Apr. 25th, 2005

evile: (clutter)
 

 

     

    Apr. 25, 2005

     

     

    Compassionate Avoidance

    No, I don't hate you, I don't even have enough time and energy in my
    life for the things I enjoy, so that leaves nothing to devote to
    something as resource- sucking as HATE.

    You just annoy me, with your "me me me" blather, and your lack of
    interest in others, and your continual drama, crises du jour, and
    ongoing shooting yourself in the foot, getting in your own way, and
    seeming to create all of these situations that make things rough for
    you while keeping you in everyone's spotlight.

    I recognize that your little song-and-dance performance of "The Great
    and Wonderful Me Show" is an insecurity thing, it's a cry for love
    and approval, and I certainly sympathize.

    However, for my own peace of mind, for my own energy levels that I
    wish to devote to my friends, loved ones, hobbies, thoughts, dreams,
    and personal growth, I must avoid you, with many loving thoughts and
    prayers for your eventual growth, maturity, and happiness.

evile: (clutter)
 

 

     

    Apr. 25, 2005

     

     

    evile: hi :) How was your weekend?
    SkyeDS: awesome (even though I sprained my ankle - at home - not at
    the event)
    SkyeDS: how was yours?
    evile: very good :)
    SkyeDS: Bridget is the new KEO.
    evile: did that happen this weekend?
    SkyeDS: and I have come to the conclusion that the adversariality
    between Bridget and I would not exist to the extent it does now if
    others (namely Karen) weren't deliberately meddling
    evile: that sucks.
    SkyeDS: Karen and Patrick Michael (the Earl Marshal now, and Randy's
    Knight) wanted Randy to be the new KEO
    SkyeDS: I am more qualified to be KEO than Randy for fucks sake, and
    he knows that, and he told them no.
    SkyeDS: Karen wants Randy to have official title (other than court
    baron, which he already is)
    evile: Why didn't Karen try for the title?
    SkyeDS: so now Karen is going around saying Randy is Deputy KEO and
    that he and Bridget are going to turn the Equestrians completely
    upside down in every way
    SkyeDS: ROFL
    SkyeDS: that's a joke right/
    SkyeDS: ?
    evile: oh boy.
    SkyeDS: the reality is that Randy volunteered to help, he is not a
    deputy, and the changes that are in the works are necessary and good
    SkyeDS: so as usual, Karen took the smallest grain of truth possible
    and fleshed it out completely with lies.
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: anyway, this weekend was awesome, and I am going to call (not
    email) Bridget personally and offer an olive branch.
    evile: That sounds like a good plan.
    SkyeDS: bought a plantation saddle from Bridget and Gideon for $150
    (it cost more than $1K new)
    evile: wow, how awesome!
    SkyeDS: Sineater wanted to get me a saddle for my birthday even though I
    keep telling him I don't need one, and you couldn't get a good used
    western saddle for that anymore, not for the last ten years or so
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: what did you do this weekend?
    evile: went to see Chadd Thomas on Friday night, went to Yoga & a
    wedding Saturday, and then weenie dog races Sunday.
    SkyeDS: :)
    SkyeDS: Laura has a friend with a dachsund/doberman cross
    evile: oh my.
    evile: I wrote about my weekend in my LJ.
    evile: I was sorry to miss Robie's party, but we just had too much
    fun at the wedding, I didn't have enough energy afterwards to go
    anywhere else.
    SkyeDS: I haven't gotten around to LJ yet, busy
    evile: *nod*
    evile: I am now hearing/reading that Robie's party was infested with
    running, screaming, jumping-on-furniture children. so probably for
    the best that I didn't make it!
    SkyeDS: nodnod
    evile: there were kids at the wedding, but they had a nursery with a
    sitter to leave the kids there during the ceremony, and then
    afterwards all the kids came out to eat and have cake and dance, and
    the parents were all very involved, so the kids were good.
    evile: I was glad the weather decided to be decent--they had the
    ceremony out behind the refectory building.
    SkyeDS: behavior of kids almost always reflection of behavior of
    parents methinks
    SkyeDS: I told you about that event where this gorgeous big black
    woman came sailing under the Eq pavilion right
    SkyeDS: without her brass hat (but with a retinue of women calling
    her Your Grace)
    evile: I don't think so.
    SkyeDS: this big black beautiful woman with Presence came sailing
    under the Eq pavilion where i was doing bird duty while the boys were
    out playing on the listfield
    SkyeDS: and she demanded to know where I was, in a tone that gave me
    the impression I was in trouble again (she wasn't wearing her brass
    but her retinue was calling her Your Grace - makes her a duchess -
    been queen at least twice)
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: so I meekly presented myself, a nd she complimented me on my
    horses and my bird, and said that their happiness and good behavior
