Feb. 22nd, 2005

evile: (clutter)

    Feb. 22, 2005

     

     

    evile: phone duty today :) I leave at 3!
    SkyeDS: cool :D
    evile: Yup. I need it :P
    SkyeDS: yesterday was good time off tho wasn't it?
    evile: um. Not really, but Ok.
    evile: Mom felt sick, so we didnt' do much of anything other than see
    the movie.
    evile: Then Rubber_Pig called Aunt L & Uncle B's and started talking about
    lovely things like vaginal mucus and telling Aunt L & Mom what herbs
    she was taking to induce herself. Doesn't want to wait until the Dr.
    has it scheduled.
    evile: and then today on LJ I find out that our Monday girls nights
    have gotten a reputation for being unfriendly and cliquish and
    exclusionary...from someone who doesn't even know anybody in the
    group all that well, except for 1 person!
    SkyeDS: anybody I know (from LJ maybe)?
    SkyeDS: I was wondering what family stuff happened this weekend
    (after onyxlynxx referenced it)
    SkyeDS: besides, I take some umbrage at "exclusionary"
    SkyeDS: why shouldn't we have the right to be occasionally
    exclusionary?
    SkyeDS: I don't see what's wrong with that.
    evile: http://www.livejournal.com/users/purplerifka/71989.html
    evile: I think the problem is that she considers people friends who
    consider her to be an acquaintance, at best.
    SkyeDS: I find it useful to delineate between "friendly" and "friend"
    evile: She unloads major amounts of TMI the very first time she meets
    somoene,and then assumes that since they know so much about her, they
    MUST be friends.
    SkyeDS: oh well. you can't control reputation, all you can control
    is character.
    evile: to my way of thinking, simply because you chose to sit in
    front of me and tell me your sexual orientation/history, childbirth
    stories, and so on and so forth, does not mean you know ME. it means
    you monopolized my attention for a few hours, that's it.
    SkyeDS: this is so reminiscent of high school
    SkyeDS: and I busted my ass to get as far the hell away from high
    school and to University as fast as my fat ass could. actually it
    wasn't fat at the time.
    evile: Just because I know someoen's life story (whether I asked or
    not!) does not mean I am their friend. And really....why would we
    choose to include someone who is so intent on talking and not letting
    anyone else talk in a social gathering?
    evile: I'm sorry she's lonely, I'm sorry she wants more friends, but
    our gatherings are not about the great and wonderful Rifka show.
    SkyeDS: if I wanted to go to any particular gathering, I'd go about
    it in one of two ways
    SkyeDS: a) go with someone I know goes already (preferred)
    SkyeDS: b) show up on my own by myself (although I just don't like
    doing things by myself in general)
    SkyeDS: how hard is that? "Hey, evilE, can I do (whatever) with you
    next time you go?"
    evile: she wasn't invited, she invited herself.
    SkyeDS: I fear rejection too much to invite myself generally speaking
    evile: That is the main crux of this. She found out about it from
    Terri, and then assured Terri that she was friends with everyone in
    the group. Terri assumed from there that she actually WAS friends,
    and things just got bad from there.
    SkyeDS: I don't understand why she didn't just ask to go with
    whomever it is she knows that already goes.
    SkyeDS: Lynne must be Markus' wife?
    evile: The problem is she didn't ask the person at whose house the
    gathering ws being held, she lied to someone who was invited and got
    invited
    evile: Lynne?
    SkyeDS: as in terriblelynne
    evile: no.
    evile: Markus' wife is tsarren
    SkyeDS: thought she might be because of the traveling with Markus
    reference
    evile: terriblelynne is Terri
    SkyeDS: OH, gotcha
    SkyeDS: makes better since now
    SkyeDS: sense
    evile: It put Terri in a bad place, because Terri was then guilty of
    bringing someone uninvited, unknown into someone's home.
    SkyeDS: you've gotta hate that
    evile: Terri should have asked, but then again, if someone who is
    normally a trustworthy adult tells her flat out "onyxlynxx's my
    friend,"...why would you assume she was lying and double check with
    onyxlynxx?
    SkyeDS: like the recrimination I got from Kaleon after that night we
    went over there to see about the injured bird.
    evile: You didn't introduce him to me, so I didn't talk to him. I
    assumed some sort of s/m protocol was in place.
    SkyeDS: he was being bashful as he always is around new people (that
    aren't in some group that he's comfortable with, ie gaming, anime or
    whatever)
    SkyeDS: and you can be quite overwhelming sometimes
    SkyeDS: and you made him cry
    SkyeDS: which isn't hard
    SkyeDS: and this was my fault
    evile: no, I did not make him do anything. He cried.
    SkyeDS: exactly
