Solstice blessings

Yesterday was a really beautiful day. ( Read more... )

2741 Sineater & skye_ds on the skids again

Dec. 22, 2004

 

 

To: poly-austin@yahoogroups.com
From: "sineater k
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 12:28:25 -0600
Subject: Re: [poly-austin] Digest Number 795

I can't be in a poly relationship when I don't have a healthy
relationship with my wife. Last night I made her cry for six hours,
and I yelled at her, attacked her when she cried. I made up things to
be mad at her about, and yelled them at her as if they were true. I
looked her straight in the eye and told her another woman was sexier
than she was. I didn't apologize, I didn't reassure her, I didn't
comfort her, I didn't hold her and try to make it better. I yelled at
her.

She loves me, completely, wholeheatedly, passionately, and this is
how I've rewarded her. I've broken every promise I ever made to her,
especially and finally the promise I made never to do this to her
again. Again. I've treated her this way for thirteen years. I've
neglected her, lied to her, cheated on her, abandoned her, betrayed
her, ignored her, abused her. Told her she was fat. Made her feel
ugly and unwanted. Beaten her. Put my hands around her throat.
Forced her to get an abortion, threatened to leave her if she
didn't. Forced her to kill our child. And done this again, and again.
I'll get better for a while, then do it again. I don't treat her, my
wife, my partner, my happiness, the center of my life, the only
woman who has loved me unreservedly, the woman I claim to love, as
though I love her. I treat every other woman in my life better than
I've treated her. I give other women parts of myself I've never
given to her. Skye has always been completely honest and open with
me. She never stopped loving me, not for somebody else, not even
after all I've done to her unyil last night. I've proven repeatedly
that I can't. I never accepted from her the love that she tried to
give me, the parts of herself she wanted to share with me. I've
thrown away the most beautiful woman I've ever known, who only
wanted to make me happy. So no, in a nutshell, I'm not poly. I can't
be poly.


To: poly-austin@yahoogroups.com
From: "CrystalBell"  Add to Address Book
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 15:13:55 -0600
Subject: Re: [poly-austin] Digest Number 795


sineater.. You need to seek professional help .. WHY you hate yourself,
and how much you do only shows in the anger you show towards your
wife. Be happy you did not married me, for you would not be alive to
have written this note. I wish you luck in the future that you get
yourself help.
Sierra

To: poly-austin@yahoogroups.com
From: "bipurple
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 2004 23:22:35 -0600
Subject: RE: [poly-austin] Digest Number 795



just out of curiousity...why the public confession?

rifka
bipurple@ev1.net
www.livejournal.com/users/purplerifka

my skeletons won't stay in the closet, so i am teaching them to dance
kelly
========
his LJ:

Tue, Dec. 21st, 2004, 12:01 pm
I can't be in a poly relationship when I don't have a healthy
relationship with my wife.
Last night I made her cry for six hours, and I yelled at her,
attacked her when she cried. I made up things to be mad at her about,
and yelled them at her as if they were true. I looked her straight in
the eye and told her another woman was sexier than she was. I didn't
apologize, I didn't reassure her, I didn't comfort her, I didn't hold
her and try to make it better. I yelled at her.
She loves me, completely, wholeheatedly, passionately, and this is
how I've rewarded her. I've broken every promise I ever made to her,
especially and finally the promise I made never to do this to her
again.
Again. I've treated her this way for thirteen years. I've neglected
her, lied to her, cheated on her, abandoned her, betrayed her,
ignored her, abused her. Told her she was fat. Made her feel ugly and
unwanted. Beaten her. Put my hands around her throat. Forced her to
get an abortion, threatened to leave her if she didn't. Forced her to
kill our child.
And done this again, and again. I'll get better for a while, then do
it again.
I don't treat her, my wife, my partner, my happiness, the center of
my life, the only woman who has loved me unreservedly, the woman I
claim to love, as though I love her. I treat every other woman in my
life better than I've treated her. I give other women parts of myself
I've never given to her.
Skye has always been completely honest and open with me. She never
stopped loving me, not for somebody else, not even after all I've
done to her unyil last night. I've proven repeatedly that I can't. I
never accepted from her the love that she tried to give me, the parts
of herself she wanted to share with me. I've thrown away the most
beautiful woman I've ever known, who only wanted to make me happy.
So no, in a nutshell, I'm not poly. I can't be poly.
Link Leave a comment
Tue, Dec. 21st, 2004, 11:54 am
Don't you dare try and defend me. Please.


