Jan. 3rd, 2005

evile: (clutter)

    Jan. 3, 2005

     

    sore throat & snot. the allergy module on Yahoo said everything is
    good, but Sweetie and Apple both mentioned cedar fever. My eyes are fine,
    sinuses clear, but sore throat & congestion in my throat. deleted the
    allergy module. fuckin' thing.

    tired. sick of being here--work, home, planet earth, this body--
    wherever here is, I don't want to be here.

    read _The Loving Dominant_ and working on _SM 101_, realizing it's a
    lot of work, and I lack initiative & budget to do it right, so I am
    not going to do it at all.

    thinking of the scene in _Beloved_(?) where the slavers come for the
    woman and she kills her kids rather than let them be taken into
    slavery. Feeling that way towards Sineater & Brother A. Kill rubber_pig and the
    boob, kill Brother A and Sineater, kill myself. sad sad sad.

    213 lbs.

    tired, bored and alone pretty much the whole weekend. same for the
    rest of my year, the rest of my life.

    Tired of this.

2779bleh

Jan. 3rd, 2005 09:42 am
evile: (clutter)
 

 

 

    Jan. 3, 2005

     

     

    spent yesterday reading, eating, checking email, etc and watched The
    Secretary and Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil. Midnight was
    good, John c. reminded me of Stepdad in some of his mannerisms & the way
    he talked, it was cute.

    The Secretary was kind of awful. Very slow paced, boring, and the
    whole idea of mental illness and submission being related was kind of
    insulting, as well as the whole thing about the dom not knowing about
    or liking his dom-ness, thinking he was sick, trying to quit. Made me
    sad.

    Once again thinking about getting a 2nd job, friday evening &
    weekends. Make some $, get out of debt faster, take up my free time
    so I have less time at home bored and sad.

    sounds like a winner to me.

evile: (clutter)
 

 

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    evilE

    Jan. 3, 2005

     

evile: (clutter)

    Jan. 3, 2005

     

    --- J-Law  wrote:

    Hey, girl!

    How goes?

    My morning has been nuts, but not
    toooooooooooooooooo hideously bad. Some mishe from
    CA and EH (Evil Howard) but whatever. Rumor has it
    that the office is closing at 3:00, which is nice.
    I'd love to sneak out of here a little early.

    We are having big nasty storms, which I suppose
    means that winter is officially here. :( It is
    supposed to rain all weekend, but that's ok. Shane
    and I can snuggle up in bed with champagne the whole
    time.

    We got awful news yesterday afternoon. JoAnn, one
    of the paralegals here (very cool, nice, lovely
    lady) got a call from some sheriff telling her that
    her husband had died. It was some accident (but we
    don't know what) at the country home, where he was
    doing repairs.

    I told Shane I was never letting him out of my sight
    from now on. Of course, you can't really live like
    that, but sometimes, it is tempting.

    I hope you have a good weekend! Tell everyone Happy
    New Year from me!

    LOVE,

    J-Law
    =============

    evilE  wrote:

    I took a sick day yesterday [Thursday Dec 30], slept in, and then went
    runnin' with the fam. We went to Enchanted Rock, and then to Boerne
    where we met Cousin B and uncle Bubba for supper. I needed the time away
    from work, even though I had to cobble together enough leave time out
    of various accounts to cover it (only had 4.5 hours of sick time
    available, plus 3.25 of overtime comp time, and then took a little
    vacation time to make up the full 8 hours. Made my brain hurt!)

    I'm sorry to hear about Joann's husband. There's so many
    uncontrollable, terrible things in the world that can happen...we
    just have to kind of take it for granted that things will be normal &
    we'll see our dear ones again, or we'd go crazy. OTOH, I try to
    never go to bed mad and always give him a kiss & tell him 'bye before
    we leave the house. I don't think about it 'out loud' but just in
    case...I never want our last time together to be sad or angry or (the
    worst!) indifferent.

    *hugs & kisses* to you, Shane, and your wonderful families. I think
    2005 is gonna be a great one! (My folks are so happy for you. I
    *STILL* need to get my Vegas photos developed! Aaa! where has the week
    gone?!?)

    ===============

    Date: Mon, 3 Jan 2005 10:32:22 -0800 (PST)
    From: "J-Law 
    Subject: Re: Thursday
    To: "evilE 

    Hey!

    Thanks for the Bad Anne Geddes photos! I would LOVE to see them,
    too. :)

    I am glad you took Thursday off. It sounds like you had a fun day.
    I wish I had taken today off - it has been absolutely insane.

