Quora: Do narcissists have demons they are fighting with?

 No. Narcissists have a mental disorder; their brains are damaged. They are not capable of fully being human, with the range of emotions that most normal humans have. They are stuck in a stage of emotional development somewhere between two and six years old, and all of their emotions are that of a two to six year old child. They are easily frustrated, easily bored, selfish, self centered, and lacking in compassion or empathy because at that stage of development most children do not understand that their adult care givers are anything other than a source of food, protection, emotional comfort, etc. They do not understand that the adult humans around them are people with needs of their own.

As the narcissist matures intellectually, he or she will learn ways to fake ‘adulting’ and mimic the people around them to seem as though they are functional humans, but they are not.

Some narcissists may learn through film, literature, music, or observing other humans, that an act of being ‘complex’ and having ‘inner demons’ makes other people sympathetic, makes other people give them physical gifts, emotional support, or other forms of validation. They will also observe that people who are ‘sick’ or ‘fighting demons’ or having some kind of dark and mysterious past trauma, are people who are allowed to lash out, behave abusively, brood, break things, detach emotionally, etc. and the people around them allow the behavior and make excuses for it, “he had a bad childhood,” “her husband used to beat her,” whatever… so they make that act part of their story so that they too will be allowed to treat people badly and behave badly and not be held to account because of all of their ‘past trauma’ and ‘personal demons’

Rest assured that you cannot love and care for a person like this ‘enough’ , your love and caring will not ‘heal’ them. Giving to people who behave like this and treat you badly will only drain you, and it will not fill them up. You will be drained and discarded and they will use your name as the name of the villain in the story they tell to the next person who wants to help and heal them with their love and caring.

In short: don’t think of it as the narcissist ‘has’ demons, think of it as the narcissist is a demon.

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Editing to add:  Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.  They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

 

Quora: What happens in a narc mind if you spot him and boost his ego with admiration and then you di

What happens in a narc mind if you spot him and boost his ego with admiration and then you disappear without a trace?

 


Inside the Narcissist’s mind, it is always ‘The Great and Wonderful ME! Show’ all the time, 24/7/365. They are always putting on a show for their fans, signing autographs, smiling for the camera—the narcissist’s life is a never-ending parade of admirers.

And, like any celebrity (remember: this is inside their own minds), the smiling face of one admiring fan is just the same as any other’s. If you disappear, there are dozens more fans in line for an autograph, for their photo op, and their 5 minutes of the Narc’s attention.

You, as an individual, as a person, as a human with feelings and needs of your own, do not matter to the narcissist. You do not exist as a person in his or her mind. You were just an audience member for their show. And the next sold-out show, with another room full of admiring, applauding fans, is always about to start.

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Editing to add:  Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.  They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

 

Quora: Why would a narcissist try to teach their victim a lesson? What is the purpose?

 The narcissist sees him- or herself as an infallible authority. Therefore, everyone around them is always wrong if they should happen to disagree with the narcissist. If you are wrong, of course you must be punished.

Their logic is the same as that of a bratty child having a tea party with their dolls and teddy bears, the ‘bad’ dolls who don’t follow the child’s tea party rules will get a spanking.

Out here in Reality, of course, we know that the dolls and toys aren’t doing or saying anything, right or wrong, but in the child’s rich imagination, their toys are doing and saying exactly what the child wants them to say, including ‘being bad’ so that the child needs to spank them.

It is no different in the adult narcissist’s mind; their victim is just a prop in their inner play-acting drama. No matter what the victim says or does, even if the victim says or does nothing, the narcissist’s inner mind is spinning out a tale, and if the narc decides that the victim must be punished for whatever he/she did (or did not do), then the victim is punished.

With a narcissist, there is no ‘lesson’ to be learned, because their rules and requirements change constantly. What they praised you for today, they will punish you for tomorrow, and vice versa. They are trying to push their victims into a state of accepting the narcissist’s reality as true, agreeing with the narcissist, doing what the narcissist tells them to do, and believing that they are bad or good, according to whatever the narcissist calls them in the moment. Which is all fine if you are a stuffed toy or a doll, but not acceptable since you are a thinking & feeling person with your own needs and emotions that are valid no matter how the narcissist tries to erase them.

The only real lesson to be learned is that the narcissist is a toxic person and it’s best not to go to their tea party.