Quora: A narcissist started dating a guy that beat other women bloody in the past

 

A narcissist started dating a guy that beat other women bloody in the past. I know for certain that she will be pouring salt into wounds and purposely pushing his buttons. Both lives will be in danger. What do I do?

These are adults with their own free will. They may be sick people but, honestly, there is nothing you can do. Any attempts you make to either make them break up or seek counseling for their violent defects will just end up with them uniting against you as their common enemy. In fact, finding (making!) common enemies is one very common trick of the Narcissist—there’s nothing like the good feeling of ‘us against the world’ and ‘they don’t understand Our Love’ to cement a narcissist and his or her victim together.

If the narcissist is a friend or family member, state your case and provide evidence about the abusive guy *once*. Then distance yourself and do not provide fuel for the inevitable explosion.

If the male violent abuser is a friend or family member, same advice. Bring up your concerns and any evidence you have, ONE TIME ONLY. Then back away.

Do not speak about these people to mutual friends or family, do not ‘recruit’ people to intervene in their relationship, do not allow yourself to be around these dysfunctional people.

Just stay away from this mess. There is nothing you can do to help either of these people. If the NPD is lucky, she will get away with her life & a good victim story to hook in her next target, and the violent man will end up in jail where he may get some help in learning to manage his violent tendencies.

If either the NPD or the violent abuser are people you care about, I truly feel for you. These people are adults and their lives are their own to live, even if it is painful for the people who care about them to watch. There is nothing you can do to help, your efforts to help will be harmful to you and the person(s) you are wanting to help, and your efforts to help may drive the drama forward and make the inevitable horrors even worse than they would have been without your involvement.

Just keep away. Document anything that concerns you— incidents on your property or in your workplace, stalking, trespassing, slander, or libel attempts against you by either the NPD or the violent abuser. Other than that, just leave it alone.

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