3351icq w/A

[evile]

Jul. 7, 2005

 

 

evile: hey :) How's it going?
SkyeDS: it goes
SkyeDS: weirdness this morning on way to work
evile: car acting up or something else?
SkyeDS: I'm not quite sure whether there's something wrong with the
truck or not
evile: that's frustrating; you just had a bunch of work done on it,
right?
SkyeDS: nods
SkyeDS: there were motorcycle cops on every entrance ramp to 35 from
RR to town
SkyeDS: and two of them motioned me off 35
SkyeDS: thought they gestured that I had a flat
SkyeDS: I get off, they keep going, I can't find a damn thing wrong
with the truck
evile: that is really weird.
SkyeDS: nods
evile: maybe it's something the vehicle only does while in motion, a
short in the lights, brake light, turn signal, something like that?
SkyeDS: could be. I'm going to have Hugh follow me around the block
before he goes home to see
evile: good plan :)
evile: I stayed off icq yesterday so that thewordnerd would find another
ride to polydinner. Then he got an obnoxious loudmouth to do the
honors...a fine 'damned if you do/damned if you don't' outcome.
SkyeDS: :|
evile: eh, I wasn't in a good frame of mind yesterday, probably
shouldn't have gone out.
evile: And then I got there to find that htey'd spurned the shade to
sit in direct sunlight, right infront of the goddamned Fucking Loud
ass bigscreen TELEVISION SET out on the patio, blaring
motherfucking Tour De France
evile: I despise television; it sucks the life out of people.
evile: I hate to be in the middle of conversation and then realize
that they've stopped talking or stopped listening in order to glaze
over and stare at the boob toob.
SkyeDS: one would wonder why go out to dinner with friends if one
wanted to watch tv and eat one could do it at home
evile: dingdingding! EXACTLY.
evile: Needless to say, I left pretty soon after I got there.
evile: OH, and while I was inside the store w/onyxlynxx, someone ran up
to me and said "It's EVILE!" in this really excited happy voice, and
I was so pleased that someone was happy to see me, turned to hug
them, and they said "that means ONYXLYNXX IS NEARBY!!!" in an even *more*
excited voice, and ran to hug her. I stood there feeling like
complete stupid shit.
SkyeDS: ouch! :(
evile: Yeah. I guess everyone's figured out I'm not fuckable, so who
gives a goddamn about me. I don't have anything they can use, I can't
do anything for them or give them anything, so why bother being nice.
SkyeDS: I guess the usual circle of friends wasn't there
evile: Lots of people I like were there...but, I was just
feeling 'off'. Terriblelynne was there. Onyxlynxx was there, but she was not
feeling well and Nikiyoy was there but had to leave early. Kulilinei and
Knighthorse weren't there.
evile: that on top of nobody responding to my LJ thing (stupid I
know), just really put me in a bad mood, made me feel like shit about
myself, made me wonder what the fuck I did wrong to make everyone
hate and ignore me.
SkyeDS: *hugs* would offer you some red wine and chocolate
evile: thanks...it probably is all totally hormonal. I've been
slacking on taking my EPO and Flaxseed, & I'm due for my unfriendly
friend any day now.
SkyeDS: nods, sounds like.
evile: Nikiyoy and I had a bit of a blowout over events of this past
weekend. I am still not sure what to do about all of that.
SkyeDS: what happened?
evile: she is putting words in my mouth, thoughs in my head,
assigning motives to my behaviors that are not there...I am thinking
I should just give her a hand-puppet to play with. If you're just
going to make up shit to be mad at me about, that I didn't think or
say or do, why do I need to even be there?
SkyeDS: try painfully open honest communication first, and if that
doesn't work, I don't know what. (It didn't work with Kaleon, for
example).
evile: did. I told her not to put words in my mouth or assume I'm
thinking something, because if I have a thought to share, I will. And
if I *wanted* to hurt her, she'd be a walking 3rd degree burn, so,
NO, I was not being mean or hurtful in a deliberate fashion.
