evile

Jan. 24, 2005

http://home.earthlink.net/~elnunes/advice.htm

Advice for Abused Men and Women

This page was last updated on Saturday March 13, 2004

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Do not consult with a marriage or family counselor, especially one
who is recommended by your spouse or partner. There have been many
instances where these marriage mills have repeat business with the
same person but with another partner.

See a psychiatrist to document the abuse and get help. Victims of
abuse often suffer from depression, post traumatic stress disorder,
and panic attacks.

Have separate physicians. Many professionals cannot maintain their
objectivity when they suspect that one spouse is abusing the other.

Ask your physician to document your injuries and how you got them.

Purchase or rent a miniature audio or video tape recorder and
secretly record abusive conduct.

Never discuss the abuse with mutual friends. Some people cannot keep
a secret.

Confide in trustworthy separate friends about the abuse.

Consult an attorney about your rights. Spouses should not use the
same attorney.

Have an attorney or paralegal prepare an application for a
restraining or protective order so that you can use it at a moment's
notice. Remember that these orders are valid for a limited time.

Keep in mind that the uncorroborated complaint of a female is
sufficient grounds for arrest. The double standard is that if a woman
leaves, she is treated as a victim. When a man leaves, regardless of
the circumstances, the authorities can charge him with flight from
the scene of a crime. If a woman takes her children with her to a
shelter, she is regarded as the protective parent. Fathers who take
their children with them can be charged with parental kidnapping.
Discuss these concerns with your attorney with the purpose of
producing a legal paper that protects you from wrongful arrest.
Become involved in social activities so you are not isolated. Join a
bowling or pool league.

Rent a post box at a private facility for your private personal use.

Get rid of joint credit or debit cards. Use separate personal credit
or debit cards.

Save some emergency money for yourself.

Open a bank account in your own name at a different bank from that of
your partner. Tell the bank to use your private postal address on all
materials.

Abusive persons often steal or destroy their partner's possessions.
Make a photo and written inventory of all property. Include the
manufacturer's name, model number, and serial number. Each item
should be described as the husband's or wife's separate property,
joint property, or marital property. The description of the item
must include the date of acquisition, value at the time of
acquisition, or the appraised value, and how the item was acquired
(by inheritance, gift, purchase, or by other means).

Protect the keys and the access codes to your relative's property so
that your spouse or partner cannot use or duplicate them. This
advice applies equally to your employer's and your friend's
property. Always return the keys at completion of employment or when
your friend returns from their trip or when there is no necessity to
retain them.

Keep extra money, keys, clothes, keys, copies of documents (e.g. bank
accounts, marriage license, driver's license, birth certificates and
health cards, immigration and citizenship papers, passports, etc.),
important phone numbers, things for the children, etc. at a safe
location. Try to avoid public storage as it might not be readily
available when you need it.

Plan for an emergency get away. You may need transportation and have
to rely on a trusted friend or relative.

Children must know how to protect themselves and where they can go to
safe place. Give them a plastic laminated medical and identification
card. The card should have child's name, age, gender, address, the
names of the child's siblings, your name, your spouse's name, and
list any medical conditions. A recent photograph is also helpful.
This service may be available in some localities.

Give each child a cue card telling them to call 911 in an emergency.
The card should include the child's name, address, telephone number,
physician, current medications, allergies, and the name and location
of a trusted person to contact in the event of an emergency.

End the relationship and, when appropriate, sue for divorce.