You...
bramblekite
2004-12-22 14:03 (link)

are no good for A. She is no good for you. You bring out the worst in
one another.

Get help, and a good divorce lawyer.

I love you. Nobody deserves to be abused or mistreated, no matter
what they've done wrong. Not you and not her.

==================================================
skye_ds (skye_ds) wrote,
@ 2004-12-21 21:42:00

Current mood: crushed

"Rhiannon" ~ Fleetwood Mac

Rhiannon rings like a bell throu the night
And wouldn't you love to love her
Takes to the sky like a bird in flight
And who will be her lover

All your life you've never seen a woman
Taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven
Will you ever win

She is like a cat in the dark
And then she is the darkness
She rules her life like a fine skylark
And when the sky is starless

All your life you've never seen a woman
Taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven
Will you ever win
Will you ever win

Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Rhiannon

She rings like a bell throu the night
And wouldn't you love to love her
She rules her life like a bird in flight
And who will be her lover

All your life you've never seen a woman
Taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven
Will you ever win
Will you ever win

Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Rhiannon

Oooooh

Taken by
Taken by the sky
Taken by
Taken by the sky
Taken by
Taken by the sky

Dreams unwind
Loves a state of mind
Dreams unwind
Loves a state of mind


"Silver Spring" ~ Fleetwood Mac

You could be my silver spring....
Blue-green..colors flashin'
I would be your only dream.....
Your shinin' autumn....ocean crashin'....
Don't say that she's pretty....
and did you say that she loves you...?
Baby I don't wanna know.


So I'll begin not to love you...
Turn around, you'll see me runnin'
I'll say I loved you years ago...
And tell myself you never loved me....No......
Don't say that she's pretty....
And did you say that she loves you...?
Baby, I don't wanna know....Oh no.....
And can you tell me...was it worth it....?
Baby, I don't wanna know..


Time cast a spell on you...you won't forget me...
I know I could've loved you but you would not let me....


Time cast a spell on you...but you won't forget me...
(I was such a fool)
I know I could've loved you, but you would not let me..
(Give me one more chance)
I'll follow you down 'til the sound of my voice will haunt you..
(Haunt you)
You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you..


"Most Beautiful Girl" ~ Charlie Rich

Tell her, "I'm sorry."
Tell her, "I need my baby."
Oh.... Won't you tell her that I love her.

I woke up this morning and realized what I had done
I stood alone in the cold gray dawn
I knew I'd lost my morning sun
I lost my head and I said some things
Now come the heartaches that morning brings
I know I'm wrong and I couldn't see
I let my world slip away from me
So.......

Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world?
And if you did, was she crying, crying?
Hey, if you happen to see the most beautiful girl that walked out on
me
Tell her, "I'm sorry."
Tell her, "I need my baby."
Oh.... Won't you tell her that I love her.

( break )

Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world?
And if you did, was she crying, crying?
Hey, if you happen to see the most beautiful girl that walked out on
me
Tell her, "I'm sorry."
Tell her, "I need my baby."
Oh.... Won't you tell her that I love her.

If you happen to see the most beautiful girl that walked out on me
Tell her, "I'm sorry."
Tell her, "I need my baby."
Oh.... Won't you tell her that I love her.

•  

EJ: icq w/A (sick sick sick)

2754icq w/A (sick sick sick)

Dec. 22, 2004

 

 

