public service outfit.
Duplicity: the group's public face misrepresents its true nature, as in the example just given.
Unifocal understanding: single world view is used to explain anything and everything; alternate explanations are verboten. For example, if you have diarrhoea its 'Guru's grace'. If it stops, it's also Guru's grace. And if you get constipated, it's still Guru's grace.
Humourlessness: no irreverence allowed. Laughing at sacred cows is good for your health. Take, for example, Gurdjieff's one-liner: 'If you want to lose your faith, make friends with a priest.'
It's very interesting, because in addition to the red flags that came up about the class, upon reflection, I can also think of at least one poly relationship structure I've seen that seems to be organized very much like a cult. Food for thought...
It seems that a lot of people just coming out of relationships, or people just looking for new lovers, may be especially vulnerable to predatory groups and leaders.
A friend of mine pointed me to this website:
http://www.rickross.com/warningsigns.html
Potentially unsafe groups or leaders "come off very nice at first, they go for vulnerable people who are looking for answers, lonely, what you'd call 'normal people.' They're very good at what they do and can get people to believe anything. You might think you'd never get taken in, but don't bet on it. "
-- Margaret Singer, Ph.D.
By Rick Ross, Expert Consultant and Intervention Specialist
Ten warning signs of a potentially unsafe group/leader.
Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability.
No tolerance for questions or critical inquiry.
No meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget, expenses such as an independently audited financial statement.
Unreasonable fear about the outside world, such as impending catastrophe, evil conspiracies and persecutions.
There is no legitimate reason to leave, former followers are always wrong in leaving, negative or even evil.
Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances.
There are records, books, news articles, or television programs that document the abuses of the group/leader.
Followers feel they can never be "good enough".
The group/leader is always right.
The group/leader is the exclusive means of knowing "truth" or receiving validation, no other process of discovery is really acceptable or credible.
Ten warning signs regarding people involved in/with a potentially unsafe group/leader.
Extreme obsessiveness regarding the group/leader resulting in the exclusion of almost every practical consideration.
Individual identity, the group, the leader and/or God as distinct and separate categories of existence become increasingly blurred. Instead, in the follower's mind these identities become substantially and increasingly fused--as that person's involvement with the group/leader continues and deepens.
Whenever the group/leader is criticized or questioned it is characterized as "persecution".
Uncharacteristically stilted and seemingly programmed conversation and mannerisms, cloning of the group/leader in personal behavior.
Dependency upon the group/leader for problem solving, solutions, and definitions without meaningful reflective thought. A seeming inability to think independently or analyze situations without group/leader involvement.
Hyperactivity centered on the group/leader agenda, which seems to supercede any personal goals or individual interests.
A dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor.
Increasing isolation from family and old friends unless they demonstrate an interest in the group/leader.
Anything the group/leader does can be justified no matter how harsh or harmful.
Former followers are at best-considered negative or worse evil and under bad influences. They can not be trusted and personal contact is avoided.
Ten signs of a safe group/leader.
A safe group/leader will answer your questions without becoming judgmental and punitive.
A safe group/leader will disclose information such as finances and often offer an independently audited financial statement regarding budget and expenses. Safe groups and leaders will tell you more than you want to know.
A safe group/leader is often democratic, sharing decision making and encouraging accountability and oversight.
A safe group/leader may have disgruntled former followers, but will not vilify, excommunicate and forbid others from associating with them.
A safe group/leader will not have a paper trail of overwhelmingly negative records, books, articles and statements about them.
A safe group/leader will encourage family communication, community interaction and existing friendships and not feel threatened.
A safe group/leader will recognize reasonable boundaries and limitations when dealing with others.
A safe group/leader will encourage critical thinking, individual autonomy and feelings of self-esteem.
A safe group/leader will admit failings and mistakes and accept constructive criticism and advice.
A safe group/leader will not be the only source of knowledge and learning excluding everyone else, but value dialogue and the free exchange of ideas.