SkyeDS: nods. My SOP/ROE with Joanie is always to ask her if she
intended to hurt/start a war with what she says/does.
evile: And to top it all off, she lied to me about something that
happened/didn't happen...which, I dont' care whether it happened or
not, all concerned are consenting adults, but I don't fucking want to
be LIED TO about it.
SkyeDS: any idea what lies at the root of all this behavior?
evile: I think she is trying to re-create her relationship with her
parents, casting me as a disapproving mother figure.
SkyeDS: don't understand your history you're doomed to repeat it,
could be.
evile: and she's uncomfortable with that relationship, so trying to
push us into a confrontation that will end it.
SkyeDS: she does worship the ground on which you walk.
evile: "so there, MOM!"
SkyeDS: I don't quite understand how she went from worship to
maternal dis/replacement
evile: me neither.
evile: Oh well, that's my theory, anyway. I told her my world does
not revolve around her, and that at any given time I'm thinking about
things that have nothing to do with her...so if I'm quiet it's not
because there's something about HER I'm thinking and not saying, it's
just that I don't have anything to say.
evile: eh. Karma's a bitch. I spent a good bit of my late teens to
early twenties throwing people away for minor transgressions, time
for a taste of my own medicine, I guess.
SkyeDS: might try communicating again after the hormonal insanity has
passed. might also make sure she isn't suffering hormonal insanity
either (I don't know how you would go about that tactfully)
evile: *shrug*
evile: her period was 2 weeks ago or so.
evile: I know because we were toobin' and she had to make pit stops
to take care of things.
SkyeDS: Mirage is in constant heat now with that damn stud colt next
door. Every damn day I wash her backside at least once, and every
damn day the next day she's covered in blood down to her toes again.
evile: icks. that could definitely become problem.
SkyeDS: I hate frequent bladder/hormonal pitstops
SkyeDS: and it's fixin to be all the damn time once I go on a diet
(diuretic effect)
evile: since I got the ablation, the monthly thing isn't as bad as I
remember from pre depo days. But I guess the hormonal shit is
bad...and i hate it that I don't even realize that's what it is while
it's happening.
SkyeDS: it really wouldn't help much if you did realize it
SkyeDS: with the exception that you could lock yourself away because
you won't be able to control it
evile: I could at least keep my fuckin mouth shut and stay the hell
away from people.
SkyeDS: (which is what I do...give fair warning and then hole up)
evile: brainwave.
SkyeDS: sometimes I get tempted to put a banner across my door that
says "abandon all hope ye who enter here"
evile: heh. there ya go.
SkyeDS: I tell the boys abandon all hope, they give me red meat,
chocolate and wine if there's any in the house, and do their best to
stay off my one last raw nerve
SkyeDS: I also spend a lot of time holed up with the heating pad
because I'm sick of popping pills like candy, and in the tub, with
the bathroom doors shut.
SkyeDS: riding actually improves my disposition and the physical
problems, while I'm doing it, I just have a hard time getting
motivated to get up, get out and do it, and of course when I stop, it
all comes back.
evile: *nod*
evile: the physical symptoms are not bad at all since
essure/ablation. I bleed lightly for 3 days, little to no cramping,
and I'm done. But I guess the hormones are still wacky. I really need
to see someone.
SkyeDS: all sorts of herbal remedies are supposed to straighten that
out, particularly the EPO, black currant oil, etc
evile: I think I do better when I'm taking EPO regularly, but I've
been bad about that lately.
evile: I feel like such an old lady invalid...I take emergen C in the
a.m., then epo and flaxseed and vitamin e with breakfast, then more
epo, flaxseed and a multivitamin with lunch, and then cal/mag/zinc at
bedtime.
SkyeDS: heh. hear that. old lady bladder, knees, feet, get too
tired too fast
SkyeDS: my water purifier should be here soon, and I need to sit down
with a calendar and figure out when to start my detox so that my
actual fast day is on a Saturday
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I think if I start slowly and do one baby step at a time,
I'll start feeling better little by little, and the more I feel
better, the more I can add to my routine, starting with eating right,
and then adding more and more varied exercise
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: thinking about every bug I have to kill all at once makes me
want to give up and despair
evile: yeah. it's easier to break tasks down into smaller increments.
evile: I gave Sweetie the Shel Silverstein poem about the little girl who
ate the whale, and even though I was being silly, it actually really
helped him.