evile: *hugs*
SkyeDS: hey :)
evile: How are you feeling?
SkyeDS: numb. numb is good.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: are you packed and ready?
evile: packed yes, ready no
evile: I guess it's kind of good the weather got crappy, I won't feel
bad about staying home tonight to clean house.
evile: And hopefully it will be clear again by Friday.
SkyeDS: I devoutly hope so. I don't want to drive all the way to
Txka in this.
evile: nope. that would really suck.
SkyeDS: what do they say the weather's going to be in LVNV?
evile: sunny & cool. No freezing.
SkyeDS: that's good :) maybe there will be that nice smell in t he
air with the cool.
evile: I'm afraid I told Crystalbell to step the fuck off with her
death threats. But other than that I'm not going to do or say
anything publically re: the latest w/ you and sineater.
SkyeDS: death threats?
SkyeDS: oh... "if you were married to me I'd..."
SkyeDS: ?
evile: she said something like "if you wer e mine, you would not be
alive to make this post"
SkyeDS: ya
SkyeDS: I don't understand why he wanted our dirty laundry to be so
public
evile: So I emailed her "you don't know the people, you weren't
there, you have no right to pass judgement, so please keep your death
threats to yourself"
SkyeDS: I guess this is part of expiation, I have no clue
evile: well, it will definitely keep the poly girls at bay.
SkyeDS: and I know there are people out there, mostly other women,
who are going to lay all this at my feet
evile: takes 2 to tango.
SkyeDS: because, as Ayn Rand put it, you cannot be a victim unless
you allow yourself to be
SkyeDS: and I really don't have it in me to explain or defend
anything.
evile: You shouldn't have to.
SkyeDS: he may have done it to keep other women at bay
SkyeDS: but I suspect that it's deeper than that.
evile: *shrug* No tellin.
SkyeDS: is it part of 12 steps to make your admission public or
whatever?
evile: no clue.
SkyeDS: I think so, or to go to everyone you've hurt and apologize,
or something
evile: I know you're supposed to apologize to everyone, but did not
read it as 'humiliate yourself in public'
SkyeDS: I don't think he realized he was also humiliating me.
evile: No tellin.
SkyeDS: but what's done is done. I'll deal.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: I noticed Sweetie posted the other day :)
evile: yup
SkyeDS: the working on the car smile is bigger than the piano playing
smile :)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: now that I think about it, this is not the first time he
seems to have had a gushing need to come completely and nauseatingly
clean in front of a less than appropriate audience
evile: oh?
SkyeDS: when he finally decided to tell his mom he's pagan and to
drop it
SkyeDS: he didn't stop there
SkyeDS: he told her about all the physical violence, the abortion,
all of it.
SkyeDS: she felt it necessary to punish me for the abortion, of
course.
evile: His mom used to beat his dad, so I'm sure she could empathize.
SkyeDS: that's interesting. she tells it the other way around.
evile: She's a lying fucknut fundie, He's a sane, respected family
member. I believe him.
SkyeDS: I didn't mean to imply otherwise. Just an observation.
SkyeDS: I am hardly in her camp.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: color me disinterested third party amateur dilettante
mythographer. My interest is solely as a storyteller.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: thank you for the kind thoughts, t hey are appreciated more t
han you know
evile: I honestly don't have any idea what to do or say about any of
that.
SkyeDS: we have had a relapse. granted, the biggest relapse in I
don't remember how long, but it's a relapse. It's happened before.
We've dealt. It can be done.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: we have Tower energy, Star energy, and Moon energy, all going
on at the same time.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: thank you, too, for not expecting me to defend what is a
dealbreaker and when. As easy as it is for me in general to
accurately assess black, white, and lots of different nuances of
gray...this is complicated.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: I do think I'm going to lay low for a while. I don't care to
be Scarlett going to Ashley's birthday party in a glaring vermillion
dress any time soon (polys or anywhere else)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: something else that makes me cringe just a little is that
Kaleon is no doubt rejoicing in all this
SkyeDS: because he "predicted" it you know
evile: who cares what he thinks?
SkyeDS: that I am so awful that I will lose everyone I love
SkyeDS: I don't so much care what he thinks as I wish that he did not
