1686Re: OH DEAR GHOD

[evile]

Oct. 7, 2003

 

 

Date: Tue, 07 Oct 2003 16:13:37 +0000
From: X
Subject: you only have her side
E-
regardless of what you think and feel I will never be your ex-
friend. I will always love you. Yes, my home was raided. It was
traumatic for the children and for myself. i am not in jail, the
children are with me, and we are fine. i am divorcing [M/husband]. it is
past due. I have tried many times to reach out to you. I have never
fully understood exactly what i did that made you hate me. Yes, M.
and i were doing drugs, for the past 8 months. I was never dealing
them, but I can't speak for M. He and I have basically been
seperated since July. The condition of the house when [X's stepmom] saw it had
to do with the police turning it upside down. All the drugs found
where on M. or in his drawer. The razor blades were from a tool
box. We had recently begun renovating. Having re-painted the living
room, hallway, front bedroom and working our way thru so that it
could be sold. [Stepmom] drastically over-exaggerated things.
I am not a bad person. And the charges against me are dismissed. I
am sober now for 3 weeks. CPS has NO cases pending against me, and
didn't deem me un-fit. [J/Goddaughter] misses you terribly. You have always
been important to her. Please reconsider leaving our friendship. I am
so sorry for having upset and disappointed you. I felt unduly judged
by you when you got angry about my wanting an extra day away from
M. I wasn't, and had never used you as a cover. M and i had had
a bad marriage for a couple of years, and yes, I did have an affair
in January. It was over in January. I really did only want the extra
day for some alone time.
You told me back in April you would always be my friend, I read
your diaries when I can just to know what you have been up to. I'm
sorry about Nicky.
I didn't lose weight because of drugs. The drugs didn't start
until last April and I had already lost 95% of my weight by that
time. You have no reason to believe me, but I have no reason to lie.
Yes, I was open with the kids about my pot smoking, they never saw me
do anything else. The condition of the house was completly from
having every drawer, box, and cabinet's contents thrown about and
scattered. M will be gone for a long time.
Please re-consider opening communication with me.
-X

====
Me to J-law:

Good lord..I can't even have a nice night out without
damned X laying another self-serving guilt trip on
my sorry ass. I can't believe her shit. I was checking
my email before bath & bed and found that garbage.
agh.

I sent it to you from my freaks.net email. AT least
she had the courtesy not to mail that garbage to my
work address.

I am so DONE with her. It used to make my heart pound
when I'd see something in my inbox from her--"Is this
the email that will make me break down and go running
back to her, to do whatever she needs me to do?"...and
now it's just "Jeezus ghod, what the fuck dirty trick
is she trying now?"

*sigh* I just can't believe how selfish and self
centered she is. LIke I give a shit how she lost
weight. What I *do* give a shit about (and want to
KILL HER FUCKING ASS for) is her doing & dealing, or
allowing dealing to be done from her home, where her
children are vulnerable to it.

agh.

Anyway...enough bullshit.

Comments

[evile]

===
Me in LJ:

Possible idea
Well, I've been feeling rotten because I couldn't think of a way to
spend time with the kids without interacting with their mother, whom
I don't think I can even look at right now.

She sent me yet another self-centered, crazy, "me me me" email that
just made me sick. No mention of the kids' state of mind, no mention
of whether or not they were in counselling for their parents' divorce
& the trauma of having police raid their home.

So...I started wondering: are there kids' groups around Austin? Like
maybe some kind of Pre-teen PDAP for children of drug users? And if
there aren't, would some regular spiritual practice be therapeutic
for the children?

I am not sure if the thing about her not wanting me to be with the
kids "without supervision" still stands.

But wouldn't taking the children to meetings or church or Sunday
school have built-in 'supervisors' who would make sure I didn't do or
say....whatever she thought I was going to do/say that was so evil?
(I'm still utterly baffled by that. And, yes, offended.)

Anyway...I need to think some more and figure out a way to pick up &
drop off the kids for church or support group that would NOT involve
any interaction with their poisonous mother.

Is this even a good idea, or am I letting my guilt and pity for the
kids make me do something stupid?