What should I do if a friend is abusing or being abused?

This is an excellent website. I found the following to be very helpful for me:( Read more... )

2857it's only TUESDAY. feh.

Jan. 25, 2005

 

 

I ignored many signs that I should just stay home--bad dreams,
pinching my fingers as I was getting off the bus, elevator at work
not working so I had to walk up the stairs carrying my bookbag &
stuff for a care package for Josephine & D's new baby, in a building
which was heated up to about 100. And since my hands were already
full it was a hassle to take off my sweater and jacket...yay.

Then I went on my lunch break to mail the stuff, and was chastised as
I picked up a flat rate box to put it in by the bossy, loud,
obnoxious know-it-all postal clerk bitch (yes, I read the sign, I
know it's $7.70, STFU and let me mail my shit!) and then after our
transaction was completed, she blathered at me for 10 minutes about
her birthday skydive. Ugh. It's at times like that, I wish I had 15
inches of limp cock to slap people with...

2860yummy, angst flavor quiz

Jan. 25, 2005

 

 

<center>My angst tastes like...<BR><img
src="http://rachel.dovienya.net/licorice.jpg" border="0" alt="black
licorice"><BR>Black Licorice<br><a
href="http://rachel.dovienya.net/index.html"><font size="-1">Find
your angst's flavor</font></a><BR>

Black Licorice

Unique and difficult to place, your angst finds its source in
something you keep hidden. You have something serious and possibly
traumatic, but you try to hide it from everyone and just tell them to
ignore you when you seem troubled, that everything's really OK. You
might think that you have good reasons for not telling people, and
some of them may in fact be true, but most likely a lifetime of
keeping your secrets has led to a resolution fortified by
rationalization that nobody else can shake simply because you never
give them a chance. Ask yourself if it would really be that horrible
to open up to others; nobody says you have to do it all at once,
even. But you should at least try getting out of your shell a little.
It's not healthy to internalize everything and conceal it. Anyway, if
people really care for you, and they probably do, then they'll be
loving and supportive regardless of any reason to the contrary.

•  

 

2861icq w/A

Jan. 25, 2005

 

 