have access to that which is none of his affair.
evile: takes 2 to tango.
SkyeDS: kind of like when Stuart used to tell all my business to
people I knew would run to Randy with it.
SkyeDS: I don't care what Randy thinks. He just doesn't need to know
my business.
evile: You could always ask sineater to make his LJ post firends only,
and delete the one in polyaustin. I don't think he can delete others
replies where they quoted him, but..
evile: maybe the mod(s) of poly austin would do that for you.
SkyeDS: no point in trying to get the spilt milk back in the glass or
the horse back in the barn.
evile: yeah
SkyeDS: Hugh just gave me $200 for Xmas.
evile: cool.
SkyeDS: If my jaw does not properly reattach I'm going to look damn
dumb today.
evile: ?
SkyeDS: no employer has ever given me a gift like that in my entire
life
evile: that's pretty cool.
evile: It must be nice to be appreciated at work :)
SkyeDS: his wife a nd I are planning a surprise present for him
evile: we are not going to the lights tonight, btw. I needed to get
stuff done at home, anyway, so it's for the best
SkyeDS: I"m going to take the horses to his place next Monday
evile: 'his'?
SkyeDS: plotting is fun :)
SkyeDS: she works at home, and she couldn't get monday off.
SkyeDS: so rather than having them meet me at a park
SkyeDS: where she can't go
SkyeDS: I'm going to take the horses there
evile: "she?"
SkyeDS: there's a park nearby
evile: who are you talking about?
SkyeDS: Joyce, Hugh's wife
SkyeDS: and I
evile: Oh ok.
SkyeDS: are going to surprise Hugh for Xmas
evile: aw. cool.
SkyeDS: I'm going to take the horses to their house
SkyeDS: so t hat way Joyce can ride too, for her lunch hour
SkyeDS: as well as Hugh and his 16 yo daughter
evile: that's nice.
SkyeDS: and I would guess maybe her boyfriend, I don't know.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: she was going to stay home and let me take Hugh to the park
in Georgetown
SkyeDS: and I said, I don't want her to be left out
SkyeDS: her concern is the last time she threw him a surprise
birthday party he got mad and just walked out
SkyeDS: but he can't say this is a complete surprise
evile: aw.
SkyeDS: he had a publishing deadline Monday
evile: ouch.
SkyeDS: so because I know how he handles deadlines
SkyeDS: I strongly suggested that he make this one early
SkyeDS: and then I told him not to make any plans for Monday
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and then I told him, because he was looking at me very funny
SkyeDS: Bill Cosby voice, "please do what your wife [mother] tells
you"
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: so it won't be a complete surprise
SkyeDS: so maybe he won't react the same way
evile: hope not.
SkyeDS: it isn't like having a party in the house where you have to
participate even when you don't want to, or leave.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I'm not going to get him into the saddle with a shotgun or
tie him up or anything
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: well duh, stupid witch. why don't you check monday's weather.
evile: they're sometimes wrong. But, yeah.
SkyeDS: I hope not this time, it looks nice so far.
evile: usually when we get the arctic fronts it dries up pretty quick.
SkyeDS: hope it's even nicer in LV than here, for Xmas, but can't
complain about our Xmas weather here, not so far.
SkyeDS: yesterday was lovely
evile: yes it was :)
SkyeDS: I stayed home to catch up on sleep. The problem child and
his mother called at the last possible minute wanting a lesson that
evening, but that turned out to be pleasant too, so it was all good.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I wonder when hotmail decided not to do rich text anymore :|
SkyeDS: (spoiled me)
evile: oh well.
evile: I do plain text with everything.
SkyeDS: sometimes I feel like Cassandra of Troy
SkyeDS: after I saw his LJ/polyaustin posts, I told him I was afraid
that they were going to have opposite effect of whatever he thought
he was trying to accomplish
evile: yup
SkyeDS: and it has already started
evile: ?
SkyeDS: the emails from all the women who want to heal/fix him
evile: really?
SkyeDS: because this is all my fault. and they know they would be
better for him than I am.
evile: I dont' think he'll be better for anyone until he gets his
issues in order.
SkyeDS: he's a frog, he'll be a prince if the RIGHT woman kisses him
(and that's obviously not me)
SkyeDS: if you say you want to catch catfish, and all you seem to be
pulling into the boat are bass.
SkyeDS: you need to look at the pond you're in, and the bait you're
throwing.
SkyeDS: because there has to be a reason for it.
evile: sineater picked you for a reason...and you picked him. So there
