10 Day Meme - Day Eight: Three pet peeves.

[evile]

1) Adult females stuck in "I'm a Princess, Rescue Me" mode [your choices in relating to a person who insists on living in this story: knight/prince, evil stepfamily, evil monster, or, if you can keep being entertaining and helpful and do everything they want, when they want you to, you can be a loyal servant or a 'magickal object'...of course, as soon as you say 'no' or want something for yourself, you get to be evil stepfamily or terrible dragon. Women who play Princess Rescue Me all their lives don't have friends, they have servants, magical objects, persecutors, and rescuers. There is no such thing as an authentic relationship with these poor helpless (manipulative, passive agressive) little victims]

2) The Silent Treatment. [I've pondered this one before, the 'silent treatment' vs the 'no contact rule'. What it boiled down to for me was that silent treatment is someone being manipulative and passive aggressive and trying to control another person by withholding themselves and avoiding constructive dialogue and communication. Whereas 'no contact' involves shutting down access to yourself after someone has proven themselves to be toxic when given said access. If everything you say or do becomes ammunition for the other person to hurt you with, then it's likely that 'no contact' is a good idea. If one person is a toxic abuser and the other one just wants to be left alone, The Silent Treatment is a very good self-protecting thing to do. If there are two people who basically respect and care about each other and want to have a good relationship, but some misunderstanding or hurt feelings have come up, then the Silent Treatment is a Bad Sign.]

3) Hypocrisy. (yes, I know.)

Comments

well said.

[arthurthedented.livejournal.com]

'stuck in princess mode'

have met more than a few.. usually as friends of friends (to whom i have to say 'thats not really a friend.. no really'..but have learned to refrain)

Re: well said.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

well...you either learn or ya don't...and maybe there are people out there who enjoy 'servant' or 'knight' role well enough to keep on hanging out with the Princess thru all the drama of cast changes as new servants arrive and soon enough become bad guys for the knight to be 'sicced' on and the loyal servants to hear alllll about the latest miscreant who made their poor Lady cry....

Some of us need a more dimentional and nuanced role in life, one which allows growth and change and learning and depth of connection, not to mention different folks to take center stage, instead of All Princess All The Time.

Re: well said.

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

If you ever see me with someone who looks like that, please say something to me. Either you're seeing something I'm not, in which case it would be good for me to be aware of it, or there's more going on than you're seeing, in which case I'd want you to not walk away with a false impression.

And, I do my best to not be close to Sparkle Ponies, so if it looks like I'm hanging with a Sparkle Pony, ask me about that person. Again, there may be more going on than you're seeing.

Re: well said.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

I admit I am overprotective of people I care about, but I really try to keep that in check. Most of my friends have at least one person in their social circle who seems too dramatic, high strung, high maintenance, mentally ill or substance-addicted for me to like or be comfortable with.

But that is *me* and *my* perception and preference. I have learned thru many repititions that I cannot 'save' people and it's disrespectful & wrong to try.

If I see a freind being taken advantage of or mistreated by someone they care about, I will mention the behavior that concerns me but I won't harp on it or push them to dump that person, or whatever.

Or at least that is how I have commited to *try* and handle those situations.

You are absolutely right, I don't know the whole story, and for the most part, it's none of my business, unless it starts to harm the relationship between me and the person I care about.

Thanks for chiming in on this :)

Re: well said.

[arthurthedented.livejournal.com]

Hi Julie!

I'll keep that in mind ..we've been traveling largely in different circles for some time now but should happy circumstances bring our paths close enough so that through regular contact I conclusively observe any such thing I (and presumably a host of other folks who

Re: well said.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

just read the 'sparkle pony' definition and commentary...i gotta say that I honestly see nothing wrong with being a sparkle pony. It's not my personal choice, but come on, if everyone was totally independent and self sufficient, how much fun would that really be? Most folks get big happy good feelings about themselves from helping others. Yeah, it helps if the other person is grateful, and for me it helps if they are not needing something from me every single time we see each other, but ymmv. I see lots of firm friendships that seem to make everyone happy, in which it's understood and copacetic that one person always drives, always pays, always picks the meeting time & place,etc, and no one seems bothered at all by that. Me, it would bother! But others are not me.

I think just as there are professional victims (princesses, sparkle ponies, narcissists, sociopaths, whatever you wanna call em), there are also professional helpers/rescuers/codependent enablers.

It's not my thing, but if it's someone else's, and it's not hurting meor taking something away from me, I just need to leave it alone. No one is paying me to be the Howard Cosell of the Skankalympics.