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Flavio died
Oct. 1st, 2021 11:56 amSo apparently our friend Flavio passed away sometime yesterday. His housemate posted in his Facebook about it. He didn't say anything about the circumstances, whether it was an accident or complications from his diabetes, or ...well, I don't want to say it or think it.
He leaves behind some number of cats and a truly epic comic book collection.
Ambivalent is about the closest I can get just now. I hadn't been close to him in a while; when it became obvious that some of his problematic behavior was indeed a choice rather than the "socially awkward nerd guy" benefit of the doubt I'd been granting him & making excuses to other people, etc. Unfortunately, I think the damage had already been done to several of my other friendships and even though I'd distanced myself from Flavio, since my husband Thax stayed closer to him & kept doing the Texas Steampunk Connection podcast with him, others in my friend circles who had been witness to (or victim to) Flavio's behavior have distanced themselves from me and Thax. Fair enough. Silence in the face of gross behavior puts you squarely on the side of the gross person. To paraphrase. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I made excuses for him, that's on me. I also confronted him directly when he had hit on a couple of my female friends and was being icky about it. The passive-agressive oh poor me shit show he displayed in the face of such directness was pretty much the end of me giving benefit of the doubt but he did agree at that time to quit creeping on our mutual female friends and take the first 'no' as an answer. At least, as far as I know. My rationale at the time was 'maybe women just ghost him and never explained that he's being a creep, so I will do him the favor of letting him know directly and in small words that he's being a creep,".... yeah, I'm that person. He is also the 'moochy bachelor' I'd written about here at least once or twice.
Still....looking back through photos of various trips and adventures we went on together (most often on my dime)...there is something to be said for a friend who is up for adventures and will join you on things. Even if he didn't pay his fair share, offer, etc. Just showing up can sometimes be enough of a gesture of friendship. Especially if you are an introvert and awkward.
So, yeah, ambivalent. I have pictures of him with us when we did fun things. I don't have much memory of him doing much other than being there or any memories of him providing charming company. But with the way things have been the last couple years....I realize that just showing up is a larger gift than I had previously considered.
Goodbye, Flavio. May your afterlife be filled with everything this life lacked. We'll have a beer for you.
He leaves behind some number of cats and a truly epic comic book collection.
Ambivalent is about the closest I can get just now. I hadn't been close to him in a while; when it became obvious that some of his problematic behavior was indeed a choice rather than the "socially awkward nerd guy" benefit of the doubt I'd been granting him & making excuses to other people, etc. Unfortunately, I think the damage had already been done to several of my other friendships and even though I'd distanced myself from Flavio, since my husband Thax stayed closer to him & kept doing the Texas Steampunk Connection podcast with him, others in my friend circles who had been witness to (or victim to) Flavio's behavior have distanced themselves from me and Thax. Fair enough. Silence in the face of gross behavior puts you squarely on the side of the gross person. To paraphrase. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I made excuses for him, that's on me. I also confronted him directly when he had hit on a couple of my female friends and was being icky about it. The passive-agressive oh poor me shit show he displayed in the face of such directness was pretty much the end of me giving benefit of the doubt but he did agree at that time to quit creeping on our mutual female friends and take the first 'no' as an answer. At least, as far as I know. My rationale at the time was 'maybe women just ghost him and never explained that he's being a creep, so I will do him the favor of letting him know directly and in small words that he's being a creep,".... yeah, I'm that person. He is also the 'moochy bachelor' I'd written about here at least once or twice.
Still....looking back through photos of various trips and adventures we went on together (most often on my dime)...there is something to be said for a friend who is up for adventures and will join you on things. Even if he didn't pay his fair share, offer, etc. Just showing up can sometimes be enough of a gesture of friendship. Especially if you are an introvert and awkward.
So, yeah, ambivalent. I have pictures of him with us when we did fun things. I don't have much memory of him doing much other than being there or any memories of him providing charming company. But with the way things have been the last couple years....I realize that just showing up is a larger gift than I had previously considered.
Goodbye, Flavio. May your afterlife be filled with everything this life lacked. We'll have a beer for you.