    I need to finish up my rolls of film so I can get them developed.

    More shit getting in fan. Gotta go.

    LOVE YOU! Happy New Year to you and your family!

    J-Law

evile: (clutter)

    Jan. 3, 2005

     

     

    From: kaleon
    To: "evilE
    Date: Mon, 03 Jan 2005 12:06:06 +0800
    Subject: Re: Leaving Austin?


    hey evilE, I have no intertnet now, but am still planning on going to
    the hideout on tuesday at 5, if you're there cool:) check my live
    journal to get my new phone number

    Kaleon
    --

2783icq w/A

Jan. 3rd, 2005 09:59 am
evile: (clutter)
 

    Jan. 3, 2005

     

    evile: hey :) how was your weekend?
    SkyeDS: nice and uneventful right up until last night, how was yours?
    evile: quiet :)
    evile: did mom & Stepdad have a nice visit?
    SkyeDS: I thought it was nice, whether or not they thought so, you'd
    have to ask them ;)
    evile: *nod*
    evile: what happened last night?
    SkyeDS: tenants flaking out on us again
    SkyeDS: I spent my life savings paying back rent to keep the trailer
    from being thrown out of the park and us being sued
    evile: yuck. I"m sorry.
    SkyeDS: so then they moved out with no notice leaving the place
    trashed and several hundreds dollars wroth of damage to the bathroom
    SkyeDS: last night Kelly calls us to tell us someone we don't know is
    still living there after the tenants vacated
    evile: Man! that's awful!
    SkyeDS: so we had to call the sheriff, go down there, change locks,
    and not get home till 2 am
    evile: yuck.
    SkyeDS: my goal now is just to be rid of the trailer, even though
    it's going to be a huge financial loss.
    evile: wow. that sucks.
    SkyeDS: the cost might be worth the absence of stress
    evile: yeah. any possibility of movin it out to your property for
    guest quarters?
    SkyeDS: that had crossed my mind
    SkyeDS: if for no other reason than we wouldn't have to pay park rent
    anymore
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: I have nto investigated the cost of moving it yet
    evile: definitely get caught up on your rest & give yourself time to
    calm down before making any big decisions like that.
    SkyeDS: the two options besides that that are open are sell it to
    someone who will renovate it, so I don't have to repair it
    SkyeDS: I'm waiting on said person to call me now
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: and there's already someone willing to buy it, if we make the
    repairs
    evile: repairing can be expensive, and definitely time consuming. but
    if the diff between selling as-is and selling it repaired is good
    enough, maybe worth it.
    SkyeDS: this is the cost of having land and a larger house, and I
    still wouldn't give those things up.
    SkyeDS: so it will be disposed of, one way or another, painfully
    perhaps, but can't always get what you want
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: K/mom made a rather guarded comment about rubber_pig, "I haven't
    got her quite pegged yet"
    SkyeDS: as Capt Jack would say, "that's very interesting"
    evile: *nod*
    evile: Mom is going to demand that they clean out 'her' room because
    she wants her own space. I imagine that'll be a deal breaker.
    SkyeDS: our rents are like in serious denial again
    SkyeDS: I wonder if it isn't contagious
    evile: *shrug*
    evile: tired of beating my head up against that particular brick
    wall. I'm done.
    SkyeDS: ya
    SkyeDS: I resolved I would go to see my parents and just ignore the
    whole stuart thing
    SkyeDS: which of course is what they talked about the entire time we
    were there
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: but my opinion was not welcome
    SkyeDS: so I'm like why do they continue to discuss this in front of
    me
    SkyeDS: and his ex has got a new man now, and he and my daddy square
    off like bulls.
    evile: lordy.
    evile: X's kids called Aunt L & asked for mom's #. She told them
    when mom would be in town, but they never called while she was here.
    SkyeDS: so I'm back to "whatever." I'm just going back to plan A.
    Make sure I liberate the family library before the will is read.
    evile: *nod* sounds good to me.
    SkyeDS: good grief.
    evile: things would be so much easier if there weren't kids
    involved. adults behaving badly = goodbye, no 2nd chance, no looking
    back...
    SkyeDS: I know I'm a broken record but what the hell do these people
    think they're doing? (stuart, rubber_pig, x, all of them)
    evile: but then you want a relationship with the grandkids, or the
    godchildren, or whatever...and you have to put up with the
    badlybehaved adults in order to keep a relationship with the kids.