SkyeDS: I love Shel Silverstein :)
evile: me too. One of the only cool things [ex stepdad] ever did was give me
2 of his books.
SkyeDS: I'm going to add Dancing Horses (carousel and ballet du
cheval) to our repertoire
evile: cool.
SkyeDS: as well as mounted combat and mounted archery, which the
professional jousting teams that go to faires don't do
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and t hat way we're special and don't step on any toes or egos
SkyeDS: performers have traditionally superfragile egos
evile: yup
SkyeDS: I wasn't good enough for long enough to develop such an ego,
and what I did have was destroyed when I was in college (and it was a
good thing)
evile: usually when you can get your ego out of the way, it makes
room for other gifts to come in.
SkyeDS: the diva ego makes life miserable, it sure does
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I edited the Kumpania page:
http://bellaperegrina.netfirms.com/Kumpania.htm
evile: cool :)
SkyeDS: I added the centered, starred much more specific list of what
we can comfortably do
SkyeDS: would be nice to have live musicians for the dancing horses
SkyeDS: if we can borrow the bellydancers drummers that would be cool
SkyeDS: I'm going to invest in Saidi drumming cds anyway
SkyeDS: I want to work up both Euro and ME music
evile: cool.
SkyeDS: downloaded all of Lady B's writings on her carousels and
ballet du chevals, so I can get a good start on basics. She hasn't
answered my email asking for private nonSCAofficial lessons yet
SkyeDS: and the Egyptian National Show is going to publish their
first book on the Dancing Horse Competitions this year, expensive,
but I'll probably buy it anyway, when it's available
evile: sounds awesome :)
SkyeDS: going to start tricktraining too
SkyeDS: I broke my riding crop a long time ago
SkyeDS: need two riding crops and two pair of spurs.
SkyeDS: and to know how to use both (since I've been so against their
use up until now)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: but until the laterals come without aids, I will have to have
them
evile: yup
SkyeDS: Lorraine rides Indy and Alexis rides Plum with spurs
SkyeDS: as do most of the professional jousters
SkyeDS: I don't feel quite so bad
evile: *nod*
evile: I guess you could look at it as a 'choke collar' kind of thing
for dogs--it's necessary in training them, and if you use it wrong it
is VERY cruel, but used correctly, it's a good thing.
SkyeDS: <mutters for the umpteen -illionth time about high
maintenance ADHD clients wanting their hands held and their asses
wiped and to be spoonfed and a whole bunch more mutterings>
SkyeDS: I told Hugh we need to charge extra fees - "pain in the ass"
fees
evile: heh, that would be cool.
SkyeDS: I can already get Jesse to full pass to one side without aids
SkyeDS: unless you count the fence in front of her as an aid
<sheepish>
SkyeDS: Jesse isn't ambidextrous and Mirage is, so that's probably
going to figure into all this somewhere
evile: well, that's cool. she's smart, I'm sure she'll be doing
everything just right in no time.
evile: they're both smart.
SkyeDS: in different ways yes
SkyeDS: and I can never tell which one of them is going to pick up
what first
SkyeDS: but typically once one learns the other isn't far behind
SkyeDS: the advantages of trail training, "follow the leader"
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: somehow, amidst all the fuckups in my life, I did something
right at least three times, in this life or some other, to be blessed
with my childrens :D
evile: they're good critters :)
evile: they love you and want to please you, so that makes them try
very hard.
SkyeDS: not everyone has a bond like we have, but they ought to
evile: I like our cats, but it's not really the same.In a way that's
good..I'm not good with high-maintenance anything.
SkyeDS: I'm sure you're bonded with your cats at whatever level of
bonding one is capable of with cats - being that they aren't birds,
horses, dogs or any other thing than cats (?)
evile: pretty much. And they probably say the same of me. Some people
& critters just aren't capable of being close to others.
