Quora: Do empaths stalk their ex-narcs?

 It depends on the person. Some people are able to make a clean break and go on with their lives and some still hold on to hope that the person will change, that they will regret their abusive behavior, or that they will express remorse, so they keep peeking in to see if the NPD has changed their ways (they won’t). And, some people are still hooked into the Narc’s drama and can’t quite let go of all the crazy twists and turns of the soap-opera life of the NPD individual. Admittedly, it can be really fun to watch the periodic implosions of the NPD’s ragged existence, if you don’t have a friend or family member who gets caught in the crossfire when things go haywire.

For me, whether or not I keep tabs on an NPD after they’ve done their smear campaign and discard depends on a few things. When it’s just me and the person, I don’t care and I let them go. When the person has dragged in friends or family members I will sometimes keep checking on the DL to see if my friends or family members are making any efforts towards escape & I have reached out when it seems the NPD has done a discard to see if there is anything I can do to help them break free for good (that’s generally a mistake, BTW, and I don’t advise it. In hindsight, I’d say never do that! )

I also have one NPD who loathes me completely, has lied to my employer in an attempt to get me fired from my job, made calls to the police with false information, and has threatened my life in front of their flying monkeys and at least one of my family members. For this extra special NPD, I do go ahead and keep tabs on where they are, and whether they plan on being someplace I was also planning on being ( by checking facebook events, evite, etc.) When I see that they are interested in being someplace I was planning to be, I go ahead and cancel my plans to attend (MOST of the time) because I just don’t need that kind of crap in my life. The NPD is a weak and cowardly person but some of their friends and followers are absolutely bonkers (they have joined in when the NPD started talking about ways to kill me, and come up with some really sick and evil suggestions of their own—one of the narc’s followers said he’d enjoy raping me with a cactus—who does that?!? SICK people!) and I really wouldn’t put it past the NPD to recruit one of those nutjobs to actually try to harm me. I have documented the threats and attempts and have a file open with my local PD, but for me I feel the best option is to occasionally ‘stalk’ to make sure I’m not anywhere near that person. I feel like that’s almost the opposite of what most people use ‘stalking’ for but I don’t know what else to call that kind of watching & checking in.

I would say, honestly, that No Contact is the absolutely best way to deal with the NPD and heal from their abuse, if at all possible. If you don’t share property or children or family members, just turn your back on them and forget you ever knew them. Any other action on your part just gives them a ‘win’

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