Being a person I can respect

[evile]

Good name in man and woman, dear my lord,
Is the immediate jewel of their souls:
Who steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing;
'Twas mine, 'tis his, and has been slave to thousands:
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed.

==William Shakespeare, Othello


It just keeps coming up...in my own life as well as in those around me. Reputation. Character. Good Name. Looking through my life and my possessions, it's all I really own. It's all that will be left of me when I'm gone (well, ok, maybe a cornea or a kidney or something, too, but that's too literal for this post)

I may not always do the right thing according to conventional morality or YOUR morality (whoever you are reading this right now), but I always try to do the thing that allows me to be the person I think I am, a person I can respect, the best possible "me".

Being a person I can respect is important to me. I keep my word even when it hurts. I tell the truth when it needs telling, even when THAT hurts. I am trying to learn better discernment on when the truth needs telling and when to just shut up. Given a choice between unnecessary hurtful truth, a lie and silence, I will take silence. Don't push me when I'm being quiet. Really, don't.

I try very hard to be respectful of others, even if I believe they are stupid, shallow, misinformed, blind, mentally ill, or otherwise impaired in their judgements. If someone is saying or doing something wrong and stupid and the only person it's hurting is themselves*, I have learned from bitter experience to leave them to it.

I've also learned that being respectful to myself and others is far more likely to gain others' respect than any amount of hot air, puffery, or self-aggrandizement. I try to keep my words and behavior in agreement with one another. People will observe my actions far more than they will hear my words: If you say you are a person of honor and then behave dishonorably, others will believe that you are dishonorable no matter how many pretty words you use to try and justify poor behavior.

Likewise, there is no need to talk badly about anyone; their own words and actions will show their character without any assistance from you and it just makes you look low and petty. There is no reason to give a person you don't care for any of your time and energy by talking about them. Let them be.

It seems like a good time to refamiliarize myself with The Four Agreements:

Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Don’t Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best

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*otoh, if someone's actions or words are hurting someone I care about, all bets are off. I'm NOT a saint.

Comments

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

I had a good evening. Sounds like you did, too. I'm glad.

*hugs*

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

I had a good exercise in not taking things personally last night (that was about the BEST part about the experience, unfortunately), partly because the comedy (at least from an outsider's perspective) of errors was engineered by people acting out of cluelessness and not malice (I don't think the persons most responsible have more than an ounce of malice each in their bodies).

This was a good reminder.

(I kinda failed on the "Always do your best" when I hit the straw that broke the camel's back -- I took the first problem calmly and reasonably, and only when the second compounded it did I get at all angry, and not AT anyone so much as at the situation that could give rise to my problems. I ran very, very low on patience and did a couple of things that inconvenienced at least 2 people besides myself -- but someone involved in the decisions leading to the comedy of errors has offered to help with righting some of it, so the disaster is at least partially mitigated. Ugh.)

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

The thing to remember about about "always do your best" is that "best" is situational, and will vary from day to day & moment to moment. Some days you may not feel healthy and so your best is going to be just getting out of bed. Some days your best is going to be the literal BEST you've ever done in your whole life. Being your best, doing your best, is not to say that you must burn yourself out trying harder and harder, but only to check in with how you feel and be/do the best you can with what you have at that moment. It's OK to get angry and frustrated. Anything you feel is OK. It's only when feelings of anger and impatience translate into inappropriate behavior that things become not OK, and I just can't imagine you doing that.

*hugs*

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

Well, I left when the urge to throttle Traci came along. :) So I guess the leaving was "best" at that point.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

I don't know where you were or who Traci is...but I guess that's a good thing. Some days, really the best you can do is resist the urge to choke the living shit out of some fool who richly deserves it...it's a good thing. Your babies don't need their mama in jail and I'm sure Traci isn't worth the jail time...

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

Traci was in charge of organizing the event at my meeting Monday night, and hence in the loop on putting @#$% roses on every @#$% table -- apparently it didn't cross ANYONE's mind that, gee, some people have flower allergies!

(From what I've heard, pretty much everyone else had a good time. I'm going to give it another day to cool, and then I'm going to start a discussion about allergies in general, and things we need to think of when planning events. At least 2 other people were inconvenienced by my having to leave, which isn't a good thing, either, although the more problematic situation for me to resolve on my own is one I have an offer of help for, which is good.)

[smurfbrother.livejournal.com]

That's a great quote; thanks for sharing it.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

you're welcome. Hope it helps!