1686Re: OH DEAR GHOD

[evile]

Oct. 7, 2003

 

 

Date: Tue, 07 Oct 2003 16:13:37 +0000
From: X
Subject: you only have her side
E-
regardless of what you think and feel I will never be your ex-
friend. I will always love you. Yes, my home was raided. It was
traumatic for the children and for myself. i am not in jail, the
children are with me, and we are fine. i am divorcing [M/husband]. it is
past due. I have tried many times to reach out to you. I have never
fully understood exactly what i did that made you hate me. Yes, M.
and i were doing drugs, for the past 8 months. I was never dealing
them, but I can't speak for M. He and I have basically been
seperated since July. The condition of the house when [X's stepmom] saw it had
to do with the police turning it upside down. All the drugs found
where on M. or in his drawer. The razor blades were from a tool
box. We had recently begun renovating. Having re-painted the living
room, hallway, front bedroom and working our way thru so that it
could be sold. [Stepmom] drastically over-exaggerated things.
I am not a bad person. And the charges against me are dismissed. I
am sober now for 3 weeks. CPS has NO cases pending against me, and
didn't deem me un-fit. [J/Goddaughter] misses you terribly. You have always
been important to her. Please reconsider leaving our friendship. I am
so sorry for having upset and disappointed you. I felt unduly judged
by you when you got angry about my wanting an extra day away from
M. I wasn't, and had never used you as a cover. M and i had had
a bad marriage for a couple of years, and yes, I did have an affair
in January. It was over in January. I really did only want the extra
day for some alone time.
You told me back in April you would always be my friend, I read
your diaries when I can just to know what you have been up to. I'm
sorry about Nicky.
I didn't lose weight because of drugs. The drugs didn't start
until last April and I had already lost 95% of my weight by that
time. You have no reason to believe me, but I have no reason to lie.
Yes, I was open with the kids about my pot smoking, they never saw me
do anything else. The condition of the house was completly from
having every drawer, box, and cabinet's contents thrown about and
scattered. M will be gone for a long time.
Please re-consider opening communication with me.
-X

====
Me to J-law:

Good lord..I can't even have a nice night out without
damned X laying another self-serving guilt trip on
my sorry ass. I can't believe her shit. I was checking
my email before bath & bed and found that garbage.
agh.

I sent it to you from my freaks.net email. AT least
she had the courtesy not to mail that garbage to my
work address.

I am so DONE with her. It used to make my heart pound
when I'd see something in my inbox from her--"Is this
the email that will make me break down and go running
back to her, to do whatever she needs me to do?"...and
now it's just "Jeezus ghod, what the fuck dirty trick
is she trying now?"

*sigh* I just can't believe how selfish and self
centered she is. LIke I give a shit how she lost
weight. What I *do* give a shit about (and want to
KILL HER FUCKING ASS for) is her doing & dealing, or
allowing dealing to be done from her home, where her
children are vulnerable to it.

agh.

Anyway...enough bullshit.

Comments

1694Re: OH DEAR GHOD

[evile]

Oct. 10, 2003
From: Dee
Subject: Re: The latest from Looney Xtal.

Umm.... This would make some great reality show scripting. What
fantasy land is she living in where it's alright to do drugs if
you're honest with your kids about it? And if "having an extra day
away from M" was the honest truth then what was all M's psycho
drama about? I wish I could figure out a way for you to be involved
with J[goddessdaughter] (cuz she needs some SANE roll models) and not have to be
involved with Xtal. I still say those poor poor kids! Like her being
sober for 3 weeks is that big a deal....how about "I've been going to
therapy with the kids" or "I've been going to Narcotics Anonymous"
or "I've been trying to figure out why I"m such a selfish
bitch".....Mother Goddess protect her children from her stupidity!
ANY FUCKIN' WAY!....Super glad to hear about Sweetie's job situation as
well as the outpatient options for you! Good thing you've got the
Goddess watching over you or you'd be crazy! Onto the altar those
poor sweet babies go! Love to you and Sweetie XXXOOO D

======================
Date: Fri, 10 Oct 2003 06:11:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: E
Subject: Re: The latest from Looney Xtal.
To: Dee

