evile

How do I tell the difference between one with depression and a narcissist? Ghosted and received silent treatment a lot.I was told he has depression that is why he keeps on doing it.I believe him and wants to help him out of his depression.

Dan Savage has wonderful relationship advice regarding dating personality disordered or mentally ill individuals: do NOT date someone who is not in good working order

[1]

‘Good working order’ means: if they have a mental health diagnosis, they need to be working on it. They need to be getting therapy, counseling, taking their meds as prescribed, etc.

You are not your lover’s caregiver or therapist, and in my experience and observation, relegating yourself to a helper (enabler,[2] or rescuer[3]) role when you want a partner in life is doing both yourself and your loved one a huge disservice. Eventually, you may come to resent the burden of care-giving a person you wanted to have as an equal. It is also likely to dampen sexual interest, as well.

Sure, we all go through rough times in life when we need some support[4] from family, friends, or romantic partners. But this should not become the default setting on the relationship—the care-giver will burn out.

Bottom line: it’s not your job to determine whether your dear one is depressed or suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. It is their job to seek help in healing. Depressed people are more likely to seek and accept professional help, whereas narcissists rarely do. But that’s not your problem or your responsibility. When someone ghosts you, accept ‘no’ as the answer and move on with your own life.

Footnotes

[1]

https://www.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2011/01/25/sl-letter-of-the-day-good-working-order

[2]

Enabler: Definition, Behavior, Psychology, Recognizing One, More

[3]

How to Stop Rescuing Other People as a Way to Feel Good About Yourself - Tiny Buddha

[4]

When Does Being A Supportive Friend Actually Become Unhealthy?

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