Quora: How does a malignant covert female narcissist play the victim so well?

How does a malignant covert female narcissist play the victim so well? Is it so the new supply options feel sorry for her creating the opportunity to ensnare them?

 

The best liars are the ones who believe their own B.S. Narcissists refuse to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. Everything that goes wrong in the NPD’s life is always someone else’s fault.

Add to this a societal illness (patriarchy) that tends to reward women and men for participating in traditional roles and you have a recipe for drama and abuse. Men are conditioned to be problem solvers and rescuers. I mean, what guy doesn’t want to be a White Knight for a Damsel in Distress? That’s part of the script of what makes a man, in a lot of people’s minds. So, basically, young men are set up from birth to be susceptible to a pretty face with a hard luck story. Even better if there are demonized exes or allegedly abusive family members to fight against on behalf of the fair maiden.

Meanwhile, girls are taught to be pretty and helpless and maybe a little bit dumb. It’s certainly not proper for a woman to be smarter or more capable than the men around her.

This social reinforcement of traditional gender roles allows the female malignant narcissist to play her games of manipulation more easily, and keeps her from getting caught and held accountable for her behavior.

The thing to take away from a relationship with a female malignant narc is that every single villain in her sad story of woe was once her White Knight, and she is actually not a Damsel in Distress, but a Dragon in Disguise.

Happy Questing!

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Editing to add:  Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.  They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

Quora: Does a narcissist’s family look up why they are the way they are?

They might, but the family of origin for a narcissist is probably the source of their personality disorder; generally such folks come from parents who are narcissists themselves ( or a narcissist/codependent duo) and/or abusive in some way and/or addicted to drugs or alcohol. The narcissistic child’s behavior will probably not be remarked upon or recognized as malignant while he or she is living in such a chaotic household, and the narcissist learns at an early age which mask to wear in which circumstances, so they will compartmentalize their lives and only behave in abusive narcissistic ways in times and places where they can get away with it—”kiss up, kick down” is the narcissist’s motto. They may do very well in school and other organizations due to this ability to manipulate authority figures.

Once the narcissist is on his or her own, he or she will seek out or create a high-stress, high-drama environment for their own chosen family, with themselves as the center of attention, the controller, and/or the main drug or alcohol user, and their spouse and children as codependent servants or slaves. One child may be chosen to be the NPD’s “Mini Me” and grow up to be the next generation of narcissistic abuser.

A person who marries in to such a family will probably have codependent tendencies, or come from a family where there was a narcissist, abuser, or addict. Therefore, being abused by a narcissist will feel familiar and the behavior and relationship dynamics will not be seen as a pathology.

Google searches about “why does s/he do that,” or “Why does s/he treat me that way” may lead a person to learn about narcissism and NPD, but without a mental health diagnosis by a professional, it’s best to just recognize that internet searches to determine if your relationship is healthy or normal may indicate that you aren’t happy with how you are being treated and it’s time to leave the relationship, even if the relationship is with a member of your family of origin.

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Editing to add:  Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.  They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.