SkyeDS: I guess, with horses, I don't see why anyone would accept
anything less than a bond like ours
SkyeDS: it's like, settling for sex without orgasms.
evile: because as much as you get, you're also giving a lot...and
some people just don't want to give that much to any one or anything
else, or dont' have it to give.
SkyeDS: then they should have an animal that won't care
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: lots of varieties of them out there
evile: I'm glad I figured myself out before I made the mistake of
having children or dogs or horses...
SkyeDS: you are always welcome to play auntE/borrowakid with mine :)
evile: (mistake for me to have them, not a mistake for others.)
SkyeDS: Lorraine (Laura) says that the yells with which she
entertains people when she and Indy whack the living shit out of
quintains are "channeled PMS"
evile: yup, same with kids. If I have friends who have them, I get
the fun parts without the lifelong heartwrenching committment.
SkyeDS: maybe you and Jez should whack the quintain a few times, it
might be very satisfying
evile: I'd break my neck/back/ass. What I really need to do is get
back into Krav Maga.
SkyeDS: that would be good
SkyeDS: in the meanwhile you could pound meat with a meat hammer.
that's somewhat stress relieving? ;)
SkyeDS: Hugh does punching bags
evile: *nod*
evile: Just saw your post on the ravensloft yahoo group :)
SkyeDS: Stephanie with Tablerock said she would be sending me
information but hasn't yet
evile: I never did have any luck w/Tablerock, the one time I tried to
vend there.
SkyeDS: what was the process for getting in there?
evile: I never got past the info request stage, actually.
evile: they never responded.
evile: (I am/was offically out of business as of April 2002, BTW.)
SkyeDS: that's kind of where I'm at atm
evile: *nod*
evile: Some places will ask you for a copy of your DBA or tax form,
if you're vending, but most don't, in my experience.
SkyeDS: I got one email from her asking me questions about what kind
of room we needed, and telling me that a lot of people both
vend/perform
SkyeDS: and that's it
SkyeDS: met some of the Ravenloft people at four winds and that was
cool
SkyeDS: I think we'll enjoy 4 winds, even if it is a 3 hour drive one
way.
SkyeDS: they're being very reasonable about us only being able to
make 5 out of 7 weeks
evile: cool.
SkyeDS: 4 winds is 12 years old now, that is fairly well established
for a fair, no?
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: would have liked for Hawkwood to work out. People keep
asking me why didn't, like I would know?
evile: *shrug* I think a lot of people wonder why it didn't work out.
evile: higher property taxes as a result o the raceway going up right
across the freeway, subsequently causing owners to be cash poor, and
lack of maintenance/improvements to site between faire seasons, would
be the 3 factors I'm aware of.
evile: I'm sure there's more to it than that. I'm aware that some of
the vendors felt like they were being mistreated, but not sure what
exactly what the deal was with that.
SkyeDS: got my new pavilion yesterday, going to set it up tonight
evile: cool :)
evile: I'm thinking the next full moon gathering is gonna be at
Zilker. We can either swim in Barton Springs or watch "annie get your
gun" on the hillside.
SkyeDS: :D
evile: or swim first and then watch the play. They clean it on
Thursdays, so it's closed for part of the evening. But there's the
part that is not enclosed, just below the pool, and that's not
closed. Plus it's free.
SkyeDS: all good :)
evile: they charge $3 per car to park, I think. AT least on weeknds,
not sure about weekdays/weekday evenings. Or people could just park
on the Robert E Lee park side and walk over the bridge.
SkyeDS: at the same time as the london bombing an Assistant AG got a
bomb threat at home
evile: yuck.
evile: I wonder waht the AAG was up to...
SkyeDS: I think, I may be wrong, that it is the AAG in c harge of
medicaid/care
SkyeDS: got a mysterious package at the home
evile: hm. that's very interesting.
evile: well, time for me to get outta here. Have a good evening. Hope
your truck's OK, and the pavilion has all it's pieces :)