278 some good insight - codependent vs. compassionate

 

• Jan. 30, 2002

   

  From: "escabullirse"
  Date: Tue Jan 29, 2002 4:24 pm
  Subject: Why do we stay?
  
  
  
  One thing seems to link us nons: compassion. We stay
  because we are compassionate. The people we are with are ill,
  not evil. We know that the thing they fear most is abandonment
  so we don't want to be the one who abandons them. We think
  we can do/be better than the last person who abandoned them.
  We think it is selfish to go off for our own sake.
  
  Inside, I believe, there's an small child in great distress. No-one
  would walk off and leave a child in distress -- it's the same
  instinct working here. We are told that it's unhealthy
  'codependence' but I believe in a lot of cases it's normal love and
  compassion meeting an extreme situation. The reason we get
  so exhausted is that normal love and compassion are not
  enough -- so we question whether we're being loving and
  compassionate enough. We are simply reacting humanely to
  another person in pain -- just as we would if we arrived at a bad
  car wreck.
  
  I think people who choose to stay shouldn't allow themselves
  too quickly to assume the 'codependent' label. I think leaving
  someone in pain goes against most people's instincts. That's
  why it's so hard and why we get drawn back in again and again.
  We're not abnormal for staying.
  
  BUT BUT BUT
  
  There comes a point when you realise that normal human love
  and compassion are not enough. In my case, not even God's
  love seems to get through, so how can mine?!?!? So yes, in the
  end, you have to admit this, and move on to someone for whom
  normal human love *is* enough.
  
  Rob
  ================================================
  
  This kind of ties in with her big rage at me after the NM craft show,
  where she said she should have gone to 'her girls' for 'unconditional
  love'. Nuts.
  
  Anyhoo..
  
  Nothing really revelatory going on here. I got lucky last nite. It
  was fun. 3 times in 1 month. That's probably more than we've done it
  since summer 95. *grin*
  
  I have nothing going on. j-law will be here in 2 weeks! I need to clean
  house.
  
  We are going to The 13 Circles at Vortex. It should be good & wierd.
  Jen brings out the best in me, makes me want to have adventures & be
  witty & fun. I love her. I wish we lived closer. I miss having her as
  my workout buddy.
  
  Last Sat. when we went out w Max, he and I were checking out the
  space beside the Alamo Draft House. It wouldn't take much to turn it
  into a dungeon/club type thing. I've been wasting a little bit of
  brain-time daydreaming about what that would be like, what kind of
  gimmicks & fun stuff we could use to make our space the talk of the
  town.
  
  *sigh*
  
  Anyway....It's break time here at work and I said I'd go down to
  Lynn's office and get a phone card that she got for Al.
  
  Patrick graduated from college. I guess he has his undergrad. degree
  now. That's good. May his do him more good than mine has done me.

279 OH!

 

 

• Jan. 30, 2002

   

  State of the Union Address:
  
  I wonder if anyone else was creeped out as FUCK by Bushie's talking
  about the "America Freedom Corps" or whatever. I wonder if Hitler's
  SS and Youth SS got started in a similar way. Someone should look up
  the speech he made to instigate those particular institutions and see
  if they started out as ways to 'rebuild community' and 'spread
  American goodness' or whatever the fuck.

 

281bleh

 

• Jan. 30, 2002

   

  Well, I had $3 to my name. Sold a box of Girl Scout cookies and got
  cash instead of a lousy check made out to the Girl Scouts (which I
  have to give to X)...
  
  Anyway...I thought. Shit, 2 days til payday, I'm tapped out, what
  better time to win the lotto? So I go where the road takes me and
  find a gas station on 51st, get out of my car, and get hit up for $
  by some hard luck case, needs a gas can, needs 3 bucks, will pay me
  back, bla bla. So I gave him the $. And hated myself all the way
  home. But, in ordinary circumstances, $3 is nothing to me, whereas it
  could have warded off a bad case of DTs for him. Or Whatever.
  
  Can it be ethical to curse money I give to people, so that if they
  are swindling people, it bites them in the ass? And how wierd would
  that sound "Now, if you really need this $, take it. But if you are
  tricking me, you are cursed" Maybe I should try that sometime
  instead of being such a sucker.
  
  Why do I fall for some hard luck stories and not others? Why do I
  care that I've been tricked, it was only $3. Who cares?
  
  Nobody likes to feel foolish. Nobody likes to be taken advantage of,
  for a dollar or a thousand dollars.
  
  He tried to make me feel like I was doing him a big favor and he was
  so grateful, but he'd been pulling the swindle for so long that it no
  longer came across as sincere.
  
  So I guess I would have liked a better acting job for my 3 bucks.