My thoughts exactly. Your note re: therapy and then watching the
dancers last night at Cafe Mundi stirred up my brain a bit and gave
me what I think is an Inspiration. I don't know if there are support
groups for kids so young, so I thought "Church". I am thinking I
could arrange to take the kids (or maybe just the 2 oldest) to church
and/or Sunday school one Sunday a month, at least. Not sure if Xtal
is still on her 'you may not see my children without supervision'
kick or what, but church is both healing for the children AND
something that will teach them more about right & wrong than they've
been learning at home, PLUS something that has built-
in 'supervision'. Obviously I'm not going to be doing or saying
anything evil and destructive in the house of God. Plus (and this
one's ugly), it's not a situation where she can coach the children to
get gifts/money/stuff out of me. I was thinking we could go to a few
different services and maybe even a kids' yoga class, just to expose
them to different kinds of spiritual practices & then if there's one
we really enjoy that can become our regular place. What do you
think? *hugs* Thanks so much for your prayers & love. Your strength
is inspirational to me. =E

1696Re: OH DEAR GHOD

[evile]

a
Oct. 13, 2003


Date: Sun, 12 Oct 2003 00:59:30 -0700 (PDT)
From: "D
Subject: Re: The latest from Looney Xtal.


Church would be a good thing. Also there should be a child support
group through Narc Anon if it's run like Alcoholic's Anon...kid's
yoga is also a great option too!
Blessings on you for thinking only of these kids and not being bitter
or spiteful. With someone like Xtal I'm sure it's difficult not to
want to chuck the lot and go on with life, especially since she has
used those kids to take advantage of you several times! Goddess
protect and preserve you!
D

[evile]

=========
me to J-Law:
Date: Fri, 10 Oct 2003 06:18:03 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Erika H"

Subject: Inspiration? or self-delusion?
To: J-Law

Last night at Cafe Mundi, I started thinking about possible ways to
spend time with the A-- kids. Xtal's latest note didn't mention
having the kids in counseling, and that bothered me. I think they
need it. So then I was thinking of PDAP, the under-18 drug and
alcohol abusers support group I used to attend with my foster brother
in HS. I don't know if there are support groups in Austin for kids
so young, so then I thought "Church". I am thinking I could arrange
to take the kids (or maybe just the 2 oldest) to church and/or Sunday
school one Sunday a month, at least. Not sure if Xtal is still on
her 'you may not see my children without supervision' kick or what,
but church is both healing for the children AND something that will
teach them more about right & wrong than they've been learning at
home, PLUS something that has built-in 'supervision'. Obviously I'm
not going to be doing or saying anything evil and destructive in the
house of God. Plus (and this one's ugly), it's not a situation where
she can coach the children to get gifts/money/stuff out of me. I was
thinking we could go to a few different services and maybe even a
kids' yoga class, just to expose them to different kinds of spiritual
practices & then if there's one we really enjoy that can become our
regular place.

I might be able to negotiate this through C [X's stepmom], like have Xtal drop
them at C & M V's and I pick them up or something, so I never
have to actually see her face or talk to her. What do you think?

[evile]

1698Re: OH DEAR GHOD

Oct. 13, 2003


J-Law's reply:

This, my dear, is a toughie.

As an initial matter, I think it's a brilliant idea. I admire you
for coming up with it - the smarts, and caring enough to think about
it and come up with a way to hang with the kids.

Assuming you do this, I think arranging it through C [X's stepmom] and picking
up/dropping of at her place is ESSENTIAL. I would say it's a deal
breaker - if C can't/won't arrange it, or Xtal won't go for it,
then don't do it. Compromise if necessary on activities, but do not
compromise on this. Even if Xtal does go for it, be prepared for
her to try to get around it, something along the lines of "Oh, I
can't take the kids to C's today because [insert stupid reason].
Can't you make an exception, just this once, and pick them up from
me?"

I guess the bottom line is, I think it's a good idea. I think it can
be done. But there will be pitfalls, some of which you can expect
and plan around, and others which will come out of nowhere. No good
dead goes unpunished and all of that.

But, if you really really really, in your heart of hearts, want to
have contact with the kids, and want to do something to help them, I
think this is a possibility.

I just don't want you to get sucked into Xtal's orbit and get hurt.
Obviously, you aren't going to fall for some obviously manipulative
ploy.... but try to watch out for little things - ways she might suck
you in incrementally.

XOXOXO! Love you!

[evile]

===
Me in LJ:

Possible idea
Well, I've been feeling rotten because I couldn't think of a way to
spend time with the kids without interacting with their mother, whom
I don't think I can even look at right now.

She sent me yet another self-centered, crazy, "me me me" email that
just made me sick. No mention of the kids' state of mind, no mention
of whether or not they were in counselling for their parents' divorce
& the trauma of having police raid their home.

So...I started wondering: are there kids' groups around Austin? Like
maybe some kind of Pre-teen PDAP for children of drug users? And if
there aren't, would some regular spiritual practice be therapeutic
for the children?