    had to reflect upon their owner/trainer, and she had asked the boys
    who that was, and they had referred her to me
    evile: aw.
    SkyeDS: so she had come to seek me out to give me compliments on my
    children
    SkyeDS: turns out she is a Duchess of the East Kingdom (NYC), and a
    professional domme
    SkyeDS: puts her comments in more interesting perspective, to me at
    least.
    SkyeDS: Karen is always critical of the way we behave around brass
    hats, but I think we do just fine, since all the brass hats we've
    ever been around were pleased with us (the East Kingdom duchess,
    several duchesses at War, at least two baronesses and the Trimaris
    Queen)
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: I didn't mean to digress, but in the vein of children and
    parents and all
    evile: yup, I gotcha :)
    SkyeDS: one time I said I didn't want to bring kids into the world as
    it is now, and I was told, well, that leaves nobody but the people
    who have no business breeding, to be breeding
    evile: *nod*
    evile: I'm fine with my status as a non-breeder, and fine with the
    world going to hell in a handbasket because all the stupid people
    bred and used up the worlds resources with entitlement-minded
    gimmegimme bullshit
    evile: they're the ones getting birth defects and syndromes because
    they insist on driving big cars and using disposable diapers...I got
    mine, fuck the future.
    SkyeDS: there is not one but there are two nanny shows on the
    networks now
    SkyeDS: must be popular
    evile: revolting.
    SkyeDS: one of them is good and one is revolting. I would buy the
    book written by the good one for Justina but I doubt it would do any
    good.
    evile: nope.
    evile: My new Buddhist Path: "compassionate avoidance"
    SkyeDS: sounds like what Dr. Dyer says about offering up a silent
    prayer but then avoiding the source of negative energy
    evile: Ok. I just made it up, but tha'ts a nicer way to think about
    it, for sure.
    SkyeDS: compassionate avoidance is a perfect pair of just two words
    to encapsulate what he spent a long paragraph on.
    evile: cool.
    evile: Nicer than saying "you're fucked up, your life is fucked up, I
    can't stand to watch you or listen to you, but I don't actually hate
    you"
    SkyeDS: people who think we hate them are really egocentric, I have
    concluded, to think that they are the center of our existence that
    way, or worth the energy
    evile: *nod*
    evile: nope, just because you disgust and horrify me does not mean I
    actually have enough energy to devote to hating you...
    evile: (generic 'you')
    SkyeDS: I figgered
    evile: Kulilinei was halfway trying to talk herself/us into being friends
    with a certain person in poly group...but I told her 'something about
    that woman just pushes my buttons and puts my defenses up. I dont'
    want to spend time with her. I will be nice if I have to, but I dont'
    want to spend time with her"
    evile: "oh, but she says she's working on her shit!"
    well, fine, let her work on it, that's a good thing, but in the
    meantime I really dont' care to be an audience member in the Great
    and Wonderful Z Show.
    SkyeDS: all of my friends don't need to be friends, nor do they need
    to dislike whom I dislike (I don't like the word enemy anymore)
    evile: *nod* That's pretty much where I'm at with it. If this person
    comes to a public girls night, or one at Kulilinei's place, I'll be
    civil, but that's as far as it goes.
    SkyeDS: I am strongly opinionated, you are strongly opinionated, and
    so are most of our friends. Lots of fodder for rubbing the wrong way.
    evile: *nod*
    evile: You just have to enjoy people for what you have in common, and
    try to avoid the things that end up rubbing wrong, is all.
    SkyeDS: perfection is not possible, but striving for it is what counts
    evile: everyone wants love and approval and respect....
    evile: it's just that what they ask for/expect/demand as
    demonstrations of love/approval/respect can seem to be contradictory,
    pathological, or just plain abusive.
    SkyeDS: if you want something from me, ask for it straight up, ask -
    not demand.
    SkyeDS: I respect your right to ask, and expect that my right to say
    no be respected as well
    evile: so people who's expectations of love/approval/respect feel
    abusive, contradictory, or pathological, I will avoid.
    SkyeDS: (although how often do I do that, fer crying out loud)
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: I tested enfp today. Usually it's entj (I think)
    SkyeDS: but, I am a double gem for crying out loud, so I fall right
    in the middle of at least half those questions, and it was all one
    way or the other, no middle ground
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: don't believe I would be good as an MOH. I'll stick to
    piano/vocals.
    evile: *nod* I took a lot of mental notes this weekend
    SkyeDS: lol @ CL "why do some people think it's really all about
    them?"
    evile: *grin*
    evile: Did you see my reply?
    evile: probably a little too subtle.
    SkyeDS: lol
    SkyeDS: afk brb

