Some helpful hints from E to YOU.

[evile]

Here are some possible reasons why people might not want to spend time with you:

You tell us things about yourself that we don't want to know. Certain topics, ie: bodily functions, digestion, pregnancy, sexuality, are none of anyone's business (except perhaps your physician and/or your sex partner[s]), especially if you are just meeting someone for the first time, so please don't mention them.

Saying "I am allergic to peanuts" is acceptable. Saying "Peanuts make me break out in weeping pustules all over my body while having explosive diarrhea" is NOT.

Saying "I have 3 kids" is charming.
Whereas stating "I endured three pregnancies during which I bled constantly for the entire nine months," is not.

Exclaiming "I think Heath Ledger is adorable!" is perfectly agreeable. Saying "I want to strap on my Blowfish Special and screw Heath Ledger into the afterlife" is NOT.

Please err on the side of not enough information rather than TOO MUCH. As we get to know you better, then we may become interested in your health, fetishes, orifices, and what-have-you, but not right off the bat, not in mixed company, not at the dinner table, not in front of our parents, etc. When in doubt, remain silent. Nodding and smiling can't possibly get you in more trouble than telling a beloved family friend about your last adventure with a VD scare.

You spend more time talking than you do listening. Carry an egg timer if you have to, but give others equal time. If you spend more than an hour talking with someone and don't know at least 3 facts about them including their first name, chances are you've monopolized the conversation and the other person is perceiving you as rude. Shut up and listen. Ask questions, even if you could give less than a shit about the answers. It's only polite--after all we've been listening to you for however long you've been blathering on pointlessly.

You spend most of your time angry, sad, depressed, or whining. Yes, everyone has problems, but for heaven's sake, not all the time. If you spend all your time around us being angry, mean, sad, or bad-tempered, chances are we won't want to spend much time with you. If you can't think of anything pleasant to say, try asking someone else to bring up a pleasant topic of conversation and let their happiness lift you out of your own selfish rageful misery.

You are hygenically challenged. Bathe with soap and water daily. Brush your teeth with toothpaste at least twice a day. Use deodorant daily. Wear clean clothes every time you dress. Check your shoes for foot funk before you put them on. No matter how attractive your appearance may be, no matter how educated your conversation, if your odor offends, you will not be percieved as good company.

If none of the above seem to be applicable, perhaps you are just trying too hard with the wrong people. Keep looking for a group or individual with whom you may have a special connection....sorry, that's just the way the world works sometimes.

I really really wish I could just walk up to people and say all of that to them, right to their ugly, smelly, drama-whoring faces. But no....I have to be nice now.

feh.