must be something there.
SkyeDS: he keeps planting garlic and wondering why he isn't getting
roses.
SkyeDS: I told him this was going to draw all the poly women like
flies to honey
SkyeDS: "but it's not supposed to"
SkyeDS: but it always has.
evile: *shrug*
SkyeDS: my first reaction is to be personally offended that they all
want to lay this at my feet.
SkyeDS: but that's negative, and I've had all the negative energy I
can stand for a while now, so I won't.
SkyeDS: and I"m not going to say I told you so either.
evile: takes 2 to tango.
SkyeDS: just goes back to the stupid things women do to each other
SkyeDS: oh there's nothing wrong with him, he just needs the right
woman.
SkyeDS: whatever.
evile: he can only yell at you for 6 hours if you stand there for 6
hours...
SkyeDS: that makes as much sense as he's only gay because he hasn't
had the right woman
evile: there is plenty wrong with him. I won't deny that.
SkyeDS: this doesn't have anything to do with him
SkyeDS: as much as it does, well, your man wouldn't act that way if
he were MY man
SkyeDS: how stupid is that?
evile: *shrug*
SkyeDS: demonizing us, either one of us, is not productive.
evile: nope
SkyeDS: demonizing me in the hopes of taking my man, is about stupid.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: can you even imagine Sweetie acting reprehensible one night, and
all these girls coming on to him the next day because he behaves
reprehensibly?
SkyeDS: it's like, are you nuts? are you fucking insane?
evile: ?
SkyeDS: (not you, them)
evile: Sweetie and I do not have the same issues, on the same scale, so
No I can't really imagine it.
SkyeDS: I can't, in general, get my mind around that
SkyeDS: or around women who court men in prison
SkyeDS: it's the "I'm obviously more woman than Skye" bit I don't get.
evile: what???
SkyeDS: what h appened, happened because Skye isn't the right woman
for him, and I am.
SkyeDS: um, no.
evile: whatever.
SkyeDS: these women have no clue what's going on
SkyeDS: "oh look, the puppy/kitty is hurt, if I can entice it to
follow me home can I keep it?"
evile: yup
SkyeDS: even better explanation
SkyeDS: ever been out with Sweetie
SkyeDS: or seen this happen otherwise
SkyeDS: where some woman looks at him, then looks at you, like why
the hell is he with *her*
SkyeDS: and then proceeds to pursue him like you don't exist?
evile: never happens.
SkyeDS: hav eyou ever seen it happen to others?
evile: and if it does, I don't notice it.
SkyeDS: but do you know what i"m talking about or is it completely
foreign to you
evile: *shrug* I just don't see a lot of stuff, I'm pretty oblivious.
SkyeDS: ok, well, there are women out there who do that
SkyeDS: and this to me feels the same way
evile: that's their issue, I guess.
evile: it doesn't need to be your issue.
SkyeDS: until they turn it into public personal insult.
evile: *shrug*
SkyeDS: I'm more woman than you and I'm going to take your man from
you in front of an audience.
evile: a) Sweetie would laugh in her face. and b) ignoring things helps
them look as ridiculous as they are. Giving them attention gives them
importance and makes them look real.
SkyeDS: entirely true
SkyeDS: I didn't intend to dwell on it.
SkyeDS: just an observation that I predicted it, and sure enough.
SkyeDS: they're welcome to try, adn that's the end of it.
evile: well, he said himself he 'can't' be poly. And for now, he's
with you. So tough crap for everyone else.
SkyeDS: I will just never for the life of me understand how women can
take what he said as an invitation.
evile: *shrug*
evile: I am not seeing it, so I can't really say.
evile: I don't think you can get much plainer than "I can't be poly"
and "I have a wife"
SkyeDS: ya think?
SkyeDS: that Sweetie would laugh in a wouldbe's face is a blessing.
enjoy it.
SkyeDS: what is even more ironically amusing/sad about all this is,
the first of the responses is from a woman who already told her man
she wanted sineater
evile: who?
SkyeDS: and he told her, we're only poly if you find another woman
SkyeDS: Chris Loy.
evile: wow.
SkyeDS: tenacity.
SkyeDS: and even more ironic is, she's had a man be that way to her
SkyeDS: and she told him, what you did is not that bad.
evile: wow.
SkyeDS: ya.
SkyeDS: not that bad if h e does it to me, anyway
SkyeDS: gee thanks.
evile: well, she's not on my list of top 10 people who have their
shit together
SkyeDS: I believe I"m going to invest in a tshirt that says don't go
away mad, just go away (and fucking leave me alone)
evile: heh.
evile: Are people posting this stuff in his LJ or hte yahoo group, or
where?
SkyeDS: privately emailing him
evile: and he is telling you about it? or ?
SkyeDS: yes
evile: smart move.
SkyeDS: mmm. prove my point for me. <shrug>