  •  

 

evile: (clutter)

    Apr. 25, 2005

     

     

    thewordnerd: There were no yipping doggies on my voicemail last weekend! :)
    evile: No....I wasn't really close enough to the starting box to get
    really good audio.
    evile: how was your campout?
    thewordnerd: Eh, it was nice. The park was cool, the people were friendly
    and the weather was great for camping. I'm glad I packed thicker
    clothes, which I didn't really for PBF. :)
    evile: yeah! It got cold Saturday night!
    thewordnerd: Not sure if I'm going camping again with that particular
    group, though. The next youngest person was probably 20 years older
    than me, and everyone else was in their 50s and 60s. Nice people, but
    *very* low-energy, and I didn't think that my suggestion about
    sneaking into one of the pools after dark to skinnydip would go over
    very well. :)
    evile: oh, foo. That kind of sucks.
    thewordnerd: Yeah, it was kinda a let-down. I don't attach much weight to
    people's ages, but they were all so low-energy, and when we walked
    anywhere we kept having to stop every 50 yards or so to rest. I tried
    to be patient and think I succeeded, but it did get to me at points. :(
    evile: yeah, I can see how that'd get old after a while.
    thewordnerd: It was funny, though, because we had singalongs on both
    nights, and they were singing old folk songs that were popular in the
    50s, and they'd say something like 'That song came out in 1954. Do
    you remember that?' and they'd all nod, but they were surprised that
    I didn't know any of them. :P
    evile: *laff*
    thewordnerd: And I was trying to think of a way to tactfully say 'Almost
    every single one of these songs is decades before my time' but
    couldn't think of one. :)
    evile: nope...sometimes tact isn't the way to go.
    thewordnerd: Heh. I just kept it to myself. Very nice people, and they
    really did their best to make me feel welcome, and I very much
    appreciate that . . . but I need more high energy and adventure.
    evile: *nod*
    thewordnerd: Krause Springs is a nice park, though. Kinda want to go back
    at some point. They have a neat swimming hole with a waterfall and
    streams feeding into it. Fun.
    evile: Yup, I've been there before. It is really nice.
    thewordnerd: Oh, neat.
    thewordnerd: So how were the dog races? :)
    evile: very fun.
    thewordnerd: Hmmm. How do they work? People just stand at the end and call
    their dogs? Seems like that'd cause more problems than anything.
    evile: No, there was a little cage, with seven compartments, so they
    only raced 7 dogs at a time. They put the dog into the compartment,
    and then the side that opened had a screen, so the handler would
    squeak toys or call the dog from a line behind the finish line.
    thewordnerd: LOL Sounds cute!
    evile: it was adorable. There were so many cute dogs out there!
    thewordnerd: I wonder how it got started? Seems like such a random
    concept. :)
    evile: apparently they've been doing it for a few years now. There
    were signs for "buda TX, Weiner dog capital of texas"
    thewordnerd: Interesting. I wonder how one earns that designation, and if
    every state has one? :)
    evile: *lol* I'm not sure. It was pretty funny.
    thewordnerd: Heh, sounds incredibly amusing.
    evile: It was. There was a dog in front of us who kept barking at the
    racer dogs. She was a hoot.
    thewordnerd: LOL Wow, must've been difficult to control. I don't know if
    I'd have brought a non-racing dog out.
    evile: most people brought other weenies, they're little. They get
    yappy and start jumping around, you pick them up and hold them a
    while.
    thewordnerd: Ah, ok, that works. Can't imagine bringing Babbs there, then
    struggling to hold her in place.
    evile: no. There were a couple of golden retreivers, and one guy
    brought what looked like a wolf-cross, but most people out there had
    little dogs. And I did not see any dogs actually being bad.
