Quora: Why is a covert narcissist unable to control their evil and cruel behavior?

They are perfectly able to control their evil and cruel behavior!

Narcissists CAN and DO control their behavior. They choose when, where, and HOW to perpetrate abuse. For example, they choose to beat you behind closed doors or in another room of the house rather than in front of visiting friends, or they choose to behave charmingly at a party and then scream at you all night once you get home about how you were 'flirting' with someone or behaving shamefully. If they had 'no control' of their emotions or behavior, they'd melt down public at the time of your 'offense' rather than saving the abuse for later.

They will attempt to blame and shame their victims into somehow taking the responsibility for the abuser's feelings and behavior: “If you weren’t so ___(insert vague name calling accusation or shame inducing adjective), I would not have to __________(scream, cry, keep you up all night raging at you, hit you, take away your phone, break your stuff, take away your bank account, whatever ‘punishment’ they decide to inflict)_____”

They tell you they can’t control themselves, or you "made" them so upset that they “had to” do whatever they did, but they are lying. They can control themselves, they just choose not to.

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