dreams

had a bunch of strange ones.  First about 'tink' the woman I was ...involved(?) with at the beginning of 2020 before the pandemic. All of her wierd messianic/empire building/mental breakdown stuff.  So in my dream she was asking if we could be close again and I managed to make a very good boundary statement that offered no shame, blame, accusations, rehashing of past, but was just a very clean and clear message that I was not in a position to be able to offer her any sort of closeness or relationship or romance of any kind...but it was not mean or ugly or  anything, it wasn't a 'door slam,'  it was just this really lovely, simple thing. I wish I could remember exactly how I'd worded it. 

And then either later in the dream or a new dream, i was on my tablet looking at my SIL skye_ds' business page online, and somehow I accidentally clicked the thing to call the business and it started ringing. I was mashing the power button, trying to turn off the tablet before the phone connected, and then I heard her ask "oh, is that E----?" and sonar0m saying 'Yes, I think so," and she said "don't answer it, then," and then there was just kind of a quiet engine noise/road noise for a while (as I'm still there, trying to turn off my damned tablet) and then they were chitchatting about some job they'd just done and sonar0m said he'd gotten a $5 tip, and skye_ds said she'd gotten a tip also, and they were going to use their tip money to go get Dairy Queen and they seemed very happy about having this tiny little extra dab of money.  Then my tablet started playing music and they started talking about hearing the music, too "where's that coming from?" "is it the radio?" "turn off the radio," etc. 
Then I was at an indoor pool/park thing and there were tons of dogs running around all barking and making a lot of racket. I think I was still trying to turn off my tablet, and they could hear the dogs barking and I was trying to explain that I had not meant to call them and was not trying to eavesdrop, but I could not turn off my machine or disconnect the call. So that was frustrating. 

Anyway....bunch of weird stuff in my  head. I think basically trying to process relationships that are over  that may have been crazy/harmful but still had things of value and beauty about them that I miss even though I know they weren't safe or sane.  I can't work up much in the way of anger or affection or much of anything towards these people anymore. I guess my heart is finally at peace with how things are.  at least for now. So that's nice. Thanks brain o' mine