evile

Jun. 26th, 2020

How do some narcissists make begrudging apologies?

Well, they’d prefer to just vomit their emotional abuse all over you and leave you to clean up, pretending nothing happened and everything is OK. BUT, if you keep bringing it up, then gosh:

“I’m sorry you feel that way,”

“I’m sorry if you misunderstood what I was trying to say,”

“I’m sorry if I didn’t make my meaning clear enough for you to understand,”

And, the grand finale “I’m sorry BUT,” Where the but is blame-shifting, minimizing, playing the vitctim, etc….

A true apology will never come from the mouth of a narcissist. A true apology admits fault, shows empathy, expresses regret, and includes accountability. Narcissists are incapable of admitting that they made a mistake or committed a fault, they do not have empathy for others, they don’t take responsibility for their behavior, and since they can’t admit when they screw up, they can’t possibly either learn from their mistakes or regret them.

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It could be called being a very messy human person. Or it could be a pathology.

If you are concerned that your behavior is harmful to yourself or others, or if you are worried that you have cognitive distortions that are causing you to see the world in a skewed fashion or react to people and events in ways that are not sane, then you should probably see a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Otherwise, just please know that everyone has weird thoughts at times, or fantasizes about doing things that they would never do in their real life. Generally, I’d say if you have enough self awareness to know that your impulses would harm others and then you don’t do the things you’re thinking about, you are probably alright.

How would the narcissist process it if multiple supplies told them to seek help from a mental health professional?

The narcissist is the author of his/her own reality. S/he is the ‘expert’ on everything that s/he says s/he is an expert on.

In my experience, that means that narcissists don’t believe that doctors know anything. They would rather read an article on Google and self-diagnose than deal with a doctor who they might have to admit is smarter and more knowledgeable than they are about their medical condition.

So, if narcissist's friend, family member, or spouse said “I think you should see a psychologist about your situation,” that would cause an injury[1] to the narcissist’s sense of being perfect, being an expert, and being in control.

They would very likely spin into a DARVO

[2]

: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender. “I don’t need a shrink, I don’t need psych meds, YOU are the sick one! YOU are the crazy one!”…and, for a cluster B, it makes more sense to have literally everyone around them telling them the same thing and ALL of them being wrong, rather than the Narcissist him/herself being wrong. Being wrong just isn’t possible, in a narc’s mind.

What’s funny/sick/sad is that if, after asking the Narcissist to see a mental health professional and having the Narc refuse repeatedly, if the Narcisssist’s supply (victim) goes to counseling and begins to heal and see the relationship for what it really is, then the Narc will tell everyone how the Supply is “lying” to the counselor, how they are fooling the counselor into siding with them against the Narcissist, etc. More fuel for the “Doctors are idiots who don’t know anything!” argument that the Narc likes to make constantly.

Bottom line: Narcissists don’t go to counselors, because the main part of their malfunction is believing that there is nothing wrong with them. There’s no way to get past that part and delve into helping them. If they won’t believe they need help, won’t seek help, and , if somehow forced into seeing a mental health professional, they would rather believe the professional is evil, wrong, and/or stupid, rather than accept anything that they say as factual or helpful.

Footnotes

[1]

Narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury - Wikipedia

[2]

DARVO: Understanding a gaslighting strategy of reversing blame - Banyan Therapy Group