1641LJ post from last night

[evile]

Sep. 20, 2003

 

 

Creative juicy
I've been in a big lull with all of my bead stuff, stained glass
making, soapmaking, sewing, and basically anything creative.

I got a stained glass supply catalog in the mail today and I'm all
het up to create again. But, telling myself very firmly that I am
going to work with what I HAVE and NOT buy any more stuff! No matter
how pretty and cool it is!

It's tempting though--I found this stuff and I'd really like to play
with it. Not that clay is really my 'thang' but...this just looks
awesome. And I'd love to put my brother E to work on some stuff--his
sculpting skills are fantastic.


*sigh* My ego and my business just took such a huge knock with the
failed TRF bus trips, the failed Excalibur Booth, and the failed
Natural Magic booth...I just don't know how much more failure I can
take, so I haven't made any more efforts in a long time.

I may hate my 'real' job but at least I have none of my real self
invested there. I go, do my work, and go home. It sucks, and it is
spirit-draining to some degree, but I leave it at the end of the day
and that's it. Failure at something I care about, something I love,
and something that is important and beautiful to me...that kills my
soul. And I don't think I've got too much more in there to kill.
But....NOT creating is also soul-killing.


So this is me...putting the band-aid back on this particular psychic
wound, wiping my tears, cleaning up my work room so I can get things
done. I want to create. I will create. Knock me down 100 times, I
will stand up 101 times. Dammit.