evile

If you manage to recognize a narcissist's attempt at gaslighting you during an argument/conversation, what do you do and how do you react right in that moment?

Stay calm and exit the conversation as quickly as you can. If you continue to engage with them, it gives them what they want—your attention and drama as you continue to disagree. Say something polite and neutral—either as an ‘I statement’ ( “I disagree and I don’t think this conversation is going to get us anywhere.”) or something in a bit of a passive voice. (“It seems we are just going to disagree on this. I need to go now,”)

Don’t bother pointing out the behavior. (“You’re gaslighting me,” or “You’re being very rude right now,” or anything like that) That simply gives the narcissist another lever to try and manipulate or trigger you. If you point out their behavior as being gaslighting, rude, or abusive, they will most certainly DARVO[1] on you and accuse YOU of being the rude, abusive gaslighter.

Simply recognize that the gaslighting attempt has been made, congratulate yourself for seeing the manipulation attempt before falling into it, and make a graceful and powerful exit. Good job!

Footnotes

[1]

DARVO - Wikipedia

========================================

Editing to add: Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here.

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.