evile

You deal with them by avoiding them as much as possible. Remember these three Cs:

You didn’t Cause their problem
You can’t Cure their problem
You can’t Control their problem. (or them!)

If the person is a relative or coworker who you can’t avoid, then please don’t feed the troll. You don’t have to be rude or mean, just express some bland positive well-wishes and then remember that you have something important you need to do, and go do it.

Some narcissists want to trade misery with you—they complain about their sad lives, and then you get down in the dumps with them and complain about yours.

This is bad for a few reasons:

1) it’s allowing the narcissist to control your self-image and your emotions. They enjoy your suffering and it makes them feel stronger and smarter than you. They will find subtle ways to make you feel worse about your situation, make you feel as though your troubles are entirely your own fault, and basically just completely undermine your self image and self confidence.

2) it’s giving the narcissist ammunition to use against you. Today, they may be friendly and you may feel confident that sharing your marital struggles or your worries about a child is somehow helping you ‘bond’ with this person by sharing. Nope! The narc will take what you told him/her and build a story around it, which they will then tell about you to others, to make you look like an unstable person, an abuser, an alcoholic, or what-have-you. This may cost you advancement and recognition at work, if the narc has the boss’ ear. This may cost you your other friendships, as the narc will take everything they know about you and twist it around to make you look bad to people who formerly saw you in a positive light. If and when you and the narc part ways as friends, the narc will throw your struggles back in your face, “AT least *my* husband [insert your secret or your painful marital struggle here]” They use your pain as currency and as a weapon. Don’t give them any weapons.

3) Finally: the narcissist just doesn’t care. There’s no reason to share stories of issues or problems you feel you have in common with them in order to try and bond; they don’t care and they won’t take any lessons or advice from any similar situation you may be in, or may have been through, and whatever advice or 'help' they give you will either be destructive or come with a 'hook' that is too high a price to pay. You are just wasting your time.

As soon as you recognize Negative Narcissist Nellie, the best thing to do is firmly turn your back on them and do something else with your time and energy.

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Editing to add: Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here.

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