evile

Is it wrong for me to feel the narcissist is evil even though his behavior is just how he functions?

Feelings are never wrong, and there is nothing wrong with you for having emotions. People can waste a lot of time and energy on judging themselves for having ‘negative’ thoughts and feelings and trying to eradicate those feelings in themselves, rather than accepting those feelings as natural and allowing them to pass on by, without acting on them in the intensity of the moment. A feeling is always valid, but a feeling is not always rational.

Behavior can be wrong, especially if you act from a heightened emotional state. Behavior can be controlled.

If your feelings that a person is evil leads you to attack or harm that person, then that is wrong. If your feelings that a person is evil lead you to avoid that person and tend to your own well-being, then that is more than likely the most appropriate thing you can do to respect your feelings and your self.

There are those who say ‘judge not, lest you be judged,” and I would like to say that being harshly judgmental and outspoken in your negative judgement can be harmful, both to the person you are judging, mutual friends or acquaintances, and to yourself and your relationships with others. If you are observed to be stiff-necked, intolerant, and judgmental, people may have difficulties trusting you, confiding in you, and building a closer relationship with you. Even when your judgments are absolutely correct!

That is why I prefer, these days, to use discernment rather than judgement. I can recognize a person behaving toxically and rather than judge them harshly and publicly, I can see that their behavior is toxic to my own health, and peacefully move away from that abrasive person.

There is no need to be angry or harsh with the narcissist or to ‘call them out’ on the behavior (it won’t work!), and there is a great deal of wisdom to recognizing that the way they behave is “just how he functions” and nothing to do with you—you didn’t Cause it, you can’t Control it, and you can’t Cure it.

You can, and should, recognize when a person has a pattern of behavior that is harmful to you, and remove yourself from that person’s environment if at all possible. Whether you see them as ‘evil’ is up to your own discernment.

A pattern of evil behavior would certainly suggest that an evil person is doing the behavior, and that may lead you to conclude that you do not want an evil person in your life. You are always allowed to choose who is and is not allowed in your life.

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