EJ: icq w/A (sick sick sick)

[evile]

2754icq w/A (sick sick sick)

Dec. 22, 2004

 

 

evile: *hugs*
SkyeDS: hey :)
evile: How are you feeling?
SkyeDS: numb. numb is good.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: are you packed and ready?
evile: packed yes, ready no
evile: I guess it's kind of good the weather got crappy, I won't feel
bad about staying home tonight to clean house.
evile: And hopefully it will be clear again by Friday.
SkyeDS: I devoutly hope so. I don't want to drive all the way to
Txka in this.
evile: nope. that would really suck.
SkyeDS: what do they say the weather's going to be in LVNV?
evile: sunny & cool. No freezing.
SkyeDS: that's good :) maybe there will be that nice smell in t he
air with the cool.
evile: I'm afraid I told Crystalbell to step the fuck off with her
death threats. But other than that I'm not going to do or say
anything publically re: the latest w/ you and sineater.
SkyeDS: death threats?
SkyeDS: oh... "if you were married to me I'd..."
SkyeDS: ?
evile: she said something like "if you wer e mine, you would not be
alive to make this post"
SkyeDS: ya
SkyeDS: I don't understand why he wanted our dirty laundry to be so
public
evile: So I emailed her "you don't know the people, you weren't
there, you have no right to pass judgement, so please keep your death
threats to yourself"
SkyeDS: I guess this is part of expiation, I have no clue
evile: well, it will definitely keep the poly girls at bay.
SkyeDS: and I know there are people out there, mostly other women,
who are going to lay all this at my feet
evile: takes 2 to tango.
SkyeDS: because, as Ayn Rand put it, you cannot be a victim unless
you allow yourself to be
SkyeDS: and I really don't have it in me to explain or defend
anything.
evile: You shouldn't have to.
SkyeDS: he may have done it to keep other women at bay
SkyeDS: but I suspect that it's deeper than that.
evile: *shrug* No tellin.
SkyeDS: is it part of 12 steps to make your admission public or
whatever?
evile: no clue.
SkyeDS: I think so, or to go to everyone you've hurt and apologize,
or something
evile: I know you're supposed to apologize to everyone, but did not
read it as 'humiliate yourself in public'
SkyeDS: I don't think he realized he was also humiliating me.
evile: No tellin.
SkyeDS: but what's done is done. I'll deal.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: I noticed Sweetie posted the other day :)
evile: yup
SkyeDS: the working on the car smile is bigger than the piano playing
smile :)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: now that I think about it, this is not the first time he
seems to have had a gushing need to come completely and nauseatingly
clean in front of a less than appropriate audience
evile: oh?
SkyeDS: when he finally decided to tell his mom he's pagan and to
drop it
SkyeDS: he didn't stop there
SkyeDS: he told her about all the physical violence, the abortion,
all of it.
SkyeDS: she felt it necessary to punish me for the abortion, of
course.
evile: His mom used to beat his dad, so I'm sure she could empathize.
SkyeDS: that's interesting. she tells it the other way around.
evile: She's a lying fucknut fundie, He's a sane, respected family
member. I believe him.
SkyeDS: I didn't mean to imply otherwise. Just an observation.
SkyeDS: I am hardly in her camp.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: color me disinterested third party amateur dilettante
mythographer. My interest is solely as a storyteller.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: thank you for the kind thoughts, t hey are appreciated more t
han you know
evile: I honestly don't have any idea what to do or say about any of
that.
SkyeDS: we have had a relapse. granted, the biggest relapse in I
don't remember how long, but it's a relapse. It's happened before.
We've dealt. It can be done.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: we have Tower energy, Star energy, and Moon energy, all going
on at the same time.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: thank you, too, for not expecting me to defend what is a
dealbreaker and when. As easy as it is for me in general to
accurately assess black, white, and lots of different nuances of
gray...this is complicated.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: I do think I'm going to lay low for a while. I don't care to
be Scarlett going to Ashley's birthday party in a glaring vermillion
dress any time soon (polys or anywhere else)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: something else that makes me cringe just a little is that
Kaleon is no doubt rejoicing in all this
SkyeDS: because he "predicted" it you know
evile: who cares what he thinks?
SkyeDS: that I am so awful that I will lose everyone I love
