SkyeDS: bad icq, bad
evile: Yeah, it got funky there for a sec.
SkyeDS: I don't know what sineater's time off will be yet
evile: Oh, for Xmas weekend?
SkyeDS: ya
evile: I hope that works out for you, I know it's important for you
to put in an appearance with the fam.
evile: and from what you've told me, the last few visits have been
pleasant or at least not full of drama.
SkyeDS: I'm not as concerned about a trip to Txka as I am seeing G&K
while they're here.
SkyeDS: I have five days off and I want to use them as wisely as
possible
evile: They said 'morning of the 27th' for arrival, and
staying 'until new years' which could either be eve or day...
evile: And I guess they'll be at my place the whole time.
SkyeDS: ah. so that won't be done on time off.
SkyeDS: and being at your place certainly makes finding them easier,
yes it does.
evile: I think before the 27th, they'll be in Houston, but I don't
know the timeline on any of that.
SkyeDS: and I'm thinking sineater will have much more time off than I do
evile: Sweetie's still planning on driving to Florida. Leaving next
Tuesday or Wednesday, I think.
SkyeDS: long drive. I hope he finds what he seeks in going :)
evile: His office is closed the whole week after Xmas, and it doesn't
hit against his personal vacation hours.
SkyeDS: that's sweet.
SkyeDS: I'm sorry about his Gramma :(
evile: He likes to drive, so it's no biggie for him to spend 2-3 days
driving.
SkyeDS: we are of an age now where I guess the losses keep coming and
don't stop
evile: And I think he'll need the time to process things.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: it just seems like it's right on the heels of losing Nikki (I
know it isn't)
evile: 10 years ago, almost to the day, his father passed away.
SkyeDS: sucks when people die on holidays. as if holidays aren't
stressful already.
evile: yeah
SkyeDS: two attorneys we deal with on a regular basis = Rawhide, and
Ace.
evile: nice names.
SkyeDS: Ace = the man's given name.
evile: bless his heart. His mom must have been a KISS fan.
SkyeDS: Ace Frehley?
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I liked Frehley's Comet.
evile: The kid across the street from me when I was in 4th grade was
a big KISS fan, but I never got into them.
SkyeDS: don't laugh. they were too weird for me growing up.
evile: I think I liked the Beatles and Alice Cooper at that age.
SkyeDS: omg, Cali wasn't kidding. 1st year teachers in the Valley
make 30+K a year.
evile: is that good or bad?
SkyeDS: keep in mind that I haven't taught in a decade. But the
starting salary used to be 18.5K
evile: wow. neither amount is sufficient, IMHO, but 30 is definitely
better than 18.5
SkyeDS: SCA event in Edinburg second weekend in January
evile: I read about that.
SkyeDS: gonna take as long to ge tthere, if not longer, than Texarkana
SkyeDS: means will have to take off that Friday
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: and barring disaster, will get there, perhaps before Cali is
done with his day
evile: *nod* cool.
SkyeDS: <grins> surprises surprises
SkyeDS: now if I can just figure out how to get to his campus w/o
asking him
evile: Oh, so he doesn't know you're going to be there?
SkyeDS: he does
SkyeDS: know I'm coming
SkyeDS: but doesn't know I plan to surprise him at work (after work)
evile: That sounds like fun :)
SkyeDS: last period ends at 4 pm
SkyeDS: will have to bust butt to make that.
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: no long stops (that will be hard)
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: must plan way to miss rush hour/s on I35 too.
evile: oh, definitely.
SkyeDS: found a way to shave 5 minutes off my morning drive already
anyway, that should help
evile: excellent :)
SkyeDS: I wonder where, when and how the hell I became the
relationship expert/spiritual counselor.
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: about the only useful thing about me is that I am an
excellent example of what NOT to do
evile: well, you've managed to hang on to one guy for more than 10
yrs, which means you must be doing something right...
SkyeDS: not necessarily.
evile: well, the assumption from the outside looking in would be that
here's this devoted couple who have been together a good long time,
I'm sure they know something I don't.
evile: the reality may be that one or both partners are just too
scared or lazy to leave, but that's not how it looks from the
outside :P
evile: I get a lot of people asking me relationship questions too...I
feel like a total fraud dispensing info or advice. I just muddle
thru, same as everyone else.
SkyeDS: <shakes head
evile: I think alot of people just dont' trust their own instincts on
things and would rather hear it from somone else, even if they know
what they need to know.
SkyeDS: but then t hey want to debate it.
evile: of course.
evile: Because whatever it is would be uncomfortable and
inconvenient, which is why they didnt' listen to themselves in the
first place.
evile: sort of like little kids who are tired but refuse to let the
adult put them in the bed.
SkyeDS: just seems to me the village idiot is an odd place to go for
advice
evile: whoever is seeking your advice probably doesn't see you as
a 'village idiot'
SkyeDS: no, but I do
evile: it's always interesting to find discrepancies between how you
see yourself and how others see you.
evile: And nice when you realize that you give the impression of
being competent and successful when your own perception is not that
great.
SkyeDS: ya, and scary to think I will ruin someone's life with bad
advice
evile: well, you could always tell the person you didn't feel
comfortable telling them how to conduct their own affairs.