SkyeDS: I told him what bait he tossed after I saw him toss it
yesterday. I told him what fish he'd catch. and guess what.
evile: well, he didn't tell you about Kili, and that blew up in his
face, so I guess erring on the other side now.
SkyeDS: well, Kili blowing up in his face, has reasons that you might
not be aware of
evile: probably.
SkyeDS: he tried to kill me on three separate occasions
SkyeDS: for doing what he did with Kili
evile: hm.
SkyeDS: using my independent judgment about what was important to
tell him
SkyeDS: and what wasn't
SkyeDS: and when
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: my hypothesis about all this is as follows.
SkyeDS: there are things about him t hat he doesn't like
SkyeDS: he projects those things onto me
SkyeDS: then gets mad at me and punishes me for them
SkyeDS: while he continues doing them to me.
SkyeDS: I think it's transference, but that may be the wrong word.
evile: dunno.
evile: been a good decade + since I took any psych classes.
SkyeDS: nothing I can do about it, whether I"m right or wrong
SkyeDS: I have never done what he does, and then accuses me of doing,
I'm not going to do them, and that's that.
evile: nope, he's gotta work on his own issues.
SkyeDS: and if he continues doing said same to me, I will put as much
distance between us as I can, without sacrificing Arthur's wellbeing.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and anyone who can't understand not breaking up Arthur's
family, well, they can just not understand. but it's not their
decision.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: if something happened, and you came to me with it, and I
asked you, is leaving Sweetie an option, a nd you told me no, that would
be that.
evile: yup
evile: personally, I would not let anyone use me as a punching bag
for the sake of the cats, but ...tha'ts your choice & his to make.
SkyeDS: well, there is no more punching bag in the literal sense. he
knows what will happen if we go there again.
SkyeDS: and I"m going to insulate myself from being a metaphorical
punching bag
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: if we can't run down why we have just had the worst relapse
in a decade a nd fix it.
evile: I think professional help would be in order at this point. But
sineater doesn't want to hear that, and I'm sure you don't either.
So...forget I thought it.
SkyeDS: you're not the first person to suggest it
SkyeDS: I wasn't even the first person to suggest it
SkyeDS: someone beat us both to it
SkyeDS: I told him, it was my opinion that he would benefit from t
hat and/or a combination of that and finding some religious path that
suited him
SkyeDS: he has no ethical code at all
SkyeDS: none
evile: *laff*
SkyeDS: I was somewhat surprised to learn that, last night.
evile: so...all of this public hoo ha is not him actually feeling bad?
SkyeDS: I thought, like most eclectics, that he did have a patchwork
quilt, of s ome sort, made from patches that came from here and there.
SkyeDS: I would rather think he actually feels bad
SkyeDS: then that he's doing it specifically to get the attention I
told him he'd get.
evile: how can he, if he has no ethics?
SkyeDS: but I don't know what's in his head.
SkyeDS: ask him. those were his words.
SkyeDS: he has no rules of right and wrong by which he abides.
evile: If he doesnt' think he's doing anything wrong, he's not going
to work on making himself more acceptable to you.
evile: If he hurt you and it didn't matter to him, what is his
motivation to change and do better?
SkyeDS: I asked him that.
evile: if he's that broken, you, your animals, and your home are all
in very much danger.
SkyeDS: I know perfectly good and well he knows what in general Right
a nd Wrong are.
SkyeDS: or he'd be in prison by now
SkyeDS: what he said he doesn't have is a code of relationship ethics.
SkyeDS: akin to, strive to be compassionate to others
SkyeDS: or strive to right thought and right speech
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: or the golden rule
SkyeDS: sonar0m has no social skills
SkyeDS: my grandmother asked him, didn't your parents teach you any
manners?
SkyeDS: and I've seen his parents
SkyeDS: sadly enough the truth is, they did not
SkyeDS: they don't have any themselves
SkyeDS: someone has to teach you, you just don't do certain things
evile: yup
SkyeDS: this came about because i made the comment last night, I
don't do some things, because as much as I want to, when I'm mad sad
or hurt, I intend to practice what I preach
SkyeDS: I swore Covenants and they don't allow it.
SkyeDS: "maybe I need some of those, those might help."
SkyeDS: um...what was that???
SkyeDS: anyway, I t hink he's considering getting professional help
since we have insurance
evile: good