evile: I can't believe it's only tuesday...
SkyeDS: nods
evile: I ignored many Signs that I should have just called in sick
today.
SkyeDS: and consequently...?
evile: It's just been one of those days where I can't get out of my
own way.
evile: Oh well. At least the Oklahoma Pity Party is a whole state
away, so that's a plus.
SkyeDS: with a full email box
SkyeDS: I have to admit, I've been using his situation to keep my
reading skills honed
SkyeDS: he's very reliable that way
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I do a reading, check his journal, and so far, it's never
failed to have a posting that I can calibrate my reading with
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: although the whole thing is just rather sad
SkyeDS: apparently he still hasn't figured out what his journals and
the cards both reveal to me, which is Carol was using him, and in
love with someone else.
SkyeDS: and the whole situation with going back to his parents is a
Devil (slavery) situation
evile: yup. I had some sympathetic-yet-boot-in-the-ass stuff I
momentarily felt like sharing via email. I think the feeling has
passed.
SkyeDS: I don't know what I feel at this point other than morbid
geminian curiosity.
SkyeDS: the cards and I don't see him leaving his parents any time
soon (if ever the way he's going right now)
evile: I'm too soft hearted for my own good.
SkyeDS: and he's all fantasizing over Carol, who was using him in
place of whomever it is that she wants and can't have (she's pretty
torn up over this other person)
evile: aww.
SkyeDS: and I can't believe how much of what I see in the cards he
actually verifies, but he doesn't see it himself
evile: *shrug* He is hell bent on going his own way and making his
own mistakes.
SkyeDS: just like my little brother now that I think on it
SkyeDS: I am disappointed that Mom said at one point she wasn't
enabling him anymore and then went right back to it (grandkids you
know)
evile: Isn't it interesting how we recreate the same types of
relationships for ourselves again and again...not because they're
fun, but because that's the interaction we are used to...
SkyeDS: well, I don't know what I missed
SkyeDS: but had he acted like this when first we met, there wouldn't
have been a relationship
SkyeDS: but I am told by many that I am the rare exception, and not
the rule, when it comes to not wearing masks for people.
evile: People are usually on their best behavior when they first get
together with someone.
evile: and when it's online, phone, and long-distance, it's pretty
easy to only 'see' the person when you are feeling up to being
charming and delightful company.
SkyeDS: I'm socially retarded, remember, I don't have best behavior -
or it isn't distinguishable lol
evile: Not true, I've seen you try very hard in some pretty
threatening social situations.
SkyeDS: love that site you gave me last, Sineater and I pored over it
yesterday
evile: which?
SkyeDS: (non sequitur sorry_
SkyeDS: dhuir-?
SkyeDS: eleanor on horse?
evile: Oh, yeah. Pretty pictures.
SkyeDS: paintings, ornaments, tshirts, angels, dragons, fairies, VERY
cool
evile: yup
SkyeDS: I seem to have a problem with taking people at face value.
evile: such as?
SkyeDS: but I have also noticed that men do not seem able to
recognize when women are not at face value
SkyeDS: cattiness is a prime example
SkyeDS: manipulative two faced ness with ulterior motives is another
SkyeDS: and it isn't just my men either, but men in general I have
noticed this about
SkyeDS: even otherwise reasonable and intelligent men
evile: depends on the guy. When Nikiyoy and roninjedi were
dating, he got seriously pissed at her and onyxlynxx for being catty
about another friend he'd brought to poly dinner.
SkyeDS: exception so noted! wow
evile: Of course, he didn't confront them honestly and directly, he
passively agressively bitched about them in vague terms to yet
another 3rd party and let it get back to them.
SkyeDS: there are many ways to classify astrological signs
SkyeDS: duologys, triplicities, quadruplicities, etc
SkyeDS: duologies= hot/cold, moist/dry, male/female
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and so half the signs are considered male and half female
SkyeDS: and any time I read something like Men are from Mars, where
it's gender based
evile: masculine/feminine, not necessarily the same as male/ female.
SkyeDS: if you take out physical gender, and replace it with the
gender of one's sign
SkyeDS: exactly
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: a very female man probably does recognize female behavior
when he sees it.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: of course not all of them (Sineater for example has a feminine
side and doesn't recognize catty or manipulative when he sees it)
SkyeDS: I didn't mean to say earlier that all men don't recognize it
when they see it, but that many of them don't. (more than not in my
limited experience)
evile: *shrug* paranoia, will destroy ya.
SkyeDS: you made a rhyme :)
evile: song lyric.
SkyeDS: oh
SkyeDS: I took a lyric from Singing in the Rain (Moses supposes his
toeses are roses, Moses supposes erroneously) and sang it to Arthur
modified (Arthur supposes....)
evile: the way I see it, you can go through life assuming that
everyone secretly hates you, or you can take them at face value and
try to be happy.
SkyeDS: Mom thought it was mine and was all enthused that Iw as going
to be the next Dr Seuss.
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: they're pressuring Sineater to get on a plane with no Letter of
Offer or Contract (nothing in writing but an email)
SkyeDS: so they made reservations for him on a plane this morning
evile: yuck. They should at least give him an advance, then.
SkyeDS: he found this out last night after I'd gone to bed
SkyeDS: so his way of dealing with this was to call at around
midnight and leave the msg that he couldn't fly today because someone
hit my truck and put me in the hospital.
SkyeDS: <sigh>
evile: not the best tactic.
SkyeDS: yeah well
evile: He just needed to continue to stick to his original boundary:
formal offer, in writing, NOW.
evile: But...at least he's not going without it, so that's a small
plus, I guess.
evile: I'm still trying to figure out what the heck happened on
Saturday...apparently there was all kinds of drama at the party, and
I was oblivious to all of it. (nothing new for me, I know...but
still.)
SkyeDS: drama is interesting as long as you're a spectator.
evile: yup
evile: I suspect it has something to do with Pace's 2 new loves not
integrating very well with tangentsferret and Erinlefey...but I didn't see any
actual evidence of that sort of tension at the party
SkyeDS: that makes... a quintet? wow.
evile: Pace has all sorts of far-flung sweeties, so 2 more shouldn't
be that bad.
evile: Or at least that's what I figured.
SkyeDS: depends on how deep the relationships all go, I would guess
evile: yup. And all of Pace's others are 1 person, this is Pace in a
relationship with a couple who are very like tangentsferret & Erinlefey, at least
superficially.