    thewordnerd: Oh, that's good. If only that were so about children, eh? :P
    evile: I figure at outdoor stuff, kids can pretty much do whatever.
    thewordnerd: Hmmm. I can understand that perspective.
    evile: for some reason, yelling and running and shrieking at the top
    of ones lungs just seem to be less annoying when done in an outdoor
    park, or wherever, as opposed to on the couch while you're trying to
    watch a movie, say.
    thewordnerd: Right. Makes sense.
    evile: (apparently that happened at Robies party on Saturday, bTW)
    thewordnerd: Ewww!
    evile: All these nimrod breeder morons in Voyagers and Poly are
    always bitching because people don't have family friendly gatherings,
    well...maybe THATS why, assholes.
    thewordnerd: Yeah, seriously. Lemme guess, these people never host their
    own family-friendly gatherings?
    evile: Oh, no, of course not.
    thewordnerd: Wow, how'd I know that? Damn I'm good.
    evile: One of them is [thenakedredhead], and I don't think she has a pot to piss
    in or a window to throw it out of
    thewordnerd: Heh.
    evile: so she doesn' t have the space or resources to have a party.
    thewordnerd: Hmmm.
    evile: (and I notice she isn't too fond of doing any kind of work or
    pitching in or even bringing something to share)
    evile: And the other brat-owner is Zee, and when she has people over,
    she sends her lovely angel off to Mom.
    thewordnerd: Hmmmm, that's rather interesting. So she wants to bring it to
    other parties but not have it at her own?
    evile: apparently so. Is that hypocritical or what?
    thewordnerd: Yup.
    evile: oh well. I expect no less from breeders.
    thewordnerd: Heh. I hope that she has another party, though. I've heard
    that they're fun, guessing that the usual parties aren't vanilla (not
    that non-vanilla is a necessity for me, but I'd assume that people
    don't drag their kids to those (though as I write this I realize that
    there are probably other annoying habits that they bring along
    instead.))
    evile: heh. Yeah, I actually like [thenakedredhead]'s kid better than I like [thenakedredhead].
    Seems that with very little effort, [Little One] could actually be a decent
    child, if she were taught how to behave.
    thewordnerd: Yeah, I don't know much about her, but she actually does seem
    kinda cool.
    evile: well, the fact that she's been at several polydinners and you
    don't have an unpleasant story to relate, pretty much speaks volumes
    thewordnerd: You mean about [Little One]? That's true. The only unpleasant thing
    about [thenakedredhead] that gets to me is her loudness and the fact that I can
    clearly hear her laugh all the way down the table. Actually, after
    our Mongolian BBQ trip when it finally clicked with me who she was, I
    remembered all kinds of other poly dinners and that voice and
    thought 'Ah, so THAT was her.' I just didn't have anything to
    associate with the noise.
    evile: *giggle* Aren't you pleased now?
    thewordnerd: Yep, I like having a name to attach to various phenomena. :P
    evile: what irritates me about her, other than that voice, is the
    fact that she wants people to like her, and wants respect, and all of
    this, and she seems not in the least bit interested in being
    respectful of other people.
    thewordnerd: Hmmm. I've not really gotten close enough to her to experience
    that.
    evile: Just listen to her, she's all "me" "I" "Mine" in conversation,
    she doesn't ask people how they are, how they've been, say how nice
    it is to see anyone, it's all just "me, me, me"
    thewordnerd: Ewww.
    evile: And apparently she gets point deductions on her 'submissive'
    status too, from the 'real sub' girls I know. she's my favorite kind
    of lazy sub who is sub because they want things done to and for them.
    evile: 24 hours of cleaning floors with toothbrushes and such would
    probably help her get more in touch with her submissive side...