SkyeDS: I preface everything w ith "this is my opinion" and
then "this is why this is my opinion"
evile: "i care about you and I'm your friend, but I don't feel that
my advice would be helpful in this situation. Feel free to bitch or
cry on my shoulder, but I can't tell you how to handle this."
evile: *nod* your way is good, too.
evile: When I commented in onyxlynxx's LJ, I was careful to make "I"
statements about what I thought of M's behavior, but he still read it
as "evilE hates me and thinks I'm manipulating and using K".
SkyeDS: people hear what they want to hear regardless
evile: yeah..but it kind of sucks to have stuff like that come back
to smack you in the face--"SKYE said I should dump my boyfriend and
now I'm miserable, and it's all HER fault!"
SkyeDS: amne
evile: Oh well.
evile: it's hard to keep from wanting to help people you care
about...and when you're a bossy oldest sib, like me, the way that
usually happens ends up looking like me telling them what to do.
*sigh* It's a habit I'm trying to break. Listen, hug, and let the
person do what they know they need to do, somewhere deep down.
SkyeDS: ya
evile: it's a nice complement...I mean, if people are asking you for
advice it means they admire you and what you've got and want
soemthing similar for themselves.
SkyeDS: go figure.
evile: I haven't heard back from Sunshine. He does this from time to
time, talks about getting together and doesn't follow up. I guess I'm
supposed to chase him. Sorry, I'm not an 18 year old girl, not gonna
happen.
SkyeDS: lol
evile: I'm just being nosy, you don't have to answer. Just wondering
who is asking you for advice?
SkyeDS: Jubilee and Keject
evile: Oh, I didn't even know they were a thing.
SkyeDS: they aren't. yet.
evile: aha.
evile: are they going to try poly?
SkyeDS: no.
evile: VERY interesting that they'd be asking you for relationship
advice, then.
SkyeDS: they're worried about hurting Debby.
evile: who is Debby involved with?
SkyeDS: Debby thought she was involved w/ Keject, and she wasn't
SkyeDS: according to him
SkyeDS: none of this is for public consumption btw
evile: *nod*
evile: of course.
SkyeDS: after many hours of discussion about several issues, the
bottom line is, only way not to hurt her is for Chris not to love
Jubi and to love Debby instead
SkyeDS: and t hat isn't going ot happen
evile: sad but that's life.
SkyeDS: Jubi's mom suggested asking Deb's permission
SkyeDS: I'm like omfg that is so ...wrong.
evile: ?
SkyeDS: why would you ask someone for permission to have a
relationship with someone you love?
SkyeDS: Debby's going to be all kinds of hurt, betrayed and angry
already
SkyeDS: so let's just give her the chance to lash out with authority
why don't we
SkyeDS: Debby says, no you can't date
evile: I dont' know about *asking* but obviously a miscommunication
has occurred, and a nice thing to do would be for him to set Debbie
down and say "look, I am sorry you feel that we were dating, Inever
meant to mislead you. I am not interested in you that way."
SkyeDS: ok, well, they still love each other
SkyeDS: so now what's accomplished
SkyeDS: squat
SkyeDS: that's what I"m trying to talk t hem into doing
evile: And since there was no relationship agreement, debbie really
has no say in what he does or doesn't do with Jubilee, so jus tleave
that part out of it.
SkyeDS: exactly
SkyeDS: "we don't want to hurt Debby"
SkyeDS: ya, well, even if ya'll don't date, to keep from hurting
Debby, the one thing you can't control are your feelings for each
other
SkyeDS: and as dense as Debby can be, she won't miss seeing them
forever
evile: he isn't very experienced with this kind of stuff, poor kiddo,
I'm sure he doesn't want to do that, but it's the only option that
has a chance of preserving the friendship.
SkyeDS: they were plainly obvious to me, a long time ago
SkyeDS: no matter what you d o, the fact of your love is going to be
what hurts her.
SkyeDS: so imprisoning yourselves over it accomplishes nothing.
evile: And it would be nicer in the long run to tell her themselves
rather than wait for her to figure it out herself or overhear some
gossip or whatever.
SkyeDS: exactly
SkyeDS: the longer it takes, the more hurt will heap on, because "why
did you wait so long to tell me, you lied to me" etc
evile: well, not jubilee to tell her, becauseit's not for her to
tell. Chris is going to have to take his testicles in hand and
say "look its not about you, it's about the fact that I don't think
of you that way, and I never will"
SkyeDS: Debby is not...well adjusted.
SkyeDS: I"m not going to live Chris to do this by himself
SkyeDS: he hasn't got the experience
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: the plan is to sit down and talk about it over ny
evile: oh boy.
SkyeDS: Debby was there for me at one of the worst times in my recent
past.
evile: *nod* I remember you mentioning that.
SkyeDS: I am going ot do my dead level best to be there for her
SkyeDS: and the truly kind and compassionate thing to do is not to
enable her to do what she would do left on her own
evile: *nod*
evile: Well, time for me to hit the bricks. Have a good weekend. :)
SkyeDS: wind to your wings :)
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