Jan. 24th, 2005

evile: (Default)

    Jan. 24, 2005

     

     

    LJ is being crappy today and already ate a post of mine earlier, so
    I"m going to start here and c&P to there later.

    From <u>It's Not Okay Anymore: Your Personal Guide to Ending Abuse,
    Taking Charge, and Loving Yourself</u>, by Stepdad Enns and Jan Black

    <center>GET SAFE PLAN</center>

    <i>Important! Please keep this plan in a safe and private place, away
    from your abuser. Also, do not refer to this plan with anyone who is
    not a part of it, or at least a strong advocate for your safety. It
    is normal to feel afraid when completing and carrying out a safety
    plan, since the risk of abuse is often greater at this time. This is
    why it is important for you to </i>carefully<i> complete this safety
    plan as well as others related to legal and protective concerns that
    may be recommended to you....*<i>

    This GET SAFE PLAN is designed for:

    Name ____________________________ Phone _______________

    Address ____________________________ City ____________ State ______

    <center> WHO CAN I CALL?</center>

    Counselor/support group contact: _______________ Phone _____________

    Recovery partner/peer helper: ___________________ Phone ____________

    Shelter contact/crisis services: _________________ Phone ___________

    Doctor/health care provider: _____________________ Phone ____________

    ___________________________________________________ Phone ____________

    ___________________________________________________ Phone ____________

    ___________________________________________________ Phone ____________


    <center>WHERE CAN I GO TO BE SAFE? </center>

    Practice how to get out safely. What doors, windows, elevator,
    stairwells, or fire escapes would you use? Also, practice how you are
    going to get to the safe places listed below.

    Safe Place #1 ______________________________________ Phone ___________

    Address: __________________________ Contact Person: _________________

    Safe Place #2 ______________________________________ Phone ___________

    Address: __________________________ Contact Person: _________________

    Safe Place #3 ______________________________________ Phone ___________

    Address: __________________________ Contact Person: _________________

    <center> OTHER THINGS I NEED IN ORDER TO BE SAFE</center>

    (If possible, put these items in one place so they can be grabbed
    quickly.)

    1. Money (enough for cab fare to any of your safe places)

    2. Prescriptions and medications (for yourself and your children)

    3. Clothing (an overnight bag packed for yourself and your children)

    4. Other items:

    Get Safe Plan Address book
    This book Journal
    Drivers License Car and house keys
    Birth Certificates Social Security Card(s)
    Passports Welfare identification card
    Bank Books Green card
    Credit Cards Children's favorite toys/blankets
    Insurance Card Items of sentimental value
    Health Records Marriage license
    Medical, police reports Photos of any of your injuries
    Pay stubs Other: ______________________

    You may wish to pack a bag in advance and leave it with a friend or
    neighbor. Also, it may be wise to hide an extra set of keys o the
    house and car.


    *<center>AGENCIES</center>

    In addition to counseling centers, religious groups, and employee
    assistance programs, there are many agencies in your area and
    nationally that are prepared to help you, such as:

    County Community Health Departments (Government Pages in Phone Book)

    District Attorney's Office, Domestic Violence Task Force (A growing
    number of DA's offices are creating services for victims,
    particularly in guiding them through the judicial system)

    Local Domestic Violence Shelter (Yellow Pages under "shelters" or
    blue pages under "abuse" or "assault")

    National 24 hour hotline number: 1-800-799-SAFE (7323), 1-800-787-
    3224 (TDD)

    National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
    6400 Flank Dr Ste 1300 Harrisburg PA 17112-2778
    1-800-537-2238

    Project: Protect
    1-800-507-2560

    The Salvation Army (White Pages)

    Your doctor, pediatrician, nurse, mid-wife

    YWCA (white pages)

evile: (deadmoon)

    Jan. 24, 2005

     

     

    http://home.earthlink.net/~elnunes/advice.htm

    Advice for Abused Men and Women


    This page was last updated on Saturday March 13, 2004


    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    ----------

    Do not consult with a marriage or family counselor, especially one
    who is recommended by your spouse or partner. There have been many
    instances where these marriage mills have repeat business with the
    same person but with another partner.

    See a psychiatrist to document the abuse and get help. Victims of
    abuse often suffer from depression, post traumatic stress disorder,
    and panic attacks.

    Have separate physicians. Many professionals cannot maintain their
    objectivity when they suspect that one spouse is abusing the other.

    Ask your physician to document your injuries and how you got them.

    Purchase or rent a miniature audio or video tape recorder and
    secretly record abusive conduct.

