evile

Jan. 30, 2002

From: "escabullirse"
Date: Tue Jan 29, 2002 4:24 pm
Subject: Why do we stay?

One thing seems to link us nons: compassion. We stay
because we are compassionate. The people we are with are ill,
not evil. We know that the thing they fear most is abandonment
so we don't want to be the one who abandons them. We think
we can do/be better than the last person who abandoned them.
We think it is selfish to go off for our own sake.

Inside, I believe, there's an small child in great distress. No-one
would walk off and leave a child in distress -- it's the same
instinct working here. We are told that it's unhealthy
'codependence' but I believe in a lot of cases it's normal love and
compassion meeting an extreme situation. The reason we get
so exhausted is that normal love and compassion are not
enough -- so we question whether we're being loving and
compassionate enough. We are simply reacting humanely to
another person in pain -- just as we would if we arrived at a bad
car wreck.

I think people who choose to stay shouldn't allow themselves
too quickly to assume the 'codependent' label. I think leaving
someone in pain goes against most people's instincts. That's
why it's so hard and why we get drawn back in again and again.
We're not abnormal for staying.

BUT BUT BUT

There comes a point when you realise that normal human love
and compassion are not enough. In my case, not even God's
love seems to get through, so how can mine?!?!? So yes, in the
end, you have to admit this, and move on to someone for whom
normal human love *is* enough.

Rob
================================================

This kind of ties in with her big rage at me after the NM craft show,
where she said she should have gone to 'her girls' for 'unconditional
love'. Nuts.

Anyhoo..

Nothing really revelatory going on here. I got lucky last nite. It
was fun. 3 times in 1 month. That's probably more than we've done it
since summer 95. *grin*

I have nothing going on. j-law will be here in 2 weeks! I need to clean
house.

We are going to The 13 Circles at Vortex. It should be good & wierd.
Jen brings out the best in me, makes me want to have adventures & be
witty & fun. I love her. I wish we lived closer. I miss having her as
my workout buddy.

Last Sat. when we went out w Max, he and I were checking out the
space beside the Alamo Draft House. It wouldn't take much to turn it
into a dungeon/club type thing. I've been wasting a little bit of
brain-time daydreaming about what that would be like, what kind of
gimmicks & fun stuff we could use to make our space the talk of the
town.

*sigh*

Anyway....It's break time here at work and I said I'd go down to
Lynn's office and get a phone card that she got for Al.

Patrick graduated from college. I guess he has his undergrad. degree
now. That's good. May his do him more good than mine has done me.