evile

Is it a legitimate parenting strategy to stay in the relationship and household to play the role of “buffer” to give the covert narcissist a “target” other than the kids?

It is certainly a strategy, and one we’ve seen a great deal, especially in relationships where the narcissist is the primary earner for the household, or otherwise has more money, power, or social influence than the abused partner.

I can certainly understand why a parent would want to keep their child or children safe from verbal or physical abuse by absorbing the pain themselves.

However, please keep in mind that kids learn from watching their parents; they tend to feel and think that their own home situation, however abnormal and dysfunctional it is, is ‘normal’…and they will grow into adults who seek the same type of partner as they observed growing up. If you want your children to grow up into abusers, or into victims, staying in a relationship that is harmful is certainly a way to ensure that they grow into dysfunctional adults.

If you do feel that you MUST stay with an abuser because you don’t see a way out for yourself and your kids, do what you can to shield the kids from the abuse they observe at home by getting them into therapy or counseling as early as possible to help them break this cycle.

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