    evile: Apparently rubber_pig is keeping Trey for his inheritance (Lamar
    has written him out of the will, but I don't think she knows this)
    SkyeDS: I think perhaps my life has at least that much less stress
    because I don't give a good goddamn about wills
    SkyeDS: I will liberate the library because I have a greater
    appreciation of it, and that's that.
    SkyeDS: he can have the rest.
    evile: Mom's going to last at Brother A & rubber_pig's until it becomes
    apparent that her ideas about baby care don't match rubber_pig's, and then
    that will be the last split and Brother A will be cut off from his family
    forever.
    evile: ti's like...we're all standing on the damn tracks, how come
    I'm the only one sees the train coming??
    SkyeDS: "shut up, Kassandra"
    SkyeDS: and then post train "Kassandra, this is all your fault"
    evile: Stepdad says he won't take custody of the kids, and then in the
    same breath talks about needing legal guardianship to get them on his
    insurance.
    SkyeDS: ok, so grandchildren make normally sane people act nuts.
    SkyeDS: I guess I can understand that.
    evile: well, at least your brother was marreid to the woman so
    presumably they are his offspring, so it's not completely INSANE of
    your parents to want a relationship with them.
    evile: With rubber_pig's...it's like...why not just go to the fuckin'
    homeless shelter and pick some out of a box?
    SkyeDS: no, no, varying degrees of insane.
    SkyeDS: rubber_pig's kids are very endearing. And K/mom is impressed by
    the two year old.
    evile: If I'd only laid back, opened my legs, and popped out a
    goldensprog, I could have had my family's love and acceptance 100%
    unconditionally...instead of this foolishness of trying to get an
    education and have my own business and be a worthwhile fucking human
    being. It just kills me.
    SkyeDS: hugs, nods
    SkyeDS: I don't know what I would have had to do to be the goldenchild
    SkyeDS: I see outwardly some of what he does but it is so obviously
    geared to manipulate them into whatever he wants, I still don't
    understand, and couldn't do it if I wanted to
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: I stand by what I said once, "I am by the grace of god who I
    am despite you (not because of you)"
    evile: yup.
    SkyeDS: although I guess if you really want to nitpick the meanings
    of words, because and despite are tangential.
    evile: *sigh*
    evile: At least Stepdad has some sympathy...he is glad he lives so far
    away from where this is all happening.
    SkyeDS: no doubt
    evile: "why can't you just make nice with rubber_pig, why can't you just
    keep your opinions to yourself and keep the peace?"... why don't I
    allow rattlesnakes into my house while I'm at it?
    SkyeDS: ROFL
    evile: She is going to kill my brother before she's done with him.
    She wanted him dead when he tried the first time. I can't make peace
    with something that is threatening my loved ones like that. Sorry, I
    just can't do it.
    evile: just be glad I'm not actively trying to kill her...that's as
    nice as I can make.
    SkyeDS: they did none of those things when it was me, but they want
    you to do them now. I see. lol.
    evile: oh, but if' you'd shit out a sproggy, you'd be walking on
    water.
    evile: I'm feeling almost bad enough to go murder-suicide on the
    bitch...almost.
    evile: I still care just a bit too much about Sweetie to do it....but
    it's real close.
    SkyeDS: they will either learn the hard way or not at all, I guess
    evile: I'm betting for not at all...but I don't even get the
    satisfaction of saying 'I told you so' because I would never say that
    to someone in pain.
    SkyeDS: I refrained from I told you so last night
    SkyeDS: I told Gloria not to sign a lease for her children, to put
    them on it, but no.
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: and now she's mad at me because I told her son if he didn't
    pay back $400 I would sue for the full $3400
    evile: wow.
    SkyeDS: but I warned her. last june.
    evile: yup
    SkyeDS: I told her last night, look, you and Fabian both make more
    money than I do
    SkyeDS: it took me no less than 6 months to save that up and now it's
    gone
    evile: that sucks so much!
    SkyeDS: well ya.
    SkyeDS: but had I not had it, it would have been worse.
    evile: exactly...and someone on the tenants' end needs to be
    responsible.
    SkyeDS: I can always invest $60 to take it to small claims, get a
    judgment, hand it to a collector and ruin her credit/her life if
    nothing else
    evile: yuck. I hope it doesn't come to that, but if thats what it
    takes...
    SkyeDS: can't get blood from a turnip but I can beat it to a pulp
