Quora: Why is a covert narcissist unable to control their evil and cruel behavior?

 

They are perfectly able to control their evil and cruel behavior!

Narcissists CAN and DO control their behavior. They choose when, where, and HOW to perpetrate abuse. For example, they choose to beat you behind closed doors or in another room of the house rather than in front of visiting friends, or they choose to behave charmingly at a party and then scream at you all night once you get home about how you were 'flirting' with someone or behaving shamefully. If they had 'no control' of their emotions or behavior, they'd melt down public at the time of your 'offense' rather than saving the abuse for later.

They will attempt to blame and shame their victims into somehow taking the responsibility for the abuser's feelings and behavior: “If you weren’t so ___(insert vague name calling accusation or shame inducing adjective), I would not have to __________(scream, cry, keep you up all night raging at you, hit you, take away your phone, break your stuff, take away your bank account, whatever ‘punishment’ they decide to inflict)_____”

They tell you they can’t control themselves, or you "made" them so upset that they “had to” do whatever they did, but they are lying. They can control themselves, they just choose not to.

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Editing to add:  Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.  They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

 

Quora: Do narcissists control others by labeling feelings as drama?

Yes. Other people’s needs and emotions are ‘drama’ and ‘pointless’ and ‘making stuff up’ and ‘faking it’ and ‘stirring the pot’--because they do not care about other people. They may not even recognize others as human beings with needs and feelings of their own. Everything in the NPDs life is about the NPD. 

So, of course, the narcissistic abuser’s needs and feelings and screaming and shrieking and carrying on are all perfectly valid and you’d best do everything in your power to help, soothe, fix, or solve their problems RIGHT NOW. 

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Editing to add:  Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.  They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

Quora: Received letter from my psych that I have a PD (along with other diagnosis I don’t agree with

Received letter from my psych that I have a PD (along with other diagnosis I don’t agree with) no further info till next appnt. My view is everyone else is narcs, sociopaths, sadists. This is what I attract. So what could be wrong with me?

It’s a pretty common pattern for people with Cluster B personality disorders to reject the expertise of doctors and decide that other people are the ones with the problem.

So if that is your first instinct, then it’s very likely that you have a personality disorder. The next steps, if you do not reject your psychologist and go on to terrorize your friends, family, and loved ones with your disorder, will be difficult and trying for you.

If you accept that you have a mental illness and do all the hard work that will be required to learn better ways to behave, you are going to have a long hard road ahead. I encourage you to return to your mental health provider and hear what they have to say. I encourage you to do the work.

There is a beautiful life of deep and fulfilling interpersonal relationships out there for you to make and find for yourself, but it is going to be a lot of work. You owe it to yourself and the people who care about you to try as hard as you can to overcome your disorder and become a complete human being. I don’t say it will be easy. I do say it will be worth it.

Good luck.

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Editing to add:  Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.  They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.