    Never discuss the abuse with mutual friends. Some people cannot keep
    a secret.

    Confide in trustworthy separate friends about the abuse.

    Consult an attorney about your rights. Spouses should not use the
    same attorney.

    Have an attorney or paralegal prepare an application for a
    restraining or protective order so that you can use it at a moment's
    notice. Remember that these orders are valid for a limited time.

    Keep in mind that the uncorroborated complaint of a female is
    sufficient grounds for arrest. The double standard is that if a woman
    leaves, she is treated as a victim. When a man leaves, regardless of
    the circumstances, the authorities can charge him with flight from
    the scene of a crime. If a woman takes her children with her to a
    shelter, she is regarded as the protective parent. Fathers who take
    their children with them can be charged with parental kidnapping.
    Discuss these concerns with your attorney with the purpose of
    producing a legal paper that protects you from wrongful arrest.
    Become involved in social activities so you are not isolated. Join a
    bowling or pool league.

    Rent a post box at a private facility for your private personal use.

    Get rid of joint credit or debit cards. Use separate personal credit
    or debit cards.

    Save some emergency money for yourself.

    Open a bank account in your own name at a different bank from that of
    your partner. Tell the bank to use your private postal address on all
    materials.

    Abusive persons often steal or destroy their partner's possessions.
    Make a photo and written inventory of all property. Include the
    manufacturer's name, model number, and serial number. Each item
    should be described as the husband's or wife's separate property,
    joint property, or marital property. The description of the item
    must include the date of acquisition, value at the time of
    acquisition, or the appraised value, and how the item was acquired
    (by inheritance, gift, purchase, or by other means).

    Protect the keys and the access codes to your relative's property so
    that your spouse or partner cannot use or duplicate them. This
    advice applies equally to your employer's and your friend's
    property. Always return the keys at completion of employment or when
    your friend returns from their trip or when there is no necessity to
    retain them.

    Keep extra money, keys, clothes, keys, copies of documents (e.g. bank
    accounts, marriage license, driver's license, birth certificates and
    health cards, immigration and citizenship papers, passports, etc.),
    important phone numbers, things for the children, etc. at a safe
    location. Try to avoid public storage as it might not be readily
    available when you need it.

    Plan for an emergency get away. You may need transportation and have
    to rely on a trusted friend or relative.

    Children must know how to protect themselves and where they can go to
    safe place. Give them a plastic laminated medical and identification
    card. The card should have child's name, age, gender, address, the
    names of the child's siblings, your name, your spouse's name, and
    list any medical conditions. A recent photograph is also helpful.
    This service may be available in some localities.

    Give each child a cue card telling them to call 911 in an emergency.
    The card should include the child's name, address, telephone number,
    physician, current medications, allergies, and the name and location
    of a trusted person to contact in the event of an emergency.

    End the relationship and, when appropriate, sue for divorce.

evile: (clutter)

    Jan. 24, 2005

     

     