2756Re: icq w/A (sick sick sick)

 

Dec. 22, 2004

 

 

SkyeDS: when IS a good time to beat Xmas rush hour traffic anyway
evile: I didn't find one yesterday
evile: traffic seems to be worse near the malls.
SkyeDS: ya
SkyeDS: I need to pick a route to Txka
SkyeDS: and then a time
SkyeDS: there are many routes, I don't love any of them
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: I'm hungry and it's freezing in here.
SkyeDS: I do believe I"m going to treat myself (medicate, who am I
kidding) to one of my favorite little Chinese places for dinner.
evile: I was wanting chinese food today too.
SkyeDS: hot soup, something spicy, and hot tea. yepyep.
evile: *nod*
evile: they are talking about the 'storms' and saying the office
might not be open tomorrow. wishful thinking, I'm pretty sure.
SkyeDS: nods
evile: would be nice, though.
evile: as long as the planes are good to fly Friday a.m. I don't care
about the rest.
SkyeDS: ya
evile: well, time for me to get.
SkyeDS: be safe, and pleasant journey :)
evile: thanks :) you too.
SkyeDS: when IS a good time to beat Xmas rush hour traffic anyway
evile: I didn't find one yesterday
evile: traffic seems to be worse near the malls.
SkyeDS: ya
SkyeDS: I need to pick a route to Txka
SkyeDS: and then a time
SkyeDS: there are many routes, I don't love any of them
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: I'm hungry and it's freezing in here.
SkyeDS: I do believe I"m going to treat myself (medicate, who am I
kidding) to one of my favorite little Chinese places for dinner.
evile: I was wanting chinese food today too.
SkyeDS: hot soup, something spicy, and hot tea. yepyep.
evile: *nod*
evile: they are talking about the 'storms' and saying the office
might not be open tomorrow. wishful thinking, I'm pretty sure.
SkyeDS: nods
evile: would be nice, though.
evile: as long as the planes are good to fly Friday a.m. I don't care
about the rest.
SkyeDS: ya
evile: well, time for me to get.
SkyeDS: be safe, and pleasant journey :)
evile: thanks :) you too.
SkeyDS: grazie

•  

2755tones on tail - GO

 

Dec. 22, 2004

 

 

GO!

Living it up. It's a big kick
It's good for you
Watch the big freeze slip
Crack the jackpot, get out of control
If you put yourself down
You'll never win, get out of that hole
Keep your mind open, your head up
You'll never get old

GO!

Your whole world could change
If only you just broke through
'cause your fears are doing
nothing for you
Keep your head up, your mind open
You'll always come through
'cause living it up, it's a big deal
It's good for you

Swap your dull grey thoughts
For fierce demands you can stand up to
Don't put yourself down, you'll never win
So let's all smash through
Through the fear of being real
Through the fear of really being you
'cause living it up, it's a big deal
It's good for you

2757Exterminating Angel, The Creatures

Dec. 22, 2004

 

 

Creatures, The - Exterminating Angel Lyrics


Here it comes again
Taste of jagged glass and rusty can
There are just black holes
Where the stars would be watching
Just black holes
Where the stars should have been
Plumes of dirt
Caress a urine coloured sun
Swarms of angels
Come to kill your sons
And there's nothing but black holes
Where the stars should have been
Nothing but black holes
Where the stars would be watching

Oh those strange argonauts
Digging again in your pit
Cover them in menstrual stream
Cover them in black gold
Plunge them into ingots
Ripping through your menstrual stream
Rising up taste of rusty can
And jagged glass feeling again
Here it comes again...

Hordes of locusts blot out your sun
Raining down - rain on everyone
Poor little rich thing
Poor little bleeding heart
Poor little misunderstood
Piss on it - i'm sick of it
Enough is enough
I wanna fuck it up
In spite of it
Just for the hell of it
I wanna fuck it up
Out of sync - out of phase
Out of sight - out of spite
Raining down, raining everyone
Poor little rich thing
Poor little bleeding heart
Poor little misunderstood
Piss on it - i'm sick of it

Here it comes again...
Taste of jagged glass and rusty can
There are just black holes
Where the stars should have been
Just black holes
Where the stars would be watching

Comfort Food

According to this, here are the 50 things everyone should eat before they die. I've underlined the stuff I have not tried.( Read more... )

At this rate, I can probably die happy (& full!) pretty soon now.

gank!

from frozenrhino( Read more... )

2743 Re: E & A on the skids again

 

• Dec. 22, 2004

   

  
  I can't be in a poly relationship when I don't have a healthy
  relationship with my wife.
  
  --TRUE.
  
  
  Last night I made her cry for six hours, and I yelled at her,
  attacked her when she cried.
  
  --she cried for six hours. It was her choice. "attack" in A-
  speak means you DISAGREED with her. You probably should have walked
  away when you realized she was not going to have rational discussion,
  but, no you did not 'make' her do anything. And she could have walked
  away, as well, rather than stay while you 'yelled'.
  
  I made up things to be mad at her about, and yelled them at her as if
  they were true.
  
  --Doubtful. You confronted her with the truth as you perceived it.
  Your feelings are never 'false' but may be based on false
  information. It is up to you and the other person in a
  discussion/debate/argument to determine the facts of the matter. You
  can't help it if you feel mad, you can choose your behavior as a
  result of facts + feelings.
  
  I looked her straight in the eye and told her another woman was sexier
  than she was.
  
  --and guess what? Plenty of women are sexier than she is. No woman
  wants to hear this, but I doubt you said it, or said it in that way,
  so feh.
  