    thewordnerd: LOL Yikes. At the last GWNN party, someone was asking if I
    knew her, then said something like 'Yeah, [thenakedredhead] can be very dramatic.'
    I just chuckled and didn't comment.
    thewordnerd: LOL!
    evile: *laff* That's a nice way of putting it. she gets away with a
    lot because she is attractive. It's too bad, really.
    evile: My new Buddhist Philsophy that I just made up this
    morning: "Compassionate Avoidance"
    thewordnerd: LOL How does that one work?
    evile: basically, it's just a nice way to say "you annoy the FUCK out
    of me, but you're not important or interesting enough for me to hate,
    so I'm going to ignore you"
    thewordnerd: Seems like a good philosophy to adopt.
    evile: I hope so. We'll see.
    evile: i mean, if I was feeling generous and kind, I would admit that
    I understand why people act so awful. They're frightened or in pain,
    and they don't know any other way to act. So in that sense, I do feel
    sorry for them, compassionate...but at the same time, I don't want
    anything to do with them.
    thewordnerd: I think I sorta unintentionally practice it, simply because I
    don't like caring enough about iminant trainwrecks to put any effort
    into trying to console the survivors. Now if only I could cut said
    trainwreks off, even peripherally. Just read about the breakup of two
    acquaintances that I knew would happen a long, long time ago, all
    documented extensively on LJ. I don't care enough to offer support,
    but still would rather just not see it at all.
    evile: oh, yuck. I hate it when it's 2 people you know and like.
    thewordnerd: Exactly. These particular people have so many issues that they
    know about, but they'd rather attempt suicide and be dramatic than
    actually work together to work through them (or, at least, such are
    my perceptions.) Ick.
    evile: Ugh. That's awful!!
    thewordnerd: Eh, they're both people I pretty much knew were bad news from
    the start, even individually. I just wish I could smack some sense
    into both of them, but it wouldn't do any good.
    evile: Nope. you can pretty much bet that if they're parading it
    across LJ they're in it for the drama, and not interested in the
    personal growth stuff.
    thewordnerd: I guess that part of me does find something in watching, even
    though I wish I didn't. Maybe it helps me to realize that things
    really aren't so bad for me. I may have family issues, and issues
    getting close to friends and letting them close to me, but nothing
    *that* extreme, and nothing anyone did would send me into a bathroom
    swallowing pills. My problems suck and bother me, but it certainly
    helps to realize that I'm not *that* messed up, not even remotely
    close.
    evile: ahh, yeah. I totally get that.
    thewordnerd: No kidding. I read their entries and ask 'Why the hell are you
    writing all this out and not talking about it with each other?'
    evile: Oh, no, that wouldn't be dramatic enough!!
    thewordnerd: It's ephemeral_ether and ketadream, just in case you want to
    practice your new philosophy.
    evile: *sends kind thoughts to them, and refrains from reading their
    LJs*
    thewordnerd: There you go! :)
    evile: do these people go to poly dinner?
    thewordnerd: No.
    thewordnerd: Why do you ask?
    evile: Ok, if they don't run with any of my circles, then there's
    really no reason for me to be in their business.
    thewordnerd: Indeed. They aren't anyone you've met in my presence.
    evile: the names are familiar, I think they are on some of my LJ
    friends lists of LJ friends.
    evile: Oh, Joy, I just read that Chrisloy plans to be at Poly 101 and
    First Wednesday. Bleh.
    thewordnerd: Ick. Hopefully she won't bring the brat.
    evile: her life is such a trainwreck...I do feel bad for her. But
    then with everything going south in her own life, she has to go and
    poke her nose in to other people's business. Compassionate Avoidance.