I am not sure if the thing about her not wanting me to be with the
kids "without supervision" still stands.

But wouldn't taking the children to meetings or church or Sunday
school have built-in 'supervisors' who would make sure I didn't do or
say....whatever she thought I was going to do/say that was so evil?
(I'm still utterly baffled by that. And, yes, offended.)

Anyway...I need to think some more and figure out a way to pick up &
drop off the kids for church or support group that would NOT involve
any interaction with their poisonous mother.

Is this even a good idea, or am I letting my guilt and pity for the
kids make me do something stupid?

[evile]

Me to X:

Date: Sun, 12 Oct 2003 17:41:55 -0500 (CDT)

Subject: No
Let me try and put this in a way that you can understand:

You say that you and M are divorcing. Most likely you still love
him even though you realize that your relationship was unhealthy. You
know that no matter how much you love him, it is not going to 'fix'
what was wrong with him, and wrong between the two of you. You may
even realize that, in many ways, your unhealthyness and his
unhealthyness fed each other and made each of you MORE unhealthy.

I feel the same way about you. You and I did not have a healthy
relationship. Being involved with you was not healthy for me. No
matter how much I love you, it is not going to fix your problems or
my problems.

I do not have any time, money, or energy to give you anymore. So
please devote your energy to healing yourself and your family. They
need you. I do not.

=E

699Re: OH DEAR GHOD

[evile]

Oct. 13, 2003
Xtal's reply:

Date: Sun, 12 Oct 2003 23:01:18 +0000
From: X

Subject: Re: No

I will respect your feelings although you do not give me any examples
of how our friendship was unhealthy. We practically never saw one
another, but the last few times we had been together had been fun,
and I had asked nothing of you since my gall-bladder surgery. I do
appreciate everything you have ever done for me. I will always
remember that you were a good friend. I do not want anything from you
other than your friendhip. I will always care for M, but I can
honestly say I am no longer in love with him, and haven't been for
some time. I hope some day you may want to be friends again. I am
fortunate to have many wonderful friends that love and are supportive
of me. I just always felt our friendship was special. J[goddaughter] would
like to know if she may email you. You had always taken your role as
her god-parent seriously. I promise that if you continue a
relationship with her, I will stay out of the way. I have learned
very much , and am growing more confident as each day goes by in my
abilities to care for my children and myself without the support of a
man. I am glad that you say you love me, because it gives me hope
that one day you may see and notice that I am not out to take
advantage of you, maybe I will be able to prove myself to you in some
way down the road. I am greatful that your mother is keeping in touch
with the kids. They love her very much and consider her family.
It is ironic but I live right around the corner from your [Aunt L]
right now. So I do think of you very often. I'll lay off the emails
to you. If you should change your mind down the road I will always be
available to you.
-X

==============

Irony: (from dictionary.com)

i·ro·ny ( P ) Pronunciation Key (r-n, r-)
n. pl. i·ro·nies

The use of words to express something different from and often
opposite to their literal meaning.
An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between
apparent and intended meaning.
A literary style employing such contrasts for humorous or rhetorical
effect. See Synonyms at wit1.

Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually
occurs: "Hyde noted the irony of Ireland's copying the nation she
most hated" (Richard Kain).
An occurrence, result, or circumstance notable for such incongruity.
See Usage Note at ironic.
Dramatic irony.
Socratic irony.

Ironic: i·ron·ic ( P ) Pronunciation Key (-rnk) also i·ron·i·cal
(-rn-kl)
adj.
Characterized by or constituting irony.
Given to the use of irony. See Synonyms at sarcastic.
Poignantly contrary to what was expected or intended: madness, an
ironic fate for such a clear thinker.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------
i·roni·cal·ly adv.
i·roni·cal·ness n.
Usage Note: The words ironic, irony, and ironically are sometimes
used of events and circumstances that might better be described as
simply "coincidental" or "improbable," in that they suggest no
particular lessons about human vanity or folly. Thus 78 percent of
the Usage Panel rejects the use of ironically in the sentence In 1969
Susie moved from Ithaca to California where she met her husband-to-
be, who, ironically, also came from upstate New York. Some Panelists
noted that this particular usage might be acceptable if Susie had in
fact moved to California in order to find a husband, in which case
the story could be taken as exemplifying the folly of supposing that
we can know what fate has in store for us. By contrast, 73 percent
accepted the sentence Ironically, even as the government was
fulminating against American policy, American jeans and
videocassettes were the hottest items in the stalls of the market,
where the incongruity can be seen as an example of human
inconsistency.