SkyeDS: I don't so much care what he thinks as I wish that he did not
have access to that which is none of his affair.
evile: takes 2 to tango.
SkyeDS: kind of like when Stuart used to tell all my business to
people I knew would run to Randy with it.
SkyeDS: I don't care what Randy thinks. He just doesn't need to know
my business.
evile: You could always ask sineater to make his LJ post firends only,
and delete the one in polyaustin. I don't think he can delete others
replies where they quoted him, but..
evile: maybe the mod(s) of poly austin would do that for you.
SkyeDS: no point in trying to get the spilt milk back in the glass or
the horse back in the barn.
evile: yeah
SkyeDS: Hugh just gave me $200 for Xmas.
evile: cool.
SkyeDS: If my jaw does not properly reattach I'm going to look damn
dumb today.
evile: ?
SkyeDS: no employer has ever given me a gift like that in my entire
life
evile: that's pretty cool.
evile: It must be nice to be appreciated at work :)
SkyeDS: his wife a nd I are planning a surprise present for him
evile: we are not going to the lights tonight, btw. I needed to get
stuff done at home, anyway, so it's for the best
SkyeDS: I"m going to take the horses to his place next Monday
evile: 'his'?
SkyeDS: plotting is fun :)
SkyeDS: she works at home, and she couldn't get monday off.
SkyeDS: so rather than having them meet me at a park
SkyeDS: where she can't go
SkyeDS: I'm going to take the horses there
evile: "she?"
SkyeDS: there's a park nearby
evile: who are you talking about?
SkyeDS: Joyce, Hugh's wife
SkyeDS: and I
evile: Oh ok.
SkyeDS: are going to surprise Hugh for Xmas
evile: aw. cool.
SkyeDS: I'm going to take the horses to their house
SkyeDS: so t hat way Joyce can ride too, for her lunch hour
SkyeDS: as well as Hugh and his 16 yo daughter
evile: that's nice.
SkyeDS: and I would guess maybe her boyfriend, I don't know.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: she was going to stay home and let me take Hugh to the park
in Georgetown
SkyeDS: and I said, I don't want her to be left out
SkyeDS: her concern is the last time she threw him a surprise
birthday party he got mad and just walked out
SkyeDS: but he can't say this is a complete surprise
evile: aw.
SkyeDS: he had a publishing deadline Monday
evile: ouch.
SkyeDS: so because I know how he handles deadlines
SkyeDS: I strongly suggested that he make this one early
SkyeDS: and then I told him not to make any plans for Monday
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and then I told him, because he was looking at me very funny
SkyeDS: Bill Cosby voice, "please do what your wife [mother] tells
you"
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: so it won't be a complete surprise
SkyeDS: so maybe he won't react the same way
evile: hope not.
SkyeDS: it isn't like having a party in the house where you have to
participate even when you don't want to, or leave.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I'm not going to get him into the saddle with a shotgun or
tie him up or anything
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: well duh, stupid witch. why don't you check monday's weather.
evile: they're sometimes wrong. But, yeah.
SkyeDS: I hope not this time, it looks nice so far.
evile: usually when we get the arctic fronts it dries up pretty quick.
SkyeDS: hope it's even nicer in LV than here, for Xmas, but can't
complain about our Xmas weather here, not so far.
SkyeDS: yesterday was lovely
evile: yes it was :)
SkyeDS: I stayed home to catch up on sleep. The problem child and
his mother called at the last possible minute wanting a lesson that
evening, but that turned out to be pleasant too, so it was all good.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I wonder when hotmail decided not to do rich text anymore :|
SkyeDS: (spoiled me)
evile: oh well.
evile: I do plain text with everything.
SkyeDS: sometimes I feel like Cassandra of Troy
SkyeDS: after I saw his LJ/polyaustin posts, I told him I was afraid
that they were going to have opposite effect of whatever he thought
he was trying to accomplish
evile: yup
SkyeDS: and it has already started
evile: ?
SkyeDS: the emails from all the women who want to heal/fix him
evile: really?
SkyeDS: because this is all my fault. and they know they would be
better for him than I am.
evile: I dont' think he'll be better for anyone until he gets his
issues in order.
SkyeDS: he's a frog, he'll be a prince if the RIGHT woman kisses him
(and that's obviously not me)
SkyeDS: if you say you want to catch catfish, and all you seem to be
pulling into the boat are bass.
SkyeDS: you need to look at the pond you're in, and the bait you're
throwing.
SkyeDS: because there has to be a reason for it.