=========
Don't be naïve, develop a good BS Detector.
You can protect yourself from unsafe groups and leaders by developing a good BS detector. Check things out, know the facts and examine the evidence. A safe group will be patient with your decision making process. If a group or leader grows angry and anxious just because you want to make an informed and careful decision before joining; beware.
The Ross Institute
email: info@rickross.com URL: http://www.rickross.com
also check this one out:
http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=7&Itemid=5
Danger Signs in Cults
Daniel Goleman, a psychologist with considerable expertise in spiritual development work, has summarised some very practical indicators of problems in spiritual work. This is an adapted extract from his article 'Early warning signs for the detection of spiritual blight', in the Association for Transpersonal Psychology (Summer '85) quoted in Charles Tart's book 'Waking up' (Element Books 1988) which was monitored for the Institute by Roger Knights.
Spiritual groups - like families, corporations, therapy groups, and marriages - are susceptible to the full range of human foibles. Vanity, power-seeking, and looking out for number one are as likely to show up in a spiritual organisation as any other.
The very nature of such groups often makes it difficult to notice or acknowledge that something is awry. Group collusions such as 'It's all part of the teaching' are invoked as alibis for meanness of spirit and pettiness. Wandering the spiritual path by no means protects us from the normal dose of folly that accompanies any other human endeavour.
Spiritual work is perhaps all the more ripe for foibles because of the excellent cover-up self-deception lends for the use of the spirit in the service of the ego, libido and pocket book. As a spiritual freelancer for many years who has been at the centre or periphery of a variety of such groups, I've had ample opportunity to note or fall prey to some of the typical pitfalls listed below.
Of course, in one or another context each of these signals may be a false negative - a benign symptom with no underlying pathology. But more often than not, they mean that an open-minded, skeptical enquiry is called for. Be wary when you notice the first signs of:
Taboo topics: questions that can't be asked, doubts that can't be shared, misgivings that can't be voiced. For example, 'Where does all the money go?' or 'Does Yogi sleep with his secretary?'
Secrets: the suppression of information, usually tightly guarded by an inner circle. For example, the answers, 'Swiss bank accounts,' or 'Yes, he does - and that's why she had an abortion. '
Spiritual clones: in its minor form, stereotypic behaviour, such as people who walk, talk, smoke, eat and dress just like their leader; in its much more sinister form, psychological stereotyping, such as an entire group of people who manifest only a narrow range of feeling in any and all situations: always happy, or pious, or reducing everything to a single explanation, or sardonic, etc.
Group think: party line that overrides how people actually feel. Typically the cognitive glue that binds the group. Eg 'you're fallen, and Christ is the answer', or 'you're lost in Samsara, and Buddha is the answer', or 'you're impure, and Shiva is the answer'.
The elect: shared delusion of grandeur that there is no way but this one. The corollary: you're lost if you leave the group.
No graduates: members are never weaned from the group. Often accompanies the corollary above.
Assembly lines: everyone is treated identically, no matter what their differences; eg mantras are assigned by dictates of a demographical checklist.
Loyalty tests: members are asked to prove loyalty to the group by doing something that violates their personal ethics; for example, set up an organisation that has a hidden agenda of recruiting others into the group, but publicly represents itself as a public service outfit.
Duplicity: the group's public face misrepresents its true nature, as in the example just given.
Unifocal understanding: single world view is used to explain anything and everything; alternate explanations are verboten. For example, if you have diarrhoea its 'Guru's grace'. If it stops, it's also Guru's grace. And if you get constipated, it's still Guru's grace.
Humourlessness: no irreverence allowed. Laughing at sacred cows is good for your health. Take, for example, Gurdjieff's one-liner: 'If you want to lose your faith, make friends with a priest.'
It's very interesting, because in addition to the red flags that came up about the class, upon reflection, I can also think of at least one poly relationship structure I've seen that seems to be organized very much like a cult. Food for thought...