    SkyeDS: everybody needs to own their own shit.
    evile: If he had been introduced to me, I would have spoken to him.
    Since I was following your lead in ignoring him, I don't really feel
    I did anything wrong.
    SkyeDS: we all know I"m not good about introductions
    SkyeDS: if I didn't formally introduce him (I don't even remember
    now) it's because I"m socially inept.
    evile: If he decided to cry about it, that was his deal.
    SkyeDS: so, she managed to get herself there one way or another, and
    it went badly.
    evile: I don't know, I wasn't there, but apparently it was pretty
    uncomfortable.
    evile: because all the people she professed to be 'friends' with have
    met her once or twice and really dont' know her that well, and didn't
    feel comfortable talking candidly around her.
    SkyeDS: sounds like Kim Green or Alex Wadleigh trying to force
    themselves into what they perceive to be "inner circles."
    SkyeDS: look.
    SkyeDS: I live an hour away, from Austin, from Georgetown.
    SkyeDS: when I leave HFS I almost always get something to eat on the
    way home.
    SkyeDS: on occasion, actually it used to be frequently for a while
    there with Barad Duin
    SkyeDS: Kelly and the kids would come with, and we'd go to Chuy's for
    a number of reasons
    SkyeDS: and then all the sudden EVERYBODY wanted to come with,
    including the then officers of Barad Duin
    SkyeDS: and when Brother A and Kim made officer, they wanted to come too
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: and I did NOT want to share a dinner table with either of them
    evile: yup
    SkyeDS: them's just the facts of life
    evile: yup.
    SkyeDS: I know I rub a LOT of people that way, they don't want to
    share a dinner table with me
    SkyeDS: so you try your best not to rub people that way, try your
    best to spend time with people who don't rub you that way, and keep
    on learning and keep on moving right along.
    evile: This woman is chronically late, a complete drama queen, and
    never listens, only talks. I really dont' WANT to be her friend. I'm
    sorry, but I don't have any more room in my life for people like that.
    SkyeDS: you should have every right to exclude people
    SkyeDS: I got into the definition of a tribe or a village with a
    little teenie Wiccan once
    SkyeDS: I did not choose my Blood, nor my family
    SkyeDS: My friends are my Chosen Family, and I have control over
    that, thank you very much
    evile: I figure if we meet up at a coffee shop or bookstore, she can
    feel free to show up or not, and we can feel free to leave. But when
    it comes to who we have in our homes, that's up to each hostess, and
    everyone should ALWAYS ask before bringing someone who may not be
    known or liked by everyone else invited.
    SkyeDS: exactly so
    SkyeDS: I wouldnt' even have taken Kaleon over there had it not been
    of some urgency re the bird and we were on our way to dinner
    SkyeDS: we didn't just bring sonar0m to Thanksgiving without asking.
    evile: similarly, if you can read someone's locked post in LJ
    discussing gals night, you should consider yourself invited and
    should not need an ingraved personal invite.
    SkyeDS: one would think so.
    evile: I know that onyxlynxx and Mhave standing plans that do not
    include me, or anyone else. That is their right. I do not consider
    them to be excluding me or anythng else. that's their time, it's fine.
    evile: I don't see how somoene who considers themselves 'poly' can
    NOT understand that someone can spend time with you, and with others,
    and maybe not you and others at the same time, but still love you all
    equally?
    SkyeDS: from my observations from the outside in, there are a whole
    lot of them that aren't exactly well adjusted to the lifestyle
    evile: and just because T loves R, does not mean that everyone who
    loves T loves R?
    SkyeDS: expecting one's friends to all be friends, and one's enemies
    to be one's friends' enemies, doesn't work.
    evile: nope.
    SkyeDS: one of many reasons I am not an innate hostess
    SkyeDS: is because all that interpersonal political protocol is
    completely beyond me
    SkyeDS: it is a subtle science and exact art that I have no grasp of
    whatsoever
    SkyeDS: and all the admiration in t he world for people who do
    evile: I just throw people together, sometimes it works, sometimes it
    doesnt
    SkyeDS: I am the weirdest of all my weird friends, a nd I"m too
    scared to throw them all together at the same time
    SkyeDS: "The Bishop and Henry [Professor Henry Higgins] in the same
    room at the same time? Heavens, No! I should be excommunicated!" ~
    Henry Higgin's mother, My Fair Lady
    evile: heh
    SkyeDS: well hopefully the drama will dissipate quickly
    SkyeDS: I am still concerned about the family drama.