  ---I didn't apologize, I didn't reassure her, I didn't
  comfort her, I didn't hold her and try to make it better.
  
  Why should you apologize for a purely subjective perception? You
  could certainly have said "I'm sorry it hurt your feelings that I
  said ___ was sexy." You could have assured her that she was still
  your #1 gal, because of her many good qualities other than the sexy,
  but you have every right to find people sexy other than her. Feelings
  are never wrong. Behavior can be.
  
  I yelled at her.
  
  --I'd bet she yelled at you first.
  
  She loves me, completely, wholeheatedly, passionately, and this is
  how I've rewarded her.
  
  --Please demonstrate HOW exactly she demonstrates this
  alleged 'love'. Is it when she yells at you for going on dates? Is it
  when she calls you while you're at my house doing something for the
  horses, and makes you drive over an hour home to do dishes? Is it
  when she berates you for being 'stupid' in front of your friends and
  family? Is it when she holds grudges against you for making honest
  mistakes and blames you for her own poor behavior and the
  consequences thereof? Please enlighten me, because I don't see the
  'love' you refer to.
  
  I've broken every promise I ever made to her,
  
  --And she has broken promises to you, as well. Such is human nature.
  
  especially and finally the promise I made never to do this to her
  again. Again.
  
  --And guess what, she has also made promises re: how she treats you,
  and broken them.
  
  I've treated her this way for thirteen years.
  
  --bullcrap. It's intermittent, if at all. No relationship is perfect
  because no human is perfect.
  
  I've neglected her, lied to her, cheated on her, abandoned her,
  betrayed her, ignored her, abused her.
  
  --and she has done the same to you.
  
  Told her she was fat.
  
  --she IS fat. DUH!
  
  Made her feel ugly and unwanted. Beaten her. Put my hands around her
  throat.
  
  --and she's chased you with a bladed weapon, by her own admission.
  She has slapped you, punched you, hit you with objects, and allegedly
  locked you in a cage. Did you deserve any of that?
  
  
  Forced her to get an abortion, threatened to leave her if she
  didn't. Forced her to kill our child.
  
  --Also bullshit. I remember when this happened, and it was a
  pregnancy that her body could not carry to term due to her fibroids.
  She could get a D&C or bleed to death. There was not a possibility of
  a 'child'. And SHE AND YOU have allegedly both promised not to hurt
  each other with the 'abortion' anymore, and here it is again coming
  up in conversation. Broken promises!
  
  And done this again, and again.
  
  --you are not good for each other, you feed on each others weaknesses
  and hurt each other.
  
  I'll get better for a while, then do it again.
  
  --she also tends to get better for a while and then lapse back into
  unpleasant behavior patterns.
  
  I don't treat her, my wife, my partner, my happiness, the center of
  my life, the only woman who has loved me unreservedly, the woman I
  claim to love, as though I love her.
  
  --just because you don't love her the way she wants, does not mean
  you don't love her. And, guess what, I love you unreservedly, and so
  do a lot of other people. We just don't fuck you.
  
  I treat every other woman in my life better than I've treated her.
  
  --examples, please?
  
  I give other women parts of myself I've never given to her.
  
  --like what?
  
  
  S--e has always been completely honest and open with me.
  
  --I doubt it. She is not even honest with herself at times, so how
  could she be 100% honest and open for anyone else?
  
  
  She never stopped loving me, not for somebody else, not even
  after all I've done to her unyil last night.
  
  --are you sure you aren't mistaking 'love' and 'need'?
  
  I've proven repeatedly that I can't.
  
  --AGain, just because you don't love her the way she wants, does not
  mean you don't love her with everything you have. If you can't fit
  into the mold she wants, then it's time to walk away.
  
  I never accepted from her the love that she tried to give me, the
  parts of herself she wanted to share with me.
  
  --I doubt it. Please provide examples.
  
  I've thrown away the most beautiful woman I've ever known, who only
  wanted to make me happy.
  
  --she wants to make herself happy, and you are one of her 'resources'
  to do so. If you were happy being a resource and doing what she
  wanted, then she was happy, too. But heaven forbid that you ever want
  something she didn't.
  
  
  So no, in a nutshell, I'm not poly. I can't be poly.
  
  --there is nothing wrong with not being poly. and by 'can't' I think
  you are actually saying that under the rules that are ever-changing
  and incompletely thought out, you are unable to. You don't have a
  level playing field, of course you can't win.