evile: sineater picked you for a reason...and you picked him. So there
must be something there.
SkyeDS: he keeps planting garlic and wondering why he isn't getting
roses.
SkyeDS: I told him this was going to draw all the poly women like
flies to honey
SkyeDS: "but it's not supposed to"
SkyeDS: but it always has.
evile: *shrug*
SkyeDS: my first reaction is to be personally offended that they all
want to lay this at my feet.
SkyeDS: but that's negative, and I've had all the negative energy I
can stand for a while now, so I won't.
SkyeDS: and I"m not going to say I told you so either.
evile: takes 2 to tango.
SkyeDS: just goes back to the stupid things women do to each other
SkyeDS: oh there's nothing wrong with him, he just needs the right
woman.
SkyeDS: whatever.
evile: he can only yell at you for 6 hours if you stand there for 6
hours...
SkyeDS: that makes as much sense as he's only gay because he hasn't
had the right woman
evile: there is plenty wrong with him. I won't deny that.
SkyeDS: this doesn't have anything to do with him
SkyeDS: as much as it does, well, your man wouldn't act that way if
he were MY man
SkyeDS: how stupid is that?
evile: *shrug*
SkyeDS: demonizing us, either one of us, is not productive.
evile: nope
SkyeDS: demonizing me in the hopes of taking my man, is about stupid.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: can you even imagine Sweetie acting reprehensible one night, and
all these girls coming on to him the next day because he behaves
reprehensibly?
SkyeDS: it's like, are you nuts? are you fucking insane?
evile: ?
SkyeDS: (not you, them)
evile: Sweetie and I do not have the same issues, on the same scale, so
No I can't really imagine it.
SkyeDS: I can't, in general, get my mind around that
SkyeDS: or around women who court men in prison
SkyeDS: it's the "I'm obviously more woman than Skye" bit I don't get.
evile: what???
SkyeDS: what h appened, happened because Skye isn't the right woman
for him, and I am.
SkyeDS: um, no.
evile: whatever.
SkyeDS: these women have no clue what's going on
SkyeDS: "oh look, the puppy/kitty is hurt, if I can entice it to
follow me home can I keep it?"
evile: yup
SkyeDS: even better explanation
SkyeDS: ever been out with Sweetie
SkyeDS: or seen this happen otherwise
SkyeDS: where some woman looks at him, then looks at you, like why
the hell is he with *her*
SkyeDS: and then proceeds to pursue him like you don't exist?
evile: never happens.
SkyeDS: hav eyou ever seen it happen to others?
evile: and if it does, I don't notice it.
SkyeDS: but do you know what i"m talking about or is it completely
foreign to you
evile: *shrug* I just don't see a lot of stuff, I'm pretty oblivious.
SkyeDS: ok, well, there are women out there who do that
SkyeDS: and this to me feels the same way
evile: that's their issue, I guess.
evile: it doesn't need to be your issue.
SkyeDS: until they turn it into public personal insult.
evile: *shrug*
SkyeDS: I'm more woman than you and I'm going to take your man from
you in front of an audience.
evile: a) Sweetie would laugh in her face. and b) ignoring things helps
them look as ridiculous as they are. Giving them attention gives them
importance and makes them look real.
SkyeDS: entirely true
SkyeDS: I didn't intend to dwell on it.
SkyeDS: just an observation that I predicted it, and sure enough.
SkyeDS: they're welcome to try, adn that's the end of it.
evile: well, he said himself he 'can't' be poly. And for now, he's
with you. So tough crap for everyone else.
SkyeDS: I will just never for the life of me understand how women can
take what he said as an invitation.
evile: *shrug*
evile: I am not seeing it, so I can't really say.
evile: I don't think you can get much plainer than "I can't be poly"
and "I have a wife"
SkyeDS: ya think?
SkyeDS: that Sweetie would laugh in a wouldbe's face is a blessing.
enjoy it.
SkyeDS: what is even more ironically amusing/sad about all this is,
the first of the responses is from a woman who already told her man
she wanted sineater
evile: who?
SkyeDS: and he told her, we're only poly if you find another woman
SkyeDS: Chris Loy.
evile: wow.
SkyeDS: tenacity.
SkyeDS: and even more ironic is, she's had a man be that way to her
SkyeDS: and she told him, what you did is not that bad.
evile: wow.
SkyeDS: ya.
SkyeDS: not that bad if h e does it to me, anyway
SkyeDS: gee thanks.
evile: well, she's not on my list of top 10 people who have their
shit together
SkyeDS: I believe I"m going to invest in a tshirt that says don't go
away mad, just go away (and fucking leave me alone)
evile: heh.
evile: Are people posting this stuff in his LJ or hte yahoo group, or
where?
SkyeDS: privately emailing him
evile: and he is telling you about it? or ?
SkyeDS: yes
evile: smart move.