    evile: I hope so. onyxlynxx is about to post something eminently
    sensible, tactful, and crystal-clear in her LJ about all of this.
    evile: If Rubber_Pig kills that baby with her herbs, hopefully that will
    be the end of it.
    SkyeDS: surely she's not taking emmenogogues to induce labor
    (abortifacients)
    evile: I really really really really really really dont' want to
    think/talk much about it. It makes me sick and homicidal.
    SkyeDS: no bad energy between you, K and/or Aunt L I hope (all I
    really care about anyway)
    evile: *shrug* stupid misunderstanding re: what mom was feeling up
    for left everyone feeling like yesterday was wasted.
    SkyeDS: sorry :|
    evile: and then Rubber_Pig's call was pretty much the nail in the coffin.
    evile: she started with babbling at Aunt L about all her discharges and
    herbs and bla bla, and Aunt L (having no interest in such) passed her
    off to Mom, and apparently Rubber_Pig didn't backtrack or start over, just
    kept on with whatever she'd been saying, so Mom had no idea what was
    going on, and neither did Aunt L. Something about the Dr. wanting to
    induce Friday if Rubber_Pig hadn't gone into labor earlier,and Rubber_Pig
    taking various herbs to try and induce herself. Aunt L heard 'black
    cohosh' but didn't remember any of the others.
    SkyeDS: black cohosh is an emmenogogue and abortifacient. bad idea.
    evile: the baby is big enough to live outside the womb, assuming sh
    ejust induces contractions and that's it. Many of the herbs for
    inducing menstruation are also toxic to fetuses, however.
    SkyeDS: exactly
    evile: here is my tactful way of trying to talk about rifka's
    misunderstanding/exclusion: I think Rifka is a very open hearted
    person who decides very quickly on who she likes and is friends with,
    while the rest of us are a little more reserved and not as quick to
    admit new people into our 'inner sanctum'...right or wrong, Rifka
    comes right out and tells you everything about herself and assumes
    that since you now know everything, you are now her friend. And
    that's just not the way most people work.
    SkyeDS: nods
    evile: I *am* trying with this tact thing.
    SkyeDS: I think Sharjinka was EXCEEDINGLY tactful, specially for her,
    this Sun
    evile: oh?
    SkyeDS: the same guy set me off too
    evile: who was it?
    SkyeDS: I don't remember his name either.
    SkyeDS: he came in a group that included a friend named Dani
    evile: hm. NO clue.
    SkyeDS: I edited out the details of what he said that squicked me
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: which were considerable in number
    evile: wow....
    SkyeDS: every time he opened his mouth he said something about
    Arabians that was just laughable
    evile: oh dear.
    SkyeDS: it would have amused me no end to see Jinx apply the Fist
    of Death
    evile: heh. I'm surprised you didn't laugh him out of the park when
    he blathered on with no knowledge of his topic.
    SkyeDS: I wanted to, but that's bad
    evile: *nod* sounds like this guy needed some taking-down. It can be
    done without necessarily being 'bad'.
    SkyeDS: not be me
    evile: heh.
    SkyeDS: I was able to keep my mouth shut, didn't feel I had control
    of my face, so I left
    evile: hehe.
    SkyeDS: he did very obviously think he was all that
    evile: and hygeinically challenged at that. wow.
    SkyeDS: physically he might have been all that if he weren't
    hygienically challenged
    SkyeDS: I fortunately did not get close enough to him to notice the
    lack of hygiene
    SkyeDS: I was mounted the entire afternoon except for trips to girls
    room
    evile: good idea :)
    SkyeDS: I did make one observation that probably came off as me being
    stand offish, know it all ish, or whatever, but I really don't care.
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: when he said all of his arabs were black, I didn't say
    anything
    SkyeDS: balck is the rarest of all arab colors
    SkyeDS: to have one is exceptional
    SkyeDS: to have an entire herd, well. not bloody likely.
    SkyeDS: when he said all his arabs had witches eyes, I didn't ask,
    what the hell is that?
    evile: ???
    SkyeDS: when he said, all my arabs are bigger than yours
    SkyeDS: I raised an eyebrow
    evile: heh.
    SkyeDS: Mirage is an Egyptian, and quite large for an Arab
    SkyeDS: there are larger Arabs than egyptians, called Shagya, and
    EXEEDINGLY rare
    SkyeDS: as in, more rare, and more guarded, than Lippis.
    SkyeDS: +c excuse me
    evile: do you think he knew this?
    SkyeDS: so then he says, they have Shire in them
    SkyeDS: of course not
    SkyeDS: well, if they've got Shire in them, they're not Arabians
    SkyeDS: they're "crosses" or "half" - industry standard term
    SkyeDS: you don't present a horse to someone that's part Shire, part
