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evileFor some reason, driving by myself sometimes puts me in a really...I guess 'emotionally vulnerable' state is a good way to put it, maybe? I'll think of things, or I'll hear a song on the radio that makes me get weepy, or whatever...stuff I'd never do in front of anyone, or anywhere except in my car, by myself.
So...today I was cruisin' along, headed out to Chez Charles* for Mr. Kai's birthday (*that'd be "Chuck E Cheez" to you, sir.) and I came up with this odd thought. Kind of a 3 part system for thinking in a different way about people I habitually dislike, despise, fear, or otherwise do not dig.
First thought exercise: find something about them to genuinely, really, honestly ADMIRE. Think about it for a bit, and be totally honest with yourself.
Second: think of some possession or skill that they have that you envy. Go ahead and admit it.
Third: think of the thing or things that they have said or done that you find abhorrent, disgusting, and unforgivable.
Try to hold all 3 in your mind. Find the similarities between them. Find the qualities in yourself that you share, in all 3 categories (admire, envy, dislike). Keep doing this, adding as many qualities in each category as you can.
This ended up making me feel sick to my stomach and excited all at the same time. It made me feel like saying something to the person. It feels like an important and good thing. I don't know what, if anything, I'll do about this. I couldn't do it for long, and I could not do it for every person I dislike. But I definitely could do it for one or two.
I think one of my major 'issues' in life is always seeing things in terms of absolutes; black and white, no shades of grey and no colors. This situation is how it is and it can never change. I did or said whatever wrong thing and I can't change it, so there's no way to be sorry or fix it, so fuck it. This person did (or continues to do) this evil thing and I can't forgive them.
So....depth and colors. I may still not like these people, but it's interesting and good to have these three new things to try and think about when I think of them.
So...today I was cruisin' along, headed out to Chez Charles* for Mr. Kai's birthday (*that'd be "Chuck E Cheez" to you, sir.) and I came up with this odd thought. Kind of a 3 part system for thinking in a different way about people I habitually dislike, despise, fear, or otherwise do not dig.
First thought exercise: find something about them to genuinely, really, honestly ADMIRE. Think about it for a bit, and be totally honest with yourself.
Second: think of some possession or skill that they have that you envy. Go ahead and admit it.
Third: think of the thing or things that they have said or done that you find abhorrent, disgusting, and unforgivable.
Try to hold all 3 in your mind. Find the similarities between them. Find the qualities in yourself that you share, in all 3 categories (admire, envy, dislike). Keep doing this, adding as many qualities in each category as you can.
This ended up making me feel sick to my stomach and excited all at the same time. It made me feel like saying something to the person. It feels like an important and good thing. I don't know what, if anything, I'll do about this. I couldn't do it for long, and I could not do it for every person I dislike. But I definitely could do it for one or two.
I think one of my major 'issues' in life is always seeing things in terms of absolutes; black and white, no shades of grey and no colors. This situation is how it is and it can never change. I did or said whatever wrong thing and I can't change it, so there's no way to be sorry or fix it, so fuck it. This person did (or continues to do) this evil thing and I can't forgive them.
So....depth and colors. I may still not like these people, but it's interesting and good to have these three new things to try and think about when I think of them.
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no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 01:19 pm (UTC)I'm not sure what you would say to the other person, though. ("Guess what! You are no longer *completely* repulsive to me." probably wouldn't go over well with anyone.)
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Date: 2010-05-15 02:36 pm (UTC)*shrug* I think this is all good for me healing but not really about trying to heal a broken relationship...but that's maybe more black and white thinking. *shrug* Or maybe Im just back to that place in the spiral. dunno.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 04:26 am (UTC)It does sound like it is much healthier for you to see the value and humanity in people you dislike, regardless of whether they know of your inner transformation (and its limits).
Yay for personal growth!
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Date: 2010-05-16 06:56 pm (UTC)