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But, please stop to consider that all the people that a narcissist abuses, uses, and harms are ALSO HUMAN BEINGS and also deserving of kindness and compassion (which the narcissist is incapable of giving).
And, since narcissists are sick individuals, they are not capable of receiving kindness or compassion either. They will view the person(s) being kind and compassionate as weak and stupid, and only behave worse towards anyone showing such ‘weakness.’…so there is absolutely no point in extending too much kindness or compassion to a person who is only going to use your better nature to try and harm you. Better to disengage and go your own way as soon as you can.
It is not rude to recognize the truth about a person. As the meme says, “I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.”[1]
I am not generally rude to other people. I do my best to be kind and polite to everyone I meet in my daily life. Unless and until that person treats me rudely.
However, once I recognize that a person is behaving in a narcissistic fashion,[2] I disengage and remove that person from my life as much as possible. Spending time with narcissists is toxic to me and I wish to avoid toxicity in my life. This is not a harsh judgement,[3] and I am not going to be rude and ugly about it, this is a matter of discernment[4] for my own peace of mind.
Anyone complaining that I have been rude, judgemental, or harsh towards them is more than likely not recognizing their own part in the interaction. It is similar to when a child comes running up to tattle on another child and says “S/he started it when s/he hit me back!” To the adult, it’s quite obvious where the trouble started and who started the altercation, but the narcissist’s mental defense mechanisms must always portray them as an innocent victim of other people’s rudeness and unkindness.
It’s very simple: don’t be rude and ugly to me, and I won’t be rude and ugly to you. Don’t hit me first, I won’t feel a need to hit you back. It’s very simple, playground rules. Yes, the narcissist is a human being. But I am also a human being, with the right to assert myself and the right not to be treated poorly by anyone, ever, under any circumstances[5]
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Footnotes
[5]
Please re-read my answer. I did not extend any generosity to narcissists, nor did I minimize their destructive toxicity. I simply do not agree with the people who post in Quora who say narcissists are demons, aliens, or anything other than very sick, very toxic human beings.
Narcissists love power struggles and they love getting a big emotional response out of people. So ‘hate’ and ‘rejection’ are not things I care to give to a narcissist, or anyone, for that matter. That gives them energy and robs me of my peace of mind, thereby delivering a ‘win’ to the narcs. NO thanks!
And murder is illegal, so whether you think a person ‘deserves’ death is immaterial. No one is worth the jail time, in my opinion. All humans die eventually.
One thing I picked up on—you said ‘we’ so you apparently self-identify as a narcissist. However, your reply seems to indicate a lot of self awareness and self-loathing, which narcissists don’t tend to display unless they are running a ‘poor pitiful me’ scam/mindgame. And since you have nothing to gain from me, I don’t think that’s the case here. I hope you are seeking counseling for your issues.
Thank you for the reply.
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