    thewordnerd: Ugh.
    evile: she was trying to enlist me to help Sineater get free from [Skye_ds].
    I admire the sentiment, but...no, thanks.
    thewordnerd: Yeah. I thought she liked [Skye_ds]?
    evile: oh, who knows. She might actually be friends with [Skye_ds], and
    be conspiring with [Skye_ds] to trick me into talking shit about [Skye_ds]
    so that I get to be the bad guy again. who knows.
    thewordnerd: Wow.
    evile: I've pretty much figured out that no matter how paranoid I am,
    it's never quite paranoid enough, when it comes to Sineater and [Skye_ds].
    thewordnerd: That's really sucky. It's sad that you can't just decide to
    have nothing to do with them and cut them out. Giving people the
    benefit of the doubt is great and all, but they seem like people who
    just require so much energy to deal with or keep at a distance. It'd
    drive me crazy.
    thewordnerd: Or, at least, [Skye_ds] seems tough to know/be associated with.
    evile: I'm pretty close to going ahead and practicing compassionate
    avoidance with them, too. Sineater doesn't seem to want to be close to
    his family, whether thats' his choice or whether it's been beaten
    into him...either way, do I want to do all that work for unsatisfying
    results?
    thewordnerd: Yeah. There's probably an inverse proportion principle in
    there somewhere in that it becomes easier to answer that question the
    further one is away from you. :(
    evile: Yup.
    evile: she just made his life so hellish after that trip to Houston,
    maybe it's just easier for him to not be involved with family at this
    point.
    thewordnerd: Ugh, after the trip to see your grandparents a few months
    back? (Was that what it was for, something about looking for home
    health?)
    evile: yes, his grandmother. [Skye_ds] had other plans for that day, and
    I assumed it would be safe to borrow Sineater for the day. Somehow after
    the fact she tried to twist the story around to say that I had told
    Sineater that she wasn't invited, that I had said her presence would
    upset people, and all of this other crazy garbage.
    evile: And then when that story wouldn't fly, and I responded calmly,
    she changed the story a few more times until Sineater was so confused he
    didn't remember what anyone had actually said or done, but only what
    she was telling him he'd said and done.
    thewordnerd: Wow.
    evile: and finally the story was that she'd asked if she could go and
    he LIED t her and told her that I'd said that other stuff about "she
    can't go because she'll upset people"
    thewordnerd: Hmmmm.
    evile: so then he wasn't in trouble for telling her she wasn't
    invited, he was in trouble for lying and telling her that I'd said
    that...when nobody said ANY of that!!
    evile: pure crazy.
    thewordnerd: Weird. I don't understand her, nor di I think I want to. That
    way lies madness, I think.
    evile: exactly!!
    evile: Compassionate Avoidance.
    thewordnerd: Heh.
    evile: well, dammit, my Launchcast crapped out on me. It keeps giving
    me some kind of server error when I try to play music. I've only got
    20 minutes here, so it's not really worth a reboot, it's just
    annoying.
    thewordnerd: Ewww. That's odd.
    evile: I know.
    evile: if there was something wrong with the server on my end it
    would not allow me to use ICQ or look at any web pages, so I'm
    thinking it's Yahoo's launchcast server. So a reboot on my end
    probably wouldn't help, except perhaps as sympathetic magic.
    thewordnerd: Seems logical. That's the one thing that bothers e about
    streaming music. Streaming stations die more frequently than do
    standard ones, though I suppose the freedom from commercials and the
    better selection makes up for that.
    evile: Yeah. there's always pluses and minuses for everything.
    evile: Well, it's finally 4, time to get gone! See ya!!

    thewordnerd: Wheee! :) Bye.

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