3293Energy Vampires

[evile]

 

 

Jun. 15, 2005

 

 

http://www.oprah.com/health/omag/health_omag_200204_energy.jhtml

ENERGY VAMPIRES
by Judith Orloff, MD


Some people bring unexpected lightness and comfort to your life.
They crackle with energy, practically electrify you with their
presence. And then there are those who leave you feeling stressed
out. Or guilty. Or exhausted down to your very last molecule. I call
them energy vampires, and obnoxious or meek, they come in all forms.
The sob sister, for one, always considers herself the victim. The
world is always against her, and she'll recount every horrible thing
that has happened to her, wallowing in every perceived slight. The
charmer is a constant talker or joke-teller who has to be the center
of attention. The blamer, on the other hand, doles out endless
servings of guilt. And then there's the drama queen, the co-worker
who claims she almost died from a high fever or the neighbor who
lives in extremes of emotion—life is unbelievably good or
horrifically bad.

No matter which type of energy vampire you're dealing with, you're
allowed to walk away. Many of us find this really hard to do. We're
afraid of being thought of as impolite; we don't want to offend
people. But there are plenty of ways to remove yourself from a
killing conversation. When leaving isn't an option, you can still
maintain your energy level by making a few minor adjustments.

Recognize the Signs
One of the first things to do is to recognize when you're being
drained, and that begins with tuning in to your physical reactions.
Is there a tightening in your chest when a certain person enters the
conversation? Do you feel tired when you hang up the phone after
speaking with someone? Does your head ache, or do you feel what I
call "slimed" when another guest at a cocktail party starts talking
to you?

Take a Deep Breath
The moment you feel zapped—or hemmed in, or stressed out—I recommend
taking a breath. Breathing is a wonderful way to center yourself.
Just follow the breath and tell yourself that you know what's
happening and you can deal with it. It's important to remember our
individual power. I know from working with patients that we can lose
it easily. The minute somebody comes in who's bossy or blaming, we
feel diminished and tense up. If we can focus on the breath, or on an
image of a striking sunset or a view from a mountaintop, the tension
will drift away.

Use Your Energy
You can also use some of your own subtle energy to counter the
effects of an energy vampire. Visualize a protective white light
around you: an energy shield. You can still hear the person who's
yelling at you or blaming you or pushing herself into your sphere,
but she won't cut into you so viscerally anymore. You've created a
buffer zone, where her negative influences can dissipate.

Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is another way of protecting yourself; you draw a
line saying, for instance, "This is what I can do for you, and this
is what I can't." You don't have to convince the vampire of the
rightness of your stance. Getting defensive simply adds to the
negative charge of the encounter. You want to remain neutral. When
someone starts pushing your buttons, and you start sizzling inside,
you've got to make the decision not to react.

Step Back
I also suggest you step back and think about what type of people
aggravate you, because I believe that one law of energy is that we
attract what we haven't yet worked out in ourselves. If I'm a very
angry person, I'll find myself surrounded by angry people. By paying
attention to the people who seem so draining, you might discover
something you need to address. It has been my experience that once
you've worked through a particular issue, you're no longer worn out
by that kind of energy vampire. And the vampires, robbed of a source,
move on to more easily drainable audiences.