SkyeDS: mmm. prove my point for me. <shrug>
SkyeDS: I told him what bait he tossed after I saw him toss it
yesterday. I told him what fish he'd catch. and guess what.
evile: well, he didn't tell you about Kili, and that blew up in his
face, so I guess erring on the other side now.
SkyeDS: well, Kili blowing up in his face, has reasons that you might
not be aware of
evile: probably.
SkyeDS: he tried to kill me on three separate occasions
SkyeDS: for doing what he did with Kili
evile: hm.
SkyeDS: using my independent judgment about what was important to
tell him
SkyeDS: and what wasn't
SkyeDS: and when
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: my hypothesis about all this is as follows.
SkyeDS: there are things about him t hat he doesn't like
SkyeDS: he projects those things onto me
SkyeDS: then gets mad at me and punishes me for them
SkyeDS: while he continues doing them to me.
SkyeDS: I think it's transference, but that may be the wrong word.
evile: dunno.
evile: been a good decade + since I took any psych classes.
SkyeDS: nothing I can do about it, whether I"m right or wrong
SkyeDS: I have never done what he does, and then accuses me of doing,
I'm not going to do them, and that's that.
evile: nope, he's gotta work on his own issues.
SkyeDS: and if he continues doing said same to me, I will put as much
distance between us as I can, without sacrificing Arthur's wellbeing.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and anyone who can't understand not breaking up Arthur's
family, well, they can just not understand. but it's not their
decision.
evile: yup
SkyeDS: if something happened, and you came to me with it, and I
asked you, is leaving Sweetie an option, a nd you told me no, that would
be that.
evile: yup
evile: personally, I would not let anyone use me as a punching bag
for the sake of the cats, but ...tha'ts your choice & his to make.
SkyeDS: well, there is no more punching bag in the literal sense. he
knows what will happen if we go there again.
SkyeDS: and I"m going to insulate myself from being a metaphorical
punching bag
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: if we can't run down why we have just had the worst relapse
in a decade a nd fix it.
evile: I think professional help would be in order at this point. But
sineater doesn't want to hear that, and I'm sure you don't either.
So...forget I thought it.
SkyeDS: you're not the first person to suggest it
SkyeDS: I wasn't even the first person to suggest it
SkyeDS: someone beat us both to it
SkyeDS: I told him, it was my opinion that he would benefit from t
hat and/or a combination of that and finding some religious path that
suited him
SkyeDS: he has no ethical code at all
SkyeDS: none
evile: *laff*
SkyeDS: I was somewhat surprised to learn that, last night.
evile: so...all of this public hoo ha is not him actually feeling bad?
SkyeDS: I thought, like most eclectics, that he did have a patchwork
quilt, of s ome sort, made from patches that came from here and there.
SkyeDS: I would rather think he actually feels bad
SkyeDS: then that he's doing it specifically to get the attention I
told him he'd get.
evile: how can he, if he has no ethics?
SkyeDS: but I don't know what's in his head.
SkyeDS: ask him. those were his words.
SkyeDS: he has no rules of right and wrong by which he abides.
evile: If he doesnt' think he's doing anything wrong, he's not going
to work on making himself more acceptable to you.
evile: If he hurt you and it didn't matter to him, what is his
motivation to change and do better?
SkyeDS: I asked him that.
evile: if he's that broken, you, your animals, and your home are all
in very much danger.
SkyeDS: I know perfectly good and well he knows what in general Right
a nd Wrong are.
SkyeDS: or he'd be in prison by now
SkyeDS: what he said he doesn't have is a code of relationship ethics.
SkyeDS: akin to, strive to be compassionate to others
SkyeDS: or strive to right thought and right speech
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: or the golden rule
SkyeDS: sonar0m has no social skills
SkyeDS: my grandmother asked him, didn't your parents teach you any
manners?
SkyeDS: and I've seen his parents
SkyeDS: sadly enough the truth is, they did not
SkyeDS: they don't have any themselves
SkyeDS: someone has to teach you, you just don't do certain things
evile: yup
SkyeDS: this came about because i made the comment last night, I
don't do some things, because as much as I want to, when I'm mad sad
or hurt, I intend to practice what I preach
SkyeDS: I swore Covenants and they don't allow it.
SkyeDS: "maybe I need some of those, those might help."
SkyeDS: um...what was that???
SkyeDS: anyway, I t hink he's considering getting professional help
since we have insurance
evile: good