evile: E may be disturbed by the unpleasant things she sees in
that mirror, or by the way in which that couple treats Pace, where
she and tangentsferret don't have that same dynamic? I'm just guessing here....
SkyeDS: using DR's #2, I'd say that's a good working hypothesis.
evile: DR? What does that stand for?
evile: If I were being unkind, I might speculate that E has "Queen
Bee" syndrome....but I like E too much to think of her like that.
SkyeDS: Don Ruiz
evile: oh, OK,
SkyeDS: even if she does have queen bee, so what, we all have
foibles, nobody's perfect.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: we are just inclined to tolerate more from our friends than
from others
evile: To my understanding, Queen Bee Syndrome is one of the cardinal
sins of poly...so that's why I'd rather not think of my friend with
that large of a problem.
SkyeDS: I'm not quite sure of the intrinsic meaning that polys use
for it
evile: I liked the GG (genetic girl) of the couple, but didn't really
get a good vibe from the transwoman
SkyeDS: queen bee to polys wouldn't be where one person gets all the
multiples and no one else does?
evile: I think that's one interpretation. More like "I have veto
power, but nobody else does"
SkyeDS: nods
SkyeDS: understandable why that is a cardinal sin
evile: yup
evile: mouser says there are plenty of healthy poly relationships in
which 1 or more people in the relationship are mono, (ex: E is
with Pace, Erin is with tangentsferret, tangentsferret is currently Mono, Pace is with
many others long-distance) So that in itself isn't unhealthy.
SkyeDS: I'm biased, but I agree.
SkyeDS: for obvious reasons.
evile: But where it would get hairy is if Erin told tangentsferret or
Pace "you can't date anyone"
evile: and where it would become egregious is if Erin said "I can
date anyone I want, but you two CAN'T"
SkyeDS: that's what Kaleon accused me of.
SkyeDS: leaving out of course that there are established agmts for
dating others that he completely violated
evile: Now if it's just that Erin/tangentsferret don't get along with Serafina and
Kyeli-unlikely, Pace is just going to have to figure out how to parcel out her
spare time, or if she needs to just break up with one/more of the
people in that group.
SkyeDS: all your friends can't be expected to be friends with all
your other friends. in general, but certainly among polys.
evile: exactly.
SkyeDS: it can get very nasty
evile: I mean, if Erinlefey or tangentsferret, or anyone in the group has fears
that Pace is in physical danger, obviously that kind of veto is going
to need to carry more weight than "I just don't like ____"
SkyeDS: you establish open and honest communication and rules of
engagement
SkyeDS: one person plays by them, say, and the other person doesn't
SkyeDS: and that creates a situation where on one side, it's "I
wouldn't mind you having so and so if you had just gone about it the
right way"
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and then on the other side it's "well you just want to have
all the spice and for me to have none"
SkyeDS: very nasty
evile: yup
evile: I don't know what the deal is. I know Pace met them, then
talked with Erinlefey about whether or not to date them, got Erinlefey's OK to
date, and then this....whatever...hoo-ha at the party.
SkyeDS: jealousy is a mean monster. many of us think we have it
conquered and find out the hard way that it rears its head very
unexpectedly.
evile: And that may be why Erinlefey reacted so badly, because she thought
she was beyond all that, and OK with the new relationship and then
WHAM!
SkyeDS: have been there, done that, and it is possible
SkyeDS: you want to be friends with the Others
SkyeDS: and it's hard when you can't be
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: for example, I don't deal well with little girls who seem to
think my ranch and my horses come along with my men
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: of course, they tend to behave passive-aggressively and
manipulatively and otherwise unpleasantly towards me, which does not
nurture friendly feeling
evile: yup
SkyeDS: if you consider the general catty and manipulative nature of
many women, and then you throw that into poly amplification...
evile: yeah.
evile: If I was ever going to try poly, I would want Sweetie to start out
dating someone who was my friend first.
SkyeDS: ya.
SkyeDS: would have been nice if Kelly or Sharjinka for example had
become Family.
evile: so I'd already be in good communication with her before the
sexual element came into play.
evile: Women are definitely harder to trust than men
SkyeDS: amen sister
evile: I'm so ready to be out of here. One of my coworkers is on the
phone with someone, and has been for quite some time now. She is very
smart and dedicated to her work, which is nice to see, but she's also
from East Texas, very loud & highly accented. My aching head...I can
hear her even through the headphones & music. *sigh*
evile: oops. WEST TX. Totally different accent. :P
SkyeDS: lol
SkyeDS: grandma had to have her little dog buddy put down, lung cancer
evile: aw. I'm sorry to hear that
SkyeDS: he was a shelty-pom cross, and sweetest thing you ever met
SkyeDS: I told Mom I thought we should rescue her another dog
SkyeDS: her last two were rescues and turned out quite well
SkyeDS: so Mom says, we'll see
SkyeDS: takes Gramma, they get a chow-lab from the pound, and Gramma
loves the new baby
SkyeDS: and this was, of course, my mother's idea.
evile: I'd give it some time...It took me a couple of years after
Mardi Gras before I wanted another cat.
SkyeDS: had it turned out not well it would have been my idea of
course.
evile: *nod*
evile: LOL! Check out this shirt!
http://www.cafepress.com/captainwhimsy.16788296
SkyeDS: omg too funny!
evile: I'll have to add it to my list.
SkyeDS: am planning to buy an angel tshirt and a faery tshirt for me,
and a dragon tshirt for Sineater, from that Dhuir page
evile: cool :)
evile: I think tangentsferret has the "Titania" shirt
SkyeDS: there's a thumbnail for Other Intrigues that is a beautiful
pegasus
SkyeDS: but when you go in to look for that on a tshirt, tisn't there
SkyeDS: there's a pegasus combating two dragons, but not the really
pretty solo pegasus of the thumbnail
evile: *nod*
evile: I like window shopping.
evile: No one ever listens to me when I say they should get help...I
don't know why I keep saying it.
SkyeDS: if it makes you feel better
SkyeDS: I decided as for myself I will say something no more than
twice, because the third time it becomes nagging and I know no one
listens to that
evile: yeah...like maybe nobody will listen 99 times, but then the
100th time, it saves somebody's life.
SkyeDS: dammit
SkyeDS: this project is going to take the rest of the time I'm here
evile: staying busy is good :)
SkyeDS: I hate it when I have to clean up after someone else and that
said someone else blames ME
SkyeDS: I don't mind cleaning up, that's my job
evile: It happens...
SkyeDS: but don't make a mess and then blame your mess on me
[went 'not available']
evile: *hugs* bye, then. :P
SkyeDS: [Auto Response] I am currently away from the computer.

2862email w/Kaleon

 

 

Jan. 25, 2005

 

 

From: "kaleon - LJ Comment" <lj_notify@livejournal.com>
To: evilE
Subject: Re: bounced email

Kaleon TrueNight MoonShae (kaleon) replied to your LiveJournal
comment in which you said:

> Hey, I sent you email, but it bounced & said your email box was

full!

Their reply was:

Subject: Re: bounced email

try [xxx] hun, not sure what all is going on
with jpop anymore.

Date: Tue, 25 Jan 2005 13:17:16 -0800 (PST)
From: "evilE H" <evilE
Subject: Fwd: Glad you made it to OK safe.
To: Kaleon

saw this & worried about you:

"I know I do not deserve the same things that many do,
I've done enough sin in my life to keep real
happiness from me, and I accept that."

You DO deserve the same happiness and love as any
other person in the world. You really, really do.

I posted a link in my LJ to an emotional abuse
checklist, and I most sincerely believe that you are
a victim of severe, egregious, long-term, possibly
ongoing emotional abuse. Someone has told you, enough
times and for long enough, that you are sinful and
evil and don't deserve goodness, happiness, love,
respect, etc. that you have come to believe it, and
probably believe it to be your own idea.

I don't say that you've treated others perfectly,
but in the same way a cornered animal will go for the
throat of its attacker, sometimes you'll give as
good as you've gotten. I don't say it's right, but I
do say it's understandable.

Everyone deserves to be safe. No one deserves to be
yelled at, slapped, screamed at in public, humiliated,
told they're stupid, inferior, undeserving, ESPECIALLY
by those whom they've given love and trust.

I know you are working on moving on in life, going
abroad, and doing what you want to do. BUT--If you can
find a moment to get some support for the emotional
abuse you've lived through, I would hope and pray
that you do so.

Believe it or not, regardless of how my words have
been twisted by others or by your own interpretation,
I like you and I wish you the best. Be well. You
deserve love and happiness, as much as any of god/ess'
children.