1446dream & many random thoughts

[evile]

 

May 30, 2003

 

dream: was at sineater's (looked like Uncle Bubba & [his wife U]'s trailer in SA) &
toilet had been modified so you could flush dead bodies. septic tank
outside was broken, bodies & poop & green stuff oozing out of the
ground. sineater was vacuuming, said someone would be out to clean up the
mess soon. ?? (at some point, I was making poo while sineater vacuumed in
the bathroom?)

WTF

honesty: everyone says they value it, nobody actually does. They'd
rather be lied to, manipulated, tricked, than asked straight out?
X has gotten used to this form of communication, it wasn't really
her fault she couldn't come right out and ask for whatever she needed
from me...she has not ever been allowed to be honest. Mom. MA. No
honesty. Proz (?) in Livejournal got hollered at by Pace for being
anti-trans, after Pace apparently asked Proz' opinion on something &
didn't like Proz' honest thoughts.

abuse: I used to blame all of sineater's problems on skye_ds, say it was
her fault his life was bad, she is a terrible person for being so
awful to him & the bird & horses...but I have come to realize that
she is desperately unhappy, depressed, self-destructive, and possibly
mentally ill. Does it excuse or exonerate her behavior, to know that
she is at least as horrible to herself as she is to the people
she 'loves'? Is there a valid analogy to the way skye_ds abuses sineater
and the way Alzheimer's patients yell at people for stuff that
happened a long time ago? If you love someone, do you let them hurt
you, knowing they can't help it? Or do you remove yourself because
you know your love can't fix anything?

They are playing girlfriend songs on 101x flashback lunch: respect by
erasure-a J-Law song, and There is a light that never goes out, by the
smiths, a D. song.