    evile: hi! How was your weekend?
    SkyeDS: spent the entire weekend repairing trailer
    SkyeDS: ripped out wall to find months of black mold
    evile: *nod* it did sound like a serious task.
    SkyeDS: looked for leak, and there wasn't one
    evile: bizarre!
    SkyeDS: someone loosened the shower head.
    SkyeDS: all the lightbulbs have to be replaced, the carpet may still
    h ave to be replaced after cleaning if it doesn't all come clean,
    there's cigarette smoke on the ceiling, the air conditioner was NEVER
    cleaned (months worth)
    SkyeDS: there are stains on the stove that refuse to come up
    evile: yuck.
    SkyeDS: and a bottle of cat/dog flea/tick shampoo
    SkyeDS: and food left in the fridge, more than a month, no electricity
    SkyeDS: this weekend wasn't really happy making
    evile: ew.
    SkyeDS: however, we did go to Central market for dinner Saturday
    night, where there was a New Orleans jazz band (like the asylum
    street spankers)
    SkyeDS: so that was happy making
    SkyeDS: and home depot is generally fun
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: cool stuffs in HD
    evile: I always spend more time than I intended when I go to Home
    Depot
    SkyeDS: nods. time and money both, especially when every single
    employee there wants quality time with Arthur
    evile: heh.
    SkyeDS: nevermind the no pets sign on the front door
    evile: yeah.
    SkyeDS: which came about I believe because of someone's german
    shepherd or other large dog attacking a 9 yo black girl or similar
    evile: ew
    SkyeDS: why media insisted on including "black" in there....
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: what did you do this weekend? was pretty, if cold
    evile: yoga and brunch with e. saturday a.m., beer with Rengeek
    Saturday afternoon, apartment(s) warming party at Pace's & Erinlefey &
    tangentsferret's Saturday night, and bull creek park with Nikiyoy and thewordnerd on
    sunday
    SkyeDS: rengeek <grin>
    evile: He drove up from San Antonio, and his friend drove down from
    Houston, and they met in Austin to tour the various brewpubs around
    town.
    SkyeDS: they call Austin/Waco/College Station the Triangle
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: seems to me DFW Houston San Antonio also = a triangle
    evile: yup
    evile: Everybody wussed out of PNO classic last night.
    SkyeDS: wonder why :(
    evile: It may be that we just got there too early for pagan standard
    time.
    SkyeDS: we would have gone but was too cold to be outside with the
    boy, and we didn't really have time to visit, we had to eat and get
    to HD before 7 pm
    SkyeDS: the girly beasties have been fascinated with Sineater's cast,
    might be something about the way it smelled (it came off today)
    evile: turned out onyxlynxx was tired and Maggiemaepisces wasn't interested in the
    pagan-ness much, but just wanted to catch up with Kirby. So turns out
    they didn't come at all. Rifka and Roy are chronically late, so I
    guess we probably left before we got there.
    SkyeDS: PST = pagan standard time. MST = musician standard time.
    (kissing cousins).
    evile: Terriblelynne probably didnt' get a ride, or else her ride was rifka.
    And I'm peeved at Terriblelynne, ANYWAY, because she made such a big stink
    about coming to Monday craft night
    evile: Maggiemaepisces was going to give us a lesson in leather-braiding, to do
    flogger-handles, and when Terrblelynne found out, she pitched a fit because
    she has abuse issues and whips trigger her, bla bla, so M changed
    the plan, to playing Scrabble and having soup instead...
    evile: And then Terri goes "oh, gee, I made plans with someone else,
    so I won't be there!"
    evile: Telling us this on Monday fricken morning, w hen we could
    have spent the weekend shopping at tandy and getting supplies ready
    if we had known she wasn't going to be there, after all.
    SkyeDS: :(
    evile: It could just be miscommunication, and not attention-grabbing
    PITA behavior...I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt, but
    she's been kind of a PITA about the last couple of Monday night gal-
    gatherings, so it's hard not to see a pattern and get annoyed.
    SkyeDS: brb
    evile: ok
    SkyeDS: bk
    evile: rehi :)
    SkyeDS: Sineater came by between doctor and interview to eat lunch
    evile: how's he feeling?
    SkyeDS: doctor said he was doing good
    SkyeDS: cast gone, splint on
    evile: awesome.
    SkyeDS: exercises (specifity of which I have not yet learned) but
    otherwise splint stays on 23 out of 24
    evile: good.
    SkyeDS: (/specificity)
    SkyeDS: Ajilon is upset because I refuse to put him on a plane until
    I see a Letter Of Offer or Contract with per diem details
    SkyeDS: they gave him an email
    SkyeDS: huh uh no. that has no ink on the bottom of it. I want ink.
    evile: yeah.
    SkyeDS: I've had one ok experience on an out of state contract and
    one hideously bad one
    SkyeDS: I learn from experience (as much as it may appear otherwise)
    evile: it's definitely a good idea to make it as official as possible
    before committing to that kindof time/distance.
    SkyeDS: he hasn't got the funds to pay for room board and
    transportation for a week before his first paycheck arrives with
    perdiem attached
    evile: exactly.
    SkyeDS: and 5 day perdiem isn't going to cut it
    SkyeDS: when he has to pay for hotel and car 7 days
    evile: *nod* because he can't just come home on the weekends.
    SkyeDS: they seem to have a problem understanding that
    evile: bizarre.
    SkyeDS: so I told him, we're going to kill one bug at a time
    SkyeDS: you're going to go to the doctor, and nothing else is going
    to be in head, but doctor
    SkyeDS: no interview, no ajilon
    SkyeDS: then we're going to have a pleasant lunch, and discuss the
    doctor
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: then you're going to go to interview, and be thinking nothing
    but knocking interview dead
    evile: good plan.
    SkyeDS: then you're going to come back and at least put notes for a
    ty ltr in a text file
    SkyeDS: then we'll call ajilon
    evile: sounds good.
    SkyeDS: see if they'll fax a LOO/K over here, if not, we'll go over
    there
    SkyeDS: I should have worn court clothes :(
    evile: Oh well...
    SkyeDS: he'll worry about everything at once if left to his own
    devices
    evile: yup. it's easy to get overwhelmed.
    SkyeDS: and nobody can function that way. we would all get depressed
    and want to die.
    evile: yup
    SkyeDS: apparently there was some bleeding but dr says is normal, and
    that he didn't see any evidence of Sineater doing what he should not have.
    evile: owies.
    SkyeDS: maybe we'll get lucky and rubber_pig will sprout in March while
    we're at Gulf War.
    SkyeDS: nobody can drag us into squat if we're in Miss.
    evile: week of Feb 21 is what I've been hearing.
    SkyeDS: oh. E told me March. damn.
    SkyeDS: well, they'll just have to be satisfied with me, because it's
    somewhat likely he'll be out of state then.
    evile: Well, as you may know, you can't believe one fricken thing
    that comes of that woman's mouth, so who knows when she's actually
    due.
    evile: I'm not going, period. I dont' care when it is.
    SkyeDS: "I had a premie, weighed 9 pounds" lol
    evile: *shrug* whatever. I don't like babies.
    SkyeDS: I don't think Sineater wanted to go. But I suspect that there
    will be much sturm and drang even for those of us who don't go. But
    can't drag us into sturm and drang if he's in NH or we're both in
    Miss. :)
    evile: D's having hers on Thursday, and flights to Atlanta are down
    to $153.
    SkyeDS: ye gointer go Miz Scahlett?
    evile: I think I'll wait and talk to her on the phone this weekend to
    see how soon she'll want to see anybody.
    SkyeDS: good idea
    SkyeDS: <grin> if it's a girl she could name her "evile" or "eek"
    SkyeDS: <runs>
    evile: nope, they already know it's a boy.
    SkyeDS: evile could be short for evil Sineater :P
    evile: Ian John.
    evile: (they already call Josephine "phene" or "fiend" depending :P)
    evile: I am *very* ready to call it a day. They sprayed for bugs in
    the office on Saturday and now all these bugs are coming out to
    die...I've seen 2 small roaches on my desk today, not quite dead but
    kind of wandering around all poisoned and such...and I am about to
    run screaming. I am going to wash with HOT water when I get home.
    evile: The reason they are coming to my cube, I think, is that the
    coffee machine, supplies, snackies, and such are in a cube which
    shares a wall with me. I am beyond grossed out over here.

