Nov. 24th, 2020

evile: (mask)
Are narcissistic people desperate for praise? Reason I ask is mine was making so much fuss as to wether the toast he’d made was tasty.



Absolutely. For all the small thoughtful things you'd do for others automatically without thinking, the narcissist expects a great deal of praise and worship for doing the same or less (plus, in their mind, you now owe them everything from now  on, as gratitude for that one favor).

They are emotional toddlers. Think of how, when potty-training a child, the adults have to make such a huge deal about the child using the potty like a big boy/big girl! With gifts and applause and excessive words of praise and gratitude for this normal bodily function that adults just take care of quietly on their own.

While it's good and appropriate to raise and teach a child that way, the narcissist never outgrows that state of childishness, where they expect to be at the center of everyone’s attention, and they want everything they do to be praised as the best, most amazing, wonderful thing anyone has ever seen.

The good thing about infants and children is that they grow up and eventually learn that they are not the center of the universe, learn to self-regulate, and not require 24/7/365 care and attention from everyone around them. The narcissist does not. Think again back to how exhausting it can be to raise a young child. Then think that as long as the narcissist is part of your life, you will be raising that toddler. If that sounds worthwhile to you, please continue. If not, make plans to end the relationship.


evile: (mask)

Narcissists are malicious childish little goblins; they get energy from every bit of attention they are given—good or bad, it doesn’t matter.

Of course their egos enjoy praise and worship, but their egos are also fed by people being angry with them, arguing with them, fussing at them. Because that also makes them feel important and powerful.

Power struggle? GREAT! Lots of fun, lots of mind-games to make you feel terrible about yourself and to make the narcissist feel great because she or he is the focus of your attention and she or he is having fun outsmarting you.

They have no morals and no ‘bottom’ for how low they will go to beat you, so if you have any morality or any sense of right and wrong, there is just no way to beat them. And, really, if you are a decent human being, it feels gross and sickening to play those kind of low down and dirty mind-games with people. You just end up being disgusted with yourself for doing all those petty little BS things you know are wrong.

If you know the old southern story of Brer Rabbit and the Tarbaby, think of the narc as the tarbaby. If you touch it, it has you. The more you fuss and struggle, the more stuck you become.

The only way to beat the narcissist is to make sure that they do not exist in your world—shut them out completely. Do not engage. Do not argue. Do not agree. Do not thank or praise. Do not gift. Do not speak to them. Do not even see them. Live a good and happy life, enjoy being a decent human being with other decent human beings in your life.

 



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evile: (mask)
 
Has anyone ever experienced sociopaths, narcissists or other Cluster B personality disorders use euphemisms and euphemistic language (i.e., words with double meanings) as a way of manipulating victims?

 
 
 "When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less."

"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."

"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master—that's all."
[1]

 

When you engage with a Narcissist, you have entered their world of fantasy and make-believe. They are the master of this domain and you are a powerless and perpetually confused traveler. If the Narcissist says the sky is green, up is down, and the moon is made of green cheese, that is their reality and they will not be argued or persuaded otherwise. Until they decide to change their mind, of course…which may be two minutes from now, or 2 years from now, or maybe never. There is no consistency to a narcissist’s worldview, and no rules other than what the narc says there are, in that moment.

If you attempt to reason with them using their own words, they may gaslight you, asserting that they never said that, or that you must have mis-heard them, because they would NEVER say that. They may say something like “That may be what I said, but it wasn’t what I meant, and you should know that!” Whatever misunderstanding or miscommunication took place, they will always blame you for it and never take responsibility for being unclear,  using incorrect terminology, or admit to flat-out lying.

“Words mean things!” they will insist loudly and repeatedly. The truth is that words mean whatever the narcissist wants them to mean, and those meanings change at the narcissist’s whim. Commonly misused words are things like “respect” which means “respect the narcissist” not “the narcissist will treat  you & others respectfully” Likewise, if they claim to value “loyalty” what they are demanding is your complete and unquestioning loyalty, but not offering any sort of loyalty in return.

They enjoy using emotionally-charged buzzwords that don’t have a lot of concrete meaning, and they enjoy ‘playing lawyer’ to fuss and argue with people, keep them off-balance, confused, and on the defensive, which will be ‘proof’ in the narc’s mind that the narc is correct and their target is wrong, evil, at fault, and therefore deserves to be ridiculed, harassed, and harmed. They are always playing to an audience, either playing lawyer where the judge and jury exist in their own minds,  making up stuff to tell their social media followers, or otherwise play-acting in the land of make-believe.

If you stay hooked on the Narcissist’s drama, and continue to engage with them while they play judge, jury, and executioner, then it will be your head on the chopping block eventually. There is no point in hanging around trying to figure out what they mean when they say ___, the meaning will change to suit the narc’s purposes, and you will always be wrong.

It isn’t worth your time, energy, or sanity to try and figure out the ‘Narcissist to English’ dictionary. Just walk away, hopefully before she or he starts screaming ‘off with your head.’

Red Queen

 

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