    Arab, and say, this is an Arab
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: so I observed that as far as the Registry is concerned,
    that's a half arab, not a pure bred
    SkyeDS: he shot back "three quarters"
    SkyeDS: and I said, the REgistry doesn't register 3/4s
    SkyeDS: they register full, an d half.
    SkyeDS: I didn't feel th eneed to mention t hat Rag isn't registered
    at all.
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: anyway, he was just visiting so hopefully we won't see much
    of him in future
    evile: what was his home park/kingdom/whatever?
    SkyeDS: I don't know. Dani has moved to Irvine
    SkyeDS: I extricated myself from his company as quickly as possible
    and stayed away
    evile: Oh, ok.
    SkyeDS: typically I hate people who nitpick, and I hate it when I do
    it
    SkyeDS: but I hate people who purport to know what they obviously
    don't, perhaps even more
    evile: I'm never sure what people who lie that outrageously expect to
    accomplish.
    SkyeDS: "big shot" syndrome, they want front page bold type, white
    hot spotlight (billy joel)
    evile: I guess if you're just going to show up once somewhere, you
    can say what you like, but that's no way to build a long term, real
    friendship with anyone.
    SkyeDS: arguing with a fool makes it impossible for people to tell
    which is which, Lincoln, I think
    SkyeDS: I think had I gone past the one observation I would have
    embroiled myself in an argument. I probably shouldn't have said what
    I did.
    evile: Oh well. Nobody's perfect. :)
    SkyeDS: we had a delightful time once everybody left and discovered
    an ideal restaurant, so Sunday really was lovely all told
    evile: I'm glad.
    evile: onyxlynxx is awesome. She says things so much better than I could
    ever dream of doing.
    SkyeDS: I have the highest admiration and respect for onyxlynxx :)
    evile: winning the raffle will give me an excuse not to do girls
    night for a while. And since Rifka historically has issues with
    punctuality and funds, I doubt she'll be showing up at bellydance
    class.
    SkyeDS: I think you would do quite well at belly dance if you weren't
    self conscious about it
    SkyeDS: I heard about dance therapy where everyone is blindfolded to
    overcome that
    evile: I am a complete lummox, a big fat klutz.
    SkyeDS: you play tennis.
    evile: I have absolutely ZERO coordination, I can't do different
    things with my arms and legs at teh same time.
    evile: I am not GOOD at tennis, I merely run around and chase a ball
    with a stick.
    evile: If I were trying to look Graceful playing tennis, I could not
    play at all.
    SkyeDS: Acadiana dances, and so does Traci (Mike's mom) and neither
    of them are little women.
    SkyeDS: other than Traci is shorter than me
    evile: I've always been a klutz, has nothing to do with weight. If my
    bio dad taught me anything in this life, it is that I'm ungraceful
    and ugly and uncoordinated. He told me this when I was 7 years old
    and not large or fat.
    SkyeDS: I can't argue with your perception of yourself, but I will
    say I don't see you that way
    evile: thats because I don't attempt to galumph around 'dancing' in
    front of you. I know my limitations and I do not display my
    weaknesses, clumsiness, or ugly parts in front of people if I can
    help it at all.
    SkyeDS: I know I don't like dancing in front of people either
    although I do it at home by myself
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: I enjoyed ballroom dancing with Cali, and sonar0m wants to
    learn, but I can't teach him by myself
    evile: yeah.
    SkyeDS: I do want to do yoga and bellydance together when I create
    time again, and pilates too, but not in front of an audience.
    evile: Z Helene has a belly-yoga class that looks cool.
    evile: I printed out the melting pot menu---10 pages of wine &
    spirits ...my kind of place.
    SkyeDS: I read it
    SkyeDS: want to do it when I have the $ again
    evile: we are probably giving Rifka exactly waht she wants by
    responding to her drama-fest.
    SkyeDS: usually the way that works
    evile: oh well. Made my decision of what to do with my bellydance
    class pass easier.
    SkyeDS: :)
    SkyeDS: brb reboot (dammit)
    evile: ok
    SkyeDS: bk (kicks MIE)
    evile: heh. me too.
    SkyeDS: metninks the shit is about to hit the fan
    SkyeDS: Hugh wanted me to do research on what we need to do in a
    particular case
    SkyeDS: I had to dig up a document that he had not properly handled
    once I gave it to him (SOP)
    evile: sounds like fun.
    SkyeDS: and the deadline was 4 days ago
    evile: ouch.
    evile: well, crud. I had phone duty so I need to sign out now...I
    hope everything works out *hugs*
    SkyeDS: HUGS
    SkyeDS: wind to your wings :)
    evile: take care :)