2756Re: icq w/A (sick sick sick)

 

Dec. 22, 2004

 

 

SkyeDS: when IS a good time to beat Xmas rush hour traffic anyway
evile: I didn't find one yesterday
evile: traffic seems to be worse near the malls.
SkyeDS: ya
SkyeDS: I need to pick a route to Txka
SkyeDS: and then a time
SkyeDS: there are many routes, I don't love any of them
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: I'm hungry and it's freezing in here.
SkyeDS: I do believe I"m going to treat myself (medicate, who am I
kidding) to one of my favorite little Chinese places for dinner.
evile: I was wanting chinese food today too.
SkyeDS: hot soup, something spicy, and hot tea. yepyep.
evile: *nod*
evile: they are talking about the 'storms' and saying the office
might not be open tomorrow. wishful thinking, I'm pretty sure.
SkyeDS: nods
evile: would be nice, though.
evile: as long as the planes are good to fly Friday a.m. I don't care
about the rest.
SkyeDS: ya
evile: well, time for me to get.
SkyeDS: be safe, and pleasant journey :)
evile: thanks :) you too.
SkyeDS: when IS a good time to beat Xmas rush hour traffic anyway
evile: I didn't find one yesterday
evile: traffic seems to be worse near the malls.
SkyeDS: ya
SkyeDS: I need to pick a route to Txka
SkyeDS: and then a time
SkyeDS: there are many routes, I don't love any of them
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: I'm hungry and it's freezing in here.
SkyeDS: I do believe I"m going to treat myself (medicate, who am I
kidding) to one of my favorite little Chinese places for dinner.
evile: I was wanting chinese food today too.
SkyeDS: hot soup, something spicy, and hot tea. yepyep.
evile: *nod*
evile: they are talking about the 'storms' and saying the office
might not be open tomorrow. wishful thinking, I'm pretty sure.
SkyeDS: nods
evile: would be nice, though.
evile: as long as the planes are good to fly Friday a.m. I don't care
about the rest.
SkyeDS: ya
evile: well, time for me to get.
SkyeDS: be safe, and pleasant journey :)
evile: thanks :) you too.
SkeyDS: grazie

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