    evile: *giggles* I just told onyxlynxx that Scrabble sets off some of my
    childhood issues.
    SkyeDS: lol
    evile: I'm almost too tired to go...but I do have a craft project in
    mind, so I should go.
    SkyeDS: is being somewhat vegetative and going an option?
    evile: maybe.
    SkyeDS: a physically vegetative state is not incompatible with the
    planning stages of a project
    evile: *shrug* I can sit at work and plan all day, not really
    anything I'd want to do in company
    SkyeDS: suit yourself, I say.
    evile: yup
    evile: I guess I'll see how I feel when I get home.
    SkyeDS: good idea
    evile: I want to see my friends, but I don't want to play
    Scrabble,and since I do have a project in mind, I want to work on
    that. If it turns out I can get it done better/easier at home, then I
    will.
    SkyeDS: nobody has invited me to play Scrabble since the last time I
    played "ziti" on a triple word score
    evile: i hate scrabble. I really, really do.
    evile: Despite the fact that I have a degree in English and a pretty
    nifty vocabulary, the Nanny factor or soemthing else just prevents
    me from assembling any kind of language from the jumble of consonants
    before me.
    SkyeDS: my faith involves the practice of magic. I have no desire to
    throw spellballs around an HFS park though.
    evile: heh.
    evile: well, it's 4. Time for me to scoot.
    SkyeDS: wind to your wings :)
    evile: *hugs*

    SkyeDS: :D

evile: (Default)
I am mostly putting these here for my own future reference. But it seems that other folks are finding them helpful and useful, so I will continue to keep the 'abuse' posts public and accessible for anyone to see and use, with all my blessings & brightest hopes.

From It's Not Okay Anymore: Your Personal Guide to Ending Abuse,
Taking Charge, and Loving Yourself
, by Greg Enns and Jan Black. It's an excellent book, available at the Austin Public Library, and well worth buying if you or a loved one has need of such a book.Read more... )

Profile

evile: (Default)
evile

August 2025

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
1011121314 1516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31      

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Aug. 18th, 2025 08:46 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios