evile

May 6, 2004

--- J-Law wrote:
Sweet! I am very ready as well. I wanted to be
outta here days ago.... but it's been nice to be
here and slacking, then go on vacay, come back and
slack some more. :)

I've heard nothing but good things about JetBlue,
so I am actually looking forward to the flight. And,
I am planning to pack a lunch in case I get hungry
for real food. I am going a la francais: ham and brie
on baguette and fruit. I figure that would
withstand the rigors of travel.
=========
me:

evilE wrote:
I just got done with a Peter Mayle fiction
book--_Chasing Cezanne_. It was very cute & fun,
made me want to TRAVEL! And eat French food... *sigh*

There's a scene where two of the characters are
getting ready to fly from Paris to NY and they can't
face the thought of airplane food, so they stop in a
market and buy wine, baguette, etc. and when they
get onboard, one of the characters instructs the
stewardess on how to care for & serve the wine
(something like "It should be gently chilled, not
shocked"). It's hilarious! Totally reminded me of
you and your Jet Blue picnic :) That's a great idea, though. I would
have never thought of it. I may have to pop by Whole Foods or
Central Market the day I leave so that I don't have to face peanuts
in the air and dry bagels in the airport... :P

I went to poly dinner last night & it was fun. Found
out that a gal I'm starting to befriend was one of
skye_ds's classmates at UT. Amazingly, this girl
remembers 'Andie' fondly and wants me to put them
back in touch. Well, okaaaay...
============================
--- J-Law wrote:
I LOVE Chasing Cezanne. One of my favorite books.
I love Cyrus Pine - he is so hilarious and cute. I
was thinking of that very scene when I was planning
my inflight repast. :)

Interesting about UB's classmate. Fond memories of
"Andie." Chuh.

Got to talk to Tom last night - like two hour convo.
We're going to see Van Helsing next week or the
following weekend. On the one hand, I'd have liked
to have seen him this weekend, but it's nice that
we're both not in an all-fired hurry, and I could
sure use a bit of time to myself this weekend.
==================
evilE wrote:
Yeah, it's always important to find/make "me time" in
your life.

Cyrus Pine was my favorite character too :)

I sent e. 'happy birthday' email on MOnday. For
some reason I had it in my head that her bday was the
3rd rather than the 23rd. She wrote back & asked me if
I wanted to do something. I suggested Van Helsing, and
she was all like "Oh, I already have plans to see
that" (Like the theatre was going to be 100% full of
all the people who were going with her and I couldn't
possibly fit, right), and how about we go see
"Godsend" some other time? A movie with a kid in it.
yeah, sure. It looks creepy & stuff, but I don't
really want to see it. I hate how she makes me feel. I
wonder if I should actually tell her that, or just
give up. *sigh* I lose a friend either way, one is
less fraught with drama. I think I'll go with the
'silence is golden' approach from here on in. Why do I
keep bothering? :(

I kinda wish onyxlynxx had not been so positive & happy
about the possibility of re-meeting UB, so we could
dish old dirt. Oh well.

===========================
Date: Thu, 6 May 2004 09:47:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: "J-Law Add to Address
Book
Subject: Re: Sorry Honey...
To: "evilE

Maybe onyxlynxx was just being nice? Like, being unsure of how you feel
about UB and/or assuming that you have positive feelings for her, she
didn't want to say anything negative, but felt that she had to say
something.

For example, Gloria, one of the secretaries here, and I have a mutual
acquaintance. One day, she asked me, "oh, then you must know Susanne
Aronowitz!" I said that I did know her, and that she is nice, even
though I absolutely loathe her (Susanne). It's true that Susanne is
nice when you first meet her, but she is one of these people who has
an agenda, and if you don't fit into it, she won't give you the time
of day.

As for e..... silence is golden is the way to go.... but there's
two sides to this: outward silence, as in not reaching out to her,
trying to plan things, etc., which is fairly easy. The tough thing
is inward silence, i.e., you, internally, making peace with your
outward decision. Does that make sense? I think what's troubling
you is not so much the getting together/fuckwittage with e., but
the internal conflict that you have about it/your friendship with
her.

If I can use myself as an example: me freaking out about men - is he
gonna call, why isn't he calling, he is a fuckwit bla bla bla, e.g.,
Sacto John. Contrast that with more recent events, in which I have
just stopped listening to that internal voice. It is still there
sometimes, but it gets quieter and quieter.... I have no control
over whether they are going to call, or if they are jerking me
around, just as you have no control over e.'s flakiness.

What we both have control over is (a) how we react (i.e., say
something, say nothing); and (b) making peace with our chosen
reaction and moving on with our lives. If you opt for silence is
golden, than your making peace part is a little easier. You aren't
causing big drama, you aren't saying things that you might regret,
bla bla bla. You're just detaching.

XOXOXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

J-Law

2181ICQ w/A

May 6, 2004

evile: howdy :)
SkyeDS: how do :)
evile: Can I ask a giant favor? Do you still have the UT schedule
book handy?
SkyeDS: oh no :( I took it home :( alonng with the pretty purple
chimes (thank you)
evile: Okeydoke. You're welcome. I think there's probably another UT
Schedule book lurking at the PO box, just have to go check the mail.
UT called me this a.m. and said I paid them the UT rate rather than
the non-UT rate. I checked the website, and it does not seem to have
the same info I remember from the catalog.
evile: It's only $14 different, but if there's a typo, I want to mail
a copy in with the check.
evile: ANd of course there's always the remote possibility I may have
fucked up. Which NEVER happens, of course. :P
SkyeDS: :-/
evile: Oh well. Poly dinner last night was cool.
SkyeDS: did you see the divine Mouser
evile: Yup. He was being monopolized by the divine Kili and her
divine laptop
evile: Actually, the laptop was like a giant vortex of suck which
distracted all the geek boys at some point or another, usually in the
middle of an interesting conversation
evile: Kili was technically still at work & needed help doing
something or another...so I should not be so snarky.
evile: Did you get my email re: onyxlynxx?
SkyeDS: have not checked it today yet
evile: Oh, okay then. Turns out 'my' new friend onyxlynxx is the same
person as your old friend onyxlynxx--SMALL WORLD! :P
SkyeDS: Austin is very small for its size
evile: Yup. She seemed really tickled at the prospect of touching
bases with you again :)
SkyeDS: surprising, but nice to hear
evile: Anyway, she gave me permission to give you any of her contact
info that I have, but I wanted to wait & get your OK before I gave
her any of yours (even though you have a website with everything on
it)...just in case.
SkyeDS: I hope she is healthy and happy?
evile: Seems so. I just met her recently, so it's not like we're
super close, we've just chatted a couple of times at poly dinners.
And of course I read her LJ. :)
SkyeDS: would be nice to hear from onyxlynxx, ty
evile: cool :)
evile: She & I might start doing skate night regularly in the future.
That would be cool.
SkyeDS: nods
evile: It was kind of funny/sad. I posted in my LJ about how I'm
always doing stuff by myself and it makes me sad, and turns out most
of my female LJ friends feel the same. So we are all going to try
harder to think to include one another & not automatically assume
nobody wants to spend time with us :)
SkyeDS: good idea :)
evile: After Kulilinei has her baby, she and I are talking about taking a
glass bead making class in the fall...it's $expensive, BUT all
materials & equipment is included. So that's good.
evile: We'll see. I have a lot of garbage to unlearn from
X's 'friendship'--I need to take the doormat sign off and not be
so eager to do all the work, pay all the bills, and generally behave
in a slavish manner just to 'keep' the friend
SkyeDS: <doormat and yesperson if I'm not working very hard not to be
evile: It is very very hard to find a good balance. Every friendship
has give & take. One friend has more money, the other friend has more
of some other resource...as long as they are equally willing to share
what they have with one another, it works out.
evile: And as long as each friend is willing to be appreciative and
grateful for whatever the other friend brings to the table, and not
just take it for granted.
SkyeDS: nodnod
evile: "Oh, evilE will pay for lunch, she always does", "Oh, skye_ds
will let everyone at my kid's bday ride her horses all day, she
always does"...its one thing to do those things from the goodness of
your heart and be APPRECIATED, ti's another when it's expected/taken
for granted.
SkyeDS: too true
evile: When I like people, it's just my nature to want to feed them,
take care of them, do things for them, buy things for them...but I'm
trying not to do that to such a degree that it ends up making me feel
bad....balance. Trying to let other people do and give to me, too.
It's hard.
SkyeDS: very
evile: Harder when coming from a toxic friendship that took up so
much of my time/$/self for such a long time. On some level, I don't
think I'm worth anyone's kindness, or that people will like me unless
I am doing, giving, or supplying them with people more interesting
than me...
SkyeDS: nods
SkyeDS: makes it hard to say no
SkyeDS: for fear of displeasing
evile: yup.
evile: Oh well. I had originally thought I needed to just stay the
hell away from people I might like to spend time with & be friends
with until I had scooped all that garbage out of my head. Now I'm
realizing I will have to actively *practice* healthy friendship
patterns in order to eradicate the bad sick stuff.
SkyeDS: nods
evile: modeling it on establishing healthy eating/exercise habits,
rather than quitting a substance habit. I'm very good at cold turkey.
Not so good at learning moderation.
evile: Unfo, when I fuck up on eating or exercising, the only person
getting hurt is me. If I fuck up on a new friend...I could hurt them,
too. So it's tough.
SkyeDS: crashes <sigh>
evile: yuck. Sorry!
evile: Are you doing your b-day campout on your actual b-day weekend?
SkyeDS: since it is a weekend I had thought to
evile: cool. I'm updating my calendar & writing stuff down ;)
evile: That next weekend is [sister H]'s. I have no idea what her summer
plans are.
evile: I guess we can talk about that next week when we're in MT! :)
evile: You wouldn't happen to be using an additional ICQ #, would
you? I just got a contact req. from 216654671/skye_ds. is that you?
SkyeDS: not me at all
SkyeDS: <doesn't use skye_ds
evile: okeydoke.
evile: Tomorrow is 'no pants day'. Also Van Helsing is coming out.
Decisions decisions :P
SkyeDS: does VH look good?
SkyeDS: I also have not see SEcret Window or Hidalgo yet
evile: 2 words for you: Hugh Jackman. VH doesn't have to be good...I
can just watch Hugh for 2 hours.
SkyeDS: OH, ditto.
SkyeDS: Kate & Leopold (drool)
evile: I think Secret Window is at the discount cinema now.
evile: J-Law _loved_ Kate & Leopold, watched it like a zillion times.
Once was good for me.
evile: I liked Hidalgo, but it was pretty long. Another "once was
good" movie :)
evile: If I liked Viggo more, I might see Hidalgo more than once but
he just doesn't do anything for me. ditto if they'd given the English
Beeyotch, the hottie Sheik's daughter (or the Hottie Sheik, for that
matter) more screen time
evile: I totally dug the English Beeyotch. great costumes &
corsets ;)
SkyeDS: :)
evile: I love Johnny enough to see secret window more than once. :)
esp. at the discount movies
SkyeDS: Man Who Cried was also good
SkyeDS: as was Chocolat
SkyeDS: our movie rental place in rockdale sux
SkyeDS: starting to consider nnetflix
evile: J-Law swears by Netflix.
SkyeDS: I have a friend who does too.
evile: I'd rather go out for movies, when I'm at home I'd rather be
doing something besides sitting & watching movies :)
SkyeDS: I'm just tired of sendign sineater to rockdale and not getting
any of the movies I wanted
SkyeDS: when I want to watch movies at home
evile: yup
SkyeDS: drumline was good what I saw of it
evile: Probably one of those things you like because you relate to
it :)
SkyeDS: Bobby Fischer was like that.
SkyeDS: <related to it.
evile: I don't think I saw that or wanted to...it is just such a SAD
story!
SkyeDS: true story too
evile: I know..too sad.
evile: I will probably not get to Van Helsing on Friday. I can do
that another time, but the "No Pants Day" festivities are only on
Friday & I haven't seen the B. Bards in ages. Since TRF in fact.
SkyeDS: I like them :)
evile: Maybe I'll try & get a group to go see VH on the 21st for my b-
day.
SkyeDS: matinee probably out?
evile: I dunno. If I wanted to do it the 21st, no possibility of
getting to a matinee. If I moved it to the 22nd or 23rd, no problem.
SkyeDS: brb reboot
evile: OK

2183Re: ICQ w/A

Expand Messages

evilE

May 6, 2004

SkyeDS: bk
evile: hey :)
SkyeDS: puters can be very annoying for allegedly useful tools
evile: yup.
evile: LJ is so educational. Maybe not in a good way. I thought last
nights polydinner was great fun. Apparently we had drama & I didn't
even notice!
evile: I think I prefer being oblivious. All these nasty
undercurrents. bleh.
SkyeDS: what drama?
SkyeDS: it is not one of my better qualities that I am intensely
curious about gossip
evile: Oh, apparently people were being snarky in/to/near someone
else's new friend
SkyeDS: I don't take pleasure in bad things. I just want to know
(good bad otherwise0
evile: *shrug*
evile: I am the same way.
evile: I mean, if I am oblivious and don't know I'm missing anything,
I don't worry about it. But if there's something going on, I wanna
know what it is.
SkyeDS: am just too curious, enough to kill many cats.
evile: Basically a guy was talking with his ex and his current GF,
who are friends. The guy's new friend approached and started talking
to him. The GF felt snubbed by the new friend and rolled her eyes at
the ex. the guy saw the gesture and got pissed at the GF and ex GF
for being 'snarky' to to his new friend.
SkyeDS: interesting
SkyeDS: most men don't catch such byplay between wome
SkyeDS: and don't understand it
evile: The whole situation being solvable, in my eyes, by maintaining
Victorian standards of politeness: "Hello, new friend, you remember
my Ex and my current GF, don't you?
evile: Thus including all parties in the ensuing new conversation.
SkyeDS: for example, sineater completely missed X's insulting me while
she was sitting in his lap.
evile: I missed that too
evile: :P
SkyeDS: I didn't.
SkyeDS: and you know, I don'nt care if she's in his lap
SkyeDS: I don't care if she's in his bed
SkyeDS: (I would'nt be in his bed again, personal preference)
SkyeDS: but I do think it is badly done to sit in a man's lap and
insult his wife in front of an audience
evile: Oh well. good riddance to that skank.
SkyeDS: women are mean.
SkyeDS: children can be very mean.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: I don't know if men are capable of the same kind of mean.
evile: if I were some kind of hardcore feminist I would say that the
cruelty of women and children comes from knowing they have no power
in the real world, so they create smaller worlds in which they wield
power very cruelly indeed.
SkyeDS: I have no clue.
evile: Or I would suggest that males engage in power struggles which
are life-and-death and therefore have no room for casual cruelty.
evile: the rules of "polite society" create ways in which some kinds
of cruelty are socially acceptable and some are not... but I think in
general humans are cruel and most of us get off on hurting others on
some level, in some way.
evile: [Cousin B] videotaped that decemberween party, but then all of hs
stuff got stolen by one of his little druggy freinds. I wish I'd
gotten to see the tape before it got ripped off. I missed a lot of
stuff :(
evile: If it's any consolation, I never heard from anyone else about
X sitting on sineater, just about her sitting on Pace...
SkyeDS: I don't remember her sitting on pace
SkyeDS: I can't even picture that - she is very delicately built
evile: *shrug* I wasn't there, I don't know. That's the one that got
mentioned to me, along with your 'get a room' comment :)
SkyeDS: I was about to say I don't understand why women keep trying
to make me jealous
SkyeDS: but if I think back, I remember
SkyeDS: that once, I did somethign that could be construed the wrong
way
SkyeDS: more than a decade ago
SkyeDS: but I'm not even sure if it's even still general knowledge so
who knows
evile: No tellin. onyxlynxx was saying that's why she tries to be good,
because Austin's such a small town, things eventually get around, no
matter how long ago they happened.
SkyeDS: for a city this size it is very small.
SkyeDS: and the circles we run in are small and concentric.
SkyeDS: apologies for being slow, I'm up and down a lot.
evile: I think of it this way, I'd rather have X crawling all over
Sweetie than all over me, just because if he got bored with her he could
stand up and dump her on her ass, AND I got to the point where I was
pretty sick of all the PDA and the rumors/questions/assumptions it
generated in the aftermath.
evile: "so, you and X are lovers?" "Can we watch?" "can I take
pictures" "how long have you been lovers?" "do you also sleep with
her husband?"....UGH.
evile: Plus, it makes me look like a liar and/or h ypocrite when I
say "I am currently in a hetero/mono relationship" and then have
someone leading people to believe otherwise in order to make herself
look/feel sexy & interesting.
evile: In my experience, people take "no, I don't sleep with ANYONE"
better than "I sleep with everyone but YOU"....which is what she was
making it look like to people.
evile: Anyhoo....good riddance to that skank. Hopefully I'll
eventually get over all the nasty stuff she did/said....I do try. am
trying...
SkyeDS: the popular perception re me seems to be among many - she
sleeps with anyone who asks her, any time
SkyeDS: which couldn't be further from the truth
SkyeDS: so I have found the following quite useful:
SkyeDS: "Yes. I am poly, pagan, bi, sex positive and frisky. No I
won't fuck you. Run along and play in traffic like a good boy now,
won't you?"
evile: yeah, but I actually want people to like me & be my friend
after I'm done explaining to them that I'm not sexually available.. :P
evile: Oh well. Now that I've realized the Austin Poly group (with
the possible exception of Mouser & Apple) are not godlike perfect
beings, the End is Nigh.
evile: I met a really unenlightened individual at Poly Big fun last
yr who told me I had no right to be there since I wasn't looking for
people to fuck/date. Turns out he was from Houston or something & I
was assured that no Austin Polys think this way.
evile: Through the Miracle of LJ, turns out that indeed at least one
of the Austin Polys (somone I recently met & like & would like to
know better) thinks this way too...
evile: wierd to be rejected from 2 groups for totally weird &
different reasons. the rennies don't like me without Sweetie because they
think I'm going to sleep with their men. the polys dont' like me
because they think I'm NOT going to sleep with their men...WTF.
evile: Large generalization. More of the rennie/vanillas fit the
generalization than the polys. I just dont' want it to be an issue. I
dont' swing. I wouldnt swing if I was single. it's fucking dangerous.
If I had the right people (& enough free time!) I might could do
poly-fi, but I still wouldn't be sexually available to anyone who
asked/wanted.

2184Re: ICQ w/A

Expand Messages

evilE

May 6, 2004

SkyeDS: there are a great many women who feel threatened by me
SkyeDS: for the life of me I can't imagine why
SkyeDS: I closely resemble a cross between a water buffalo and the
pillsbury doboy
SkyeDS: I'm old. And even if it is an open marriage, I'm still
married.
evile: You are way too mean to yourself. But you know that.
SkyeDS: so I'm not openly hunting.
SkyeDS: are there many polyfi's in Austin Polys?
evile: Not sure. Seems that all the poly relationships are pretty
stable & no new partners in sight. but, I don't go to their bedrooms
and I don't ask...none of my business. Might be a good topic for the
yahoo group?

SkyeDS: I used to belong to a general polyamory group
SkyeDS: and then found I was too polyfi for them
SkyeDS: so I left them and joined the polyfi group.
SkyeDS: I have so many groups now I read them very rarely, and
they're all on web only except for one
evile: I think there may be a lot of people who cross the line
between swinging and poly freely & muddy the waters...
SkyeDS: that reminds me I need to post my rent opening
SkyeDS: poly is a big word. one that many vanillas assume means
swinging and nothing else
evile: yup
evile: End of May the deadline for your current tenant?
SkyeDS: yep end of May
SkyeDS: had to reboot boss's puter
evile: cool. That will be a load off your minds, I know.
SkyeDS: I came up with an $8 solution to the printer problem yesterday
evile: excellent :)
SkyeDS: and isntalled the mouse he wanted today
SkyeDS: so he should be happy.
evile: awesome.
SkyeDS: this morning the occupational med dr decided not to do the
MMI on my neck
SkyeDS: he thinks PT 3x week and no collar should fix it.
evile: Wierd.
evile: Hope that works :)
SkyeDS: me too.
SkyeDS: I do not want surgery and I do not want to wear the collar to
work the rest of my life.
evile: yeah.
evile: hopefully the PT won't be too yucky.
SkyeDS: anything to be rid of the collar.
evile: this is true!
SkyeDS: be my luck that she decides not to leave at end of month.
SkyeDS: got news for her, she's leaving whether she likes it or not.
evile: You've given her notice, so yeah...
SkyeDS: if she doesn't go, I'll have to evict her which means going
to court and will take at least a week
SkyeDS: if she doesn't fight it at all
evile: sounds like a hassle. Hope it wont' come to that.
SkyeDS: I did'nt know Austin POlys was moderated.
SkyeDS: need to look into what sca yahoo groups there are besides tir
medoin's
evile: I don't think they moderate too hard-core, just the 'looking
for sex' and posting dirty pictures folk
SkyeDS: I hate those.
evile: So do Sam & Mouser.
evile: I don't know if Mouser is a mod again or not. He gave away all
his duties when he left for FL and doesn't seem to want them back...I
can't imagine why (cough*herdingcats*cough)
SkyeDS: lol
evile: Gee, Yahoo only has 1,371 SCA related Yahoogroups! And that's
the ones that are -listed-
SkyeDS: goodness.
SkyeDS: I probably just need to start with Ansteorra's.
SkyeDS: (that's the TX/OK kingdom)
SkyeDS: adn then worry about national.
evile: yeah, i'm sure there's a way to narrow down the group search...
SkyeDS: also need to see if I can join Bryn Gwlad's, so I can post
the house.
SkyeDS: (that's Austin)
evile: Looks like all the SCA groups are 'member only' and suchlike.
SkyeDS: yep
SkyeDS: just submitted to ansteorra equestrian
evile: cool
SkyeDS: found two bryn gwlad groups but not their general list
SkyeDS: still lookin
evile: LJ has an 'austin for sale' community that seems pretty
productive
evile: and also an 'austin community' community that I've seen 'for
rent' notices on.
SkyeDS: I haven't joined LJ yet
evile: A lot of people do seem to keep an account just for the
purpose of reading friends & communities & not posting. I dont' see
how they can resist the urge to write, but they do.
evile: Well, time for me to shlep stuff from here to there & then get
on outta here.
SkyeDS: <hugs> wind to your wings, bella
evile: *hugs* see ya later!

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May. 6th, 2004

May. 6th, 2004

2179Dealing with e makes me feel bad

2180Me & J re: e. & onyxlynxx

Icq w/A May 6 2004

2181ICQ w/A

2183Re: ICQ w/A

2184Re: ICQ w/A

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