Quora; If you have a big fight with a boss having NPD, due to calling her out on long-term inappropr

 

If you have a big fight with a boss having NPD, due to calling her out on long-term inappropriate behaviour (intimacy issues), and just stay no-contact after being fired, also showing forgiveness for what happened, will she ever stop hating you?

No, a narcissist will never stop hating you. Hate is their default mode. Under every other emotion and behavior in the narcissist’s tool box, is hate. They hate other people for having what they don’t have, they hate other people for not giving them enough time, attention, gifts, resources that they feel they ‘deserve,’ they hate the people who DO give them time, energy, and gifts because they know they are tricking and fooling the person into caring about them, so their contempt turns to hate. And, truly, underneath it all, they hate themselves.

There is nothing you can do, say, or give to a narcissist that will ever make them happy, content, joyful, or grateful. Hate is all they are and all they have inside them. Best for you to stay no-contact and get on with your healing and forming new associations with people who are not hateful and crazy.

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Quora: How do I boost the ego of a narcissist?

 The narcissist likes to know that s/he has hurt you. The narcissist likes to know that you are suffering as a result of something the narcissist did or said to you. The narcissist likes to see you angry, ashamed, in pain, crying, screaming, yelling, rolled up in a ball on the bathroom floor because you just can’t function anymore. Seeing you falling apart makes the narcissist feel strong, smart, and in control.

Does that sound like a fun thing for you to do to try and feed a monster? I think maybe there are some better things you could do with your time and energy, like taking care of your own self-esteem so that you don’t spend any more of your life trying to please someone who enjoys watching you bleed.

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Editing to add:  Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.  They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

 

Quora: What impact do narcissists have when they mirror their significant others’ traits back to the

What impact do narcissists have when they mirror their significant others’ traits back to them?

 The time that the narcissist usually mirrors or mimics their target is during the ‘love bombing’ stage of a relationship; their target is high on endorphins and ‘new relationship energy,’ this new person in their life (the narc) is telling them everything they’ve wanted to hear, agrees with everything they say, has the same priorities in life, likes the same things, has the same passions, and it is absolutely intoxicating to meet someone you feel is a soul mate, so in sync with every heartbeat and every feeling.

This creates a strong bond, and perhaps may even be called an addiction—the target is becoming addicted to the endorphins and oxytocin and other ‘feel good’ ‘bonding’ hormones that their own brain and body is producing in response to this person’s presence.

The target may then spend the rest of their life chasing that high, trying be “the person s/he fell in love with” so that the narc will once again lavish them with attention, praise, amazing sexual acts, and all those things that felt so good at the beginning of the relationship. During the cycle of abuse[1], there may be more ‘good times’, aka ‘the honeymoon phase, and the human mind is very good at rationalizing and minimizing harmful things in order to cope with an abusive situation. The person may feel that those times of intimacy and ‘making up’ are worth the abusive rage-outs and other poor treatment by the Narcissist. They are unfortunately quite addicted, trauma bonded, and will have a lot of difficulty seeing things as they are and doing the very difficult work to free themselves from the narcissist and ‘bug proof’ themselves so that they don't fall for another psycho later on down the road.

 

Footnotes

[1] 

 

Cycle of abuse - Wikipedia

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Editing to add:  Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.  They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.