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Has anyone ever experienced sociopaths, narcissists or other Cluster B personality disorders use euphemisms and euphemistic language (i.e., words with double meanings) as a way of manipulating victims?

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less."

"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."

"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master—that's all."[1]

When you engage with a Narcissist, you have entered their world of fantasy and make-believe. They are the master of this domain and you are a powerless and perpetually confused traveler. If the Narcissist says the sky is green, up is down, and the moon is made of green cheese, that is their reality and they will not be argued or persuaded otherwise. Until they decide to change their mind, of course…which may be two minutes from now, or 2 years from now, or maybe never. There is no consistency to a narcissist’s worldview, and no rules other than what the narc says there are, in that moment.

If you attempt to reason with them using their own words, they may gaslight you, asserting that they never said that, or that you must have mis-heard them, because they would NEVER say that. They may say something like “That may be what I said, but it wasn’t what I meant, and you should know that!” Whatever misunderstanding or miscommunication took place, they will always blame you for it and never take responsibility for being unclear, using incorrect terminology, or admit to flat-out lying.

“Words mean things!” they will insist loudly and repeatedly. The truth is that words mean whatever the narcissist wants them to mean, and those meanings change at the narcissist’s whim. Commonly misused words are things like “respect” which means “respect the narcissist” not “the narcissist will treat you & others respectfully” Likewise, if they claim to value “loyalty” what they are demanding is your complete and unquestioning loyalty, but not offering any sort of loyalty in return.

They enjoy using emotionally-charged buzzwords that don’t have a lot of concrete meaning, and they enjoy ‘playing lawyer’ to fuss and argue with people, keep them off-balance, confused, and on the defensive, which will be ‘proof’ in the narc’s mind that the narc is correct and their target is wrong, evil, at fault, and therefore deserves to be ridiculed, harassed, and harmed. They are always playing to an audience, either playing lawyer where the judge and jury exist in their own minds, making up stuff to tell their social media followers, or otherwise play-acting in the land of make-believe.

If you stay hooked on the Narcissist’s drama, and continue to engage with them while they play judge, jury, and executioner, then it will be your head on the chopping block eventually. There is no point in hanging around trying to figure out what they mean when they say ___, the meaning will change to suit the narc’s purposes, and you will always be wrong.

It isn’t worth your time, energy, or sanity to try and figure out the ‘Narcissist to English’ dictionary. Just walk away, hopefully before she or he starts screaming ‘off with your head.’

Red Queen