Quora: How do you tell your SO who has narcissistic traits that you are aware

How do you tell your SO who has narcissistic traits that you are aware of the silent treatment and the other traits?

If I were you, I would not bother to tell them. Why? Because they do not really care about you, your thoughts or feelings or perceptions. Telling them that you know what they’re doing, or that you know why they’re doing it is just telling them that you are clued in to their game. This will either make them abandon you (AKA the discard) or change their game. Depending on whether or not there are other ‘better’ sources on the hook, the narc may do either.  It's also possible that revealing your knowledge about abuse and manipulation tactics may just teach them how to be a better manipulator.

It would be better to do some self-examination and ask yourself some questions instead:

• WHY am I allowing this person to give me the silent treatment?
• WHY am I staying in a relationship where I am being manipulated and disrespected?
• WHY am I allowing this situation to continue?
• WHAT am I hoping to gain from this situation or this relationship?

If you can clarify what is keeping you stuck here with this miserable individual playing their miserable games, you may be able to pull out the hook and make your way to freedom from all of this.

If you were hoping that your SO would say “Gosh, I see what I was doing was wrong and it was hurting you and I’m so very sorry and I won’t do it again,”….you probably aren’t going to get that from a narcissist, and if you do, it won’t be sincere or true. Their words may be everything you think you need to hear, but the behavior will not improve. They may change to a different form of abuse or manipulation rather than ‘silent treatment’ if you call it out, but they won’t magically become a better person because you figured out the manipulation tactic.

The narcissist is not a magical creature that if you solve their riddle you get the pot of gold. They are just jerks and you are better off if you can figure out what keeps you hooked, work on yourself to get un-hooked, and choose safe and healthy relationships going forward.  

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