evile: (2014)

Here are some possible reasons why people might not want to spend time with you:

You tell us things about yourself that we don't want to know. Certain topics, ie: bodily functions, digestion, pregnancy, sexuality, are none of anyone's business (except perhaps your physician and/or your sex partner[s]), especially if you are just meeting someone for the first time, so please don't mention them.

Saying "I am allergic to peanuts" is acceptable. Saying "Peanuts make me break out in weeping pustules all over my body while having explosive diarrhea" is NOT.

Saying "I have 3 kids" is charming.
Whereas stating "I endured three pregnancies during which I bled constantly for the entire nine months," is not.

Exclaiming "I think Heath Ledger is adorable!" is perfectly agreeable. Saying "I want to strap on my Blowfish Special and screw Heath Ledger into the afterlife" is NOT.

Please err on the side of not enough information rather than TOO MUCH. As we get to know you better, then we may become interested in your health, fetishes, orifices, and what-have-you, but not right off the bat, not in mixed company, not at the dinner table, not in front of our parents, etc. When in doubt, remain silent. Nodding and smiling can't possibly get you in more trouble than telling a beloved family friend about your last adventure with a VD scare.

You spend more time talking than you do listening. Carry an egg timer if you have to, but give others equal time. If you spend more than an hour talking with someone and don't know at least 3 facts about them including their first name, chances are you've monopolized the conversation and the other person is perceiving you as rude. Shut up and listen. Ask questions, even if you could give less than a shit about the answers. It's only polite--after all we've been listening to you for however long you've been blathering on pointlessly.

You spend most of your time angry, sad, depressed, or whining. Yes, everyone has problems, but for heaven's sake, not all the time. If you spend all your time around us being angry, mean, sad, or bad-tempered, chances are we won't want to spend much time with you. If you can't think of anything pleasant to say, try asking someone else to bring up a pleasant topic of conversation and let their happiness lift you out of your own selfish rageful misery.

You are hygenically challenged. Bathe with soap and water daily. Brush your teeth with toothpaste at least twice a day. Use deodorant daily. Wear clean clothes every time you dress. Check your shoes for foot funk before you put them on. No matter how attractive your appearance may be, no matter how educated your conversation, if your odor offends, you will not be percieved as good company.

If none of the above seem to be applicable, perhaps you are just trying too hard with the wrong people. Keep looking for a group or individual with whom you may have a special connection....sorry, that's just the way the world works sometimes.

I really really wish I could just walk up to people and say all of that to them, right to their ugly, smelly, drama-whoring faces. But no....I have to be nice now.

feh.

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