    evile: heh.
    SkyeDS: most people, who the hell knows. not me.
    evile: it would be nice if they'd just do the right thing without
    having to fuss with them.
    SkyeDS: why so many people don't just do right is beyond me
    evile: *shrug* easier to do things right the first time than fuck up,
    get caught, hassle around, and finally do it right.
    SkyeDS: truly lazy people do things right the first tiem because we
    emphatically do not want to do them again
    evile: heh.
    evile: do it right or don't do it at all.
    evile: leaning more and more towards option 2 these days, in all
    times, places, and situations.
    SkyeDS: less stress= good
    evile: yeah.
    evile: I watched "The Secretary" yesterday on DVD, btw. Everyone was
    saying how great it was...I was not very impressed.
    SkyeDS: I've seen that but not Amalie
    SkyeDS: I don't remember being impressed either
    SkyeDS: Kaleon of course loved it
    evile: Amelie was adorable.
    SkyeDS: adds that to my list
    evile: I didn't care for the implication that domination/submission
    is something akin to mental illness.
    SkyeDS: the DSMV IV lists not only that as mental illness but also
    homosexuality
    evile: Hm. I thought that was changed after DSM III.
    SkyeDS: I don't think so, of course I am often wrong
    evile: been a long time since I was a psych major &/or otherwise gave
    a shit.
    SkyeDS: vanilla/mundanes consider all sorts of t hings mental
    illnesses and cults.
    evile: *nod*
    evile: I was under the impression that the newest edition of the DSM
    was more into lists of things, which taken as a whole, point to a
    mental illness.
    evile: being gay may not be a mental illness, but extremes in sexual
    behavior coupled with extremes in other types of behavior, for
    example.
    SkyeDS: may be, but I do know that homosexuality is listed in DSM IV,
    I'm pretty sure
    evile: the risk taking/excessive indulgence becomes the problem, not
    the sexuality itself.
    evile: If I remember, I'll check out Uncle B's copy next time I'm over.
    SkyeDS: no doubt according to DSMIV I'm quite insane
    SkyeDS: on many counts
    evile: *shrug*
    evile: I think most people are...what matters is if they function in
    society.
    evile: I could give a shit whether someone thinks they're the Second
    Coming, can read my mind, whatever. What I want to know is: do they
    work and pay taxes?
    SkyeDS: ya
    evile: if they can work and pay taxes and are not a threat to
    themselves or anyone near them, that's fine with me.
    SkyeDS: Hugh has some of the most insane people calling him
    evile: hey, as long as they pay...
    SkyeDS: this one doesn't
    SkyeDS: which is why hugh never gets any msgs from him
    evile: well, give 'em the boot then!
    SkyeDS: woohoo, our favorite doctor. pays bills in small portions 6
    months late and wants Hugh to act like he's his only client in the
    meanwhile. "Where's my contract" bla bla bla
    evile: I want a fire fan.
    http://www.firewhip.com/fans.html
    SkyeDS: "can you send us the contract?"
    evile: I think wealthy people are often lik e that.
    SkyeDS: soon as I cash your check
    SkyeDS: "you can't do the contracts first?"
    SkyeDS: <air of authority> Hugh never does such papers without money
    in hand first, for anybody.
    SkyeDS: (this would be because I don't let him)
    evile: hee
    SkyeDS: (but I didn't tell her that)
    SkyeDS: he made board cert the other day, so I took him to lunch
    SkyeDS: where he proceeded to be a cheapskate.
    evile: oh well...
    SkyeDS: I am so bad, with what little opportunities I have
    SkyeDS: told you the other day I ran across a webpage that had
    Randy's recent pic on it while doing research on medivac choppers?
    evile: 'bad' is objective.
    evile: yeah, you mentioned finding Randy's photo & being horrified :)
    SkyeDS: and I was happy for him as far as his life's goals, but just
    as tickled that he's so fugly
    evile: heh.
    SkyeDS: I'm fat but he's ugly and I can go on a diet LOL
    evile: heh.
    SkyeDS: that is truly childish of me, given my new set of goals for
    myself
    evile: as long as you're not telling him to his face, or anyone who
    knows him, it's pretty harmless.
    evile: ACC won't let me register for classes online, I keep getting a
    message saying I've got a 'hold'. :(
    SkyeDS: :(
    evile: I'd have to go by the admissions office to fix it..which,
    surprise, is only open when I'm at work.
    SkyeDS: they screwed M's schedule up this next semester
    evile: yuck.
    evile: well, it's about time for me to head out. I hope you have a
    calm evening :)

    SkyeDS: wind to your wings :)

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